by Kelly, Hazel
Mai furrowed her brow like I was explaining quantum physics.
“And that’s what you’re all looking for, right? A meaningful, committed relationship.”
Sammy shrugged.
A woman at the back raised her pencil in the air. “So how can we let men know we are classy ladies?”
“It’s complicated,” I said. “But I can give you three tips that will help you out.” My mind wandered for a moment as the girls perked up their ears. I could see Audrey clearly from last night- her bright smile, her shiny hair, the way her loose dress fell over her curves.
God I couldn’t wait to see her later. All of her. I wanted to show her that I was reliable, that I wasn’t the kind of guy that just abandoned women in the middle of the night, that I deserved her giving me the time of day.
“Ready,” Sammy said.
I shook the vision of Audrey out of my mind and turned back to the task at hand: trying to teach these women how to be as special as a woman I never knew existed until last night.
“Okay,” I said, counting on my fingers. “Number one: A classy lady carries herself well.”
It was obvious from the blank stares around the room that further explanation was necessary.
“What I mean is, you must be confident.” I stood up straight and tall. “If you don’t believe you are special and attractive, no one else will be able to see you that way.” I hunched over and looked at the floor. “Not like this,” I said, dragging my feet as I crossed the room like Quasimodo. “Does that make sense?”
They nodded.
“When you stand up tall and you smile, other people notice you,” I said. “And they will be attracted to your confidence.”
“What’s number two?” Mai asked.
“The second way to be a classy woman,” I said, leaning against the pool table, “is to not give in too easily.”
Mai squinted at me.
“For example, if a man asks you out, you don’t have to say yes the first time he suggests it. You can say you’re busy. Then when he starts to look sad, you can suggest another time. Does that make sense?”
Nobody looked sold.
“Trust me,” I said. “It’s more fun for a man to pursue a woman who seems slightly unattainable.”
Mai cocked her head. “Isn’t that rude?”
“No,” I said. “If he wants to take you out for the right reasons, he’ll be patient. You want him to feel like winning you over isn’t so easy that anyone can do it. He wants to think he’s better than all the other guys that want your attention cause that will make him feel good. If he thinks you go out with anybody who asks, he’ll lose interest.”
“That makes sense, Jack,” Sammy said. “Sometimes when I say no, men want me even more.”
I smiled. “Exactly.”
“So what’s the number three rule for being a classy lady?” Sammy asked.
“Number three is very simple but very important,” I said, waiting for the girls to lift their eyes towards me. “You have to dress classy. Now that doesn’t mean fancy. It just means you want to dress in a way that makes it clear that you’re not-” I looked at the ceiling as I searched for the right word.
“A working girl?” Sammy asked.
“Yeah,” I said, grateful she’d said it and not me since the last thing I wanted to do was offend anybody.
“Is this okay?” Mai asked, standing up. She was wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and a floor length skirt. How she wasn’t sweating buckets was beyond me.
“Yes that’s lovely, Mai,” I said.
A woman stood up at the back. “And this?”
“Okay,” I said. “I’m not here to tell you what to wear. Only you can decide what you’re comfortable in, but let me give you another example.”
The woman at the back took her seat again.
“Let’s say I bring you two presents. One present is all wrapped up so you can’t tell what’s inside it. The other one is only half wrapped because I ran out of wrapping paper so you can see what the present is before you even start opening it.”
The looks of concentration on me were so funny it was hard not to laugh.
“Which present do you want?” I asked
“Are they the same?” Mai asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Then the wrapped one is better. It is more fun and makes you look like you care more.”
“Exactly,” I said. “Does that make sense?”
Nods peppered the room.
“It’s better to leave a little to the imagination.”
“Uh-oh,” Mai said.
“What?” I asked.
“Looks like Sammy needs some new clothes.”
“Very funny, Mai. You wish you looked this good.”
“Alright,” I said. “Settle down. Are there any questions about anything I’ve said?”
“Yeah,” Sammy said, smiling.
“Go ahead.”
“What’s the classy lady’s name?”
Chapter 6: Audrey
I was waiting on the stairs outside the hotel in the only motorcycle appropriate clothes I had, some black harem pants and a purple scoop necked t-shirt.
I felt a bit eager waiting for him outside like that, but he made such a big deal about the importance of being on time for the show that I figured it was important I be ready.
Across the narrow road, the beach was surprisingly crowded with Thai families settling in a safe distance from the rising tide. In front of them lay huge spreads of food that overflowed from coolers and smoked on small barbeques. And from the amount of dark rum bottles littering the tables, it seemed safe to assume they were enjoying themselves.
And as the salty smell of fresh seafood wafted by, I was glad I came. I felt happy. Sure, my life was in shambles back home, but here- and in the grand scheme of things- I felt I had much to look forward to. What, exactly, I didn’t know, but I had a good feeling about the future for the first time in ages.
And why shouldn’t I? For one thing, a handsome man had never taken me on a dinner date to a surprise location before.
Okay, that wasn’t true. I was often surprised by the shitty places I got taken to dinner, but I trusted Jack. He wouldn’t disappoint me again, not after last night. Tonight would be extra special. I could feel it.
He pulled up right on time, sitting with his arms wide on a large black motorcycle. “Hey gorgeous.”
“Hey,” I said, taking a step towards the curb. “That’s a bigger bike than I was expecting.”
“It’s a friends’,” he said. “I borrowed it because it has a sissy bar.”
I winced at the name but was relieved to see that there was, in fact, a backrest behind the passenger seat.
“You don’t have to lean against it if you don’t want to,” he said, “but I didn’t want to take any chances with such precious cargo.”
“Much appreciated,” I said, noticing the way his forearms flexed as he gripped the handles. “Is everything okay?”
His face fell. “You mean because of last night?”
I nodded.
“Yeah, thanks. Everything’s fine. I apologize again for abandoning you like that.”
“It’s okay,” I said, shrugging. “You gotta do what you gotta do.”
“Here. Put this on.” He handed me a small, cheap looking helmet that was hanging on one of his handlebars.
I crinkled my nose.
“I insist,” he said. “Plus, if you don’t wear it, your hair will be a tangled mess by the time we get there.”
“What about your hair?”
He shrugged. “It’s hopeless anyway.” He pointed to a hot metal tube behind his foot. “Be careful not to burn yourself on the exhaust when you get on.”
I looked down at the pipe.
“Otherwise you’ll get what they call a Thai tattoo.”
I pursed my lips and straddled the bike, planting my feet firmly on the footrests and trying to play it cooler than I felt.
“If I’m going
too fast, just give me a squeeze and I’ll slow down.”
“Okay.”
He handed a spare pair of aviators over his shoulder. “And wear these to protect your eyes.”
I unfolded the glasses and slid them over my face.
“Ready?” he asked, looking over his shoulder.
“All systems go,” I said, wrapping my arms around him and resisting the sudden urge I had to dig my fingers into his abs.
He sped up quickly, the bike roaring to life underneath me as we took off down the main stretch of road. At the first traffic lights we came to, I caught a glimpse of our reflection in some shop windows and couldn’t help but think we made a cute couple. I mean, he was beyond hot, but I didn’t look completely ridiculous by his side either.
I was just getting comfortable when he turned onto the highway, and I felt my nerves spring into action. With one hand, I reached behind me to assess how far away the sissy bar was. Then I squeezed my legs along the outside of his, excited by our full body contact.
The wind whipped against my arms as we sped down the road, but it was nice to feel cool for a change. Once I got used to our speed, I peeked over his shoulder just long enough to catch a glimpse of the speedometer. It said we were going 80kph, but it felt much faster to me.
But I wasn’t going to make a fuss in front of Mr. X Games, so I ducked down and tucked my head behind his neck. After that, I felt much better, and besides the occasional small rock hitting my shins and my arms, it was kind of fun.
Eventually, I got so comfortable holding on to him that my mind was able to wander from my current chances of imminent death to where the heck he might be taking me.
Twenty minutes later, Jack slowed down and turned off the highway onto a skinny road that looked more like a dirt path and definitely felt less smooth under the bike. If I’d known we were going to be off-roading, I would’ve worn a sports bra… instead of leaving it in my underwear drawer in Seattle.
In fact, it wasn’t long before I decided I had no choice but to press my chest right up against his back so I wouldn’t bounce around until the road evened out again.
When it finally did, I leaned back just in time to see a large rock formation jutting into the sky over Jack’s shoulder.
He pointed towards it. “That’s where we’re going.”
To a rock? I was confused. I thought we were going to a show? And what about dinner? Maybe the show was going to be him watching me hunt for my own food in the Thai wilderness. Oh god I hoped not.
Still, I’d come too far to back out now.
As we headed towards the peak, more craggy rock formations sprung up along the horizon around it until they were almost blocking out all the light from the setting sun. It was mildly unsettling. I mean, the scenery was a lot more ominous and wild than I was expecting.
It genuinely felt like the backdrop of a Hollywood film set in a prehistoric jungle, like the cast of Lost was going to jump out from behind the greenery and say “you found us!”
But I knew better than to think there was anyone else around. After all, not only was our sense of isolation tangible, but we hadn’t seen a single soul since we’d turned down the dirt path.
And while Jack hadn’t mentioned anything about it being a private show, I was beginning to think I’d be shocked if it were anything but.
Chapter 7: Jack
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had such a gorgeous woman on the back of my bike. Most of the hook ups I’d enjoyed over the last few years were with girls I’d met out with Jin, and our adventures were limited to walking back to the closest bed.
However, it was thrilling to have Audrey on the back of my bike, her fingers sunk into my sides and her legs squeezed around me. I tried not to go too fast because I wasn’t sure how confident she was on the bike- or in me yet. But by the way she hugged her tits against me, it didn’t seem like she was having a bad time.
And I was so excited for the surprise. I knew she was going to be blown away and that it would be the coolest show anyone had ever taken her to, which was good because she deserved to have a good time. Especially after the way I’d abandoned her last night.
I pulled the bike up next to a tree at the edge of the dense forest and turned off the ignition.
“We’re here,” I said, knocking the kickstand down and waiting for her to hop off.
“This is not what I thought you had in mind,” she said, stepping off the bike.
“What did you think I had in mind?” I asked, swinging my leg over my seat.
“I don’t know. Something less-”
“Amazing?”
“Isolated,” she said. “I mean, this is the middle of nowhere.”
“That’s part of the charm,” I said. “Not many tourists ever get to see this show.”
She crinkled her nose.
“And don’t assume that’s because it’s no good,” I said. “I assure you, you’re going to remember tonight for the rest of your life.”
She looked like she didn’t know whether to be excited or frightened.
I unclipped her helmet and hung it on the bike. “How’s your butt?”
“A bit numb to be honest.”
Much to my disappointment, I couldn’t think of a charming way to suggest I help her get the blood flowing back there.
“I don’t do much motorcycle riding at home.”
“Did you like it?”
“Yeah,” she said, shaking her helmet hair out with her fingers. “It was fun.”
“Good.” I opened the bike seat and pulled out a plastic bag from 7/11 and a folded blanket. “This way,” I said, removing my glasses and sticking them in the pocket of my loose shirt.
“Is it safe to be out here?” she asked.
“Safest place I know,” I said, leading the way.
The forest was dark around us, but I knew my way by memory and took my time so she wouldn’t have to work too hard to keep up. Finally, some light seeped through the thick foliage ahead, and I followed it until we broke through to the edge of a large clearing surrounded by dark trees like the ones we’d passed to get there.
I stopped and waited for Audrey to reach my side. When she caught up, she looked past the treeline at the night sky.
“Wow,” she said. “This feels so far away.”
“In a good way?” I asked, leading her to a corner of the field.
“Yeah. It’s so peaceful out here. I mean, it’s loud from the insects, but it feels sort of Zen.”
I smiled. I was glad she could see what a special place it was, glad I hadn’t kept it to myself for the first time.
I guess I felt like most of the women I met were into flashier types of entertainment, that they weren’t as down to Earth. But the fact that she was from Seattle gave me hope that she might be a little more interested in nature.
So far, my gut instinct hadn’t let me down. Still, nightfall was fast approaching and I wanted to have some time to relax before the show. So as soon as we reached a spot that had a good view of the jagged rocks cloaked in tangled foliage overhead, I laid down the blanket.
“Have a seat,” I said, gesturing with an open palm
“Thanks,” she said, getting down on the ground and kicking her ankles out to the side.
I dropped to my knees with the plastic bag across from her. “I put together a little picnic because, as you can see, there aren’t many food stalls out here.”
“Good thinking.”
“But if it’s any consolation, I can assure you that you’ll be more impressed with the show than you are with dinner.”
“If you say so.”
I reached in the bag and pulled out my spoils. “I’ve got some Chang beers,” I said, setting them down on the blanket. “Still nice and cold.”
Her wide eyes watched as I reached back in the bag.
“I’ve got some potato chips and some roasted broad beans to help make sure we drink the beers before they get warm.”
She smiled.
“And I didn’t know if you would prefer a ham and cheese sandwich or just cheese so I got both.”
Audrey laughed. “You really know how to spoil a girl.”
“Well, I didn’t think a seafood feast like we had last night would travel very well.”
“No,” she said. “You’re probably right.”
Audrey looked around, extending her thin neck as her eyes traveled along the tree tops.
I couldn’t tell what she was thinking so I grabbed a cheese sandwich and ripped it slowly down the center. “I think they play it too safe with the seasoning,” I said, handing her half of it. “But the toasting is perfection.”
She reached for the sandwich. “I think I read somewhere that there are more 7/11’s in Bangkok than there are in the entire U.S?”
“I’m not surprised. They’re on every corner here.”
