by DeLuca, Gia
“It’s fine,” she said, her gaze still fixed on me.
“Julian, you look… different,” my mother said, her arms crossed and her icy blue eyes looking me up and down. “Jeans today?”
“We’re going on a walk,” I replied.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” she said, her thin lips pursed.
“It’ll be fine,” Evie assured her. “I’ll be there every step of the way.”
My mother paused before turning on her heel and leaving the room just as quietly as she’d entered it. I cleared my throat and took a seat next to the nebulizer and began prepping it myself.
“Ready?” Evie said as soon as I’d finished. She walked over, her arm outstretched to take my hand, but I refused her help. She stayed close behind me as we walked down the stairs, and she watched as I slipped on a pair of shoes and slid my arms through a thick, woolen coat. Determination made many things possible for a man.
We started down the path in the backyard toward the English rose garden. Spring was right around the corner, just mere weeks away. Roses bushes would be budding soon, and the birds above us chirped in the still-naked trees.
“I bet it smells divine in spring,” Evie mused. “The grass and the flowers. All of it.”
I hadn’t played in the rose garden since I was a kid, but those kinds of smells—clipped grass on a sunny day and the roses I picked for my mother in an attempt to forge some kind of bond—stayed with me still.
“I need to rest for a second,” I announced, stopping on a bench outside the family cemetery masked by iron gates and tall, evergreen shrubs.
“Of course,” she said, rushing closer to me and helping me down onto the bench.
I rested, trying to catch my breath, determined to keep going.
“Take it easy, okay?” she said, rubbing my back. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she wasted no time in pulling it out. I glanced over and read the caller ID, which read “Spencer.”
“Is it him?” I asked, a bitter taste filling my mouth.
Her face was blank, yet her eyes couldn’t hide the shock. “Yeah.”
I shook my head.
“Do you mind if I take this?” she asked, though I doubted my answer would’ve stopped her. “I’ll be right back.”
I sat on the marble bench as she walked away, smile on her face, and returned two minutes later.
“So, that was Spencer asking me to dinner tonight,” she said.
“Oh, geez.” I rolled my eyes and said nothing more.
She sat down and placed her small hand over mine. “I hope someday you get to fall in love, Julian. It’s really amazing. The good, the bad—all of it. You feel like a million bucks, and at the same time, you feel like someone else is walking around completely in control of your heart and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”
I huffed. “If he cheated on you, he obviously doesn’t love you. Someone who loves you wouldn’t hurt you like that.”
“You don’t think people can change? You don’t think people make mistakes sometimes?” she said, growing defensive. “Look. He’s just an old friend, and we’re just hanging out. That’s it.”
“What if he hurts you again?” I asked.
“You’re getting way ahead of yourself now. It’s just dinner with an old friend,” she laughed, sitting up tall. “You have to take risks in life, Julian, and you have to know how to forgive the ones who hurt you. You can’t live your whole life inside your magic, protective bubble.”
“Oh, so now we’re making this about me?” I asked, squinting at her. “If you only knew what my life has been like, maybe you wouldn’t be so quick to judge.”
She leaned over and took both of my hands in hers. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Sometimes I just forget you’re…”
Her voice trailed off as she let go of my hands, looking lost in thought.
“Forgive me?” she said, turning to me, her blue eyes wide and hopeful.
“I need to go back to my room,” I replied curtly. The morning was as good as ruined for me.
We walked back inside in complete silence with nothing but the fog from our breath surrounding us and the crunch of decaying leaves beneath our shoes. She walked quietly behind me as I climbed the stairs, and she watched as I crawled back into bed and covered myself up. We didn’t exchange a single word.
“I’ll make you breakfast,” she said as she walked out, lingering in the doorway.
“Not hungry,” I said, rolling over. “Leave.”
EVIE
I soaked in the claw foot tub of my private bathroom, drowning in a sea of white bubbles. I had roughly an hour before Spencer would be picking me up for our date that night, and my stomach fluttered with a nervous, sickening excitement at the thought of seeing him once again. I just wanted him to look at me the way he did before, back when he loved me.
I leaned back into the hot, soapy water and closed my eyes, my wet hair spilling around my shoulders and the water lapping up to my neck. I let the steam from the hot water fill my lungs as I took deep breath after deep breath, inhaling the scent of the lavender bubble bath. And just as a smile had begun to form on my lips, I was startled up by the sound of the intercom buzzing in my room.
My first instinct was to ignore it. I was technically off the clock, and Caroline and Arthur were home. But then it buzzed again. And again. And again.
I stood up from the tub, throwing my legs over the edge as giant waves of bathwater splashed onto the marble floor, drenching the bath mat below. I grabbed my robe and flung it around my body, my wet hair saturating the back of it. I ran down the hall toward Julian’s room, leaving a trail of wet footprints behind.
The moment I flung the door open, I saw Julian was not in his bed. I checked the bathroom and then ran across the room to his closet. He was nowhere to be found. As I turned around, I saw him lying on the floor on the other side of his bed, in a pile of blankets as if he’d fallen.
“Oh, God, Julian,” I said as I rushed to his side and checked him. He was unresponsive. “Arthur! Caroline!”
My heart raced as I knew every second counted. He still had a pulse. He was still breathing. He was just unconscious. I grabbed the house phone from his nightstand and dialed 9-1-1.
“Julian,” I said, gently swatting his cheek. I checked his vitals every five seconds, praying he’d hold on just a bit longer. As the faint sound of an ambulance in the distance grew closer, relief began to wash over me, and I ran downstairs the second I saw the flashing lights outside his window.
“He’s upstairs. Hurry!” I said to the EMTs. They ran up the creaky wooden stairs and down the hall to his room. They knew exactly where to go, as if they’d been here a thousand times before.
I stood back, out of the way, as they loaded him up onto a stretcher and moved him downstairs and loaded him into the back of the ambulance.
“Can I ride with you to the hospital?” I asked one of the guys before realizing I was still in a bathrobe.
“Are you family?” he asked.
“No. I’m his caregiver.”
“Sorry. Family only. You can meet us there.”
“Please,” I begged, remembering I didn’t have a car there.
“We have to get going, ma’am,” he said regretfully. “Sorry.” He shut the ambulance doors, and I was able to catch a glimpse of Julian through the back windows. From afar, he appeared to only be sleeping. He looked so peaceful amidst the chaos that surrounded him.
And then my cell phone buzzed in my hand. A text from Spencer flashed across the screen, telling me he’d be there in ten minutes.
Shit, I thought. Amidst all the pandemonium, I’d completely forgotten about my date.
I ran inside and frantically threw on jeans and a t-shirt, tossed my half-dry, half-frizzed hair into a messy top knot, and dabbed on a little bit of foundation, mascara, and lip balm.
This wasn’t the way I’d imagined it would go, and I cringed when I glanced at my reflection in
the mirror, but I had no other choice. I debated canceling on him altogether, but I knew he was only in town for the weekend. Besides, I needed a ride to my car.
I dialed Arthur and Caroline, since apparently they weren’t home, and told them Julian had been sent to the hospital.
“Thank you, Evie,” Arthur said, lacking an ounce of emotion. “We’ll be on our way shortly.”
I felt better going on my date knowing his parents were rushing to his side. I could always visit him afterwards. I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries with his family anyway.
The second I hung up with Arthur, I received another text from Spencer telling me he was outside. I ran downstairs and jetted out the front door where his shiny, freshly-washed Range Rover was waiting in the circle drive. I opened the passenger door and climbed inside, just as I’d done hundreds of times before when we were younger. The smell of his signature Burberry cologne mixed with the sensation of smooth, buttery leather under my hands instantly transported me to a time, just a few years ago, when we were both seniors in high school and had our whole lives ahead of us. Back when we were filled with hope, excitement, and a hefty dash of naïveté as we forged into the great unknown.
“I know how you always get cold, so I turned the seat warmer on for you,” he said. It was just like old times already.
“Some things never change,” I said with a sweet grin. “Thank you.”
I glanced over at his familiar face and so badly wanted to lean over and kiss him. It seemed like such a natural thing for me to do, but I couldn’t. Not yet.
“Oh,” Spencer said as he looked me up and down. “I guess I’m a little overdressed for tonight.”
I instantly remembered the way I looked and my cheeks turned ten shades of crimson. “Um, here’s the deal. Julian had a fall, and I had to call an ambulance. It all happened really fast, and I didn’t have time to finish getting ready before you got here.”
“It’s cool,” he said. “We can just go someplace casual. Not a big deal. I did make us reservations at Maison Bleu, but I’ll cancel them.”
Maison Bleu was our old date night restaurant, and I hadn’t been there since high school. I could never bear the thought of going there without him. That place was sacred.
“Do you want to just go to McCool’s Pub?” he asked.
“They closed.”
“How about Burger Palace?”
“Closed.”
“How did I not know that? That’s too bad. They had the best shakes. Okay, you pick, then,” he said, throwing his hand in the air as if to concede. “Apparently I’m too out of touch with Halverford to know what’s even here anymore.”
As his hand came down, it rested on the center console mere inches from my own hand. I froze, not knowing whether to move my hand to my lap or let it continue to almost touch his. It took everything I had not to revert to our old ways, but I had to remind myself we were just old friends hanging out. Nothing more. Nothing less.
“Let’s go to Pasquale’s,” I suggested, though I had a feeling I wouldn’t be focused too much on food that night. I sat back in the warm seat and relaxed a little before my mind wandered itself right over to Julian. The sting of guilt seared through me as I realized what I’d done. He was lying unconscious in a hospital bed, and here I was going on my date as if nothing had happened. It felt wrong, but the regret that flooded my thoughts was soon overruled by the stupid excitement of being with Spencer Goodwin again.
His parents are there with him, I told myself in an attempt to justify my decision to keep my plans. He’s just my client. I’m off work. Nurses don’t follow their patients around when they’re off work, so why would I?
Spencer pulled into the parking lot of Pasquale’s, and I whipped out my phone to call Arthur to get an update on Julian.
“Hey, no phones tonight. It’s just you and me,” Spencer said, reaching his hand over and lowering my phone. He always had a tiny bit of control freak in him.
His phone vibrated.
“You too,” I said, feeling powerless in his presence just like the old days. I felt myself reverting back to the girl who used to be who’d have done just about anything Spencer Goodwin told her to do.
“You got it,” he said, silencing his phone and slipping it into his back pocket.
As we entered the pizza place, Spencer unexpectedly slipped his arm around my shoulders. He was always a skyscraper compared to me, as he had a good eight inches on my 5’4’’ frame. I loved that he towered over me, though. He made me feel safe.
We cozied into a corner booth in the back of the restaurant, ordered a pepperoni pizza and two Coronas, and settled in.
“Just like old times,” Spencer mused, his eyes never leaving mine. “It’s kind of surreal.”
“Very,” I replied, taking a swig from my bottle.
The dark wood paneling on the walls only magnified the dim lighting of the pizza place, and I was thankful for that, but across the table, Spencer’s eyes were fixated on me. I’d have given anything to know what he was thinking.
“You’re staring,” I said, blushing and covering my face with my hands. “I look awful. Stop.”
“What are you talking about? You look great, Evie,” he insisted, saying it in such a way that I wholeheartedly believed him.
Spencer had always been very particular about the way I looked when we were together. He was constantly telling me what to wear and had a penchant for picking fancy restaurants for our dates so I’d have to dress to the nines. If there was one thing I knew about him, it was that he loved for all eyes to be on him, but he’d never admit it. I always boiled it down to his deep-rooted insecurities and his need for everyone to love him, but I never minded. I only cared about the way he made me feel, like I was the only girl in the whole entire world.
“You’re just being nice,” I said. “You don’t have to lie. I don’t think I’ve ever looked this blah before around you.”
“So, what’s it like being a nurse?” he asked, switching the subject.
“I guess I don’t really feel like a nurse right now. With Julian, I just give him his meds, do a little physiotherapy, and help him get around and perform his daily living activities. I’m nothing more than a glorified caregiver, but they pay me like a nurse,” I said. The more I rattled on, the more I realized just how little I was doing lately. Julian was quickly becoming more and more independent.
“Sounds like a pretty sweet deal,” Spencer said. “Good for you.”
“How’s Vanderbilt?” I asked. “You’re a junior now, right?”
“Yep. Pre-med, still,” he said, looking down and not showing an ounce of excitement about it. His father was a doctor, and I always had a hunch Spencer was following in his footsteps just to try to please him.
“Nice,” I said, recalling how just a few years ago I’d had to tutor him in Chemistry and practically did his Biology homework for him. The sciences never were his strong suit.
The pizza finally arrived, and we ordered another round of Coronas. Halfway through my second beer, a buzzed numbness began to swallow me whole, just as it had the night before. The world around me began to disappear and I started to smile more, laughing loudly at damn near everything that spilled out of Spencer’s sexy lips. My inhibition was gone, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. In my mind, things were going very well.
Spencer shifted as he began to look uncomfortable. “People are staring, Evie. Tone it down a bit.”
God forbid people stare at him not out of jealousy for once in his life. “Sorry. I don’t drink much, these days.”
Our conversation dwindled into nothing and an awkward silence soon took its place in the space between us.
“So, this is fun,” I snorted sarcastically. Spencer was still Spencer, rife with his judgmental attitude and pathetic little insecurities.
“Sorry,” Spencer replied, finishing his beer. “Just lost in thought.”
Yeah, right, I thought.
His phone buzzed from his pock
et, and impulsively he pulled it out to check it. He looked annoyed as he typed a quick message back to the sender. So much for no cell phones.
“Why don’t you ever come home in the summer?” I asked. “I always thought I’d run into you around town.”
“I’ve never had a good reason to,” he said with a shrug. “Summers in Nashville are great. I used to stay in the frat house, but some of my friends and I got an apartment this year. It’s a year lease. May as well stay, if I’m paying.”
“You’re in a frat?” My jaw dropped. “I should’ve known. Very corny, Spencer.”
“I know,” he said with an eye roll. “My dad thought it would be a good way for me to make lifelong connections that would help me out down the road.”
His phone buzzed again, and once again he checked it and typed out a quick response.
“I thought we said no phones tonight?” I said, watching his face contort into an annoyed wince. I could feel the undercurrent of an argument forming, just like old times, and Spencer was too preoccupied to even hear what I’d just said. “I need a ride to my car.”
He looked up from his phone. “You’re not ready to go, are you?”
I thought about reaming him for turning into a jerk in the middle of our date and ruining what should’ve been a magical evening, but it wasn’t worth the effort. In that moment, all I could think about was getting to Julian. I hated myself for ditching him in his moment of need for a little bit of gratification with stupid Spencer.
Stupid, stupid girl.
“I really need to go check on Julian,” I said, annoyed that he was delaying things for no good reason. “I’m worried about him.”
“You really care that much about him?”
“I do,” I said. It was the truth.
“I’ll get the check.” He looked irritated as he got up from our cozy booth and flagged down our waitress.
I heard a buzz from across the table and realized he’d left his phone. I flipped around to see him standing up at the cash register, paying, and I reached across the table and grabbed his phone. I deserved to know who was so damn important that it warranted him spoiling our little evening together.
