She did see that. In the week since she’d been here she’d grown to like the old man very much. He was always around, his quiet good humour making the house a home as nothing else could. He and Cady had become fast friends and she’d often found them fishing in the river beyond the house, or sitting on the big old settee on the front veranda discussing the ills of the world-or just strolling around the little town hand in hand, taking in the gorgeous autumn weather. Kicking up autumn leaves together. Graham was the grandpa Cady had never had-could never have-and it warmed Gemma’s heart to see them.
‘He and Cady have become such good friends-and it’s made a huge difference that Graham’s diabetic,’ she said softly, and Nate nodded.
‘It has. Cady’s already thinking that diabetes is normal.’ The child and the old man solemnly tested their blood sugars together before each meal and then discussed how much insulin they should use with the gravity of village elders deliberating over events of state.
‘It’s been great.’
‘So will you stay?’
Gemma looked doubtfully across the table and Nate thought, What? What?
‘I don’t know. I still have another week to make up my mind.’
‘So what’s stopping you making your mind up right now?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Is it the anaesthetics? Are you missing it?’
‘No,’ she said truthfully. ‘There’s enough call for my skills here to keep my hand in.’ That much had already been proved. The local palliative care team were using her already and Nate knew that her skills at pain relief were far greater than his.
‘So what, then?’ He was watching her face, trying to read it. ‘Is it me?’
‘No. You’re a good surgeon. A fine country doctor. It’s been a pleasure to work with you.’
He nodded, trying to hide the surge of pleasure her words gave him. ‘Thanks. But I don’t think it’s my surgery we’re talking about-is it?’
‘No.’
‘Then what?’
‘You’re Mia’s father,’ she said flatly, and he grimaced.
‘You’re still holding it against me-that your sister used me?’
‘It’s more than that,’ she confessed, staring into the dregs of her teacup instead of at him. ‘It’s being around Mia. She looks like you but there’s so much of Fiona in her.’
‘You’re afraid of loving her?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘Because how can I stay here for a year or two and then calmly walk away? Cady’s already fond of her now. To pull them apart after a couple of years would be cruel. And…I’m not sure I could walk away either.’
‘Then don’t.’
‘This isn’t a lifetime offer,’ she said flatly. ‘Anything could happen in a couple of years. Graham could die. Without your uncle tying you to the place you may well decide to return to the city.’
‘I won’t.’
‘There’s more women…of your type…back in the city.’
His face darkened with anger. ‘Hell, Gemma…’
She bit her lip. ‘I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. But you know what I mean. You’re a fish out of water here.’
‘Meaning…’
‘Meaning you love your social life. You love beautiful women. You’re not a true country doctor.’
‘How the hell would you know what a country doctor is? Who are you to judge me?’
‘I’m not…I can’t…’ She sighed and rose to clear the table. ‘I guess I don’t know you at all. But that’s just it. I don’t know you, and if I agree to stay I’m putting my trust in you for the long term.’
‘And you don’t trust me?’
‘No. I don’t. You kissed me and I don’t know why. I don’t think you know why either. And what I don’t understand I don’t trust. I don’t trust…people.’
He hesitated but then probed on. ‘Life’s been a disaster?’
‘Apart from Cady. He’s my one good thing.’
He sat and watched while she cleared away. He knew he should get up and help but he was watching her as she moved silently around the table. She looked like she’d been slapped, he thought. Over and over again. She looked like she was expecting it to continue into the future.
And his half-formed idea suddenly started to crystallise.
He thought about it as she stacked the plates. He thought about it as she started washing dishes-one plate, two, three, then the mugs…
And halfway through the crockery he could stand it no longer. She picked up the dishcloth, lifted a plate-and out it came.
‘Gemma, what about if you married me?’
CHAPTER SEVEN
WHAT about if you married me…?
Gemma stood stock still-and then she dropped the plate.
‘Excuse me?’ It was hardly a whisper. Her face had gone chalk white.
‘You heard.’
‘No.’
Nate rose then and picked up the plate she’d dropped. It had split into two perfect halves. He put them in the trash and then turned to face her. Damn, she still had that expression on her face. Like she was expecting pain.
‘I mean it.’ His hands caught her shoulders and held. ‘I’ve thought about this-’
‘You don’t know what you’re saying.’
‘I do. I’m asking you to marry me.’
‘You don’t even know me.’
‘I do.’ His eyes studied hers and what he saw there only served to confirm his views. ‘I know you’re loyal and true and caring. I know you love Cady to bits-and, despite everything she did to you, you loved your sister. I know you’re hurt and you’re tired and you’ve run out of places to run. So don’t run any more. Stay here with us. For ever.’
She let herself look at him-really see him-and what she saw in his eyes astounded her. His hands were holding her but she was scarcely aware of the touch. She was only aware of his words. ‘You’re serious!’
‘Never more so.’
‘But… What about Donna?’
‘Donna is…Donna was my girlfriend.’
‘But it’s normal…’ Her voice faltered and died. She swallowed and tried again. ‘It’s normal to ask your girlfriend to marry you. Not a total stranger.’
‘I thought about that. Donna won’t do.’
‘Won’t do?’
‘As a mother to my daughter.’ There. The thing was out. This aching need.
‘Is that what you want?’ she whispered. ‘A mother for Mia?’
‘I want what Cady has,’ he told her truthfully, knowing that nothing else but truth would do. ‘I want that for Mia. I’ve watched you with Cady. You love him so much… OK, Mia is my daughter and I intend to give this love caper the best shot I can. Whether I succeed is a different matter. But, succeed or not, Mia needs a mother-and I’d like that mother to be you.’
Anger flared at that. ‘You can’t persuade me to take her any other way-so you offer marriage?’
But the grip on her shoulders tightened. ‘No. Not just that. We can give each other so much.’
‘Like…what?’
‘Like a home.’ His grip was becoming more urgent. Trying to make her see. ‘What we have here is fantastic, but it’s like you said. I could decide to leave. So could you, and we’d be tearing the kids apart. What they need is permanence, and a marriage would give them that.’
‘You’re out of your mind.’
‘I’m not. I’ve been thinking about this for a week now.’
‘Then you’ve been out of your mind for a week.’
‘No. Look, Gemma, I don’t know what sort of disaster your first marriage was…’
‘It was some disaster.’
‘There you go, then. You don’t want to repeat the same mistake twice.’
‘So why should I marry?’
‘Because this time you’d be marrying with your head and not your heart.’
‘Right. I see.’ But she was still looking at him as if he was crazy and her voice s
aid she was humouring a lunatic.
But he wasn’t intending to stop now. ‘It’d be good for all of us.’
‘Tell me why.’
‘Right.’ Reluctantly he let her go-as if he feared she might take the opportunity and make a bolt for it. The expression in her eyes said that she was thinking about just that. ‘First there’s Graham.’
‘OK, What about Graham?’
‘He needs to continue what he’s doing-winding down his practice until he’s just seeing his favourite patients. You can see how much he needs it. These few days have been magnificent but he’s already worrying about keeping up his skills. While there’s the slightest risk that you’ll leave, he won’t let go. But if we were permanent he could work as little as he wants to, and spend some time with his…well, they’d be his pseudo-grandkids. You must see how much he’d enjoy that.’
Gemma could. She did.
‘Then there’s the kids. They’d be raised as brother and sister. How good would that be?’
It’d be fantastic. She could see that, too. ‘But-’
‘Then there’s you.’ Nate’s tone gentled. ‘Gemma, I don’t know what sort of private hell you’ve lived in for the last few years, but by your face I can begin to guess. It wasn’t just Fiona who treated you badly. Was it?’
She thought of her mother. And Alan. ‘No, but-’
‘But I’d never treat you badly,’ he told her, and his tone was still so gentle she had to blink back disbelief and swallow threatening tears.
She believed him. She believed him!
‘And then there’s me.’
‘Now, that’s the part I don’t understand,’ she told him, trying frantically to get a grip on things. ‘You could marry anyone you want.’
‘I don’t want.’
‘But you will. You’ll fall in love.’
‘I won’t.’
‘Why?’ She was close to hysteria here. ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, why? You’re not gay, are you?’
He grinned at that, his lovely deep chuckle rolling over her confusion. ‘No, Gemma, I’m not gay.’
‘Then what-’
‘I nearly did marry once,’ he told her. ‘Marianne was another medical student and you should have seen her. She was the most gorgeous thing. I fell head over heels-at the ripe old age of nineteen. And I would have married her in all honour but she took off with my best man two days before the wedding. Can you believe that?’
Nate was smiling, but Gemma looking up at him saw the hurt beneath the laughter. It was a joke now-but it hadn’t been a joke then and it had left a scar so deep that it was with him still.
‘Oh, Nate, I’m sorry.’
‘You needn’t be. I had one more foray into a serious relationship and that, too, was a disaster. So I made a vow. No marriage. No commitment.’
‘So what’s changed?’
‘I wouldn’t be marrying for me. I’d be marrying for all of us. It makes a difference.’
‘And if the likes of Donna comes along…’
‘I’ve sown my wild oats,’ he said, and the tone of virtue in his voice made her want to smile. Sort of. ‘But it won’t hurt me to become a family man and this house is big enough for us to lead separate lives.’
Oh, great. What sort of marriage was that?
‘Nate, that’s not-’
‘I haven’t finished yet,’ he told her, his voice growing more certain. ‘I know you need marriage. I know I can help.’
‘You don’t know anything about me.’
‘You’re in trouble financially.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Pull the other leg. It plays “Jingle Bells”. Gemma, I want to talk to my accountant-and my lawyer-about your affairs. I’m sure you shouldn’t be carrying your sister’s debts into eternity. I can fix things.’
‘You can’t-’
‘As your husband I damn well can.’
She blinked. He sounded bossy. Bossy but…nice.
And suddenly it was really, really tempting. To lay her troubles on this man’s broad shoulders.
But he didn’t know what he was taking on. And she… She at least knew what marriage could be. For a while there-for a minuscule window of time-she’d thought she’d had it. With Alan…
Only she’d woken up to the brutal truth too soon. And then Fiona had done what Fiona had always done.
Fiona. It was always Fiona.
And Alan was still with her, a nightmare waiting in the wings.
‘I don’t think you know what you’d be letting yourself in for,’ she said gently, but he shook his head.
‘I know. Permanence. Couldn’t we all do with some of that?’
Permanence. She didn’t know the meaning of the word.
‘No.’
‘At least think about it.’
‘I’ve thought about it, and if you push it I’ll have to leave. Because the whole idea’s crazy.’
‘It’s not.’
‘Ha!’
‘Are you reluctant because I kissed you?’
‘Why on earth…?’
‘There wouldn’t need to be that in our marriage-unless you want another baby.’
He actually sounded hopeful! The whole thing was so crazy she almost laughed. But not quite.
‘There’s easier ways to get yourself a locum than by marrying,’ she told him bluntly. ‘Advertise in the Gazette.’
‘And get the likes of Fiona again? No, thank you very much.’
‘Because you might end up with another baby.’ She gazed at him for a long moment and then sighed. Really gut-wrenchingly sighed. As if she was almost tempted-but there was no way on earth she could take this gigantic leap of faith. ‘Nate, I’m sorry.’
‘You won’t consider it?’
‘No.’
‘I’ll change your mind. If you stay on. You’ll see what sort of exemplary husband and father I can be.’
‘Well, start now, then. There’s no time like the present.’ Gemma was suddenly angry. She tossed the dishcloth at him, hard enough to catch him across the face, and he was so surprised it slipped to the floor before he could catch it. ‘Dry the dishes and put them away. And then play with your daughter. Or do the laundry. Do anything you like-unless it has to do with blackmailing me into taking on your domestic duties. Because I’m not doing it, Nate. I’m not that stupid.’
He’d messed it up. Gemma thought he wanted a domestic servant, he decided ruefully as he brooded over her refusal. He didn’t. He wanted an equal.
But…it would be nice if she took over the things he didn’t want to do. His fantasy was of a wife like his mother had been-Gemma walking the kids to school, Gemma reading to the kids before tucking them in at night. Gemma being there for them as he couldn’t be.
Why couldn’t he be?
Because he was the doctor, he thought. The breadwinner.
Damn, Gemma was a doctor, too. Her qualifications were every bit as good as his.
His fantasy was of her helping him-taking the load off his shoulders-making practice in this tiny town a pleasure instead of the burden it had become.
And in return he could help her out of her financial difficulties. He could…
His thought hit an obstacle there. What else could he do?
Hmm.
It was a bit of a one-sided coin, Nate conceded. But… she was so weary. She was so darned stressed. You’d think she’d fall on his offer just to share her load.
Was he offering to share her load? Or extend it?
He needed to find out what was going on in her background, he decided. If there was still a husband then who was he and why had he left Gemma so burdened? What were her debts?
He needed to know more-and to keep her here until he knew.
‘So no more proposing,’ he told himself firmly. ‘And no more kissing. Because she’ll run a mile and this may well be the best chance you’ve got of getting yourself a sensible wife and mother for Mia.’
A sensible wife and mother…
Gemm
a knew exactly what Nate was asking-and why. Sensible Gemma. Hadn’t she always been that?
Her earliest memories had been of being the sensible one. Gemma, who’d always taken second place to Fiona. Gemma, who’d stayed home and done the housework while her mother had taken Fiona to one beauty pageant after another. Gemma, who had never been able to go on school trips because all the money had had to be used for Fiona-for Fiona’s ballet lessons and deportment lessons and make-up and clothing… Gemma, who had worn Fiona’s cast-offs right up until the moment Fiona had died.
Gemma, putting everything aside-interrupting her medical studies for a year to nurse her grandfather because her mother had refused to do it. That had been the year Fiona had almost become Miss Australia, and who could have stayed home and nursed an old man when that had been happening?
Then her mother had become ill herself. Fiona hadn’t helped. Of course she hadn’t.
Then taking on Cady… And trying to back away from Alan.
And finally the awful time spent nursing Fiona as she’d neared death.
Yep, that was Gemma all right. The sensible one. And here was Nate asking her to be that all over again.
Well, he could take a hike. She should leave right now.
But… Cady was so happy. Every day he was regaining his health. Mrs McCurdle and Graham thought he was the best thing since sliced bread-they were spoiling him rotten and they were just what he needed. Every time she decided to pack her bags and leave she’d hear Cady’s delicious chuckle and she’d pause.
It was so unfair.
There was a part of her that whispered that Nate’s offer would be so easy to accept. So…sensible. Make this arrangement permanent by marriage, and cope with the consequences later.
But she couldn’t marry-even if she wanted to. How on earth would Alan react? She daren’t let herself think about it.
But the consequences were already with her.
‘I’ve fallen in love with the man,’ she whispered into her pillow, and the knowledge was as bitter as gall. Damn. Damn, damn and damn.
To the Doctor: A Daughter Page 11
