by Alexie Aaron
“She’s in and out. The cut on her head’s going to earn her some stitches and an MRI. Poor kid is seeing things. Remember when she told us all off at the Avery?” Bill asked.
“Oh, yes, I fell in love that day. Too bad the missus won’t let me have another wife,” Ed said.
Bill said something, but the drug took hold, and I was out.
Ricordare
I’ve had a couple MRIs recently. One was for the trauma of Sidney’s beating and this one for the table hitting me on the head. Both incidents had caused a swelling. Sidney’s had healed only to be replaced with the damage from the table. Nothing to worry about according to the neurologist. It would abate on its own. The good news was that it might possibly be the source of Kyle. I was released after a prescription adjustment, and Harry took me home. This time, no cop lurked in the driveway. I managed to make it all the way into my bedroom before Harry called me back.
“You’ve got some personal messages on the answering machine.”
“Why do we still have one?”
“We are a business and can’t afford a separate voicemail account for our phones.”
“If it’s personal, they should call my cell.”
“Cin, where is your cell?”
“I don’t know.”
“Question answered.”
Harry pressed play, and I sat down.
“Cin, it’s Tom. I understand you’re hurting, but please, I may be able to help. I think I may have some information on Eldora Capella you can use.” He left detailed instructions on how to get in to see him.
I was puzzled how Tom Richards, who was serving a sentence for harboring my kidnappers, knew about what had happened to me at the opera.
“K. Next.”
“Harry, it’s Dave. I know she doesn’t want to talk to me. Just call and tell me how she is. Damn, I saw her today, and she’s so thin and pale. You have to watch our girl, and make sure she eats.”
I started crying.
“I listened to her and Tony talk. I know about the hypnosis, and I want to be there. She thinks she’s protecting me, but she isn’t. Not knowing is worse.”
I grabbed the afghan and pulled it around my shoulders.
“Talk to her. Call me if you can get me in.”
I sighed and looked at Harry. “I don’t want you there either.”
“I’m not going in. Dr. Andrews says that you think of me as your kid, and it would break your heart if I knew what you had gone through. She’s right. I’m out. But Dave’s life is on the line here. You might remember something he can use to figure this out. Tony’s in charge, but he’s not as bright as Dave is.”
“I think Dr. Andrews wants him there too. I might as well say yes; my love life is toast as it is. It’s going to be so humiliating and scary.”
“Kyle sure did a number on you.”
“He haunts me, Harry. I saw him plain as day in Tony’s temporary office at the sheriff’s department. When I found out that was where Tony was taking me, I tossed my cookies.”
“Speaking of cookies, let me make you something you like.”
“Nah, I’m not hungry. I’ll call Dr. Andrews, and you call Dave. Have you seen my phone?”
“Wait,” Harry said and pressed play.
“Cin, Harry, Detective Curtis here. Cin left her phone in my office. I’ll bring it to Dr. Andrews’s office tomorrow.”
“Ta dah! Okay, I’ll use the house phone,” I said. “Is there anything else?”
“Nope, that covers it.” He handed me the handset, and I made the call. Dr. Andrews was pleased that I included Dave. I told her about the incident at the sheriff’s department and told her that I’d had a copy of the findings of the MRI sent to her. She wasn’t pleased about the hallucinations or the hit on my head. She offered to postpone, but I insisted.
“Cin, wear something comfortable, and put a thick pad on. Some people lose their water.”
“Great, tell me this now after I invite the world,” I responded.
“Don’t worry, you’re doing the right thing.”
“I hope so,” I said and hung up.
Harry stood there in the doorway. “Dave’s going to be there.”
“I have to schedule with the prison to see Tom next…”
“I’ll do it,” Harry offered. “I’m coming too.”
“Good, I hoped you were. We’re a team.”
“Partners.”
“Exactly. Now if you’ll excuse me, the doctor at the hospital said I could take a bath, and I’m going to be up to my neck in bubbles before they change their mind.”
“Cin, you’re a bubble whore.”
“Yes I am.” I walked out into the main room and screamed, “Cin Fin-Lathen is a bubble whore!”
I may have gone over the top, but I’d had a hard day. And a worse one was coming.
~
I had trouble finding clothes to fit. I ended up wearing the sweats I’d bought when I was getting over Sidney dumping me. They had shrunk when Dave tossed me in the pool. Would he remember them? Yes. Did I wear them deliberately to hurt him? Maybe.
I braided my hair back, hoping to make myself as unattractive as I could. I didn’t wear makeup. I wanted nothing to say I had made an effort.
Harry looked me over. “What are you going for?”
“Uninterested.”
“Fail.”
“Shit.”
“First of all, you have to take this off,” he said, lifting the little shoes charm off my chest.
“What? Oh!” I had been wearing Dave’s gift to me, the necklace with the two shoes dangling from it. I knew I had worn it when I talked to Tony. I’m sure he’d seen it. What was I doing? I went to take it off, but I couldn’t do it. I stuffed it in my shirt.
Harry was watching me. “You, lady, have a problem.”
“I know. After today, he’ll be gone,” I assured him. “No one is that strong. I’m surprised Tony’s showing up.”
“We’re kind of hard on Tony.”
“You mean, I’m kind of hard on Tony. You do remember what he put us through?”
“I used to think that he liked you.”
“No, he didn’t. He’s happily married and no no, hell no.”
“Alright, how about Ed? Sally heard some things while she was waiting for the elevator…”
“Harry. Please understand, I’ve just suffered a pretty big trauma. Along with it, I lost someone I really loved. I don’t want another man. I’m done. I’m cursed.”
“You’re being a bit melodramatic, aren’t you?”
“Am I? Hell, I think I earned it.”
Harry and I changed the subject and spent the rest of the time searching for a pair of tennis shoes to go with my sweats. The only ones we could find, Dave had given me. I jammed them on my feet because we were going to be late.
Dr. Andrews had arranged the room so I wouldn’t have to stare at the three witnesses. She’d put a fainting couch in the center of the room, facing away from Tony and Dave and the stenographer whose name I had forgotten. I looked down when I came into the room. I didn’t want to make eye contact with anyone. I sat down.
She nodded to the stenographer and started her tape recorder. “First of all, I’d like to explain what is going to happen here. I will first take Cin to an area that she consciously remembers and you may already have documentation on. This helps with the transition that she will go through later. When Cin is regressed, she will be in her mind physically as well as emotionally. Gentlemen, she has requested this because she feels that anything she may smell, taste or hear may be important. Unfortunately, she will also relive the pain. She, according to the medical evidence, may not have been raped, but she was brutalized horribly. Gentlemen and lady, I request that no matter what you hear, you stay quiet and do not leave. If you feel you can’t follow these rules, please leave now.”
No one left.
I’m in the alcove. I made the mistake of crossing my legs in a split skirt. I’m all bare leg here and
feeling very vulnerable. I’m tugging my skirt down because Pello Viteri is coming over, and he is very drunk.
“What have we here?” he says to me in a whiskey voice. “It is a present half wrapped.”
I’m standing up and excusing myself. I’m walking, but he is standing right in front of me. I’m backing up but have nowhere to go as the wall is at my back. Pello licks his lips and is looking down at me. He says, “What’s the rush?”
“Please, I am with someone,” I plead.
I’m worried because I don’t know where Dave is. Has someone hurt him? I’ve got to find him. I hear someone come in. I hope and pray it’s Dave or Ryan or anyone who can handle Pello.
Oh my god, it’s Kyle. He’s yelling, “She said, she was with someone.” He pulls Pello off of me. “Come, Cin, you have been playing me for a fool for too long.”
“Cin, sleep.”
According to the tape she gave me, Dr. Andrews then looked over at Tony and asked, “Are these true moments as far as you’re concerned?”
He nodded. “Pello Viteri remembers Kyle taking Cin away from him.”
“Now, I’m going to take Cin to the area she cannot consciously remember. It’s a particularly difficult lead-in. She’s in pain and scared. Please, do not judge her. I remind you that Cin is the victim here. Her wanting to relive these horrible moments attests to how much she wants to clear your name,” she said, addressing Dave.
I’m in the workroom. I can barely see. The exit signs are giving me enough light to make out the layout of the room. There are so many tables. The lights go on, and I see Kyle standing there. God, what is he saying?”
“Cin, stop and listen. Tell me what Kyle is telling you,” Dr. Andrews ordered.
He’s saying, “I’m going to make love to you, and then I’m going to choke the life out of you.” I’m so scared. I’m searching the tables as I run from him. I’m looking for something, anything, to defend myself with. I can see that there are prop swords and spears, but they are stacked against the far wall. Can I get to them in time?
Kyle’s on my heels! I must find a place to hide. The lights have gone out. I drop to the floor, making myself small as I hide under a table against the wall. I hear Kyle shoving tables out of the way. I hear something, a body maybe, hit the table I am under. Is there a fight? Has Dave come to save me? Does he need my help? The table is flipped backwards, and the edge hits me in the head, hard. I’m dizzy, but I have to stay conscious. I have to fight. Kyle stares down at me. By the look on his face, I know I’m going to be raped. I back up against the wall and hug my knees. I’m not going to make it easy for him.
Kyle grabs my leg and drags me towards him. He’s wrapping his black tie around my throat, and he pulls. I get one hand under the noose and hold it there while I beat at him with my other hand. I twist and turn and manage to free one of my legs. I’m fighting him with everything I have, but he’s too strong for me.
“I can’t see anything more. There’s nothing here,” I said.
“Go deeper, Cin. It’s there,” Dr. Andrews instructs. “Kyle’s there. What is he doing?”
He’s ripping my dress in two. He’s controlling me by the noose around my neck. One of my hands is pinned at my throat, and the other he has pinned above me. I hear footsteps. “Help me! Please!”
Kyle is laughing. He turns his head and says, “Go away, there isn’t anything more I need of you tonight. Unless you want to watch?”
“Cin, can you see who he is talking to?” Dr. Andrews asked.
“Yes, it’s Carlos. He’s supposed to be helping me. Kyle’s just ripped off my panties. He turns around and tosses them at Carlos. He tells him, “She’s mine, a prize. What is that song?” He’s singing, “That I was the last one she’ll ever love.”
“Porcelain. And it’s, ‘I was the last one you ever loved,’” Carlos corrected. “You said you wouldn’t hurt her. That wasn’t the plan. You said she needed encouragement, that she was a tiger and needed to be tamed.”
“I think we’re beyond that now,” he said, looking down at me.
“Kyle, please don’t. I have a family,” I beg. His face changes, and he’s loosening the tie. I slip my hand out and try to claw at his eyes. He screams at me, and he’s pulling the noose closed again. I can hardly breathe. I’m so scared. I don’t think I can get out of this. I’m all alone. I can’t believe this is really going to happen!
“Cin, is Carlos still there?” Dr. Andrews asked.
I see Carlos is leaving, but someone else is in the shadows. I smell a scent. Strange, I think I smelled it briefly in the banquet hall. Kyle is kissing me, shoving his tongue in my mouth. I turn my face away from him. I don’t want to see what he is doing to me. There is a gypsy woman dancing by the wall. I must be losing my mind. I turn and look to the other side. There, I see a hand reaching into a case with shiny things in it. The exit light only lets me see shadows. Kyle is becoming unhinged. He’s pulling the noose tighter. I can’t fight him anymore.
I see someone behind him in the darkness. Has someone come to help me? I see a flash of steel, and then there is a gurgling sound. Kyle lands hard on my chest, and I feel something sharp and painful sliding into my stomach. Kyle has blood coming out of his mouth, but he is smiling and telling me, “At least we die together, Cin.”
I’m screaming. Kyle is choking me. I am dead.
“Sleep, Cin.”
From the tape, I know that Dr. Andrews addressed Tony. “Do you want me to take her back again? I’m not sure that she saw anything more. Maybe she heard something, but the trauma of the struggle to save herself has consumed all of her senses. After this, Cin had, what people like to label as, an out of body experience. In her mind, she died when Kyle choked the life out of her. I read the EMT report and know that one of them found a pulse, but in her mind, Cin had already died.”
“She wrote down the occurrence for me. Dave, I think you should hear her tell it,” Tony suggested.
“I don’t want to give her any more pain,” Dave said, his voice odd.
“She is dead in her mind. In death, there is no pain,” Dr. Andrews said.
“Please, I would like to hear her,” Dave said.
“Cin, you died…”
I’m dead, and I’m floating upwards. I see Kyle lying between my legs. There is a sword with a slight curve stuck through his back, and it joins us in death. A horrible marriage of violence. His face is on my breasts, his head turned, his eyes are open, and he is smiling. Maniac: one, Cin: nothing. There is a man standing over us wearing one glove. He has a hat on. I can’t see his face. He is dressed in black, and he is laughing. Where have I heard that laughter before? He bent down and picked something up with his bare hand before he left and set it on the table.
I’m feeling sad.
“Why are you sad, Cin?” Dr. Andrews asked.
Because I had the world one moment, and in the next, I’m dead. I think I’m cursed. Perhaps I will be going to hell for what I did. Michael knows, Michael saw.
There are men rushing into the room. I see Dave, and he’s angry. I’m sorry, Dave, I wasn’t strong enough. He is being held back by the security guards as Ed and Bill pull Kyle off of me. I haven’t seen them since the Avery. I wonder what they are thinking now, probably something like, “Hey look, it’s the bossy- bitch know-it-all.” I hear a whining sound. Ed shouts, “Clear!” A moment before, he had stuck something on my chest, and now my body convulses.
I’m still drifting upwards. I wonder where I’m going. I look back at that horrible green dress, that I didn’t want to wear, lying under me. It’s bloody, and it’s ruined. I have lost a shoe. Why do I always lose my shoes? Ed had cut my bra off me, and now all I have on is that tattoo. It starts at my ankle, and it goes around and around. The green of the ivy is mixed with the red of my and Kyle’s blood.
I hear the whine again, or is it that woman singing an aria? I think it’s from Carmen. Why can’t I be greeted with a chorus of angels? Did it have to be opera? I see th
e gypsy move out of the shadows, and I feel her move into me. Now there is pain, so much pain.
“Cin, sleep.”
“I don’t understand. She was alive when we found her,” Dave said.
“In Cin’s mind, she was dead,” Dr. Andrews reminded him. “Kyle had killed her. She could have been experiencing some sort of bilocation. People who see their surgeons working on them have been thought to have moved their consciousness out of their body. Did she die, gentlemen?”
“Yes, she did. Ed brought her back with the second shock,” Dave answered.
“I’m going to bring her back to the present, and she’s not going to be happy. All that her mind has kept from her is going to come rushing back. Frankly, I’m worried about her. I think you, Detective Curtis, should leave, and, ma’am, I would advise you to also. I’ll send you a copy of the tape, and I would appreciate a copy of your transcript.”
They left, and right before Dr. Andrews turned off the tape, she asked Dave, “Are you man enough to stay? Do you love her as much as she loves you? If not, leave. You can’t help her now.”
“Cin, wake up,” Dr. Andrews said. She was sitting on the edge of the fainting couch.
“How did I do?” I asked her.
“You did really well. You remembered quite a lot. I think Tony is heading out to talk to someone named Carlos.”
I frowned. “Carlos was… um… Oh my god, he was there. He didn’t stay…” The pain of remembering was overwhelming. I got up. I wanted to run, leave that room. I looked around me. Dave stood there with a panicked look on his face. I crumpled to the floor. He knows, he knows I stopped fighting. I started to curl into a ball.
“Don’t let her do that. We’re going to lose her,” Dr. Andrews shouted.
Dave picked me up by the arms, and gravity did the rest, my knees unbent and my legs dangled. He then held me to him so tightly that I couldn’t move. He walked me over to sit down and pulled my head to his shoulder and said, “Cry, Cin. It’s time to cry.”
