by E. C. Diskin
Table of Contents
Unnamed
OTHER TITLES BY E. C. DISKIN Broken Grace The Green Line
Unnamed
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Text copyright © 2017 by E. C. Diskin All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher. Published by Thomas & Mercer, Seattle www.apub.com Amazon, the Amazon logo, and Thomas & Mercer are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc., or its affiliates. ISBN-13: 9781542045735 ISBN-10: 1542045738 Cover design by Damon Freeman
In loving memory of a dear friend, taken too soon. Your spirit still makes me smile.
CONTENTS CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 CHAPTER 9 CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 11 CHAPTER 12 CHAPTER 13 CHAPTER 14 CHAPTER 15 CHAPTER 16 CHAPTER 17 CHAPTER 18 CHAPTER 19 CHAPTER 20 CHAPTER 21 CHAPTER 22 CHAPTER 23 CHAPTER 24 CHAPTER 25 CHAPTER 26 CHAPTER 27 CHAPTER 28 CHAPTER 29 CHAPTER 30 CHAPTER 31 CHAPTER 32 CHAPTER 33 CHAPTER 34 CHAPTER 35 CHAPTER 36 CHAPTER 37 CHAPTER 38 CHAPTER 39 CHAPTER 40 CHAPTER 41 CHAPTER 42 CHAPTER 43 CHAPTER 44 CHAPTER 45 CHAPTER 46 CHAPTER 47 CHAPTER 48 EPILOGUE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ABOUT THE AUTHOR
CHAPTER 1 April 1 8:07 p.m. SHEA’S MIND SWIRLED THROUGH UNCONSCIOUSNESS. A woman’s voice rang in her head like a lullaby. You’ll feel better tomorrow. But she was wrong. A man’s face, so close to hers, his taste, his scent, the eyes that turned dark, hands that wouldn’t let go, fingers that dug into her arms. What happened, what could have happened, pinballed through her brain, exploding into all the mistakes. The lies and half-truths. The damage done. She should have told Ryan. The air felt cold, exposing her, chilling her. It carried her through dark woods until slowly, gently, she relaxed into a warm pool, a hot spring, its floor like quicksand, pulling her down . . . first to the shoulders, then the chin, cheeks, eyes, hair. Her whole body submerged. She hesitated. Something inside wanted to hold on, but there was power in the force that held her under. She looked up at the moon above the water, the circle of light shrinking, dimming. Then it was gone. She was in too deep. Everythi
CHAPTER 2 April 8 KAT TOOK A DEEP BREATH and removed her sunglasses as the taxi turned off the expressway onto the tree-lined streets of Maple Park. They passed Union Park, where uniformed little girls blissfully swung bats at a plastic tee and ran bases while parents sat in folding chairs along the sidelines with their coffees. None of those families realized how quickly it would all be over. Kat took another deep breath, let her head fall back onto the seat rest, and blew the air up at the roof. It felt like she couldn’t get enough air in her lungs. She replaced her sunglasses to mask the redness of her eyes and returned her focus to the budding maples and blooming magnolias. As the taxi neared Saint Andrew’s, it looked like the turnout for Easter. The church lot was full, and parked cars lined the streets in every direction. Kat stepped inside just moments before the service began. Her shoes clacked loudly against the marble entry and echoed off the travertine walls, drawing attenti
CHAPTER 3 WITH THE SUNROOF OPEN, the cool air wafted through Tori’s car as they pulled on to the highway. The radio was set to a Top 40 station, and Tori was singing along and tapping her hands on the wheel. Kat didn’t recognize the song; she didn’t spend a lot of time in cars these days. Lina, sitting up front, finally started searching for a new station. “You’re torturing me.” Lina had played drums in an all-girl band in high school and often remarked that real music died in 1979. “Fine,” Tori said, “just nothing depressing, please. I don’t think I can handle any more tears today.” Lina found the Eagles playing “Hotel California” on a classic rock station. She and Tori sang along. Kat grinned, relishing the sounds of friends and music that reminded her of college, but as she closed her eyes to soak it in, she saw Shea’s face and the smile she’d never see again. And when the song took a dark turn and Don Henley began singing about how someone could check out of that hotel but never le
CHAPTER 4 Four months earlier November 24 SHEA SAT AT ONE END of the table, her kids on one side, her parents on the other, and focused on the centerpiece of flowers she’d arranged, the silver she’d shined, the china, the rolls baked from scratch, the turkey, looking picture-perfect. “To my wife,” Ryan said, his wineglass raised. “Somehow, she manages to pull this off every year with very little help from me, and I just want to say, to my darling wife, that on this day of thanks, I am most thankful for you.” Her parents and the kids raised their glasses, gazing toward Shea with love and admiration. She wanted to crawl under the table or run out the back door. Instead, she wiped the tears pooling in her eyes, thanked Ryan, and told everyone to dig in. Shea looked over at her father, holding a serving dish while her mother took some vegetables, and then at her mother, who did the same for him. That was what a marriage was supposed to look like. She looked at Ryan, at his smug grin while
CHAPTER 5 April 8 DESPITE THE FIVE-HOUR DRIVE FROM Maple Park, once they were close, it was easy to remember why Tori and Herman had built a home on Catawba. There was a rural quality, a peace and serenity to the barren landscape and ponds that led up to their house. A couple of kids with fishing poles were sitting on the railing of a narrow old bridge, giant lily pads covered most of the water below, and dozens of geese waddled along the side of the narrow road. They turned onto the long gravel driveway and meandered past an acre of trees before arriving at the house. Tori and Herman both came from large families who were scattered around the Midwest, so, despite having only three children, their five-bedroom house could easily sleep fifteen. With cedar-shake siding, dormer windows, and a large widow’s walk perched on top of the roof, it reminded Kat of Nantucket. The channel and mouth to Lake Erie could be seen from atop that walk. But most impressive was the view out the back. The l
CHAPTER 6 November 26 ON SATURDAY NIGHT, SHEA AND Ryan were back to living in silence. The kids were out visiting high school friends home for the holiday, and Shea was curled up under a blanket in the living room, absently watching some made-for-TV movie about a married couple in trouble with secrets and lies. An adulterer, determined to get rid of a wife. Maybe Ryan should do that, she joked to herself. At least he’d get the life insurance. Her life had become a cliché. She’d continued to avoid him with busywork: cleaning up from the holiday, doing the kids’ laundry, scouring the MLS listings for her two clients. It was too hard to think about what would happen if he finally admitted what was going on and she shared her own secrets. She wasn’t ready to face having everything they’d built over twenty-seven years of marriage crumble to the ground. She looked out the window toward Kat’s place. The windows were dark. They’d headed south for the holiday weekend, first to New Orleans to ta
CHAPTER 7 April 9 KAT AND THE OTHERS GRABBED jackets, sunglasses, and some blankets for the boat ride to Put-in-Bay. It was only about fifty degrees by noon, but the cloudless sky offered bright sunshine that glistened on the calm water and warmed their faces while Tori navigated slowly through the channel. She throttled up as they approached Lake Erie, and, within minutes, the choppy waters, bouncing, and constant vibration made Kat sleepy. Their evening by the fire had continued well past midnight. Talk had turned away from Shea after Dee’s explosive allegation of infidelity, and they’d focused instead on outdoing one another with tales of outlandish college mistakes and worst-date-ever stories. “So, what’s the game this time?” Dee yelled to Tori over the roar of the diesel engine. “We’ll have to come up with one together,” Tori shouted. “I forgot to
look online!” Tori always had some silly game planned for their getaways. During Kat’s last trip to the lake a few years earlier, Tori
CHAPTER 8 December 3 SHEA AND RYAN STROLLED INTO the restaurant holding hands, looking for Dee and Charlie. It was hard to believe how much had changed in just one week. Shea felt like she was dating again, somehow able to block out everything that had gone wrong, focusing only on the fact that naked time was back, several times this week already, along with some much-needed laughter. The double date was part of their plan to get out more. She had wanted to ask Kat and Mack, but Ryan had reached out to Charlie, and there was no way she’d complain when he’d taken the initiative. Ryan had pointed out that if the group got bigger, it would turn into a women’s night at one end of the table. This felt more like a date. He was probably right. It was impossible not to end up laughing in the corner when all the girlfriends got together. Besides, Dee was hilarious and sure to entertain Shea for hours. She just preferred Charlie in smaller doses and large-group settings. Ryan thought Charlie was
CHAPTER 9 April 9 STANDING ON THE LARGE FRONT porch of the Humphrey House, Kat pulled open the wide, squeaky screen door to expose the glass-paneled oak entry door. The door was unlocked, and she pushed her way inside, first through the interior entry, its floor covered in mosaic tile, then through the second glass-paneled door, to the large foyer where a dark-stained, ornately carved stairway hugged the wall toward the second floor. A large doorway on her right framed out the view of an old Victorian fireplace against the far wall. “Hello?” Kat called out. “In here!” Kat and Tori followed the voice into the parlor. An older woman, perhaps seventy, with thick, short white hair, wearing what looked like a man’s flannel shirt and jeans, sat on a love seat, reading a newspaper. The large bay window behind her provided the perfect reading light. Kat and Tori confirmed that she was Mary, the innkeeper, and they introduced themselves as Shea’s closest friends, still in shock over her passing
CHAPTER 10 KAT AND TORI WENT INTO THE TAVERN, the bar closest in proximity to the inn. Kat pulled up Shea’s Facebook profile picture on her phone and asked every member of the waitstaff if Shea had been there the week before. No one recognized her picture. “Come on,” Kat said, leading Tori outside and heading toward Rudolph’s. “What about the girls?” Tori asked. “Just send them a text. We’ll bring them snacks for waiting.” It was nearly three o’clock; Rudolph’s was now packed, and a musician was setting up near the front. Blake’s friends were nowhere to be found. Kat and Tori made their way up to the bar, but every stool was taken, every nook filled with people wedging their way forward to place an order with the bartender. Finally, Kat maneuvered into an opening. It was too tight for Tori to fit beside her. A woman stepped in front of Kat. “What can I getcha?” she said. Before Kat could even respond, she’d lined up three glasses, filled them with ice then vodka, tossed bottle caps int
CHAPTER 11 December 24 SHEA WAS IN THE KITCHEN making pancakes for the eighth time in two weeks while drafting a grocery list for the next store run, her fourth that week. Leigh and Stephen’s return home a couple of weeks earlier had brought the normalcy, smiles, and laughter she’d been desperately craving. The kids’ friends were back, too, bursting into her kitchen, raiding her fridge, entertaining her with college escapades, allowing her to ignore the mounting evidence that things were falling apart, despite Ryan’s statements to the contrary. Their brief rekindling had faded fast, and for the last two weeks, his days had been spent in his home office or away visiting his sick father in Detroit. She’d later find the office trash can filled with empty beer bottles, or he’d come home with the glazed eyes of a few martinis. The kids were oblivious, and she wasn’t prepared to shatter illusions. It was easier to pretend, and Ryan was onto something: martinis helped. She’d successfully laug
CHAPTER 12 April 10 ON MONDAY MORNING, KAT, EVELYN, and Lina left in the first car to return to the real world. Evelyn was driving, and Kat took the backseat. Tori needed to stay behind to deal with some maintenance guy, and Dee volunteered to stay with her. Dee was undoubtedly hungover and probably still sleeping after last night’s record-breaking, college-level intoxication. Everything about Dee during the weekend felt off. She’d suggested dares and outrageous stunts for laughs last night, but she’d seemed angry. It was hard to know if her behavior was entirely about Shea or not. Dee was another recent empty nester, and Kat wondered if that was its own struggle. For two decades, Dee’s world had centered on her kids and volunteering at schools, and suddenly it was over. Kat’s job had often made her feel like a bad mother—the missed games, the unmade lunches, those days when Peter was sick and she was out of town. But after Peter headed off to college, she’d become thankful for the esc
CHAPTER 13 April 10 BACK AT LINA’S, KAT PHONED Mack. It had been almost three days since they’d had a conversation, but she was determined to have a good talk and put the argument of Friday night behind them. “Hi,” she said when he picked up the call. “Hey, babe,” he said. And that was all it took. She heard his tone and knew that things were okay. “Sorry I haven’t been able to reach you until now,” she said. “It’s okay. I know you’re having fun.” It was a tiny dig, like a needle prick. “I wouldn’t say it’s fun. I am here because Shea’s dead.” He didn’t respond, and she immediately regretted her words. She’d sounded defensive. The residue of Friday’s argument was still there. “I wish you were here,” she said. “Me, too. How was Catawba?” Kat shared what she’d learned about Shea’s death, why Shea had gone to the island, as well as her nagging need to learn more. “It sounds like you’re looking for an explanation, but . . . it sounds obvious.” Now it was her turn to stay quiet. It wasn’t o
CHAPTER 14 January 7 AFTER THE KIDS WENT BACK to school, it was Shea’s turn to host the quarterly dinner party. She and Ryan were at their best among friends, laughing and relishing the escape from their quiet home, putting on their best faces. It was easy to throw all that baggage in the closet when friends came over. Even the thought of the party made Shea brush issues aside. She’d tried to convince Kat and Mack to stay an extra week for the dinner, but Kat said it wasn’t possible. Shea had watched with sadness and envy as they drove away in their overstuffed van, away from icy sidewalks and assaulting cold air. She’d planned the menu and set the table for eight two days ago. She loved nothing more than escaping into the world of hosting the perfect gathering, of attending to every detail. How bizarre that the girl who’d spent her teens lying on the grass, staring at the sky, pondering the meaning of life, and creating bucket lists of countries to explore would someday relish creatin
CHAPTER 15 April 12 ON WEDNESDAY MORNING, KAT AND Tori accompanied Lina to the hospital for her ninety-minute chemotherapy appointment. The nurse readied Lina for treatment, and Kat and Tori sat in nearby chairs, sharing magazine articles and focusing on lighter topics—good books and new shows to binge on Netflix. Within the hour, Lina fell asleep. Kat leaned toward Tori and, in a low voice, she asked, “Can you keep a secret?” Tori smiled. “Hell, yeah.” “For real.” “Okay, now you’re insulting me. I know I enjoy a little celebrity gossip, but I’m a great secret keeper. You wouldn’t believe all the dirt I have locked up here,” she said, pointing to her head. “I saw Georgia on Monday night. She knew all about Shea’s plan to return to the island for Blake’s memorial. She’d asked Georgia to go with her.” “What? Why hasn’t Georgia told Ryan?” Kat explained in more detail what had apparently happened between Shea and Blake and Georgia’s fears about saying anything. “What I don’t understand,”
CHAPTER 16 February 17 SHEA ROSE FROM A HEAVY sleep facing Ryan’s side of the bed, but fortunately, he was already up. She dragged herself into the bathroom and shut the door before brushing her teeth and getting a pill from the medicine cabinet. Thank God for those pills, the only reason she was finally sleeping at night. It had been four weeks of constant insomnia, spending at least three hours a night on the couch, binge-watching Netflix, before she’d finally sleep. And th
en her back began to hurt. It wasn’t about addiction. But she knew enough not to tell Ryan about the pain or the pills, sure that he’d use it against her, somehow comparing his porn habit with the drugs, like she was some addict. She wasn’t an addict. She just needed some sleep. And she needed to get through her days without the pain. Shea sat on the toilet, looking out her bathroom window at the snow covering Kat’s green-tiled roof. Everything had fallen apart since Kat left. Maybe it just felt that way because sh
CHAPTER 17 April 12 THAT EVENING, KAT WORKED AT her laptop at Lina’s dining room table, prepping for tomorrow’s meeting downtown. It had been a long day with Lina and Tori, but she’d been so glad to be there for her friend, so glad to have her friends. Her phone rang. A snapshot of Mack’s sleeping face filled the screen. Kat had snapped the photo years ago, in the early morning, to capture Mack’s huge smile, like he was enjoying the best day of his life. When he woke and she shared it, they both laughed because he’d had no recollection of what he’d been dreaming. Every time he called and she saw that sleeping grin, it made her smile. “Hey,” she said as she picked up, holding her breath to see what kind of call it would be. “I’m sorry,” he said. Kat exhaled. “Thanks. I am sorry, too.” She knew he was struggling. It was her job that had dragged him to a new town and then left him there alone most of the time. The move hadn’t been easy on anyone. “I’m sorry I hung up on you the other day,
CHAPTER 18 February 17 WHEN CHARLIE OPENED THE DOOR, his smile was wide, like a kid on Christmas morning. Shea’s mouth began to dry. Her heart was racing. She tried to remain stone-faced, even though her tendency in moments of nervousness had always been to smile or even giggle. “Come in, come in,” he said, waving her toward the living area. Shea dropped her purse by the door and walked toward the roaring fire in the center of the cabin. “I’m so glad you’re here,” Charlie said, like this was some agreed-upon rendezvous. “I was starting to think you weren’t coming.” She heard a hint of a slur. There was an empty glass in his hand. An open bottle of scotch sat atop the console table against the wall. Shea stepped to the coffee table, to the open bottle of cabernet, the two glasses already filled. She picked up the glasses, and, without saying a word, walked to the kitchen. Charlie put his empty glass on the console table and followed her like a curious dog. She went to the sink, paused,
