The conversation turned to more benign topics until Jasper took his leave. Jess handed Faith off to Granny and walked Jasper out the front door to the porch, the horizon painted with the orange and red hues of sunset.
“Please thank your grandparents again for their hospitality, won’t you?”
“Of course.”
“And apologize again to them for me, please.” His brow crunched. “If I spoke untoward and dampened their evening.”
“They’re not easily offended, Mr. Little. I think you can safely trust in another offer to dinner.”
He chuckled and placed his fedora on his head. “I’m not too certain Jude will appreciate my arrival again. I think my annoyance left him unsettled.”
“I’ll smooth things over. He’s an observant little boy with a lot of hurt to manage, but he’s very strong.”
“How long will they stay? Until the baby is able to travel to an orphanage?”
“Orphanage?” Jess blinked up at him. “No, they’ll live here. I have no plans to send them to the overcrowded and underfunded orphanages when they can receive love and family right here.”
“I mean no offense, of course. I’m only thinking of the future.” His smile softened, rekindling the dashing man from earlier in the evening. “Are you certain your grandparents are the best caretakers? They’re not so young as would be beneficial for a rambunctious boy and baby girl, are they?”
“My grandparents?” Ah, Jess saw the turn of conversation now. Was that what everyone in town assumed too? She raised her gaze to him, readying herself for the admission aloud for the first time. “I assure you, they’re quite capable of taking care of these children and giving them a beautiful life, but Jude and Faith do not belong to them.” She drew in a strengthening breath. “They belong to me.”
His dark brows rose almost to his hairline. “You... you mean to keep them?”
“Yes, I made a promise to their mother on her deathbed and I intend to keep my promise.”
His hip slacked and he shook his head. “No one would expect you to rearrange your life and become a mother based on a deathbed promise, Jessica.”
The use of her name, so intimate and careless, inspired a sudden need for distance. She barely knew him, but more than that, his changefulness tipped an imaginary scale of caution, causing her to reevaluate the glossy allure.
Her pulse snipped into a scared-rabbit run. “Mr. Little, I rarely concern myself with what people think. However, what matters a great deal to me is honesty, and keeping my word when I give it. Those children, though they aren’t mine by blood, have become mine by heart.”
Hearing the declaration from her own lips, spoken with such certainty, firmed the resolution all the way to her soul. She’d chosen them as her own.
As I have chosen you. The words poured over her spirit, offering comfort like the arrival of a long-lost friend. A balm she’d forgotten... or rejected?
“But can’t you see how this choice will impact your life? Don’t you care what a future suitor might say?”
“Suitor?” She laughed. “I didn’t hold a great deal of hope for a suitor before I left for war, Mr. Little. But now, to return as a wounded woman, I imagine my prospects have taken a distinctive plummet. However, should I find myself in a situation where matrimony lingers in my future?” She shrugged. “My husband—my future husband, that is—would need to be as welcoming to these children as he would be to me, because they’re mine.”
Jasper had the good sense to look sorry, and he wore the expression quite well. “Yes, of course. I do apologize for my rash words.” He grabbed one of her hands, drawing her a few stiff steps toward him. “Please, forgive me. I envy your family’s generosity of heart.”
She slipped her hand from his, another churn of warning sliding between his smooth touch and her shaky trust. Generosity of heart? She’d doled out kindness to August Reinhold through a sieve, yet welcomed Jasper Little as if he’d been a missing link to her world. Why?
Was it truly as simple as bitterness towards Germans and desperation to counter her fear in this incomprehensible attraction for August? Her head hurt from the inner war of past and present. Fear and faith.
“I hope generosity will always win out, Mr. Little.”
“As do all of us who’ve survived the stings of war.”
The distant sound of Let Me Call You Sweetheart, played by the German brass band in the camp, drifted on the late afternoon air, accompanied by the cricket calls.
“I’ll bid you good evening, Miss Ross.” Jasper tipped his hat, but his dark gaze latched onto hers. “But within all of your generosity, keep caution close to heart. You know as well as I how changeful our German neighbors can be.” He moved a few steps down the porch. “I would hate for any of you to feel the betrayal of their duplicity once again.”
His warning sent a chill shimmying down her spine, unearthing the tiniest prayer. She was a broken woman, haunted and afraid, and now determined to raise to orphans as her own. The weight of it all, overshadowed by Jasper’s ominous caveat, entangled her freedom, drawing her down to drown in her fear.
She braced herself against the post of the porch and stared out into the coming night. The horizon, a painted sky of brilliant hues, softened the earth with a halo of tempered auburn. From deep within, braided among the scars she tended so well, a fragile thread of hope unfurled.
I have chosen you. I will not let you go.
And for the first time in a very long time, she didn’t squelch the soul-whisper. She closed her eyes. “Help me.”
The gentlest calm fingered over her scars with a healer’s touch, bringing with it the undertones of a much-coveted peace. She didn’t know how to recover from her past, or how to trust in her future, but, perhaps the Savior who’d rescued her heart as a child could mend the leftover pieces as an adult.
***
Jess startled awake to Jude’s face in the darkness of the bedroom.
“Oh, Jude—honey, what on earth are you doing?” She emerged from the mental fog of a deep sleep, uncommon but becoming more so as the weeks passed.
“I... I can’t sleep.”
She sat up and glanced over at Faith’s crib. Jess had gotten a full four hours of sleep in a row yesterday, free from both nightmares and nightly feedings, which felt like a massive accomplishment.
“What’s wrong?”
“I had a bad dream and...” His little voice pitched higher. “I’m skeered.”
His bottom lip wobbled and her heart melted for her brave little man. She pushed back the blankets and patted the bed. “How about you scrunch up here with me for a while? Do you think that will help?”
He nodded and slid beneath the covers. Jess wrapped her arms around his little shoulders and whispered into his hair. “I know about bad dreams.”
His head moved. “I heard ya callin’ out one night. Granny said you’d have ‘em some from the war.”
Jess rested her cheek against his head. “I do, but they’re happening less.”
“Mama used to say that she was God’s arms in this world for me. When I’d have a nightmare sometimes, I’d run to her bed and she’d wrap me in her arms just like you’re doin’ right now.”
Heated tears gathered in Jess’ eyes, tipping onto her pillow. “Mama’s are good about that.”
His little head bobbed again. “She’d say, ‘we pray for God to make us strong, but sometimes, we just need some arms to remind us that we’re loved, so that’s what I’m here for. I’m God’s arms.”
She squeezed Jude closer and buried another kiss into his hair. “That’s a good reminder, Jude. I’m happy to be God’s arms for you, sweet boy. You don’t have to be afraid.”
Chapter Fifteen
“Sylvie may still have some hearing, Anna.”
Jess looked from her grandpa to Anna Fischer. The woman’s bottom limp dropped limp.
“Now, I wouldn’t get all my hopes up. It’s still a large loss, but there’s something...”
&nb
sp; “It can be amplified,” Jess finished.
Anna sent a frantic look between Grandpa and Jess, and even included Amy in the search for clarification. “Amplified? What does this mean?”
“There are devices called electric hearing aids we can attach to Sylvie’s ears that will make the sounds louder for her.” Grandpa tried to simplify the words.
“So perhaps she will be able to hear something again.”
Anna stared again, the information slowly seeping into comprehension with the return of her tremulous smile. “Truly?”
“We won’t know until we can try a hearing device on her,” Grandpa warned. “I’ve never used them on children, and they can be cumbersome, but she’s a clever one.”
“Da,” Anna said, clasping Sylvie’s face in her hands and placing a kiss to her little forehead. “She is clever.”
“How long would it take for the device to arrive when you order it?”
Amy’s first words during the entire situation brought Jess’ attention back to the young girl. Ever since she’d started working with her grandpa the day before, she’d held a wide-eyed look of pure fascination. But Jess instincts proved on target. Amy’s learned quickly by observation, asked insightful questions, and came with her own self-researched knowledge. Jess couldn’t help but see a little bit of her younger self shining in the curiosity behind Amy’s caramel gaze.
“I’m not quite sure with the war on and all.” Grandpa rubbed his chin. “A month or more, I suspect. And then we’ll have to see how they fit, and if Sylvie can manage them at her age.”
“She can.” Anna responded, immediately. “I will make certain she can.”
“I’m going to go to the post office directly and place the order.” Grandpa nodded to Amy. “Take the catalog with the latest options from Seimens and I’ll show you how it’s done.”
Amy’s ready smile beamed with the joy of feeling useful.
“If you’re fine, Grandpa, I’ll take Anna back home in the car and help Granny with the children as we prepare for the Ross family arrival.”
“She’ll appreciate it. I know she’s still trying to clean out the front room.”
“Do you need the cottage?” Anna drew Sylvie from the examination table into her arms. “We can stay in town until your family leaves if you need the space.”
“No, thank you, Anna.” Grandpa walked toward the door, Amy at his heels. “Mrs. Carter’s family managed a houseful in that farmhouse for a century or more. Besides, it’ll be nice to have a full house after all this time.”
Jess followed them out, locking up the clinic and leading Anna and Sylvie to the car. Her gaze immediately swept up the street to the camp and took an unwanted turn toward a certain German. What was she doing? Though Jasper softened after his warning last night, it was clear raising someone else’s children wasn’t even on his list of possibilities. Why on earth would she even consider contemplating a relationship with any man, especially some German who unnerved her more than anything else?
She grimaced. Well, he did ignite quite a few other things inside of her, but she didn’t like to think about them, let alone name them. If she’d hovered on the edge of spinsterhood before the war, as a single mom of two, she completely catapulted over the cliff. What man would want her? Wounded, outspoken, and a mother of two orphans? Best to bury that dream along with countless others and embrace the growing sweetness of her current life.
“You fight very hard against liking him, don’t you?”
Jess turned to Anna’s soft voice as they topped the street and turned toward the car. She took a few steps in silence, grinding her teeth to unravel a response. “I don’t see why my opinion matters all that much. I’m certain my somewhat abrasive personality will wear away his interest soon enough.”
Anna chuckled and placed Sylvie in the middle of the car seat, then took her place on the other side. “I do not think you understand my brother or how he views you. He appreciates your strength, your single-mindedness. His past is littered with people who were swayed by society or selfishness more than conscience. You are quite different.”
Jess pressed the starter and the engine rumbled to life. “Quite different, hmm?” She released her frustration in a mock laugh. “Well, that makes the most sense for an attraction than anything else.”
“You do not see, do you? You should reread those letters you sent to your grandparents. Hear the stories they tell of you, with such love and laughter.”
Jess kept her eyes forward, restraining a massive eye-roll. “People don’t fall in love through letters, Anna.”
“It depends on the letters.” Humor lit her words. “Some great romances occurred through letters, or at least were encouraged by them.”
Jess sighed against the tempting tug of Anna’s optimism. “Name one.”
“My grandparents. The day they met in person, my grandfather proposed to her, but they’d corresponded for a year. My mother kept them as a reminder that there are men in the world such as my grandfather.”
The memory of Anna’s confession about her former husband’s cruelty tempered Jessica’s response with curiosity. “And what was this grandfather like?”
“Gentle. Strong.” Her voice quieted with reminiscence. “He countered our father’s harshness with a quiet dignity. My mother carried the same quiet strength in her. That and her faith were the only things holding her heart together in the face of our father’s brutality. He only had enough love for one child. One rule. One dream. And if we did not fit into the dream, we were cast away. If you did not harden to him and take on his ways, he had little use for you. My husband was father’s protégé, both in business and in personal matters, but August...” She smiled. “He is much like our grandfather.”
Jessica paused on the sentiment before continuing. Quiet strength? With a slight begrudging hold on her dislike, she’d agree. He carried a strength, an internal calm. “And what about your other family? Don’t you want to return to Germany for them?”
“There is no other family. When August left after disinheritance by our father, I remained close to care for our mother. After her death, the bond holding me to my homeland broke. August and I have learned to rely on one another, as we’ve done our whole lives. Both outcasts. Misfits in an expectation of perfection.”
Jess digested this new information as they drew close to the farmhouse. Her childhood and the Reinhold’s stood in complete contrast to one another. Anchored within a loving family, blanketed with encouragement her whole life, she couldn’t fathom a home destitute of tenderness or laughter.
“How can you just accept your father’s behavior? Having to uproot your life? Your brother’s exile from home?”
“I have fought my battles against my heart and my past, Jessica. So has August. Life is filled with scars from others, and we can choose to pick the scars and keep them bleeding, or tend the scars with faith and forgiveness so they will heal.”
She stopped the car and turned to Anna, her eyes and throat on fire. “What happens then? What happens if I forgive?” She pointed out the window to the sky. “How can I just release all of this wrong when someone should pay for it, or at the very least He should explain himself for all that’s happened?” She pinched the steering mechanism in her grasp, fighting the onslaught of tears.
Anna lifted a brow and covered one of Jessica’s hands with her own. “Don’t you know? Someone has paid for it. All the wrongs done to us, by us, for us. All the wounds we cause or excuse. The injustices we scream. Christ has already paid for it.” She reached for the car door and nodded to the back yard where Jude worked to hit the birdie back across the net to August.
August raised his straw hat in welcome, his grin almost infectious. “My opponent has finally arrived?”
Jess pulse twittered into another rhythm and she looked away, right into Anna’s clear blue gaze. “Open your eyes, Jessica. Open and see.”
***
“Why do you keep torturing yourself through these matches with
her, August?” Mrs. Carter whispered as Jess and Anna approached from the car. “Are you a glutton for punishment? She’ll play you until she wins.”
August matched her volume, keeping his eyes on the beautiful prize walking his way. “That’s why I must keep winning.”
Mrs. Carter chuckled and placed a palm on his shoulder, drawing his attention to her warm, gray eyes. “You clever boy. My granddaughter is stubborn, but she’s no fool. When she comes around, and she will, she’ll reward your patience. She’s fiercely loyal.” She shook her head. “You just have to get past her wicked stubbornness to reach the heart of gold.”
He pressed a palm to his chest, an ache forming at the thought. “Time is not on my side, Mrs. Carter. Perhaps I should relinquish my pursuit before I wound her.”
“Wound her? Jess needs to learn the risk is worth the reward. Besides, time may not be on your side, but it’s well in hand for Him.” She gestured skyward. “I’d let him worry about those details, and keep your eyes on the goal.”
Which wasn’t a hardship by any means. She wore a cream blouse with short sleeves paired with a long, green skirt reaching down to the tops of her boots. The cinched waist of her skirt drew attention to her curves and the length of her legs. The sun added an extra scorch to his face, but he took his time appreciating the view. What would it be like to have all of her energy and determination turned to loving him? He’d certainly like to find out.
“Allow me to change my shoes, Mr. Reinhold.” Jessica’s smile challenged him. “I’m feeling rather lucky today, so prepare yourself.”
His grin stretched wide and he gave a sweeping bow in response. “Hope is an excellent virtue, Miss Ross.”
Evergreen glittered with mischief. She raised her golden brow. “There’s always hope.”
He held her gaze. “And that is exactly what I’m counting on.”
The teasing fell from her expression, replaced by a wave of uncertainty. He stepped forward, searching for a reason in this sudden shift, but she backed toward the house, recovering her grin. “Just so you know, I’m excellent in math too, so counting might not be your best defense either.”
The Thorn Healer Page 18
