Kenny had tried to talk to him, once India had gone, he’d tried to explain things to him and in the end JJ had seen his point of view, but none of it was ever going to stop him from thinking about what his wife had been through. She’d had no reason to hide it from him, no reason at all. All he’d ever wanted was to love her and look after her, protect her. She brought that instinctive side out in him. He’d never found anyone he’d wanted to be so close to before, somebody he really wanted to be with and care for, not until India had come into his life, and to see her so hurt, so upset, it killed him.
He was standing by the bedroom window looking out at the dark and drizzly London streets, still full of people even at this hour, when he heard the door of the suite open.
“India? India, is that you?”
She threw her bag and coat down on a nearby chair and looked up as JJ came into the room.
“Are you ok?” he asked, because it was impossible not to notice how worn out she looked.
She nodded. “I’m fine.”
“Where’ve you been? I’ve been worried sick. You weren’t answering your ‘phone, I’ve left God knows how many messages.”
“I know. I just needed some time alone, Joe. Just to get my head together.” She looked up at him. He looked tired and upset and the guilt flooded over her like a tidal wave. She’d been selfish, leaving him like that. She’d been selfish full-stop. Kenny could look after himself, he knew her moods better than anyone and he knew how to deal with them, but JJ was still new to all of this. He needed time, just like she did. “I’m sorry, Joe. I didn’t mean ...”
“It’s ok. It’s fine.” He smiled, and that only made her feel worse but she was also relieved. She couldn’t face another row, another show down. She’d had enough for one day. “You’re here now and you’re safe and that’s all that matters.”
He came over to her, gently tilting up her chin, her eyes meeting his as he lowered his mouth down onto hers, kissing her slowly, and she found herself crying again, the relief of being back with him overwhelming. Or maybe it was the guilt.
He pulled her into his arms and just held her, letting her cry it all out, sensing she needed to do that, rocking her back and forth as she clung onto him, gripping his t-shirt in an almost vice-like hold as the sobs racked her body. He hated seeing her like this, he hated it, he hated knowing somebody had done this to her and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it because he didn’t want to hurt her anymore than she already had been. But he almost felt like he was falling apart inside as she cried like a child in his arms and all he could do was hold her tight and wait for the tears to stop.
When they did, he sat her down and got them both a very large brandy, sitting down beside her.
“You’ve got cold hands,” he said, his fingers brushing against hers as he handed her the glass.
She smiled, staring into the brandy. “It’s November in London. It’s freezing out there.”
“Where did you go, India? You don’t even know this city that well, I was worried.”
She closed her eyes for a second, wishing she didn’t have to keep lying to him but she couldn’t risk him knowing what had happened tonight. Or the history she and Ray had together. It wouldn’t solve anything or help anyone for him to find out.
“I just walked, Joe. It helped get my head clear. It helped me think straight.” She looked at him. “Where’s Kenny?”
“He went back to his room. He’s fine. We’re fine.”
“Are you? Because you were carrying on like a couple of kids when I left you.”
“We had a bit of a talk. Sorted things out. It’s all good, really.”
She looked at him. “Is it?”
He nodded, giving her a reassuring smile. “Yes, it is. He’s fine, we’re ok. We both love you, India. I understand that he cares about you ...”
“He shouldn’t have gone to see Michael like that.”
“He knows that now.”
“I’m still so angry with him. If anything had happened ...”
“But it didn’t, did it?”
“No thanks to him.” She took a sip of the brandy, glad of the heat it was giving her but on top of the wine she’d had at Ray’s, and the fact she’d hardly eaten all day, it was going straight to her head.
“India ... what you said about not doing the movie ...”
She looked at him again. She loved him so much, she really did. How could any man be that handsome, so heart-breakingly handsome? But he was. JJ Foster was just that and he was hers and she loved him like crazy. So why had she given in to Michael so easily? And why hadn’t she told him about Ray when they’d first met? Why hadn’t she just done that? Because he may not have liked what he’d heard, that’s why. He might not have understood exactly what had gone on.
“I can’t pull out, I know that.”
“Well, you could. If you really wanted to. It would cause problems, yes, but if you really wanted to, you could pull out.”
“Do you think I should?”
He shook his head, taking the glass from her and putting it down on the table, taking her hand. “No. I don’t think you should pull out. I don’t like the man, and I don’t like what he did to you but ... but I think this is something you maybe need to face up to. Otherwise it’s just going to eat away at you and you’re stronger than that, you can do this. You can go out there and show him that it doesn’t matter anymore, that you’re over it, you’ve moved on, really moved on. You can show him you don’t care about him, and I’ll be right there with you, baby. Because I love you.”
She smiled, stroking his face with her fingertips, running them along his jaw line. If only he knew how much she needed his help right now. If only he knew how strong she really needed to be.
“I don’t deserve you.”
He smiled too. “Yeah, you do.”
She closed her eyes as he kissed her gently, his fingers tightening around hers.
“I can do anything if I know you’re there, Joe. So, thank you, baby. Thank you. For understanding, for being there. For loving me.”
He kissed her again, a little longer and a little harder this time. “So, are we gonna show him then? Are we gonna go out there and show him that whatever he’s doing it isn’t working?”
She nodded, resting her forehead against his, still holding tightly onto his hand. “Yeah. We’re gonna show him.”
He smiled again, stroking the hair from her tired and red eyes. “Do you want to go to bed now then, princess? I think we could both do with some sleep.”
She nodded. “Yeah. We could. And, Joe? I love you. Never forget that. Whatever happens in the future just, never forget that I love you.”
CHAPTER 66
NORTH EAST ENGLAND
“This place is incredible!” Reece said, as he walked with India and Ellie through the grounds of the almost castle-like mansion they were staying in whilst India, Kenny and Ray were filming in and around the area.
“Well, seeing as we’re all going to be in the same place Joe and I thought it made sense to rent a place big enough for us all to stay in. But it is amazing, isn’t it?”
It was a huge, sprawling yet still cosy house with four reception rooms, seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms, three kitchens, a private cinema, indoor swimming pool and gym and vast private grounds containing two guest cottages. Bobby had bagged one of those, Kenny the other one.
But even in the main house there was more than enough room for everyone to stay there and not get in each other’s way, although having Ray in such close proximity still felt a little uncomfortable for India. But she was just going to have to deal with it. Along with everything else.
They were staying in the heart of beautiful Northumberland, North East England, a place very close to India’s heart because it was a place that brought back childhood memories of Sunday afternoon walks, her and Terry running about on the sandy beach at Bamburgh, eating chips and playing football. She could still hear the seagulls, taste the fresh salty air. Sh
e’d forgotten what a beautiful place it was and she’d wanted to visit these places again, with her own family. She’d wanted to show her kids where she’d come from, and how beautiful parts of this cold but wonderful island could be. She may have lived in southern California for the past eighteen years but India was very much an English girl at heart - and a North East English girl at that. She always would be, and it was important for her that her children knew that, that they knew that part of her. She wanted them to think of her as more than just mommy the movie star.
The house was surrounded by the most stunning views, which, even in winter, were still incredible, and not too far from the coast. Not the warmest time of year to visit but she’d wanted to see these places again, and remember the times she’d had there with her brother. She’d wanted to be India Steven again, just for a short time. She’d wanted to get that girl back for a little while because, sometimes, she felt as though she’d been lost amongst the crazy pace of things in L.A. Lost amongst the men in her life.
She shook herself back to reality and smiled at her father. “And don’t you think it’ll be the most idyllic place to spend Christmas? I know we talked about going back to Los Angeles but the break in filming just doesn’t warrant us de-camping the kids back over there for only a few days, especially as we’ve just got here, really. It’ll be cold – and God knows I still can’t get used to this weather – but it’ll be lovely. Joe’s going to get a huge tree and decorate the place; the kids are going to love it!”
“Talking of family ...” Reece began, and India knew exactly what he was going to say. “Ethan wants to see him, India.”
“I know that, dad,” India said, as they reached the main house. “I’ve heard nothing else since you all got here.”
“So?”
She looked at Reece. “So, we’re taking him with us today. He can see Michael on set.”
Reece opened the main front door of the house as India guided the pushchair through.
“You have to let him come here, sweetheart. For Ethan’s sake. You have to think about that.”
She gently lifted Ellie up, taking off her hat and stroking her dark hair.
“I don’t have to do anything where Michael’s concerned. Ethan can see him whenever he likes, I’d never stop that, and I’ll work with him, I’ll do my job, I’ve got no choice there so I’ll make the best of it. But I don’t know if I want him here, ok?”
That might just be too close for comfort as far as India was concerned.
“Don’t want who here?” JJ asked, coming into the hallway, smiling at his baby daughter.
“Michael,” India replied, handing Ellie over to him.
JJ said nothing, just kissed his little girl and looked at India before taking Ellie off into the kitchen for her breakfast.
Reece watched his daughter as she parked the pushchair in the corner of the hallway, taking off her own hat and coat and hanging them up, shaking out her blonde hair. Something was going on, Reece could sense it. He’d seen the look on JJ’s face when India had mentioned Michael.
“What was up with him?”
India turned around and looked at Reece. “Who?”
“Joseph. You mention Michael – no reaction. Apart from that look, I didn’t miss that look, India. What went on before I arrived here?”
“I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.”
Reece looked at her, more than aware that she wasn’t telling him everything, absolutely certain that something had gone on that she didn’t feel like telling him about and that hurt a little. Because he was sure it was something important, something concerning Michael, something he’d been trying to find out since their marriage had ended. India had loved that man, she’d loved him so much, and they’d survived things that most marriages would never have come through, and suddenly one thing happened that she’d refused to talk about and it was over. It was over and she wouldn’t even talk to him on the ‘phone and that had never sat right with Reece. Not when a child was involved, not when they had Ethan. For India to do that then something must have happened, and the look on JJ’s face told Reece that he now knew what that something was. And her own father didn’t.
“India ... do I need to know?”
She stopped what she was doing and looked at him.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, India, and all I’m asking is, do I need to know?”
“Dad ...”
“Do I need to know, India?”
She looked at him for a second, knowing this was a secret she’d kept hidden for far too long, something she should have shared with those closest to her, something she’d handled – was still handling - so badly, but to tell Reece now, what would that gain? It was going to be hard enough having to deal with Michael as it was. Telling her father the truth now could only make that worse, so she shook her head as she looked at him, feeling like crap but knowing it was the right thing to do.
“No,” she said quietly. “No. You don’t need to know.”
“Then I won’t ask about it again.”
“Ok,” she whispered, turning to walk away.
“India?”
She turned back around.
“I’m your father and I love you, and I know the circumstances of our relationship have been so complicated but ... I’m your father. I love you so much, and all I want to do is make sure you’re ok.”
She smiled. “I know that, dad. I know.”
***
This was a situation Michael was having to get used to. He had a movie to make, a movie starring his ex-wife - a woman he was still very much in love with, that was more than evident now. He had a studio to answer to and a schedule to keep. But he also had a family to get back, and the timeframe in which he had to achieve that was frighteningly short.
He had to see India again, alone, and soon. He had to speak to her before time ran away with them. He hadn’t really had a chance since that night at the hotel and every day was becoming more painful and tiring than he’d ever imagined it could be. Should he go to her trailer? Should he push so hard so soon? Probably not the way to go about it, not right now. None of this was playing out quite the way he’d planned, but it was all he had to build on, so he had to make the best of it. He had no other option.
***
Bobby was sitting at the table in the corner of India’s on-set trailer, sorting through paperwork, checking e-mails and organising some publicity photos for her to sign whilst India sat curled up on the sofa going through her script.
It was mainly scenes with Ray today. Being close to him again, even though it was just on a movie set, was still making her slightly nervous but she had to get that under control, she had to deal with that. And being directed by Michael, that only added to the pressure and surreal-ness of the whole situation. None of it was ideal but all of it was unavoidable.
“So, you were born here then, angel?” Bobby asked, sorting the photographs into a neat little pile beside the laptop.
India didn’t look up from her script. “Well, no, I was born a bit further down the coast in a place called Whitley Bay.”
“Is it by the sea?”
“Yes, it’s by the sea.”
“A bit like Malibu then.”
She looked up at him. “No. Not really.” Bobby laughed and she smiled at him. “Funny bugger.”
“Have you ever thought about getting a place here in the U.K., princess?”
She looked up from her script again. “No. I’ve never actually thought about it to be honest.”
But now he’d put the idea in her head India thought it might actually be an idea worth considering. It could be somewhere to bring the kids as they grew up, somewhere to keep them familiar with her roots – to keep herself familiar with her roots. Maybe she should have a place here. It wasn’t as though she couldn’t afford it. Eighteen years in the U.S.A. and she’d never even thought about buying a bolt hole in Britain.
Bobby started typing away on the laptop again, his read
ing glasses perched on the end of his nose. “Does it ever get warm here, angel?”
She looked back down at her script, sticking the end of her pen in her mouth. “Two days in July, if you’re lucky.”
“No wonder you left then.”
She looked up as Ethan came crashing into the trailer, closely followed by JJ. Ethan, her beautiful baby boy. He was so much like Michael now, and every day he seemed to take on another aspect of his famous dad’s mannerisms. It was something India had always wanted, for him to be like his dad, but it never stopped hurting every time she looked at him, wondering what could have been if things had been different.
He clambered up onto the sofa next to her, scrolling through the songs on his iPod. India looked at JJ as he down on the arm of the sofa, leaning over to kiss her quickly. Her son, meanwhile, had stopped studying his iPod and was smiling up at her.
“Hey, baby,” she smiled back, ruffling his dark hair. “Has JJ been showing you around?”
Ethan nodded, putting his iPod into the pocket of his jeans. “We’ve been having breakfast with Uncle Ray.”
India looked back at JJ. “Everything ok?”
JJ knew that she wanted to ask if Michael was about so he gave her a look that said everything was fine. She seemed satisfied with that and turned her attention back to Ethan.
“Ok, baby. Do you want to go with Bobby now and he’ll take you over to hair and make-up and show you where they make mummy look like the character I’m going to be playing in this movie?”
Bobby closed the laptop lid and smiled at Ethan.
“Come on, Munchkin. Hair and make-up’s my favourite place because that’s where they make everyone look fabulous! We’ll go and see if Scott’s there yet and he’ll show you just what he can do with a can of hairspray and a bronzer kit. The man’s a legend, he really is, ask your mother. He’s been making her look fabulous for years.”
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