by Jc Emery
“So I’m just another one of your poor choices, huh?” He leans in with cold eyes and warm breath. His words leave his tongue on a hiss as he says, “That’s what this is, isn’t it, Sweets? You like to rebel. You want to pretend to be wild for a while. You talk about marrying me and having my baby, but you’re going to get over this phase and you’ll want to go back to your cookie cutter life.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I grit out.
“But you did,” he says. He cradles my neck in his hand and with a hard grip, he forces me to give him my full attention. I pull away, but his grip only tightens as he jerks my face closer to his. My neck throbs, making me wince. His eyes flick, registering that he’s causing me pain. He’s going to lighten up, I think. But he doesn’t. “You think you know who I am, but if I told you the things I’ve done, you wouldn’t want me, and I can’t blame you for that.”
“Is that what you really think?” I whisper. “That I won’t love you if I know who you really are?”
“Yes,” he says. His chest heaves, and his eyes are so focused and steady. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was losing control. But I do know better. He’s never more in control than when he’s being mean. It’s like he’s in his element or something. I think of all the ways I can explain to him that he’s getting mad for no reason, but the irrational part of my brain that controls my mouth takes over and instead of telling him what’s in my heart, I snap.
“You’re an asshole,” I shout in his face. His grip on the back of my neck tightens in a painful vice. Tears pool in my eyes and I blow out a shaky breath, telling myself to suck it the fuck up. I will not cry. “But newsflash—I love you for and despite that fact.”
“You’re too good.” He lets go of me with such determination that I stumble backward and nearly fall on my ass. Everything has shifted between us. Just a few minutes ago, we were lost in one another and now we’re staring each other down and mad as hell about it.
“You should go,” he says. “And drop the marriage shit. I just want to enjoy you before you leave me, but if you keep it up, one day I’m going to say yes and that’s going to make shit real complicated when it’s time for you to bail.”
Everything I’ve done to help him and help his club comes rearing into the front of my mind. Everything moment I spent in that office with Mr. Beck today, where I blackmailed and threatened him. Every goddamn lie I told to the teller, spreading this disease of bullshit all in order to help a kid who I thought needed to feed his family. It’s so clear now, in hindsight. I should have seen it sooner, but I was just so focused on helping Grady. Incredible panic settles into my chest and drops to my gut. My belly aches from my growing nerves and my jaw shakes though I refuse to let a single tear fall. If I don’t figure out a way to make us better, I’m going to cave in on myself and then be done for.
Rushing at him, I slap furiously at his chest. I’m barely aware that I’ve done it until I’m already on him. He doesn’t move to stop me or to shield himself, not that I’m strong enough to actually hurt him. I grab at his cut and pull myself up against him. Yanking on the worn leather in jerky motions, I tip-toe as close to his face as I can get. Still, he doesn’t move.
“I got Jeremy’s permit for him,” I say with a shaky voice, still clawing at the leather. Grady’s eyes bore into mine curiously. “Mr. Beck didn’t want to, but I made him. You think I’m so good and so normal? I blackmailed a man today— could ruin his career. And it’s so fucking easy. Justifying what I’ve done. It’s like this switch I just turned off.”
“What the fuck are you even talking about?” he barks out. Finally, he moves. His hands squeeze at my upper arms so hard that my skin heats from the pressure. My pulse races. If I stop panting so hard, I’d be able to actually hear the beating in my ears.
“It’s always been like this. I just do things that aren’t exactly right but they’re not entirely wrong either. I don’t know!” I’m shouting now. “I just needed to help!”
“You got any fucking clue what kind of charges that shit brings?”
“Does it matter?” I ask. “It’s on me, not you.” Mr. Beck won’t say anything. He has too much to lose and no proof, or so little, that he would be taking a huge risk to even mention what I did to someone else. I made sure of it. If he talks, it’s going to end him. Grady must see that. He has to. We’re safe, and Jeremy’s safe now. It was the right thing to do.
“Holy shit,” he says quietly. His eyes are full of disbelief, narrowing slightly and then relaxing. His jaw is slack, lifting just enough to make an effort to speak, but he doesn’t make a sound. He appears to be slipping into some kind of circular thought process that’s rendered him speechless. “You did that for us?”
“You don’t get to be the only one who puts their ass on the line here,” I whisper.
“Seven,” he says. His eyes divert from mine, but otherwise he’s still. I’m not sure what seven means, but it’s important for a reason I don’t think I’m going to like. If I’m going to live in this world with him, I’m going to have to hear it.
“Yeah?”
“Men. Seven men,” he says. I think I stop breathing with the next words out of his mouth. They’re quiet, but it’s all so foggy. “The first wasn’t the hardest. He shot at me first, so I just shot back. The second pulled a knife on me, got a few slices in before I took him out. With my bare hands. It’s how I earned the nickname Bloody Knuckles. I remember every single one of the men I killed. Two were during a bar fight with another club, and one was a junkie who Layla had hooked up with. He’d beaten her for taking more of his blow than she was supposed to. He broke her arm. The others are inconsequential. Now, how do you like my world? How do you like me? Is this the man you want fucking you every night? Is this how you want to live?”
Now I’m the one who’s speechless. I can barely process what he’s said, let alone let it sink in. This man who plays Monopoly with his daughter and takes her out for pizza even though she ignores him half the time is a killer. The first place my brain goes is to sorting out what to make of the information he’s given me on each kill. They sound like they were done in defense and out of protection, but what do I know? I think I can justify anything, because I’m not running. How else do I explain the fact that I’m not afraid?
“You should run,” he whispers, but he doesn’t let me go.
“No.”
“I’m going to end up destroying you. I learned that shit with Layla. She fucked up, I fucked up. It got ugly. I don’t want that for you.”
“Destroy me,” I say with the saddest, most faint smile. “Just don’t leave me. Love me even when I do stupid stuff. Please.”
His lips crash down on mine and he hoists me up into his arms. With every passing moment that he lovingly assaults my senses, the more secure I feel. Our frantic kisses fade into soft pecks with each of us whispering that we love the other. It makes no sense, not that it has to. Love never does.
There’s a knock on the door, surprising me. I pull away, despite his urges to ignore it. The rapping gets louder and louder until I hear Tall’s voice from the other side. “Sarge,” he shouts.
With me still hoisted in Grady’s arms, he walks to the door, unlocks and then opens it. Tall scratches the back of his neck and looks down the hall. His voice is rough when he says, “You told me not to leave without telling you first, but I have to pick Mindy up at work.”
“Mindy doesn’t work today,” I say in confusion. Grady kneads his hands into my ass, which gives me ideas about slamming the door in Tall’s face and getting busy with my Old Man again.
I like the sound of that—my Old Man.
“No ma’am, but she’s covering for Nic.” I feel kind of crappy about how wrapped up I’ve been in Grady and Cheyenne lately. Even Jeremy has been monopolizing my attention, and I haven’t checked in with Mindy in a few days. Since the day at the seawall, she’s been uprooted to Duke and Nic’s house, and yet I’ve only been by once. She’s been to Grady’s
house three times, but Cheyenne spent most of the time talking about school and the boys on the football team and even culinary school again—which is a good sign—but it made it difficult to check in with my cousin. Grady chose not to tell Cheyenne about the seawall incident because it wouldn’t do her any good to know. I wasn’t hurt and that’s what is important.
“Got it,” Grady says. Tall turns down the hallway, and Grady moves to close the door.
“Wait!” I shout and bounce in his arms. Grady raises an eyebrow, brings his hand on the still open door back, slaps my ass, and kneads my stinging cheek. Squirming in his arms, I let out a breathless laugh. Tall reappears in the doorway and bounces from foot to foot in obvious discomfort.
“I wanna go,” I say to Tall. Grady gives my ass another slap, this time softer, and levels me with a hard stare.
“You just got here,” he says. He keeps his voice quiet, but his words are said in earnest. “And we still need to deal with that little thing you did.”
Leaning in and whispering in his ear, I say, “I’m going to go hang out with Mindy, but I’ll be home soon and you can show me all the ways in which I was a very naughty girl.”
“You are one crazy bitch,” he grits out and brushes his rough chin against my cheek. I straighten my legs and shove at his chest with narrowed eyes. He sets me down and blows out a frustrated breath. A devious smile spreads across his face. “Okay, you’re one temperamental bitch. Is that better?”
I point my index finger in his direction as I back up toward the open door. “You’re gonna pay for that.”
His smile grows wider. “Can’t wait.”
Chapter 26
TALL AND I walk down the hallway toward the front door in silence. Somehow, Cheyenne charmed Tall into telling her that his real name is Aaron, but that’s something I’m not supposed to know. Grady’s made the prospects’ role in the club very clear. They’re supposed to be treated like lackeys so that by the time the club decides whether or not to vote them in, they already know how dedicated the guy is to the patch. I get it, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling bad for the kid.
Once we’re in the black SUV and pulling out of the lot, he relaxes in his seat. I’ve noticed this with the prospects. They’re all business in front of the club, but once the brothers are out of sight, they chill out some. The fact that I’m up to date on Aaron’s dating life is a secret I don’t plan on telling Grady about.
“Baby Boy’s got a big mouth,” he says with a smirk on his face. “Sent me a picture text of his permit. Says you did good.”
I stir uncomfortably as we turn off of Main Street and down onto Laurel, where Universal Ground is located.
“Hey,” he says. “That risk you took? Pretty big. You’re definitely a keeper.”
“You want to tell my Old Man how awesome you think it is? Because I’m not sure how impressed he is right now.”
“Ha, no.” He laughs. “Until I earn my top rocker, I don’t have an opinion about shit. I’m just saying, between us, you saw an opportunity to help the club and you did it. That’s solid.”
“Thank you, Aaron,” I say softly. He nods and swings the SUV into an empty spot in front of the shop. We climb out and stride inside just two minutes before closing time. Mindy is nowhere to be seen in the small space, which must mean that she’s in the stock room.
Old Man Hill sits at one of the tables with an open newspaper. He lifts his head as we enter and gives Tall a nod and me a smile. In the few times I’ve seen Mindy in recent weeks, she’s told me that since the club can’t have a man on her during her entire shift, a few locals have switched off helping cover her, especially when business slows just before closing time. I have no idea how Mr. Hill got involved, but I’m thankful he did. He may not look like much and he sure is paranoid about safety, but anything so Mindy doesn’t have to be alone makes me feel a little better.
Mr. Hill stands from his seat, grabs his newspaper, and walks out without a single word. At the front door, he turns the lock and lets the door close behind him, locking us in. Tall looks to his watch and jerks his chin to the back of the shop where there’s another entrance. “I’m going to go check the back. When Mindy comes out, let her know where I’m at?”
“Sure thing,” I say and lean over the counter in an attempt to get a view of the stock room. “Minds!”
She comes out a moment later with a broom and dustpan in her hands and a huge smile on her face. “Hey!” she says. “You okay?”
With a confused look, I survey my body and reflection in the espresso machine to make sure I don’t look totally fucked. Because I was, and even though it happened in the dirty ass clubhouse, it was incredible. “Yeah, why?”
“Because two-thirds of you is missing,” she snarks.
“Ha ha,” I say. “I’m sorry if I’ve been MIA lately.”
“If you’ve been? Girl, I went from seeing you every day to being lucky to get a weekly drop-in. I get it, the relationship is new and you’re living with him right now, so I’m chopped liver. But anyway, I just want you to know I’m only kidding and if you’ve gone all wackadoodle obsessed over him, it’s okay.” She’s rambling, but the smile on her face looks like it could split in two. I can’t help but smile back just as large and to take a moment to just be thankful that we’re here and that we survived crashing and burning those years ago.
“I’m gonna marry him,” I say. Mindy sets the broom down, grabs a rag and a spray bottle, and starts to wipe down the counter top.
“Yeah, Jeremy says this is getting serious,” she says. Since she’s been staying with Nic and Duke, she’s had the opportunity to spend some time with Jeremy as well. She looks around the shop with narrowed eyes.
“Oh yeah, Tall’s in the back,” I say hooking my thumb in that direction. She relaxes a bit and goes back to cleaning the counter top just as Tall walks out. He jerks his chin at her and gives her a smile, which she returns.
“Hey Aaron,” she says. My eyes widen and I look from him to her and back again. I’m not sure how much she knows about the club, but she should definitely know to call him by his club nickname. Then again, we seem to make an exception for Jeremy, so maybe Grady’s riot act was a little more dramatic than need be.
“What’cha need, Bean?” he asks her. Again, I’m left more than a little confused about this. Bean? Since when did the club give her a nickname? This entire trip has shed light on why I’ve been a crappy best friend lately. I have no idea what’s going on with Mindy or what her daily life is like now.
“I need to do a full mop-down. Can you stack the tables in the corner? They’re kind of heavy.”
“You got it,” he says and starts to systematically stack the tables in the corner in a manner that tells me he’s done it several times before.
I open my mouth to ask her how close she and Tall really are, but I’m silenced by a loud crash and the shattering of one of the front windows. Glass flies everywhere in a violent burst. Mindy ducks behind the counter and I drop to my knees, shield my head, and pray that I’ve covered myself in enough time to avoid getting glass in my face. I’m barely crouched down when Tall’s heavy body slams into mine. He wraps his arms around me and doesn’t loosen his grip for what feels like forever, but is probably just a moment.
“You okay, Sweets?”
“Yeah,” I say. Everything is silent and still until Tall stands, draws out his gun, unclicks the safety, and carefully approaches the shattered window. His boots crunch over the glass as he heads for a small object in the center of the mess. With his gun trained on the window, he slowly bends, picks up the object and walks back to me. With his body shielding mine from the window, he directs me to stand and both Mindy and me toward the office. I don’t waste a moment following his orders and round the counter and rush inside the tiny office. It can’t be more than seven feet wide on either side. Mindy is already disappearing into the office when I make it around the corner. Thankfully, there are no windows in here and no other doors. The lack of
glass makes me feel more secure, though I won’t really feel safe until Grady’s here.
“Are you okay?” I ask Mindy and lunge into hugging her. She wraps her arms tight around me and squeezes.
“That was scary,” she says into my hair and lets go.
Tall enters the room and shuts the door behind him. He sets the object down on the desk and pulls his phone out. The conversation is short and a moment later he’s hung the phone up.
Eyeing the object, I realize it’s something hard wrapped in a piece of white, torn paper. Tall reaches out, but I’m faster. I grab it up and immediately recognize its size and weight as a brick. Separating the brick from the paper, I hand him the brick and unfold the paper. It looks like some kind of medical report, but I can’t make much of it out. Words like internal hemorrhage stick out, but the paper is worn and some of the text is unreadable. Tall shakes his head and grabs the paper from me.
“It looks like discharge papers,” Mindy says as she peers over his shoulder.
“Shit,” he says loudly. Folding up the paper and sticking it in his pocket, he pulls at his hair. “Fucking hell.”
“What is it?” I ask, starting to freak out. He levels me with a hard stare and shakes his head.
“Club business,” I say with a nod. Being with Grady, or more correctly, being associated with the club, has a few obvious disadvantages, and this is one of them. Not knowing certain things and being embroiled in the middle of something that’s obviously dangerous scares the shit out of me most of the time, but I try not to think about it. I was in danger well before I fell for Grady, so it’s not like I can even blame my relationship with him for this. No, this is somebody else’s doing.
“Of course it is. This is ridiculous,” Mindy says. “I’m tired of the club messing up my life.” She’s moved past scared, and now she’s getting mad. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything about the club. I know how she feels about them, but I had thought that maybe spending some time at Nic’s house she’d lighten up a little. From what Grady says, the club got wrapped up in this stuff because they were trying to make something right for someone who needed it. I have to believe that, despite everything my uncle and father would want me to believe about Forsaken, they must not be that bad. I only wish Mindy could see Grady the way I do—loving and protective. Maybe then she would have a little faith that the club isn’t awful, they just do things a little differently.
