I bucked, dislodging her, and got to my feet. She wrapped her arms around my legs and my knees hit the concrete. I threw back an elbow, cracking her in the sternum. I found my footing again, twisted, grabbed a hunk of frizzled blond hair and rammed her face into my knee. Something snapped. Debbie screeched as blood poured from her nose.
“I don’t want your stupid boyfriend!” I yelled.
“Anna?”
I whirled around.
Tommy and Pitch and all the others lay scattered, unconscious. The boys were bloodied and bruised, but looked all right.
“That was effing hot,” Cas said. “Didn’t know you had it in you, Anna.”
I looked at Debbie, who was curled in the fetal position, her friend cooing at her side.
I didn’t know I had it in me, either. I knew the moves, I knew how to defend myself, but I never thought it’d feel so… satisfying.
Sam was staring at me when I turned back to him. There was a slant to his green eyes, a question on his face. Like he was finding it difficult to read me. Little Anna, so predictable. Until now.
“It might be best if we’re gone when they wake,” Trev said.
I wiped the blood from my face with the sleeve of my coat and led the way out the door.
21
WITH EVERYTHING THAT’D HAPPENED, Sam decided it’d be best if we ditched the Jeep and stole something new. Cas was the one who was good with hot-wiring, or whatever it was he had to do to start a vehicle without keys. He, Trev, and Nick dropped Sam and me at the cabin first.
When I protested that I was fine, that the boys didn’t have to make a special trip home for me, Sam silenced me with a look that said otherwise. And then Cas added, “I’m not going home for you, Banana. I want to start up the generator now that we have gas. Get that water heater going.”
Once we were inside, Sam lit a small candle and left it on the kitchen counter. The room filled with pulsating light.
Sam tore off his coat with a wince, and nodded at the table. “Sit.”
I pulled out one of the chairs and fell into it. I was too exhausted to even think about arguing anymore. Apparently fighting made for hard work. Sam sat next to me, turning his chair so that we faced each other. He reached over, grabbed the bottom of my seat, and dragged me closer. So close that I was practically wedged between his legs.
A shiver threatened to rock my shoulders, but I tamped it down. I didn’t want to show Sam what his close proximity did to me. Though I suppose he probably already knew. And maybe on a subconscious level, I wanted him to know.
He ran quick, gentle fingers over my jaw, then my forehead. I hadn’t had a chance to examine the damage Debbie had doled out, but my face hurt all over. I must have looked like a mess.
“Your eye hurt much?” he asked.
“The left one? Yeah. It’s throbbing.”
“Close it.”
I closed both eyes and breathed in deeply when his fingers inched up the side of my face, tilting my head at different angles, examining me in a way no one ever had.
“Stay right here,” he ordered.
He crossed into the kitchen. I noted the way he favored his left leg, the stiffness in his back.
He returned a minute later with a dampened washcloth.
I winced when he pressed it to my face. Not only did it hurt, but the cloth was freezing cold from the water. Without Nick to tend the fire, the cabin had gotten considerably chillier in the hours we’d been gone. And Sam didn’t like to use power unless he needed it, despite the far-off chugging of the generator.
“You’re just bruised, and a little cut.”
“So I’ll survive?”
“Of course.” He pulled the rag away. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that. It’s my fault. I should have left you in the car with one of the others.”
I tsked. “No, it was Debbie’s fault, and Pitch’s. Don’t blame yourself. Really. I mean, look at you. You’re in worse shape than I am. Your eye is bruised, and your lip is split, and you keep hunching over funny, like your ribs hurt. How are you?”
He stood up, the wet rag still in his hands. “It doesn’t matter. What does matter was your reaction in there. What were you thinking?”
“What do you mean? Why did I fight back?” He didn’t respond, but I didn’t need him to. The look he’d given me as Debbie lay in a ball at my feet came back to me. Like I’d changed into something else right in front of him.
I rose, hands on my hips. “Is it so far-fetched to believe that when I needed to act, I acted? I’m not going to let you admonish me for it. I liked it. I felt strong. You’re not going to take that away from me. I finally put all those combat lessons to good use.”
“That was more than basic fighting, Anna.” He leveled his shoulders, pointed at his chest. “You could feel it here, couldn’t you? Something more than instinct.”
I hadn’t taken the time to label exactly where the feeling had come from, but he’d described it perfectly.
“That worries me,” he said, knowing my answer before I spoke it. “Because that’s how I feel it.”
“What?” I tried to make sense of what he was implying. “Do the others…”
He nodded.
“But…”
He threw the rag in a bin near the door and started to pace. “Did you ever meet with Riley or Connor outside the lab?”
I frowned. “What kind of question is that? No. Never.”
He sighed, another crack in his hardened exterior, a tiny and barely perceptible tell on his emotions. “Did they ever approach you about anything outside the lab?”
“No.”
“Think, Anna.”
I thought back to all the times Riley and Connor had come to the farmhouse. We saw Riley maybe ten times a year, and Connor even less than that. They usually sidestepped me, rushing down to the basement to check in on the boys—or, as they called them, the “units.”
The only time I’d been alone with one of them was…
“Wait,” I said.
Sam stopped.
“The first time I found you guys, Connor showed up unannounced, three days later, while Dad was at the store. He sat me down at the kitchen table and told me I couldn’t be allowed in the lab until you guys were ready.” Bits and pieces came back to me. “A few years later, he came out for a regular check, and I remember hearing him and Dad whispering outside in the driveway. They were arguing. I heard Connor say my name.”
“What else?”
“I don’t know for sure. I was too far away to hear the whole conversation. That was the same night Dad asked for my help in the lab.”
Sam thought for a second. “Or Connor ordered your father to allow you in.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
A vehicle pulled up the driveway, and Sam moved to the windows. “It’s Cas,” he said, relieved.
When Cas walked in a few minutes later, I was shocked to see how terrible he looked. In the hour since we’d left him, a bruise had darkened around his left eye, another on his right cheekbone.
Nick and Trev had fared better, but then Cas was the kind of person who leapt into things without fully thinking them through. I wasn’t surprised he’d taken a few more hits than the others.
“I hope that water heater is full,” he said. “I want a shower. I’m so effing sore.”
“Let Anna,” Sam said.
Trev’s gaze immediately went to me. “You all right?”
I nodded, but I was not all right. Sam was calculating something, trying to put the pieces together into a working theory. That’s why he’d questioned me about Connor and Riley.
I just didn’t know what that theory was.
“Fine,” Cas groused. “I guess I’ll stuff my face instead.”
Every inch of my body hurt, and I wanted to scrub the feeling of Pitch and Debbie and that whole place off my skin. But one look at Sam, the way he dodged my gaze, told me the real reason behind his insistence that I go first. He w
anted to talk about me.
The water was plenty hot, but instead of climbing into the shower, I stood at the bathroom door, one ear pressed to the wood. I could barely make out the boys’ voices. Biting my lip, I twisted the doorknob one millimeter at a time until the door eased open. I waited, listening. The boys kept talking, so I opened the door wide enough to slip through and tiptoed across the upstairs landing.
I strained to catch something.
“Barter with Connor for her,” Nick said. “She’s more trouble than she’s worth. None of us would have been in that fight tonight if it weren’t for her.”
I went down a few steps, getting as close to the kitchen as I dared.
“Dude,” Cas cut in, “you can’t blame Anna for what happened with that d-bag.”
“Forget about the kid that started the fight,” Nick said. “Why did we fight? It’s like I needed to protect her, even though I can’t stand to look at her. She reminds me of everything I hated about that lab, all those goddamn years locked in that little glass bubble while she got to go in and out whenever she wanted. Think about it. Why the hell do we want to protect her so damn badly?”
“She’s like family,” Trev said earnestly.
“It’s not that and you know it,” Nick snapped back. “That agent at the mall said to get Anna first. Why would he say that?”
I’d forgotten all about what the agent had said in the chaos that followed our escape. I’d thought it weird at the time, but now it seemed damning.
Silence settled in downstairs.
“Stop looking at her like a defenseless little girl,” Nick went on, “and start looking at her like a liability.”
I stomped down the remaining stairs, my temper flaring. I rounded into the kitchen, fingers curled into fists at my sides. Sam’s gaze met mine. I could sense the shift in the room. Would they turn on me? Would Sam?
I had never been more aware of my vulnerability than I was at that moment. I was in the middle of Michigan, with no directional bearing, at the whim of these four boys who could kill me with a toothpick if they wanted to.
And they were looking at me like they didn’t know me.
“I am not a liability,” I said. “I am your friend.”
The corners of Sam’s mouth tightened.
Nick ignored me. “We could ditch her at the next town over.”
He could be persuasive when he wanted to be, and the thought of being left alone in some town I didn’t know made my stomach knot. I lunged at him, fear and anger and a million other things propelling me forward. I caught him off guard and he rocked back a step before finding his balance. He grabbed me tight at the arms as he swung around, slamming me into the wall.
The others leapt to their feet in one rush.
“Nicholas!” Sam growled.
Nick and I met eyes, the animosity between us almost visible, like a heat wave.
“Jesus Christ,” Trev said.
“You attack me and still I can’t hurt you.” Nick’s voice was punchy with accusation. “Logically, I should be protecting myself; instead I’m protecting you. Tell me that’s not a liability, Anna. Tell me that makes perfect fucking sense.”
“Back off her, Nick,” Sam said.
For once, Nick ignored Sam’s command. I wrapped my hands around his forearms, bracing myself in case I needed to fight. “Let. Me. Go.” I put as much vehemence in my voice as I could muster.
Flexing his jaw, Nick let up, and I slid down the wall a few inches. “I’m not whatever you think I am.” I looked from him to the others, hovering just inches away. They all had the same uncertain expression on their faces.
“Do you all feel that way? Like you inexplicably need to protect me?” No one said anything. “Are you kidding me? And you didn’t tell me?”
“We weren’t sure,” Sam said.
“Oh my God.” I exhaled as the fight rushed out of me.
“Hey.” Trev came to my side and took my hand as I fumbled to the chair. “It doesn’t necessarily mean anything, and no one is leaving you behind.”
I desperately wanted Sam and Cas to agree. But they didn’t. They didn’t say anything.
Did Sam think I was some Branch tool? Was I a Branch tool? But how? Why? It didn’t make sense. None of this made sense.
Sam’s attention came to rest on my hand, intertwined with Trev’s. He blinked. “Why don’t you go take that shower?”
I choked back a sob. He didn’t trust me.
Trev had to lead me toward the stairs. “Come on. I’ll go with you.”
Inside the bathroom, the hot water still ran, filling the tiny space with steam.
“Don’t let the others get to you. Everyone is on edge.”
I bowed my head. I couldn’t not let them get to me. There was more going on here than any of us understood. In the lab back home, I used to feel like I was part of something good. Like I was helping change the world. But now I felt ashamed and guilty. The boys had every right to doubt me. Nothing was as it seemed. Maybe every shred of my life in that lab had been a lie. Maybe everything I knew about the program was, too.
“Anna?” Trev ran his fingers down the side of my face and nudged my chin up with his thumb. “They’re just grasping at straws.”
I practically threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. There was no hesitation as he hugged me back. What would I do without Trev? He was my best friend. Loyal. Trustworthy. He kept me sane and grounded. That was what I needed right now, more than anything.
“Do you have an inspiring quote for me?” I asked when I pulled away. “They always help.”
He laughed and ran a finger over his lips as he thought. The lightbulb expression winked on. “ ‘Faith in oneself is the best and safest course.’ Michelangelo.” He looked down at me, his amber eyes heavy with exhaustion but still present, still seeing me.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Don’t mention it. Take as long as you want. Or at least until the hot water runs out. I’ll be out there when you’re done.”
He left me alone. On my way back to the shower, I caught my reflection in the foggy mirror. A bruise bloomed beneath my right eye. A scrape ran across my collarbone. My lip was split in two places, and a scratch sliced my temple at the right side, blood matting my blond hair.
I was a mess. And I just wanted to forget about everything. I climbed under the showerhead, letting the drum of the water drown out my thoughts.
22
LATER THAT NIGHT, I LAY IN BED OVER-analyzing the slant of moonlight on the trees outside, hoping the act of mentally sketching would overpower everything else crowding my head. It didn’t.
Now I knew why Sam had asked about meeting with Connor outside the lab: He was questioning why that agent in the mall parking lot had ordered the other men to grab me first. Nick wasn’t the only one who was suspicious, and I didn’t know how to convince the boys that I wasn’t the bad guy. That I cared for them like they were family.
The wind shifted the trees, wiping away my mental sketch-in-progress.
A floorboard creaked and I lurched upright. Sam stood in the doorway to my room, half hidden in shadow. He wore jeans, a T-shirt, boots. He’d been hanging around the house fully clothed since we’d returned, just in case we needed to leave at a moment’s notice. I had on an oversized T-shirt I’d nabbed from Trev. It was the only thing I wore other than my bra and underwear. What if Connor ambushed the house right this second?
I tugged the blanket closer as Sam crossed the threshold.
“I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“You didn’t,” I lied. The truth was, I was on edge. I knew what he was capable of, and I wasn’t sure if I was considered an enemy at this point.
He dropped into the window seat, rested his elbows on his knees. “How are you?”
“I’m okay.”
“Sore?”
“A little.”
“Do you need anything?”
I swallowed. “Why are you here, Sam?”
&
nbsp; He ran a thumb over the knuckles on his opposite hand. Moonlight pooled on his back. “Remember when you got your first black eye, in your class?”
My combat class. I remembered—it was something I would never forget. While I’d hated that my opponent had bested me, that fight had made me feel strong. Like a warrior. I wore the bruise like a badge and barreled downstairs as soon as Dad fell asleep so I could show it off.
But Sam’s reaction had not been the reaction I’d hoped for. I’d wanted him to be impressed. I’d wanted him to look at me with reverence.
Instead, he had questioned me excessively over how it happened, who did it, whether my opponent was bigger, stronger, faster. Boy or girl. Arrogant or nice. That was the first time I saw a glimmer of his protective side, and I thought, well, I’d take that, too.
When I left the lab that night, I felt like I’d gained some ground with Sam, earned something from him, just not in the way I’d expected.
“I remember,” I said now.
He folded his hands together. “That was the first time I realized there was more to our relationship than I’d thought.” He sat back, and I lost sight of his face in the shadows. “It frustrated me in a way nothing else had since I’d woken in that lab. Because I couldn’t protect you the way I needed to.”
Needed. Like it was something he couldn’t control. I dared not move. I couldn’t stand it if he stopped talking now.
“I knew it was odd to feel that way for someone who was on the other side of the wall, but I never questioned your involvement in the program. You made our lives bearable in that lab. I won’t forget that. No matter what.”
My throat thickened. My eyes burned.
“So whatever’s going on, I will do what I can to keep you safe. I won’t leave you. I won’t barter with Connor for you. I don’t care what Nick says.”
I clamped my mouth shut against the stinging in my sinuses. I would not cry. Not now.
“I wanted you to know that,” he said. Even though I couldn’t see his eyes, I felt the weight of his gaze.
“Thank you.” My voice came out in a quiet hush.
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