Heartbreaker

by Anna Brooks

  “I just… God, Ryan, you got shot. You saved us, and you got shot… and you could have died. You could have fucking died! I can’t do that again. I don’t have anything else to give you. What more do you want from me? You told me one night and you deserve so much more than what I can give you which is nothing else.”

  “First, I never said one night. I said I’d walk away. The words one night never came out of my mouth. I know that because I knew from the moment I met you one of anything with you would never be enough. I want it all. I want so much more. Jesus, there’s so much more I want from you. With you. To do to you.” I slide one hand down her neck and across her collarbone, then back to the opposite side. “So much more. Look at me, Opal.”

  Slowly, she raises her head. “Give me something. Would you please stop with the attitude and just fuckin’ talk to me? Actually tell me what’s really going on inside your head.”

  Her eyes drop to my mouth and then back up again before she pushes up on her toes and presses her lips to mine. I wrap my arms around her and lift her feet off the ground. It only takes a second before her soft kiss turns frantic.

  A quiet moan slides up through her throat. I bring one of my hands up and twirl her long hair around my wrist before I grab the back of her head. As quickly as she started this, she ends it.

  “There.” She pushes away and slides down until she’s on the ground again. “There’s your something.”

  “And what exactly was that?”

  “I don’t know!” She runs her fingers angrily through her hair, clearly frustrated just like me.

  I should be angry with the way she tries to play games, but it does nothing but make me want even more of her. She makes me want to stay—hell, I am staying because of her—so for now, I’ll give her this.

  “Where’s Olivia?”

  “She’s with the babysitter.”

  Damn. I was hoping she’d be with her grandparents so I could take Opal back to my place and fuck the scared right out of her. After the whole getting shot thing a few weeks ago, she’s been avoiding me like crazy. I never got on the plane like I told her I would, but it had nothing to do with me getting shot and everything to do with how she reacted to a bullet barely nicking me.

  Everything changed that night, and it’ll never be the same. I wasn’t sure if she felt it too before that, but when she thought I was going to die, the truth came out. She loves me almost as much as I do her… she’s just too scared to admit it.

  If I wasn’t sure then, later that night when she fuckin’ burst into flames, takin’ me in her mouth and desperately sucking me like we didn’t have tomorrow, told me how she felt as well. She can’t hide what I make her feel.

  Seeing her fall apart thinkin’ I was gonna die is reason enough to stay. I’m just waiting for her to admit to herself. Until then, I’ll play the game and chase her, no matter how much it pisses me off because I know the prize at the end is going to be the greatest reward of my life, and I’m a very patient man. I’ve never had anyone get the skip on me; I sure as hell ain’t gonna start with Opal Winters.

  But tonight, tonight I’ve had enough. She knew damn well that Jay was working and still called him. She should have called me, and she knows it; that’s why she’s not even lookin’ in my eyes.

  “Pop the trunk, babe. Let me get to the spare.”

  She disappears in the car for a second, and I open the trunk and dig around, then slam it shut and take a peek beneath. When I still don’t find what I’m looking for, I reach over and grab the helmet from my bike and thrust it at her. “Put this on and I’ll take you home.”

  “No.” She backs up like she’s scared, her face pale and her eyes wide. “No, no, no.”

  “You don’t have a spare, Opal. How you don’t is beyond me, but regardless, you don’t have a spare tire for me to change the flat one, and you need to get home. So put the helmet on and hop on the damn bike.”

  She holds her hands out, shaking her head so hard her hair is flying everywhere. “I can’t. No. Please, please don’t make me.”

  “Babe, just get on the fuckin’ bike.” I sigh, exasperated with her bullshit. So sweet one day and then it’s like a switch flips. Most days, it wouldn’t bother me, but I’ve had a shit day. Plus, I’m tired and standing here seeing her bare legs and knowing they’re not gonna be wrapped around me again is really pissing me off.

  “Ryan, I… I can’t.”

  “I fucking know that!” I shout at her. “It’s all you goddamn say to me, Opal. I’m here because my buddy asked me for a favor. That’s it. I’ve had a long day, and I just wanna get you home so I can go home alone. So please, for the love of God, get on the fuckin’ bike.”

  When she doesn’t move, I grab her shit from her car and toss it in my saddle bag, then put the helmet on her head for her. Grabbing her arm, I pull her to the bike and get on, then reach over and plant her ass behind me. “Feet on the pegs, watch the pipes they’re hot as shit.” I reach behind and pull her so she’s flush with me.

  “Arms around my waist.”

  She freezes. No movement from her whatsoever, and I lose all patience. “Wrap your fucking arms around me Opal; otherwise, you’re gonna fall off.”

  Immediately, she does as I ask, but I can hear her whimper. Before I turn the key, I feel her body shaking. I squeeze her hand to reassure her… she can’t be this damn scared to be on the back of a motorcycle.

  If she didn’t have to get home to the babysitter, I’d take her to my place and remind her how good we are together. Her grip never wavers, and I enjoy the feel of her behind me. Holy Christ, she feels good here. After only about ten short minutes, I’m in front of her new condo. After what had happened with her dipshit neighbor, she moved the next day. Luckily, she’d already expressed interest in this place.

  Even though her landlord kicked out the neighbors, she couldn’t go back to that duplex. Not that I blame her; it was an ugly scene. Turns out the tweakers who broke into her house were actually in the wrong place.

  They were coming around to collect from the dad, who conveniently wasn’t home, since he owed them like four thousand dollars. But because they were meth heads and high outta their minds, they got dead.

  Her alarm didn’t go off because after they broke into the neighbor’s side and didn’t find anything of value, they threatened Tommy. He then showed them a space in the shared basement that led to Opal’s kitchen pantry. She obviously didn’t know it was there, the natural hardwood blended in with the door in the floor.

  Which is also where little Tommy boy was sneaking in through to move shit around just to freak her out. He copped to that real fast once I had his ass dangling by his throat.

  I wish she could stay wrapped around me forever, but she’s gotta get to the sitter. I get off first, and when I finally get a look at her face, mine falls.

  “Shit, are you hurt or something?” I turn her so she’s sitting and facing me but don’t get an answer because she just bursts out in tears.

  I take the helmet off, wrap my arms around her, and let her get it out, but as soon as I do that, she pulls back. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t do that. It’s not like I haven’t had my mouth over every inch of your skin or anything. Don’t fuckin’ pull away from me like I’d ever fuckin’ do anything to hurt you.”

  “I know you wouldn’t, but I… I’ve gotta go.”

  “Baby, don’t do this again.” I kiss her forehead and beg, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t. “Don’t do this.”

  She hops down, and it’s a miracle she doesn’t burn the shit out of her legs. So as she stomps her fine ass up the steps of her place, I don’t follow. I watch her walk away, but once she’s inside, I smile. She’s got no clue what’s about to happen.

  Idling at the curb, I respond to the text Jay just sent. Once I see the babysitter walk out, I know Opal is safe inside. I confirm with Jay since he finished up his case, then take off to meet him.

  I can tell as soon as I step foot
inside this bar that it’s filled with cops. A quick glance around and I spot Jay at the end of the bar. I head in that direction and nod at a few guys who look familiar on my way.

  “Hey, man.” We shake hands, and I order a beer, then sit on the stool and take a long pull. “Bad night?”

  “Same shit every fuckin’ night.”

  Deciding to not waste any more time, I tell him, “I took a permanent assignment here.”

  “Fuck me. For real?”

  I nod. “It’s in Rockford, but I can work remote and set up shop in Chicago.”

  “Opal know?”

  “No. I haven’t told her yet. Just finalized everything today.”

  He smiles. “Awesome, man. Glad to have you around.”

  “Least you are.”

  “She is, too. Just stubborn Winters genes.” He clasps me on the shoulder. “She tell you what happened with Olivia’s father?”

  My heart still breaks thinking about her story. “Yeah.”

  “Did she tell you I was the one who told her?”

  “She left that detail out.”

  “I walked in when she was pushing, man. She knew.” He drops his head. “The look on her face. Aside from watching Livvie get taken away from me, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Can you fuckin’ imagine? Seventeen years old. He crashed his fuckin’ bike on the way to the hospital.”

  Fuck, that’s why she was freaked out about the bike. And I made her get on it. Goddammit. The severity of her losing him makes much more sense. Not that she didn’t have the right to feel the way she did before, but the last piece of the puzzle fits now. “She didn’t tell me that much. Just that he passed when Olivia was born.”

  “Minutes apart, Ry. He was pronounced minutes before she was born. He was a good kid. Promised Opal he’d sell his Ducati once Olivia was born because she hated it so much. Most ironic thing I’ve ever heard of.”

  Everything makes sense now. “That’s not ironic; it’s goddamned tragic.”

  “WHAT’S UP WITH YOU?” LIV asks as we’re walking through the mall.

  The sigh contradicts me when I say, “Nothing.”

  “Is it Ryan?”

  Just hearing his name gives me pause. It makes my heart skip a beat and my stomach tickle with butterflies. “No. Why would you ask that?”

  “Because when I say his name, your cheeks get red. And you never told me what happened after our wedding since you’ve been so close-lipped about him. I mean, I’m sure I can guess what happened, but I’m talking about after. He took a bullet for you, and you brush him off like he means nothing to you.” She walks into a store and heads directly to the clearance section. “He’s staying here for you, Opal, but you don’t seem to want him here. I don’t get it.”

  “He’s here for work. His staying has nothing to do with me. And besides, I’m not strong enough, Liv. I can’t do it again. When I saw the blood, and I thought… I just can’t do it.”

  “Look.” She holds up a purple top. “It’s only three ninety-seven.” With a big smile, she drapes the clothing over her arm. Over the years, she’s become a coupon-clipping, clearance-shopping bargain hunter. “You’re scared, and I get it.”

  “It’s not scared, Liv. It’s petrified. You weren’t here. You weren’t here when Josh died. When I was raising a newborn and dealing with the death of my boyfriend and her father. So you can’t tell me you get it.

  “I’ll sell it, babe. Shit, if I’m gonna have to drive around in a sedan the rest of my life, let me sow my wild oats until the baby is here. Then it’s gone. Promise. That was what he said to me. And now he’s gone. He was my first; I cared about him so much. But Ryan.” I shake my head. “You’re wrong, Liv. He doesn’t mean nothing to me. He means everything. And if I lost that? I couldn’t… I can’t lose him that way.”

  “He stayed at your house, got shot, and killed two men to keep you safe. If it wasn’t for him, Opal, I don’t even want to think about the kinds of things that could have happened to you and Olivia.” Yeah, that was a point of contention between my entire family and me. Soon as Ryan explained everything, Jay lost his shit. Like I’ve never seen him so mad lost his shit.

  I was being stupid. I realize that.

  And yes, I owe Ryan my life. And Olivia’s. I don’t know what would have happened if he wasn’t there. I try not to imagine it because it makes me sick.

  He probably thinks I’m playing games, but I’m not. I’m scared, I’m confused, and I’m lonely. But I am not playing a game.

  “He said he was leaving,” I tell her. “Over and over, he said he was leaving.”

  “I know. I thought he was, too.”

  “I can’t get involved with someone who I know is going to leave and break my heart more than it already is.”

  “I thought you just said it was because you were afraid he was going to die.”

  I glare at her. “That, too. Both of those things. Anything that has to do with losing him.”

  My sister squeezes my shoulder. “I have a feeling he’d stay if you asked him to.”

  “But that’s the thing. I want him to tell me he’s staying. I don’t want to have to ask.”

  “How do you figure?”

  I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. “If I ask him to stay, and it doesn’t work out, he’ll resent me. What if he can’t get a job here, and he asks me to move by him? I won’t ever leave my family. What if he feels the same way? How would it ever work? He needs to be the one to make the decision; I won’t ask him.”

  “Have you thought of just telling him that?”

  “No.” I shake my head. “Because if he wants us enough, then he needs to prove it to me. I can’t and I won’t risk letting my daughter become even more attached to him only to have him walk away when he’s bored of us.”

  “Okay. I’m just going to say one more thing, and then I’ll drop it.” She puts the shirt back on the rack. “I lost so much time with Jay, Opal. I love him. God, I love him so much. I did then, and I do now; I will forever. And I lost so much time with him.”

  “I know.”

  “I’d do anything, anything to get that back. I missed you. I missed my family, but Jay? I wanted to die without him. I’d do anything to be with him. And that includes moving across the country because a love like what we have, and like what you’re too scared to admit you and Ryan have, is worth risking everything for. Your family will always be here, but Opal, he might not.”

  She drops that bomb on me and then grabs the shirt again and disappears into the dressing room. I think she senses my mood because after she gets out, she takes me back to her place without even asking. I’m too busy staring at my lap, letting her words run through my head, I don’t even notice she’s parked and I’m alone in the car. I walk inside and just stand in the entryway, letting what she said penetrate.

  “Hey, baby doll.” Ryan comes up behind me, wraps his arms around my stomach, and kisses my cheek. “Fancy seeing you here.”

  I suck up the warmth and security from him and then turn in his arms. “What are you doing here?”

  “Reinforcements.”

  He’s such a liar. “Jay can handle his son and niece without needing backup.”

  He shrugs. “They’re in the other room finishing a movie. It’s a beautiful day. Thought maybe we could go for a ride.”

  “No.” My hands start sweating, and the pit of my stomach hollows out. The pain in my chest is almost too much, and I clutch his shirt. “No.”

  “Sold my bike, Opal.”

  Air rushes out of my lungs so hard it burns my throat. “What?”

  “It’s gone. Returned the rental and bought a new truck. Thought maybe I could take you for a ride.”

  Oh, my God. “You know.”

  “Jay told me,” he confesses. “But I wish to hell you would have been the one to explain it to me. If I’d have known, I never would have snapped at you like I did about getting on the bike because it would have already been gone.”

 
; “Why?”

  He tucks some hair behind my ear, and I know that if he ever left, I’d miss this. I’d miss him, and there isn’t anybody else who would make me feel this… whole. “Don’t you get it yet?”

  “Mommy!”

  God, she has bad timing. Even though I really want to finish this conversation with Ryan, I put on my fake mom face and smile at Olivia when she runs up to me. “Hi, baby. How’s my girl?”

  She hugs my leg, and I rub the top of her head.

  “You ready to go home?”

  “No,” she pouts.

  “I’ll tell you what.” I crouch down to her level. “We can have Jaydon over, so Auntie Liv and Uncle Jay can go do something together. How about that?”

  She claps her hands, and a genuine smile replaces the fake one. Just being near my girl makes me feel so much better.

  “Okay.”

  “All right. Let’s go.” When I turn around, I look past Ryan, who’s leaning on the wall, and wave to my sister.

  Olivia runs up to him, and he scoops her up. “Hey, shortie.”

  “Hi, Ryan.”

  “We’re going home now, sweetie. Let’s go say goodbye.”

  “All right. I’ll walk you guys to your car, okay?”

  We say our goodbyes, and Ryan is still carrying Olivia when we make it out to my car. He puts her in her seat and buckles her in, then kisses the top of her head before shutting the door.

  “Thanks,” I tell him.

  “It’s not a problem.”

  I press my lips together, unsure what to say, or if I should say anything. Processing the fact that he got rid of his bike. That’s… that’s a permanent decision.

  “We need to talk, baby.”

  We do. We so do. “Wanna come back to my place?”

  “Yes, I want to go back to your place,” he answers immediately.

  So that’s what he does. He comes back with us, following in his big ass truck, and walks into my home like it’s his own. But it doesn’t feel weird. It feels like he belongs here, with us. And I just wish that he’d tell me that’s what he wants because I know I do.