by steve higgs
I grabbed his stupid mask and ripped it off. It was Charlie beneath the mask, and as habit would have it, he farted. I felt it vibrate through my whole body and since I was kneeling on his back the stench of it hit me as I took my very next breath.
I gagged. It was disgusting. The lift pinged, and the doors opened. Steve Brooms, Karl the security guard and three other chaps in the same security guard uniform were outside. They were blocking my exit, but I was leaving anyway before I threw up. I rolled off Charlie and into the fresher air outside, coming to rest at Steve's feet. The two young men were trying to get out as well and the security detachment was trying to get in. The doorway became a jam of bodies. Charlie saw his opportunity and dived back through the false panel. It shut behind him just as security guard Karl's fingers grabbed for it. Through their legs, I could see that he had escaped.
I had been beaten by a fart!
‘Quick, guys. We need to get to the back of the lift shaft. He is getting in and out through the maintenance hatches.' I was grabbing Steve's arm while I said this and dragging him back to where I knew we could access the maintenance areas. Then we were running, the security guards coming along behind us. I glanced back to see the pudgy face of security guard Karl falling behind.
Steve fumbled for his pass as we reached the door, buzzed it open and lead the way through and down to the lift shaft that I had been shown by Charlie and Jack a couple of days ago.
He was gone when we got there.
Dammit.
I checked the time and pulled out my phone. It connected, and a voice came on the other end.
‘Hey, girl…’
I interrupted her rudely, ‘Patience, where are you? Are you still in uniform?’ It was two minutes past three, so she should have just finished her shift. If she wanted this collar it was now or never. I explained what I needed her to do and where she needed to go, then I told Steve to find Jack and to hold him and ran back to my car.
This morning I had tasked Patience with finding where Jack and Charlie lived and with looking for the list of stolen goods on eBay. They might be selling them anywhere but new in box items were easy to shift on eBay, so it was my best guess. She had tasked her sister and mother with looking for a seller that was selling multiple items new in box from the list of stolen shopping. Since the shopping had been taken from people of all ages and genders it was a very odd mix to be selling and ought to stand out instantly. I had been right as it had taken them less than an hour to find a seller with almost all the stolen goods listed. Patience had then been able to obtain the name and address of the seller using my PayPal account to purchase an item for collection. I had no idea what she had bought but since it was stolen goods it would be going back to the owner anyway.
The address was Charlie's. At this stage, I could not tell if Jack was also involved but it seemed likely. Highly likely given that they both maintained the lifts and refitting them with the hidden compartment could not have been a one-man job.
Charlie lived at an address in Walderslade. It was halfway between where I was in Chatham and where Patience was in Maidstone and about ten minutes’ drive for either of us provided the traffic played along. I was impatient and got stuck behind an immaculate 1982 Vauxhall Chevette. It was being driven by what appeared to be a dead body going at snail's pace up the Maidstone road. There was nowhere to pass, so I pootled along, swearing under my breath until he finally turned off.
I shot forward as there was no traffic ahead of me, took the corner at Pattens Lane on what felt like two wheels and headed down Waterworks Hill at a speed that bordered on dangerous. I suddenly had flashing lights in my rear-view mirror.
I swore again, but I had only a few hundred yards left to go, so I kept going, certain they would follow me. I turned off the main road, took a side street and screeched to a halt in front of the address I had for him. Patience had pulled up seconds ahead of me and was just getting out of her car.
The squad car chasing me also screeched to halt, its sirens blaring.
‘What the hell, Amanda?' demanded Brad Hardacre as he bailed out of his car and recognised me.
‘Hi, Brad. Arrest to make. Thanks for the assist,' he had been planning nothing of the sort when he gave chase, but he conceded and came with us anyway. Both he and Mike Bayfoot, the fellow driving the car, got out and came with Patience and me.
The arrest was an anti-climax though. The front door opened as we went up the driveway to Charlie's house. Charlie was standing in the doorway looking glum. He had nowhere to go and as we found out when we got inside, he had altogether far too may stolen items to hide. Patience read him his rights and slapped the cuffs on. Brad and Mike took him away just as other officers arrived to begin the process of cataloguing the stolen goods.
Stood amid the bags and boxes spread out in his living room, dining room and kitchen, it was apparent that he had stolen far, far more than had been reported. I breathed in deeply and let myself relax. I felt good. I had caught the damned ghost and it had only taken me a couple of days while I was simultaneously holding down another full-time job. I had been so nervous about quitting my steady, but boring job in the Police. It was stable, and I was swapping it for an undefined role in a new business where the firm investigated people's paranormal mysteries. I felt rewarded though for the first time in so long that I could not even remember getting the same feeling at any time in the Police.
‘Here you go,’ Patience said handing me an Ann Summers bag.
‘What’s this?’ I asked her.
‘It is what you bought on eBay,’ she was grinning at me. I didn’t like that she was grinning. I looked in the bag. There was an utterly insubstantial pair of knickers and matching bra. They were so pointless they could have been spun from spider’s web. I hooked them out with one finger and held them up, ‘That’s not all,’ Patience said, still grinning.
I noticed that the bag was too heavy to be empty. I peered inside once more. At the bottom of the bag was a giant vibrator.
Oh, my God.
‘What is wrong with you, Patience? Why on earth would you buy me a vibrator?’
‘Hey, I didn’t buy it, girl. It was your PayPal account. Seems to me you need some encouragement with your sex life anyhow. There you are surrounded by fine men and you ain’t sleeping with any of them. Big Ben, Tempest, Brett,’ she said counting them off on her fingers, ‘I don’t know why you ever have your knickers on.’
I rolled my eyes and put the bag down. It was stolen goods, so it would be catalogued along with everything else and go back to its rightful owner, assuming they could find her.
My part in this case was concluded. I had already made a call to Martin Miller and explained who his ghost was. He had already heard it from Steve Brooms, his head of security but I gave him the more complete story and of course the detail of what had happened after I left the Pentagon. Astonishingly, Martin sounded quite dejected by my news. Losing both of his lift service engineers meant he was not allowed to have the lifts in operation it seemed and that presented him with a bigger problem than he had with the ghost. Jack and Charlie were of course in it together. Jack had confessed as soon as Steve had confronted him. They had hatched the plan over a year ago when the lift refit was proposed. Incredibly it was not even their idea. They were copying something they had read about in an industry magazine after a similar case had occurred in South Korea a while ago. They would go to jail, I was certain of that, but the firm could bill the hours and report another successful case and that was what was important to me now.
The next call was to Tempest. He answered almost before the phone started ringing.
‘Amanda. How goes it?’
‘The ghost case is concluded. I am just wrapping things up now. It was the lift engineers behind it,' he listened while I explained what they had been doing and how they had been doing it. I needed to file a report that would go to the client with the invoice and submit my expenses as they were catalogued by the case where possible. Jane would
handle all the paperwork, I just needed to fill it out.
‘Amanda, I would love to be able to say that I am duly impressed, but I never had any doubt that you would be a natural at this. Despite that, I must congratulate you on the successful conclusion of your first case. Well done.' He managed to not sound patronising, it was great to hear his praise. I am a big girl and shouldn't need my ego massaged but I welcomed his comments nevertheless.
I was free the next day, so I agreed to see him at the office at 0900hrs (he insisted on using a twenty-four-hour clock whenever he made time references) where we would look at new cases.
Patience was waiting outside by her car for me to leave the house. In a rare moment of seriousness, she thanked me for giving her the collar. We hugged and went to our separate cars. It felt like it had been a long day. I was hungry, but then I had eaten half a panini since breakfast and it was now quarter past six in the evening.
I had a date tonight and needed to get home for a bath and spruce up. Could my hunger wait until I was out tonight? I didn’t think so, but I had fruit in the house and that would keep me going without ruining my appetite.
On the short drive home, I thought about what Patience had said about my sex life. Was I too concerned about being labelled? Should I just get some every now and then like she did? I was not sure how well that would sit with me, but my thoughts turned to Brett and whether the same rules applied to him. After a date tonight and the weekend in Paris, the idea of feeling his weight on top of me was appealing. Was he just waiting for me to decide the waiting period was over and then prove that I was worth the wait? How long would he wait for that matter? He was firmly placed in the eligible male category and like Patience had said he could probably have any woman he wanted including models, actresses, and famous heiresses. What was it that I was waiting for?
I told myself to shut up and enjoy my evening out. Brett would be along soon, there would be another case tomorrow and I felt like I had nothing to worry about. Was I going to end up marrying Brett? Unlikely. I had been on one date with him. He was good-looking, and he was rich, but I really didn't know anything about what he was like as a person. Maybe he would have a tiny penis. I distinctly doubted it, yet I could not rule out the possibility that, notwithstanding all the boxes he was already ticking, there might be a deal breaker in there somewhere.
I parked my car with that thought reverberating around my head. Now I needed to find out.
A Date with Brett. Thursday, October 21st 1911hrs
I gave serious consideration to buying a bottle of champagne on my way home. I felt like I ought to be celebrating my success with a liquid high five. I resisted though, knowing that not only could I not afford to buy myself a decent brand, but I would also then be stuck with an entire bottle to drink by myself. Plus, I was going out with Brett tonight so really ought to be sober when he turned up to collect me. I wondered then what car he would be driving. I was quite certain he had several to choose from, so would we be in a chauffeur-driven Roller? A Lamborghini? The Batmobile? I would find out soon enough.
Stood in my bedroom, having finally dressed in what I was adamantly telling myself was the final outfit choice for the night, I turned and checked how I looked in the mirror. On the bed behind me were more than half the outfits I owned. Each had been held up, tried on, rejected and now required hanging or folding and putting away. I still wasn't one hundred percent happy with what I was wearing.
Just then the doorbell rang. I glanced at the clock by my bed. It was too early for Brett. At least I thought it was, but perhaps he was just really keen. I moved to the window and glanced out. I could not see a flash looking car in the street.
The doorbell rang again before I could get to it. It wasn’t Brett outside though, it was Tempest, holding a large bunch of flowers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.
‘Good evening, Amanda. I hope I am not disturbing you.’
‘Not at all, Tempest. These are lovely,’ I said, taking the flowers from him. It was a large spray of stargazer lilies, a few of which were already open, their fragrant smell instantly recognisable, ‘Come in, please.’
I took the flowers to the kitchen to find a vase to place them in. I was certain I owned one. Tempest shut the door as he came through it.
'Are you sure I am not interrupting your evening?'
'Not at all,' I replied.
‘Okay. When I solved my first case it was just me at the business and I had no one to celebrate with. It felt appropriate to acknowledge your success.'
‘You are very generous, Tempest,' he had followed me into my flat and was standing holding the champagne in a way that suggested he was waiting for me to take it. I placed the flowers in the sink, popped the plug in the hole and ran some water. I would deal with them later when I had found the damned vase's hiding place. I took the bottle from him. It was cold and ready to be savoured.
I glanced at the clock. I still had a while before Brett was due, ‘Would you like a glass with me? Toast our future success?'
‘Are you not going out?’ I guess it was clear from my outfit that I was not dressed for a night on the sofa watching soap operas.
I smiled and started fiddling with the cork. I might let Brett come in for a glass and some snogging after dinner with the excuse that I had an open bottle of champagne going flat. I doubted I would need an excuse though.
‘Do you have time?’ I asked Tempest, just before I levered the cork out.
‘Sure. I'm not going anywhere for a while.' With a pop and a gentle fizz, the cork came free. It pinged off the ceiling and hit the end of a spoon next to the sink where last night’s discarded bowl of soup was sitting. The spoon jumped and sprayed Tempest with icky red tomato-based gloop.
It seemed to happen in slow-motion with the pair of us watching the red liquid flying through the air. Some of it hit his face, but the majority of it landed on his expensive-looking white shirt.
Typical.
‘Oh,' he said, ‘Do you, ah… Do you mind if I get some water on this?' His fingers were already on his buttons, but hesitating, waiting for my answer.
‘Of course,' I replied feeling clumsy. I quickly took the flowers back out of the sink, so he could get to the water and seconds later I had a half-naked man in my kitchen. I had not seen him with his shirt off previously – I have to say it was a sight worth seeing. I knew he spent time in the gym and watched his diet but seeing his muscles move beneath his skin as he wet and quickly scrubbed the red marks on his shirt made me forget Brett for a moment.
My doorbell rang.
Of course, it did.
Tempest looked up in question. I gave myself a mental slap. I was certain without looking that it was Brett at the door. We were going out on date number two; he was clearly just as interested in me as I was in him, and here I was with a topless man in my flat and two glasses of champagne on the side. Added to this was the unavoidable fact that Tempest and Brett did not like each other.
I opened the door. Brett held a large bunch of flowers and a bottle of champagne. I could not see the label on his bottle, but I would I was willing to bet its price tag fell somewhere between really expensive and damned extortionate. The bunch of flowers was twice the size the ones Tempest had bought me.
I hadn't gotten around to telling Tempest I was going out on a date with Brett yet. I had been sort of avoiding the subject since he was being so nice and disliked Brett so much. Now though, I was stuck on my doorstep struggling to work out what my next move was.
Brett smelled wonderful; he always did. Part of me wanted to get his shirt off so I could reassure myself that he compared favourably with Tempest. I could not see how I would pull that off though.
‘Err. Hi, Amanda,' Brett said still stood on the doorstep with his hands full. I had just been staring at him while I tried to work out what to do.
‘Sorry. Sorry, Brett. Please come in. This is so nice of you,’ I said taking the flowers and leaning in to give him a quick kiss on the lips.
&nbs
p; ‘You told me you solved your first case. I felt that warranted a celebration. So, I… Ah,' Brett had come into my small flat and instantly spotted Tempest stood at the sink. With the kitchen counter in front of him, I realised that Tempest looked like he wasn't wearing anything at all and had dived behind the counter to hide.
There was a brief pause. I wanted to say something, but my mind had gone to utter jelly. I could feel the tension mount. Brett’s grip on the champagne bottle was turning his knuckles white.
Tempest moved first, ‘Brett, good evening,' he said extending his hand and coming around the counter to show that he was actually wearing trousers, ‘I see you had the same idea. The lady will only solve her first case once.' The two men shook hands, Brett seemed very wary. If Tempest picked up on it, he was paying it no attention, ‘I managed to spill on my shirt,' he said, by way of explanation as he held up the damp item.
‘You were just leaving?’ Brett asked, sounding surprised.
‘Indeed. I just popped in, so I could congratulate Amanda in person. It looks like you two are going out for the evening, so I'll get out of the way.' With his wet shirt in his hand, he headed for the door.
‘Won't be a moment.' I headed after Tempest to see him out, leaving Brett in my living room. At the door, Tempest was already letting himself out. I felt really awkward. I knew that Tempest was attracted to me, I felt some of the same about him.
‘Sorry, Amanda,' he said quietly, ‘I hope I have not embarrassed you. I really should have called first instead of just turning up,' he was right in that he should have called, but he was also being a friend and making things easy for me.
‘Thank you, Tempest,’ I replied as he went out the door, ‘I’ll see you at the office tomorrow.’
As I turned to go back inside, I heard old Mrs. Stone from the floor below squeal in surprise. ‘Good evening,' Tempest boomed at her, probably dashing past her still half naked on the stairs.
