by Hazel Parker
“Good morning, Danny,” Carla said, smiling as he rounded the nurse’s desk.
He gave her the equivalent of a grunt before walking to his office and shutting the door. He only had a few precious minutes before he had to do his rounds. He changed into his white jacket and, with a deep breathe, he opened the door. He could see Sarah down the hall talking to another nurse.
He walked down to talk to her and acknowledged her. He was hoping that a professional gesture would set the tone instead of adding to the awkward tension he felt.
“Hey, Sarah,” he said, stepping to the nurses. “Janice.” He nodded his head in a greeting to each of them.
“Good morning,” said Sarah.
“Hey, Doctor Struthers,” Janice said with a warm smile. “How’s it going?”
Danny smiled weakly with no real amusement. Janice caught the strange vibe between the two of them. She looked back and forth between them, nervous, as if she might be infringing on something private.
She was.
“I’m doing alright,” he said, reminding himself to look at Janice, not just Sarah. “Just wanted to touch base and see how everything was going.”
Sarah’s lips pressed into a thin line. “As good as they can go.” Her eyes were as dead as he imagined his own looked.
“Well,” Janice said tentatively, as if she wasn’t sure she was allowed to have a good day, “my day is going great.” Danny knew she was noticing that he was still looking at Sarah.
“That’s great Janice,” Danny replied.
Sarah was dying and had to get out of this situation fast.
“If you’ll excuse me, I have something to do.” Her voice faded as she turned and walked away.
He was wrong.
There was no fix for this. It just wouldn’t be right between them. Not wanting to be any more obvious but unable to control himself.
“Where to, Sarah?” he said, realizing they couldn’t keep standing in the middle of the hallway staring into each other’s eyes and followed her leaving Janice completely baffled as to what the fuck just happened.
“Cafeteria,” she said over her shoulder almost running away from him.
Hitting the button quickly trying to escape the situation Sarah realized he had followed her to the elevator and together they waited and Danny hoped with all his might they would get an empty elevator to themselves. Fuck rounds. He had to talk to her.
His wish was granted and together they walked in.
As soon as the doors closed, Danny pressed into her and said, “I don’t think I can do this.”
She put her hands against his chest, though holding his shirt, not pushing him away.
Sarah said, “We have to. It will get easier.”
“I don’t think this,” he said, gesturing between them, “gets easier.”
Danny leaned in closer, millimeters from her lips and Sarah’s desire was obvious, although she didn’t move toward him in return. The air was thick with intensity.
“Maybe if we just keep the distance,” she said, panting,
Danny leaned forward, consuming her mouth, tongue sweeping past her parted lips and nibbling on her lower lip.
“How?” he said, pulling back, as breathless as she was. “You’re so fucking hot in your scrubs,” he said, pulling her into him so she could feel his hard-on.
The elevators dinged and they jumped apart, with just enough space for the people joining the elevator to settle in without separating them or being too obvious. Danny stood next to her, aching, wanting to touch her, hold her, love her. He felt like he was holding his breath as the elevator slowly rose and finally the door opened and the crowd got off. Unfortunately, it was the same floor Danny and Sarah were waiting for and they all exited together. The crowd went one way and Danny turned the other direction, grabbing Sarah’s arm to take her with him. He pulled her to a corner of the lobby and spoke in a low voice. “Serious, I don’t think I can do this. I want you. I need you.” He leaned down so she could see the truth in his eyes. “I want to fuck you and make you mine all night long, Sarah. I miss you. I think about you constantly. My dick is hard all day long.”
Her knees went weak.
If they weren’t in the middle of the hospital lobby with people everywhere, he’d kiss her and take her against the wall.
“I know,” Sarah said, whining. “But we have to try.”
He knew she was right. Danny squeezed his eyes and tried to calm himself, find some center.
“I should go,” he said when he finally felt composed enough. “I’m late for rounds.”
Sarah reached out as if to touch him, but seemed to think better of it and turned away. He ached as she walked off without looking back.
Danny worked like he was alone for the rest of his shift. Even though there were nurses working alongside him, he only spoke when necessary and focused on nothing else but the tasks at hand. He checked up on the clinical research, ran scans of his new patients with Cushing’s syndrome and a hepatic mass suspected to be hepatoblastoma, and followed up with a patient just out of surgery. Still, even his patients noticed his mood. Danny worked quickly and as soon as he could, holed himself in his office writing reports, doing all he could so he could go home as soon as possible. When he worked the absolute minimum hours he was allowed to work, he packed up his things in a rush. He couldn’t keep his mind from replaying what Sarah had said. Danny didn’t not want to hear that, but he wasn’t going to argue with her. She was right.
He almost made it to his car without seeing her. But he did. He would know the back of her from anywhere and she was walking. She was probably going to yoga class, as she always did. He couldn’t leave without offering her a ride. He started the car and pulled it around until he was alongside her.
“Need a ride?” he said as the window rolled down.
“No, that’s alright,” she said, still walking. “I can manage, but thanks.”
She could manage. Without him. Without being with him.
“Right,” he said, mad at himself for being hurt. “Well, be safe. Bye.”
The ride home was stuffy and stifling. Danny needed to get a run in. He didn’t check in with Alyssa when he parked in the driveway. Instead, he ran in to change his clothes and immediately got out on the pavement to burn off steam.
He didn’t have any plans for the night but he could see a cold shower and a beer in his future. He texted Alyssa while he was running, rubbing his sweaty palms on his sweats so he could text, “I need you to keep Molly for the night.”
“What’s wrong?” his sister texted back.
His phone vibrated with another message before he could respond. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”
“I just need a night to myself.” To him, that was an understatement.
“Done. You get two nights. Don’t worry about it,” she texted back and, with gratitude, Danny put his phone back in his pocket.
Chapter 19
Danny spent three days trying to outthink his attraction to Sarah, to no avail. Nothing worked. She was a permanent fixture in his mind. Danny was busy with work, but not only in oncology. He was on an ER rotation covering a buddy who needed someone to cover him for most of the day. His position left him with responsibility of being “on call” if something came up on his unit. He started the day on oncology but was working back and forth, making sure there weren’t any big emergencies and it was a relief. In a way, he was thankful to get a break from Sarah. He couldn’t stand being around her. Just being in the same room with her gave him a boner. He wanted to dominate her and make her his. It was totally primal and he couldn’t control it.
Danny couldn’t stop thinking of her and his body heated with the returning memory of her in his arms. Sarah was beautiful, sweet, funny and kind. She was perfect.
Danny’s heart thumped at the thought, loud and proud. “Shit,” he said, staggering at a revelation. He thought of her as his and he didn’t want to lose her.
All he wanted to do was spend every moment with her. He was in love with her. He couldn’t see a day in his future without her smile in it. He was flat-lined—do not resuscitate—gone in love with her. His body went numb with shock as the revelation sunk in.
“I’m in love with Sarah,” he whispered to himself.
The day in the ER was pretty lackluster. Considering they only had a few actual emergencies, he felt a bit disappointed. There wasn’t enough work to keep his mind off Sarah. He headed up to his unit to finish off his shift. He stopped at the nurse’s station to get caught up. He didn’t usually subscribe to the nurse’s gossip, but in some cases it was useful to know what was going on in the floor’s politics.
Carla smiled at him with uncertainty and he didn’t blame her. He had been on a warpath as of late.
“Hey Carla,” he said with a genuine smile.
“Hey, Doctor Struthers,” she said, pushing her hair back from her face. “What’s up?”
“Nothing much. Just coming to see what’s been going on,” he said, leaning forward. “I know you know everything that’s going on. So, let me know what’s up.”
Carla shrugged. “It’s actually been pretty quiet today. No code or pulled ACV wires,” she joked. “Nothing to report.”
“Oh,” Danny said, disappointed. “Okay.” He hadn’t been expecting much, but he wanted to hear something about Sarah. Anything to feel close to her again. He hadn’t seen her except for once in the morning briefly and he wanted to see her. They both had desperately tried to avoid each other, but he wasn’t sure how they could be successful doing this.
Danny turned his head and caught sight of Sarah’s back as she went into the staff room. Without thinking, his feet moved forward. He couldn’t help himself. He had to have her.
Danny's mind stayed in its primal mission until just before he entered the staff room. He looked around to make sure no one saw him and the coast was clear. Everyone was busy doing something, so he let himself into the room. He thanked God, she was alone. He locked the door and pulled her to him, pinning her against the back of the door and kissed her hard. Sarah responded immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck and moaning into his mouth.
“I can’t not have you. I need you. Now,” he growled, rubbing his hard body against hers.
“Danny,” Sarah said breathlessly, “we can’t.”
He loved how hard she tried to be good and stay strong. He tucked back a notch to get a better look at her. “No. Now. I mean it. Go to the call room on the third floor. First door on the right,” he said before kissing her again. Her lips said one thing but her tongue said another as he sucked on her bottom lip before pulling back. “Now,” he said.
Sarah nodded, panting as she left the room.
He left just after her, turning the opposite direction to take the stairs as she took the elevator.
Chapter 20
Danny beat Sarah to the on call room by mere seconds. When she arrived, he wasted no more time, locking the door and pulling her to him.
His hands shook as he stripped her, restraining himself from ripping her scrubs completely open. Instead, he pulled it over her head and pushed her pants down.
”This is going to be fast,” he said, shaking his jacket off and pulling his pants down. “I need this.”
“I know,” Sarah said, pushing her panties down. “I need this, too.”
“Good,” he said, kicking his pants off, “stand against the door.”
Danny felt on the edge of losing control. He wanted to bend Sarah over and punish her for making him feel like a caveman.
“Are you ready for me?” he asked, putting his hand between her legs, rubbing his fingertips between her swollen lips.
He moaned feeling her wetness.
“You like this, don’t you?” he asked, stepping forward until he was against her, pressing her into the door. “You like driving me crazy,” he growled into her ear, rubbing his dick against her wetness.
“Yes,” she moaned, poking her butt out. “I do.”
“Well you’re going to get it now,” he said, grabbing her hips. He slid into her in one stroke.
“Oh fuck,” he said, gripping her hips even tighter. He was squeezing so hard that she might have bruises the next day. “Jesus Christ, Sarah, you’re so damn tight,” he moaned, biting onto her ear lobe.
She whimpered, reaching back to hold onto something as he rocked into her, unstopping until they both were trembling, barely standing. “Danny,” she moaned.
“Shush, not so loud,” he said. “Nobody needs to know what’s going on in here but me and you.”
She nodded, biting down on her lip, trying to hold in moans that tried to sneak out. It wasn’t long before Danny came, groaning and kissing the back of Sarah’s shoulders and groping her perfect tits. He was tired and he stumbled with her back onto the bottom bunk bed in the corner of the on-call room. Catching their breath, the realization of what Danny just did struck him. He never had sex without a condom, but with Sarah, he had lost his mind and his wits.
“Oh my God, I’m sorry, Sarah. I didn’t wear a condom,” he said, throwing his head back and covering his face.
“It’s OK. I trust you. Plus, we work in a hospital, Danny. I can just go buy some plan B on my break. No harm. No foul,” she said.
Danny hiked up on his elbows and looked down on Sarah tenderly, touched and in awe of this woman. “You are amazing, you know that?” he said.
Sarah scratched lightly over his chest with her fingernails and it felt like heaven, scratching an itch he didn’t know needed to be scratched. “I don’t know anything,” she said with a small smile. She curled up against him, warming his right side, slipping her long, luscious legs across his and his dick ached for her attention again. He dotted the top of her head with a kiss, because it felt natural.
“You know we can’t stay in here too long,” he said with a sigh.
She nodded against his chest. “But wouldn’t it be great if we could?”
Chapter 21
Danny redressed without saying a word and staggered their exits and walking in different directions. The avoided each other again until their shift ended. They didn’t walk out together, trying not to be obvious about their lust for each other. It was their last shift working together for the next few days and Danny wasn’t sure if he should be thankful or stressed. He had to go get Molly from his sister’s. He hasn’t seen his daughter in two days but he needed to sort this out with Sarah. He knew all this really shouldn’t have to be so hard. He took out his phone to text Sarah. He couldn’t figure this out on his own.
She texted back, “Call me after you put Molly to bed. Tell her I said ‘hi.’”
That was positive and he was glad he could be completely honest with Sarah.
“I will,” he texted.
“Just heading to a yoga class,” she texted back and he knew that meant she’d be unavailable for the next hour-and-a-half. Danny went on with his evening, picking Molly up from his sister’s, catching up with his sister, his brother-in-law and his niece. Alyssa, seeing he was in a better mood, insisted he stay for dinner. Not one to decline a free meal, he stayed. He just felt relieved.
After dinner, he found himself telling Alyssa about Sarah. He needed to get this out and get someone else’s opinion.
“If you feel that strongly, you have to go after her,” Alyssa said.
“I can’t, Ally. I could lose my job and ruin her career,” Danny said as he helped dry dishes.
“There has to be some sort of way around this,” she said, as if her word was law.
“No, there isn’t,” Danny said. The hospital rules were practically carved in stone.
“Daniel, the only locked doors in life are the doors that you don’t kick in. For the sake of your relationship with this girl, you need to at least ask. The answer will always be ‘no’ if you don’t ask. If you knock and the door is closed, kick it in,” she said, scrubbing a d
ish that looked clean. “Who made those stupid rules, anyway?”
“Well, I guess I could talk to admin,” Danny said.
“Now that sounds like a plan.”
“Okay. I’ll go talk to admin tomorrow,” he said, feeling lighter than he had when he first came in.
“I’m glad,” Alyssa said, reaching forward to hug him. “And I’m glad I could help.”
Danny texted Sarah, telling her that he was finishing up dinner and would phone her in an hour. Then he went to collect his daughter. “Come on, Molly-Olly. Time for bed,” he said, swinging his daughter onto his back.
He got home and put Molly to bed before detouring into his bedroom and pulling out his phone. Seeing that Sarah hadn’t responded, he frowned. That was weird. Danny dialed her number, seeing his hour-wait was up. She didn’t answer that, either. A nagging feeling in his chest started to grow, and it got worse.
He tried calming himself with the idea that she was probably in the shower. Danny waited to hear back from her, watching the clock the whole time. When she didn’t call or message him back, he called her and, again, there was no answer. Danny felt like something was wrong. It had to be. He dialed her number a few more times and nothing. No answer or text. He jumped out of the bed, sure that something was wrong, and dialed Alyssa as he pulled his sweats back on and shoes.
“Hello?” she said drowsily.
“I need you,” Danny said, grabbing his keys.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, more alert.
