As Kailey explains Jen and Caden’s struggles, I open the book of my baby’s life. The first picture is the same as mine. I run my hands over them, starting on the day they received her to her first birthday. Her happiness displayed in each one of her smiles and laughs caught by the camera shows me I made the right decision. On her first birthday, there’s one with Kailey and her. Their cheeks side by side, smiling widely for the camera with a great big princess cake in front of them.
“There are more pictures, but Jen and Caden moved here right before Jen got diagnosed, so most of them are still boxed up in the basement. I hope you don’t mind, I read the letter Jen wrote to you before she sent it. It’s all true, she was very grateful to you and Zoey for giving them the opportunity to love and raise Chloe.” Her voice breaks, and I nod. The letter we got with the pictures was a simple and heart filled letter from Jen, thanking us for being brave and trusting enough to give our daughter up for adoption. It’s a letter that kept me going in those early years, a reminder that I did the right thing.
“Are Tara and Drew adopted?”
“No, Jen became pregnant with Tara right after they adopted Chloe. It’s that same story, when the stress of trying stops, it happens.”
“Does Chloe know?” I’m glad Kailey seems okay with me asking questions.
“She knows she’s adopted. Jen and Caden have always been upfront with her. Not sure what we’ll say now.” Yeah, that’s a whole other question and answer round I’m not quite ready for yet.
“I want you to know that I loved Chloe just as much when she wasn’t mine as I do knowing she is. It’s no different than my love for Tara and Drew.” I begin to plead my case, hoping she’ll face this together with me.
She looks around the room. “Will you fight me for her?” her question throws me.
I close my eyes and open them. “No,” I whisper, knowing I’ll barely hang on to a life without any of them. “If you think you’ll be happier without me, I’m gone. I wouldn’t rip her from the life she’s known all these years.”
“What if she wants to find you one day?”
“That’s your decision,” I scoot the envelope back her way. “You can give her this.”
She eyes it on the table for what seems like hours and then looks up at me. “You can give it to her yourself.” She nudges the letter back my way and smiles gently.
“So you’re not pushing me out?”
“Nope.”
“What are we going to say?” I question her.
“I’m not sure— I’m sorry for what I said.” She squeezes my hand. “I shouldn’t have come to that conclusion. I was just taken aback. Not that there’s—,”
I stop her from talking by placing my lips on hers. “It’s okay. I understand. But next time, will you just stand still? My feet are getting sore from all the running.” I laugh, but she just bites her lip. “I love you,” I say and her lips turn up.
“I love you too. I promise from this moment, I’ll never run away from you again.”
“Deal.” I kiss her again. “When do you think our life will become simple?” I ask.
“Well, how old is Drew? So, seventeen years, maybe.”
“Nah, do you actually think I’m not going to knock you up with a couple kids?” I gently pull her up and into my lap. “We’re looking at years of chaos,” I add.
“I look forward to every second,” she says, kissing me on the lips. Then she stands up and holds her hand out to me, and I immediately join her. “Let’s go have some fun with our family at the park.”
“I have no shoes,” I say, glancing at my bare feet.
“I guess we’ll have to keep all of them here from now on.” She wraps her arms around my waist.
“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”
“Hey, who wouldn’t want a hot, sexy D.I.L.F. hanging around the house?” she shrugs her shoulders.
“Now there’s a killer nickname. But shit, that makes you a M.I.L.F.”
3 months later...
“So, you’re my Dad?” Chloe asks while scooping the chocolate chip sundae into her mouth fast enough to cause an imminent brain freeze.
“I’m your biological Dad, yes. But your dad is still your dad. You have two,” I explain to her, and Kailey squeezes my leg.
“So do I call you Dad, instead of Trey?” She asks, placing the heaping amount into her mouth.
“That’s up to you.” I’m not even sure what I want her to call me. I just want her to be comfortable.
“Can I think about it?” she mumbles through her ice cream.
“For as long as you want,” I assure her.
We took Chloe out to dinner, just the three of us, and surprisingly she took the news well. After she finishes her ice cream, we file out of the booth and she grips both our hands. Her head bobs from me to Kailey, and we smile down at her and then at one another. “I miss Mommy and Daddy. But I like our new family too.” She lets go of our hands, skipping ahead of us, and my hand finds Kailey’s. Her warmth spreading through my body like it always has.
“I like our new family too,” I say to Kailey and kiss her on the cheek.
“It went better than I expected,” she mentions, and I nod in agreement.
“Let’s go home.”
When we walk into the house, Jessa sits on the couch with Tara curled up along her small belly. Grant’s on the floor playing hot wheels with Drew. “Look at you two getting ready for parenthood,” I say, announcing our arrival.
“It’s relaxing and nice,” Jessa says, and Kailey laughs.
“Come over more often,” she sits on the couch next to Tara.
If it wasn’t for our friends, we wouldn’t have gotten through the last three months. Holly and Clyde wanted to stay, but we sent them home, saying we could handle it. Kailey attends most her classes at night, so she can stay home while I’m at work. If I have to quit my job I will, but she’ll graduate if it’s the last thing I do. Our friends frequently babysit and visit us so regularly they’ve already earning the pseudo names Aunt and Uncle.
Jen and Caden’s room still remains shut, the suitcases still sit on the floor, Jen’s hairbrush on the sink. Kailey isn’t ready just yet, and I’m not going to push her. Their pictures adorn the walls, and we talk about them often, so the kids remember their parents. All of us together, alive and dead, make up this house, as a family.
Jessa and Grant stay and help us put the kids to bed. Jessa is trying to pick Kailey’s brain on every last detail to make sure she’s prepared. Obviously, she doesn’t remember who she’s married to. Grant probably has a list of everything he needs, like some damn Boy Scout. I bet he’s already read two parenting books.
After we get everyone down, I’m eager for them to leave, so I can have Kailey to myself. It’s one of the best times of my day. The house quiets, and I snuggle up with the woman I love, cherishing what we have. Thank god they take my subtle hint when I say, “Thanks for watching the kids, now get the fuck out.”
We say our goodbyes, and Kailey begins walking into the kitchen. I quickly step up behind and wrap my arms around her waist. Snuggling on the couch, she begins to fade fast until eventually succumbing to sleep. I watch her for a few moments, her chest rising and falling and the light stream of breath flowing from her mouth. She’s so beautiful, and she’s mine. A feeling of ownership and happiness flows through my body. I finally found where I belong.
I get up, turn off the television and carry my beautiful girlfriend up to our bedroom. She wakes up barely to get dressed in her pajamas, and I strip down to my boxers and curl up next to her. Her ass presses into me and it’s all I can do not to wake her up. But she needs her sleep, so I wait until my eyes eventually droop and close.
I’m awoken by the bed bouncing and loud squeals the next morning. All three kids are jumping around, laughing and falling all around Kailey and me. I reach up and grab Drew, pulling him down to the bed. He giggles in delight, and Kailey stretches awake displaying her flat stomach w
hen her shirt rises up. “I guess it’s time to get up,” I say to her, pulling her close to me.
“Breakfast,” she announces, and they jump off our bed.
“I want pancakes,” Chloe says.
“Bacon,” Tara shouts.
“Me too,” Drew babbles.
“Well, go downstairs, we’ll be right there,” she instructs our small army, and they scurry out of the room.
I stand up to put on a pair of pajama pants and shirt. Kailey grabs my wrist and yanks me down on the bed. Placing her one arm around my head, she presses her lips to my cheek. “I love you,” she whispers. I imagine I’m displaying the cheesiest grin, but I could give a shit. My life is fucking great.
Epilogue
Dex
Pink and Purple balloons blow in the wind from their spots tied down in every corner of the yard. A giant Princess jumpy thing is anchored to the well-manicured lawn. For a guy who didn’t want the suburbia dream life, he sure has it now. Trey moved out the next day after finding out Chloe was the daughter he placed for adoption. Not that it was the deciding factor, I’m sure it would have happened regardless.
My ass has been sitting in this plastic chair for the past hour as kids run around me, screaming and crying. I love my little pseudo nieces and nephew, but all of these kids at once are a bit much for me. If all that wasn’t bad enough, their parents are here too. The youngest parent still has Kailey and Trey by at least six years. They’re all far removed from their college days, which leaves me to hang out with my friends. Which would be great if I wanted to hear about Jessa’s cervix and Sadie’s incessant wedding talk. Not like I don’t hear it enough around the house. Twenty-four fucking seven, she’s on the phone with her mom or Brady’s sister Maura. I can’t wait until they get married, so it all stops, but I’ll be long gone before then. No way will I live with a married couple. Rob and I have talked about getting a place of our own, so we’ll see.
Trey walks out, calling Chloe over to blow out her candles. If the kids, their parents, or my friends weren’t enough to drive me insane today the fact that Trey’s whole damn lot of living relatives fills the yard seals it for me. His mom won’t let it rest that I’m the only one here without a girl. Jessa looks at me, knowing Sam’s arriving in a few weeks when the baby comes.
I sigh thinking about Sam. No one believes us, but it truly is casual between us. She’s the girl version of me. She likes to get off, and I don’t mind being the one to do it. I went out to visit her once, and it was fun. We rented a hotel room and fucked all day and night. As far as talking or getting to know each other, nope. We watched a lot of Ridiculousness on MTV and laughed our asses off getting drunk. We have a good time together, and I’m eager to see her in a few weeks because man does she have some skills in the bedroom.
Chloe runs over and sits in her queen chair, ready to blow out the candles. After she makes her wish, all her friends fill the empty chairs while Trey and Kailey begin passing out the cake. Finding this as my time to escape, I sneak into the house. There’s barely an inch of wall space that isn’t occupied with a picture of someone. Jen, Caden, the girls, Drew. Everyone is up on display.
“Hey, man, how are you holding up?” Trey comes in searching the freezer.
“Fine. Shit, man. You’ve done a one-eighty,” I remind him, like I do every time I see him. I can’t help it, I miss my wingman.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should try it sometime.” He smirks my way. Brady and Grant follow inside next.
“Jesus, can you please tell her to stop mentioning how much she’s dilated and how exactly the doctor figures it out? Come on, man,” Brady sighs, shaking his head at Grant.
“No way, you tell her. She’s eight and half months pregnant, hormonal to the fucking max. She’s uncomfortable and cranky one minute and all lovey to me the next. I’m not telling her anything but yes until the baby pops out,” Grant says with the conviction of a man trying to stay alive on the battlefield, and we all laugh.
“Tell your girl to quiet down on the wedding talk. It isn’t the fucking royal wedding or something. Fifty billion people will not be watching it,” I say to Brady.
“You can tell her, but she thought Jessa was bad. If she only saw herself in the mirror.” Brady shrugs. “But the hell if I’ll say something.”
“You’re all pussy whipped. Let’s do a Vegas trip or something,” I try to rally them.
“Jessa’s due any day,” Grant says.
“We have the wedding expenses,” Brady adds.
“Look around, man, do you think I’m going anywhere?” Trey chimes in.
‘You all suck,” I say. “Where’s Rob? He’d have my back.” I pretend to look around the room.
“He said he couldn’t make it. Another car race.” Trey digs the ice cream out, and Kailey’s already there to grab it from his hands. “Thanks, babe,” he says and kisses her on the cheek.
“He’s really into that car shit lately,” Grant mentions. “Every time we’re over, he’s in the garage.”
“Yeah, it’s his second love, after himself,” Brady jokes, and we all laugh.
“Let’s at least go up there one night. Trey, you could race the Charger?” I try to gather them up again.
“Maybe I’ll go, but I’m not racing,” Trey sits down at the table, and we all pull out our own chairs and join him.
We continue to talk for a while. Trey gets up to say goodbye to the other kid’s parents and his family. Soon the girls find their way inside, luckily the talk of placentas and tulle have been replaced by music and television. Grant slides a beer to me from across the table, and I clink it with him before downing half of it.
Kailey and Trey join us after everyone has left. Chloe plays with her new dolls, sharing with Tara. Drew passed out on the floor. Trey’s mom scoops Drew up and disappears upstairs while his dad ushers the girls to take a bath.
“We have this guys. You go outside and enjoy yourselves,” Pete, Trey’s dad instructs us. Kailey and Trey don’t have to be told twice as they grab some more beers and rush outside. Trey lights the tiki torches, and Kailey unplugs the inflatable. We all sit around their porch table, and Trey pulls out a deck of cards. Now this is what I’m talking about.
“Strip Poker?” I question, and they all stare at me like I have three eyes.
“Fuck you, Dex, you think I’m going to let you see my girl naked?” Trey says, winking at Kailey. “Although you’re missing something pretty spectacular.” She giggles next to me, and I want to lean over and vomit.
“I’ve already seen her,” I mention, and Kailey slaps me over the head.
“WHAT?” Trey stands up, peering down at me.
“I accidentally walked in on her once,” I tell him, and his nostrils start flaring.
Kailey cocks her head to the side and gives him a long sigh. “No, he didn’t, he’s just joking, baby,” she says.
“Do you think we didn’t all hear you every time you told her to ‘make sure you lock Dex’s door’?” I give my best Trey voice. Lame as it might be.
“So, you didn’t, right?” he persists.
“No, man, I’ve never seen your girl naked,” I laugh, and Kailey joins with me.
“Thank god. I was seeing red there for a minute,” he sits back down and shuffles the cards.
We end up playing poker, but no stripping involved. For hours, we rip each other apart and laugh remembering stories. Grant and Brady start talking about when they were younger, and Brady, Trey, and I go back down memory lane as freshman. It’s like old times except the three women they all love sit next to them. I can’t help but feel like the odd man out, not that I want to join them. It actually scares me that what’s happened to them is going to happen to me. That some girl will walk into my life, and I’ll be them in three months.
Hours pass by and suddenly Elena, Trey’s mom is at the screen door. “Trey, Chloe’s screaming, and I can’t calm her down. She’s calling for you.” Trey bolts up, and Kailey follows. Minutes later Kailey emer
ges back through the door.
“Is she okay?” Jessa asks.
“Yeah, she has them on and off. Usually when she’s thrown off her routine or overtired. Trey’s calming her down now. He’ll sing her their song. It’s like a magic spell that calms her down.”
I excuse myself from the table to use the bathroom when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, but I don’t recognize the number, so I let it go to voicemail. After I finish taking a piss, my phone alerts me of a voice message.
“Hi, Dex, It’s Hank down at Weddles. I thought you’d want to know a pretty hot dirty blonde you know is here. She’s been playing for an hour and losing kinda bad. Figured since you guys have always been so close, you might want to take care of this yourself. “Fuck me, what the hell is she doing there? Why the hell is she tossing her money away, she has always been so against “the lifestyle”?
Sneaking upstairs, hoping to catch Trey to say goodbye. I don’t really want to explain myself to the others. I hear his voice from the top of the stairs. He’s lying with Chloe, singing “Elderly Woman Behind a Counter In a Small Town” by Pearl Jam. It’s an incredible sight to see him with his daughter, the love he has for not only her, but all of them emanates from him daily. Not that I would ever tell him. Once he finishes the last of the lyrics, she’s fast asleep and he slides out from beside her. Quietly he shuts the door and points me down the hall.
“Sorry, man, I gotta go.” I shake his hand, and he pulls me into a one arm hug. “Great song by the way. It really fits the two of you.”
“Yes, it does. I feel like I’ve never been apart from her.” His face has a sappy look of contentment. “Thanks for coming. Thanks for her dollhouse. She loves it.” Trey says.
He walks me to the door, and I venture outside alone. I climb into my truck, figuring my night just took a turn I wasn’t expecting.
When I arrive at Weddles down in the city, I walk through the door, into the dark and dingy shack of a bar. Old men are slumped over in their chairs, half naked working girls, peering my way. I nod to Hank and the others before knocking on the red door in the back hallway. When Jeff sees it’s me, he opens the door, and I spot her in the middle seat among a bunch of middle-aged men. Sitting back, I watch her for a while. She’s playing stupid, not at all like her usual style. Sloppy and all over the place. The only thing she has going on for herself is the men keep flirting with her and underestimating how talented she really is at a poker table. I wish I could wait and see if she can turn this around, but when the bald comb over guy next her reaches around and kisses her under her ear I can’t wait patiently anymore.
Let Me Love Page 26
