—
Grayson anxiously paced the length of Christian’s gazebo. It was new; he’d built the large structure for Serena—well, for him and Serena. A place they both could go to get some privacy with a houseful of people and, of course, Lily. It was their place, but Christian had given his blessing for Grayson to use it, given that it was for a good purpose, and because of what Grayson had done for his wife. Grayson knew that he could ask anything of Christian at the moment and he’d likely agree.
He glanced at the picnic spread on the pretty pink tablecloth. All of Portia’s favorite puddings were there, and for something to drink, what else but her cider? The bottle lay chilling in a bucket of the river’s iciest water. In the middle of the table was a huge bouquet of her favorite flowers, blood-red roses, the color so dark they were almost black.
Nerves saw him check his timepiece for the hundredth time. He prayed she’d come. He knew whatever he said had to come from his heart. Anything that was rehearsed or didn’t sound like him would make it look as if he weren’t contrite. He needed to prove that he was serious, in love with her, and could not imagine a life without her.
He knew before he turned that she was there, his body aware of her closeness. He turned. His knees almost buckled, she looked so beautiful. Her fiery hair seemed to glow in the late afternoon sun, and her eyes were hazel pools that seemed to see into his very soul. He wanted her to see that he meant every word he would tell her.
He wanted to beat himself up all over again. He’d been blind for so long—blind to his own cowardice. He had made this beautiful, compassionate woman believe she wasn’t good enough for him. The depth of his stupidity astounded him. But now he would make it his life’s mission to prove to her that she was too good for him.
He looked into her sparkling eyes and with immense relief saw love. And then he swallowed because he also saw mistrust. He’d given her reason not to trust him, and he wanted to earn her trust back.
He got down on one knee. “You came. Thank you.”
“Your note promised supper.” She took a look at the table, and her mouth fell open. “So much food!”
“I didn’t know what you’d want.”
“You have all my favorites here.” Then she spied the cider in the bucket, and her eyes filled with tears. She looked down at him, kneeling at her feet.
Drawing a deep, steadying breath, he said, “I have been a coward. I can’t imagine what you must think of me.”
“We all make mistakes, Grayson. It’s how we own up to them and rise above them that counts.”
“I was so scared of losing you that I lost you. Irony at its best. Can you ever bring yourself to risk your heart on me again? I love you, so much.”
Portia smiled sadly, her gaze flicking to the blood-red roses.
“You saw what happened to Serena today. I want children. Many children. What will you do when I give birth? Will you run and hide? Desert me? Or, God forbid, if one of the children falls ill, will you turn from us, take your love, and put it back behind a fortress of fear?”
He gazed up at her, knowing his next words would either win her back or lose her forever. “You’re the bravest woman I know. You’re willing to risk your reputation, the disappointment of your family, and your business for what you believe in. You’d rather face scorn than marry without love. I’ve never admired you more. So far I’ve risked nothing. But on my knees here before you, I’m willing to risk everything for love too. I’m willing to walk away, to set you free, to agree to your plan, because I love you. If you truly don’t think I understand your desires, your heart, who you are inside, then you’d be right not to marry me. I know it is not independence you seek, but a partnership. I’d be so proud to have you by my side enjoying the bouquets life hands us as well as surviving the arrows it fires at us. I know continuing with your business is not about showing that you are just as good as a man, although you are; it’s about doing something to help others. You do it for the orphans. I know your lust for travel is because you love to learn about other people. And most of all, I know you don’t wish to waste one day on God’s earth because life can be short.” He paused. “I know you, and it would humble me if you’d like to learn what’s inside me. You make me want to be a better man, for I suspect even I do not really know who that man is.”
“I know you. I’ve known you since I was sixteen. You’re honorable, kind, and so full of love that it’s bursting to get out. You think you don’t show people what you feel, but you do. When you give your word you never let fear stand in the way. You’d do anything for your friends and my family, following my brother into battle when you knew it could mean your line dies out, and coming to rescue me when you knew the consequences—marriage when you did not wish it. There has never been any doubt in my heart that I love you. I just need your word that you won’t try to change me, that I’m good enough for you, and that you won’t fall to pieces when life hurls one of its arrows.”
“You have my word, I swear on Robert’s memory.” He pressed a document into her hands. “Please believe me. I love you, and I will always love you.” He stood and made his way over to the window on the far side of the gazebo, leaving her to read.
With shaking hands she opened the document. It was a marriage contract specifying that everything she brought to the marriage, including her business, her money, and her dowry, would remain her property, to do with as she liked. The business, which she’d sold to Christian, Grayson had bought and signed over to her. The papers had her as the chairman of the board, managing director, and largest shareholder, for all to see.
With her heart thumping in her chest she moved to pour two glasses of her cider and went to Grayson’s side. “These papers are wonderful, but some of the wording is wrong.” He looked at her in puzzlement. “You know what I want in a marriage—a partnership. I want your name next to mine. Our business will be the same as our marriage. Equal.”
It took Grayson a moment for her words to sink in. “Our marriage. Does that mean you’ll marry me?” he said in wonder.
“Yes.” She handed him a glass and raised her own in a toast. “To love and trust.”
“Without one there cannot really be the other. You have taught me that.”
They stood hand in hand, sipping the best cider in the world, watching the sun as it began to set.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Grayson whispered. She turned into his embrace. “God, you’re so beautiful. I can’t believe I have won the heart of such a woman. I love you.”
She silenced him with a deep kiss. Her tongue darted between his lips, and she could taste the essence of him mingled with her cider. He was delicious, and she couldn’t hold back. She wanted him, here, now.
She raised her hands to fumble at his cravat and then the fastenings of his waistcoat. She rose on tiptoe to whisper in his ear, “You have far too many clothes on.”
He gave a guttural chuckle. “As this is an equal partnership, so do you.”
There were no further words as they divested each other of their clothes.
Once they were both naked, they stood in the middle of the gazebo, both breathing rapidly, looking at each other.
Grayson ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t think to bring a blanket.”
She gave him a knowing smile and walked over to the table, her hips swaying. She pulled one of the chairs away from the table. “I suggest you take a seat.”
“I like the way you’re thinking.”
She watched with heat rising as Grayson and his straining erection moved toward the chair. Once seated, he quickly took control, pulling her onto his lap. He luxuriated in the feel of her silken skin against his chest.
“You are so beautiful,” Grayson said in awe as he traced one of her many freckles with his tongue. He loved how her nipples responded to his voice and touch, the hardened peaks pressing against his chest.
He reached up and pulled the pins from her hair, letting the soft curls fall through his fingers
. He hadn’t thought he’d have the privilege of feeling her silky tresses again. His body shuddered with gratitude and need. He brought her hair to his nose and inhaled her into his soul.
He couldn’t wait to bury himself deep within her tightness. He bent and suckled one nipple deep into his mouth, loving the way she moaned and ground herself against his hardened length. “Hard and fast, or slow and deep?” he asked.
She gripped his manhood, her hand trapped between their bodies. “Hard and fast the first time, slow and deep the second.”
“You greedy girl.”
She worked her hand upon him. “Are you complaining?”
“Never.” Grayson’s hands spanned her small waist, lifting her and then sliding her down firmly and possessively until he was buried deep within her. They sat joined together, breathing heavily. “I love you, my fiery minx.”
“Then show me,” she responded hoarsely in his ear. Her words mixed with the pain from her nails digging into his shoulders created the most erotic sensation Grayson had ever experienced. Portia rocked slowly, leaning forward to nip his bottom lip. “Hard and fast…you promised,” she moaned in his ear.
“Patience.” He was quite content to sit here for a moment reveling in the sheer seduction of her body wrapping tightly around his.
He was hardly surprised when his lack of movement spurred Portia to take control. He loved that they were truly equal in their desire and passion.
She rose and lowered herself upon him. Soon she was riding him hard and fast, as she desired. “I love you so much, Grayson. Almost all my life I’ve loved you.”
Her words combined with her tight, wet sheath…Grayson thought he might very well explode. He thrust hard into her, watching her eyes shimmer with need. She rocked against him, meeting him thrust for thrust, squeezing him tightly with her legs.
Their lovemaking was frantic in its intensity, as if they were both striving to erase the past and start afresh. As the desire in him began to uncoil toward a frighteningly intense climax, he wanted to wait. He wanted them to reach the pinnacle together.
“Oh, goodness, Grayson, I love you,” Portia screamed his name as she convulsed around him, each spasm of heat branding him. Grayson at last could lose himself deep inside her. This was his—their—new beginning. Maybe tonight they would create new life too, the promise of their future together.
They sat clinging to each other, each gasping for breath. To think that he might never have held her again made him suddenly shudder. She sensed his mood, for she said the words he would never tire of hearing: “I love you, Grayson.”
“Thank you,” he whispered against her skin. Humbled and grateful, he silently vowed never to squander another moment with her again. “I love you more than the air I breathe.”
She sighed in contentment, hugging him tightly, knowing she’d found the man who completed her. “For once, agreeing to meet Lord Blackwood for a scandalous liaison has had a very satisfying ending.”
They were still laughing when Grayson stood up with her in his arms, walked to the pile of discarded clothes, and gently laid her down upon them.
Slow and deep took the rest of the night.
Epilogue
It was a beautiful, clear early autumn day. Everyone was out on the grass playing pall-mall once again. The nanny Serena had hired was still traveling to the estate. The baby coming three weeks early upset everyone’s plans. Rather than Serena having to be closeted away, the party included all the adults and the children, and they were going to have a picnic today outside on the lawn too.
Portia handed her mallet to Grayson and decided to go and sit with Lily for a moment. Lily sat across the far side of the lawn under the large oak tree with baby Robert and Henry. Beatrice was still playing pall-mall with the men, and Serena had popped into the house. From the way Lily was looking anxiously toward the house, it was obvious she was slightly nervous about being in charge of such a little baby and Henry, who was busy digging through the dirt looking for acorns.
Lily was turning into a delightful young lady and she seemed to dote on her new baby brother. She looked up with gratitude when Portia plopped down beside her.
“He looks just like Christian,” she whispered to Portia as she tickled his tummy.
“I think he’s too small to really tell just yet.”
Lily nodded slowly. “It’s hard to imagine that one day he’ll be as big as Father, and become the Earl.” She remained silent for a moment. “He is Christian’s heir. He’s very important to Father.”
“You are very important to Christian too,” Portia ventured.
Lily gave a small smile. “I know, but a son, his real son. It’s different.”
“Christian loves you so much, just because he has another child doesn’t mean he loves you any less or differently.” At Lily’s silence she added, “I’m one of six children, and I’m the only girl. Do you know what that meant?” Lily shook her head. “I was spoiled rotten. I was my father’s little princess and he doted on me. So did all my brothers, some older and some younger. I never once was made to feel any less important because I was a girl. In fact, they all encouraged me to follow my dreams. Did you know I built and now run a successful cider business?”
Lily sat up straighter. “But you are a woman. I didn’t know women ran businesses.”
“Lots of women run businesses. Look at Mrs. Norton in the village. She runs her shop. She has to understand what stock to buy, how much to sell items at in order to make a profit, and she has to pay all her suppliers.”
“I didn’t think ladies of our social standing could be in trade.”
“Would it surprise you to know that one of the country’s largest and most profitable banks is run by Sarah Sophia Child Villiers, Countess of Jersey. When her grandfather died, she inherited his position as senior partner of the Child and Co. Bank, a role that she’s held since her majority in 1806.”
“Really, a woman has that much power?”
Portia wasn’t sure what she should tell a three- and ten-year-old girl but she remembered what her father told her. “It’s your life and as long as you are not hurting anyone then strive for what it is that makes you happy.”
“I am happy here,” Lily said with tears in her eyes. “I’m so lucky that Christian came into my life. If he had not been there when my parents died I’m not sure what would have become of me. But now that Robert is here, what if he forgets about me? Everything is changing and I’m scared.”
Portia hugged the girl. “He’d never forget you, Serena would never forget you, as they both love you. I’ve heard the story of your parents’ death in Canada. Didn’t Christian promise you he would always take care of you and love you?”
Lily nodded and dried her tears.
“Have you ever known him to break his word? Is he not a man of honor?”
“I just don’t want to let him down. I want him to be proud of me.”
“He is proud of you,” Portia murmured against her hair as she pressed a kiss to her head.
“I want to be perfect for him. My governess is teaching me how to be a proper lady. She told me that because I’m adopted I have to be more beautiful, more polished, and follow the rules.”
“No one is perfect, darling. Everyone makes mistakes. You’ll simply open yourself to a disappointment if you think like that. Just be yourself. That’s who your father loves,” Portia scoffed. “Besides, a smart woman learns the rules, then decides what rules she will follow. Women are not encouraged to reach for their dreams. Most men think home and family is all we require. We’re told not to act too strong, that we should look like we are delicate flowers that need protection.” She pointed at the men. “Do you think these men would fall in love with a woman who had no backbone? Women who didn’t fight for what they wanted?”
Lily looked at her stepmother, Serena, as she walked back toward where they sat. “Serena has told me a little about her life. If she hadn’t escaped her husband, she’d likely be dead. Father loves
her because she’s a strong woman.”
“True. Do you have dreams of your own?” she asked the young girl.
“Yes, I want to breed racehorses. Christian has let me buy a colt and two mares. He said that I might breed a Derby winner and that he’d wager on my horse.” She sighed. “I wish women could ride in the Derby.”
“That’s your goal. To be the first female Derby rider.”
Lily pulled on her arm and giggled. Even little Robert made a gurgle sound.
“I’d love that. Thank you, Portia.” With that Lily jumped to her feet and rushed to meet Serena, hugging her around her waist. Portia’s eyes welled as Serena hugged her back, and they came toward her, their hands joined and swinging between them. Hopefully times will change and one day a woman could win the Derby.
Portia left Serena and Lily to chat and moved back toward the men who were still playing. As she approached she heard them talking about what might be happening in London.
—
Later that afternoon Portia was in the drawing room minding Robert. The men remained outside talking. There was still no news from Hadley or Arend, and the tension at Henslowe Court was high. Not good for a breast-feeding mother.
Christian was trying whatever he could think of to keep everyone’s spirits up but the game of pall-mall had not ended well.
“That man is going to see me do him an injury if he doesn’t unbend. He’s stiffer than a fireplace poker.”
Portia smiled and kept rocking little Robert in her arms as Beatrice led Sebastian’s two sisters into the drawing room. The girls, Marisa and Helen, and their aunt had arrived at Henslowe Court three days ago from Lord Rutherford’s estate, where they had been for the past fortnight. There was likely to be an announcement soon, as Marisa was contemplating marriage to the handsome young earl.
“I’m assuming you’re referring to His Grace?” Portia couldn’t keep the smile off her face.
Marisa couldn’t hide her feelings if she tried. Everyone knew if she was sad, happy, angry, or hurt. Maitland, on the other hand, was all about hiding his emotions. He thought emotions pointless. Logic and reason governed his decisions. That was infuriating to a young girl who threw herself headlong into everything. Portia inwardly laughed. Marisa reminded her of herself when she was younger, and she could quite see why Maitland would grate on her.
The Disgraced Lords Series 3-Book Bundle Page 82
