by Scot McAtee
High School
High School seemed to be the time when Brian was having the worst luck. In high school he had been laughed at by teachers. Thrown in three lockers and kicked in the nards by 4 girls. Yes four girls for no reason except he was near them. A quick example of that was in the hallway before second period. Brian was at his locker; his locker neighbor was Chloe Hampton, the most beautiful girl in the whole school. Any guy who had a brain had a crush on her and of course that included Brian. One day while waiting at his locker Chloe came to her locker to get her stuff. She was very good at getting attention so good that when she walked people looked, it didn’t matter whether it was a teacher or a kindergarten student they looked. Well when Chloe and Brian were both at their lockers some senior decided to run by and commit a small case of sexual harassment. He ran by and with a quick slap you heard Chloe go “ugg.” Thinking Brian was the offending party, she turned and slapped him right in the face.
Brian looked at her weirdly and said “what was that for?”
Chloe looked at him even worse than the first time and slapped him again this time saying “That one is for trying to lie to me you little perv.” And like that she was off.
These were the type of things that Brian dealt with on a daily basis and he would deal with these altercations for the rest of his life.
College Years
Brian ended up going to Ohio State College. For the first two years in college nothing really bad happened to Brian….. well nothing very serious….. ok nothing that he hadn’t seen before. Girls still avoided him, guys wanted to punch him in the face and teachers couldn’t help but laugh at him. He felt that god or whatever controls the universe finally gave him a break. That is what he thought until his third year. He was offered a job as an assistant manager for the baseball team. Within days of being the assistant manager he had already got hit by four balls and cleated 3 times. It was during the game in which his bad luck finally almost cost him his life. It was the fourth inning and he was being the first base coach. The bases were loaded and the team’s best hitter was up; Jaydee Walton. The pitcher was pitching around 100 mph and that caused everything to go to right field. Brian was making conversation with the player on first and like that, “BAM” there was a crack of the bat, but before he could see it the ball came, like a bullet straight for the head of Brian.
Rest of Life
That ball put Brian in a coma for 50 years. When he woke up all his family was gone and he was alone as a 70 year old man. He took a deep breath and said “Doctor, I'm awake.”
The doctor being very young began to hop up and down saying “He’s not dead, WHOOP WHOOP, yeah he isn’t dead.” This was followed up by a little dance that looked a bit like the cat daddy.
Brian laughed and said “Why are you so happy?”
The doctor stopped and said “You’re the first one that I didn’t kill. Even though I do have some bad news for you, besides you being old and basically missing out on your whole life. You have Plumner Disease.”
“How did I get…. Plumner Disease and what is it for god’s sake.?” Brian asked the doctor.
The doctor said “Heck if I know I have only been here for three months. Also I forgot to tell you, USA took over the world and now its USW.”
Brian chuckled and said “Who is the president at least.?”
The doctor put his head down and slowly said “the 22nd female president,Pandora Watkins .”
Brain responded with “hey I went to school with her, I never thought she would go into politics.”
The doctor laughed and said “yeah nobody expected the crazy cat lady to win the election.”
Brian laughed in his old man voice and said “So can I leave or does my family need to pick me up?”
The doctor responded quickly saying “no no no no you are quarantined for the rest of your life. You’re the last person in the world to get Plumner.”
And like that Brian accepted that his bad luck is the end of him.
