He spoke a few quiet words to the girls.
With one last look, and two weepy girls to tend to, she waved at Thad and headed through security, tears blurring her vision. An hour later the engines began to roar and the plane rolled down the runway. Her legs felt light as they left solid ground.
The plane lifted up through wispy clouds and gradually leveled out. Lacy sat stunned. So much had happened she needed time to process. She and Thad lived in two different worlds. She struggled to focus on getting the girls home, and catching up on school assignments and fixing the extra bedroom. After some time she grew tired trying to sort out her life.
The girls slept across the aisle. Lacy laid her head back and closed her eyes.
She and the girls slept most of the way, until turbulence woke them. The attendant was telling them to expect a bumpy ride for the next thirty minutes. “The Windy City is flexing her muscles,” She said laughing.
Lacy saw Ting’s eyes grow into big round saucers and Kew as she explained the attendant’s message.
Lacy hoped and prayed Kew was right about planes being capable of handling turbulence. This was not something she particularly enjoyed, but forced herself to be brave for the girls.
When the tires bounced on the tarmac, Lacy whispered a sincere prayer of thanks and waited for the plane to taxi and then stop. Passengers waiting to catch other flights hurried off while Lacy instructed the girls to stay put. They were at their destination and did not need to rush ahead.
The girls stayed close as they stepped off the plane and made their way through the maze of people. When she saw Allison, Lacy hurried ahead to hug her sister.
“It seems like it’s been forever.” She whispered in her ear.
“It was, Lacy. We missed you,” Allison exclaimed and pulled Dario closer.
They made small talk and waited for their luggage to roll around. Dario pulled off all three suitcases. Lacy smiled as the girls took hold of their own suitcases and pulled up the handles. They were already seasoned travelers.
Thad had bought each of the girls a midsized suitcase and insisted they fill them before they left. Lacy smiled at the memory. They were more than two thousand miles away from Thad and California, but thinking of him and how he took care of the girls warmed her heart.
Lacy sighed, pulled her luggage behind her and they headed home. Two hours later Dario’s SUV bumped down Lacy’s Lane. She leaned down to see the sign, hardly ever noting it any other time. A comfortable feeling of home and belonging caught in her chest. At least that’s what she thought it was. One thing she already missed was the sound of the rushing ocean, faithfully doing its work since the beginning of time.
“Want me to cook dinner, Lace?” Allison asked as the car stopped and everyone got out and stretched.
“Would you mind?” Lacy was glad she’d asked.
“Not at all. I’ll get something going while you get settled.”
Dario carried the suitcases up to the their rooms then met up with Allison in the kitchen to help with dinner.
Lacy stood in her shower, which was extremely tight after using Thad’s huge ones and let warm water wash over her head and body. Tension from the days fell off of her, pooling near the drain and disappearing in a miniature whirlpool. She smiled at that and stood there letting the water and soap cleanse her tired thoughts and sweaty body. Traveling was hard work.
Toweling off, she pulled out her oldest pair of worn jeans and slipped on a comfy T-shirt then hiked the heat up in the cool house.
“I’m so cold.” Ting shivered and ran back upstairs for a sweatshirt.
Kew came down in hers.
Everyone sat down to pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausages and orange juice.
“Best we could do,” Allison apologized.
At the end of the meal there wasn’t a single bite of food left.
“I’ll clean up down here and then Dario and I are going to leave you girls alone so you can unpack, do laundry or whatever.”
Lacy hugged Allison and was glad her little sister didn’t question her like she usually did. Lacy didn’t want to confess the truth to her … that she had run from Thad and finally realized deep in her heart she was afraid. Of what, she had no idea.
Chapter 54
Lacy smiled and said all the right things as Dario and Allison got in the car. She watched them go, relieved to be home. Maybe now she could get back to her own life. She picked up the huge stack of mail and was instantly reconnected. Bills to be paid, papers to be filled out were put in separate piles.
By the time she threw out the stack of junk mail, she was yawning. Ting put a load of laundry into the washer earlier, but she had not seen the girls for over two hours. They were probably asleep. She knew sleep would not come to her tonight. Sighing, she put the clean clothes into the dryer and pressed the button like she had done a million times. Somehow, pressing that button brought her comfort. But something else kept eating at her thoughts. Or…rather…someone. Thad. Why had she run from him? She could have stayed longer and felt the sting of guilt knowing how much both Thad and the girls would have liked that.
Questions marched through her mind. How could Thad want someone like her? Her face flushed remembering she’d told him her deepest secret. One she had rarely let herself think about, keeping so busy that she didn’t have time to think about it. Always thinking about other people made her feel useful. Needed.
Was it because her first intimate experience with a man was so wrong? She shivered and forced the memories away. If she didn’t think about them, she wouldn’t have to deal with it. Lacy grabbed a cup from the cupboard and filled it, popped it in the microwave and made a cup of tea. Sipping, she carried the cup to the sewing room and sat in there, admiring the space. This was her life. So what if she’d been hurt. Hadn’t everyone in the world at one point or another? What right did she have to pity herself when people were suffering so much more? At least she hadn’t experienced the extreme rejection and abuse that Ting and Kew had gone through.
She sipped and mused. The October wind picked up outside, breaking softly through Lacy’s quiet surroundings. A quick glance through the window, showed trees swaying as night began to fall. She walked the length of the small room, picking up the half sewed quilt they were working on, hugged it close and smiled. This was her safe place. The place her father and mother left in her care. This was her home. Her name was on the lane out there.
Musing, she folded the quilt and laid it on the bed and noticed a stack of material. She lifted a piece to study the pattern and stared at the pink voile that lay beneath it. Her heart jumped to her throat and her head began to spin. Pain shot through her as memories assaulted her thoughts as though he were in the room with her. “Why? Why? What did I do to deserve that, God?” Tears began to flood. “Mother made this dress for my prom. I felt so beautiful that night. It wasn’t supposed to end like that.”
Lacy took a pair of scissors and sobbed as she shredded the voile and tossed it in the trash. She’d destroyed that dress so many times in her head. Tomorrow she would burn it. Maybe if the dress was gone—not just gone, but destroyed— it would wipe out all the memories and pain that went with it.
She remembered Billy’s smooth, deep voice, his good looks, and his outstanding skills on the football field. He’d started out comforting her and like a fool, she had fallen apart.
“Wasn’t that bad enough, God? The humility?”
She wanted to throw her teacup through the window. She wanted the release of breaking something into a million pieces. But for some reason she refrained. Her hand trembled.
Why now, when everything was going good, did she have to relive those moments? The struggle. He had gone from caring kind words to insisting she cooperate with him. When she struggled and pushed away, his strong arms held her down, tearing at her new dress. His hand covered her mouth to keep her cries from being heard. Even the smell of his cologne became real to her again. Lacy fell onto the plush rug and sobbed, hugging her
self. Darkness consumed the house and her soul. She didn’t move. She couldn’t. The dryer buzzed somewhere far away. Some time later she pulled herself up and walked to the window. The winds blew the branches, leaves swirling and turning, the light outside giving the scene an eeriness that pulled her into an even darker place. A place she hoped never to go again, but could no longer keep inside.
Bile crawled up into her throat and she ran for the bathroom. It all came out—dinner, the bitterness, the fear, the memory. She wiped her face, and slowly made her way to her room, feeling weighted down with every step. She pulled the covers over her head to hide from the memories and burrowed down into the familiar bed.
She didn’t understand. Why would a good-looking, successful man like Thad Gannon want someone like her. Someone used. Someone broken. Someone so messed up that she couldn’t possibly ever stop the memories. And…she knew that seeing Thad Gannon would always remind her why she ended up with Billy Barker that night.
Chapter 55
For the next two days she and the girls seemed like robots. They did household duties, finished their laundry, prepared meals, cleaned their rooms. Jet lag had caught up with them and the girls asked her what that was. She explained with a half smile as they recalled their own flights to America.
Kippy waited until midweek to visit “because y'all needed to get rested. I brought a casserole and a pie. Mei Le and Zan made it all by themselves. Girls coming back to school Monday? We’re reading through the classics, studying American authors.”
“Yes, the girls will be ready for some structure. I know I am.”
“Well, you didn’t say so, but I can see you need something to keep you busy, Lacy Linden. With Mr. Gannon off at his new place and you fresh home from California, I’d say you need to get another girl.”
Lacy smiled at Kippy’s matter-of-fact attitude and reluctantly agreed. If she wasn’t careful Kippy would have her on a flight tomorrow afternoon.
“And I can help you with that.”
Punch line delivered, Lacy thought.
“Now eat up, Margaret’s waiting. We’re headed to the store for more paper. Mei Le can’t wait for the girls to get back to school. She bought some brand new Origami books off of Amazon. And I think Zan is excited to meet your girls. So they can talk Chinese.” She winked.
Before Lacy could process the woman's words she heard the door slam. The two ladies were already rolling out of the drive. Glad, because she did not feel like company today, she picked up a baby quilt and hemmed the edge. For the rest of the day she drank tea, ate casserole and indulged in blueberry pie. The girls helped themselves, but pretty much stayed in their rooms. Lacy loved the quiet peace of her own home. Except every now and again she thought she heard the ocean outside her window.
Sunday came quick and sunny. The three of them found their motivation again and were ready to go to church. The sermon set Lacy’s nerves on edge. The pastor talked about God’s presence in every circumstance. How what may look bad right now is actually God at work in our lives. He focused on the story of Joseph who spent time in prison for crimes he did not commit and then served an extra seven years because he was forgotten. Yet God knew all that. The end result was Joseph becoming a leader over Egypt per Pharaoh’s command. From favored son, to slavery, to prison, and then to King! Lacy realized she was feeling sorry for herself. Again. Could God truly raise her above the circumstances and the pain? She confessed in her heart that she would look for the good in what happened. Her heart felt lighter as the realization settled in: she was not being punished. What had happened to her was not the result of something she did or didn’t do. And, as awful as it was, God still had a plan.
Allison and Dario wanted to meet for lunch, so Lacy drove to their favorite Mexican restaurant. Their wedding was set to take place in Italy in June.
Italy. Lacy’s mind raced from wondering how they could afford to get there— especially if she had a third girl—to joy at the idea she and the girls could actually visit Italy! Lacy ran around the table to embrace Allison who had tears in her eyes. She hugged Dario and took her seat, the girls watching in wonderment. Kew spoke excitedly to Ting who sat wide-eyed.
“We go, too?” Ting asked in her broken English.
Lacy nodded.
On the drive home Lacy’s mind flitted from one thought to another. She had the money from the sales of Gannon’s antiques but promised herself she wouldn’t use it. And there was her parents’ money, what little was left after paying for Al’s college. The rest would be used for Allison’s wedding. Lacy was going to make sure of that. She made a mental note to check the bank accounts, tally up what she had saved and begin to think about finding a job.
Once the girls completed their high school years, she’d have to think about their college fund, too. Four years passed since her last full-time job.
Lacy brainstormed about ways to make money while staying home with the girls for a couple more years. Any new improvements to the house suddenly took a back seat. With all her thinking, she nearly missed the turn off the highway to her little dusty street.
* * *
Lacy could hardly believe Thanksgiving was around the corner. Kippy spent a lot of time explaining the American holiday to the girls and taught them to make pumpkin pies and pumpkin bread. She’d kept busy thinking about adding a second mortgage on the house to give them some wiggle room, and then decided against it. She was worrying and the pastor had preached on that last Sunday.
This thing about having faith was testing her faith.
Chapter 56
With the festivities of Thanksgiving behind them, Lacy set her sights on making Christmas special for the girls. How it arrived so suddenly Lacy couldn’t imagine. The girls had their play practice at church that evening, leaving her time to sew. She worked on the lavender and sage quilt, carefully pinning together each piece just right. As she reflected on the girls, she found herself smiling.
Ting had become a whiz at sewing together squares and spent every free moment designing quilts. Lacy saw she was quite good at making geometric designs and left her to it. The ladies at church had starting bringing in their unwanted material and Ting kept cutting and sewing.
Kew, on the other hand preferred to go snow skiing with the young adults at church. She also taught a young missionary’s child to speak and write Chinese. The little girl was adept at learning and their family was headed to that country in a few months.
Then Lacy caught herself wondering if Stephanie and Thad were an item yet. They seemed perfect for each other. She assumed the first surgery on his scarred face must’ve gone well. Ten days passed since the operation and no one had called to tell her otherwise.
Just as those thoughts entered her mind, the phone rang and Lacy set aside her sewing project to answer it. Her heart raced when she saw Thad’s number, but sank the moment she heard his words. “Lace, Gannon had a heart attack. Could you go stay with him until I can get there?”
“Yes.” She answered immediately and heard the hurt in Thad’s voice.
He’s at University of Michigan Health System in Ann Arbor. You should be able to drive it in an hour and a half. Google the directions so you won’t get lost.”
“Okay. I’ll do that right now.” Her heart began racing, the same way it did four years ago. “University of Michigan Health System.” She repeated.
“Right. Thanks Lace. I’ll take the red-eye. Should be there by morning. Tell him I’m coming and I love him.”
She barely heard Thad’s voice as he thanked her and hung up.
Not Gannon. God please don’t let him die. I need to talk to him. Lacy called Kippy, asking if the girls could stay with her, told the girls to pack a bag and Googled directions. She dropped them off, checked the directions and headed out in the truck.
The drive to the hospital was a blur. She pulled in a deep breath, trying to calm herself before she walked into his room, pasted on a smile and stepped around the curtain. Gannon lay there with tubes runn
ing here and there, lights blinking, machines beeping, an all too familiar scene.
“He’s out right now to keep his heart quiet.” The nurse said as she checked the equipment and the IV drip bag. “He’s fine. Doing well, actually.”
Lacy waited until the nurse disappeared and leaned down to the old man’s ear. “Gannon, I’m here. It’s Lacy. Thad said to tell you he loves you.” Her voice waivered. She smoothed his white hair like a newborn baby and patted his shoulder.
“Sounds like his grandson is on the way,” The nurse returned to note something on the clipboard at the end of the bed. “ETA is about 4 hours.”
Lacy nodded and whispered to Gannon that Thad was on his way.
The time crept by. She absent-mindedly flipped the channel on the silent television thinking about her parents, how they didn’t have to go through all the pain and agony of bad health. They died instantly and together. Life suddenly seemed short. She remembered swimming at the Gannon’s pool, her parents young and happy, jumping off the edge and splashing around in the water just the three of them.
Her somber and sullen mood was not good. Too much time to think. She went to the bathroom, splashed water on her face and finger-combed her hair. Certainly she would not greet Thad that way. He had enough going on after losing his looks, his job, and maybe even his house by now. And he was probably still healing from the recent reconstructive surgery.
Lacy stood, suddenly longing for tea, and ventured to the hall to inform the nurse at the station that she was going to the dining room and would be right back.
“His grandson has called several times. He knows you’re here. He should be here anytime now. Also he said to tell you he informed a Mrs. Anderson but she had fallen and was in the hospital having an arm bone set. That it would be several days before she could come.”
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