by C. L. Jones
As he walked through the doors the smell of the food was overwhelming, its aroma pulling him right up to the counter. The coffee smelled so great that he almost neglected to get a meal tray. Pops hadn’t realized just how hungry he was until that very moment. As he slid his tray along on the serving counter the cook asked, “Yes sir, what would you like for breakfast today?”
Pops answered back without missing a beat, “Three eggs over easy, hash browns browned and some biscuits and white gravy.” With only a nod and smile the cook started preparing the meal. At the end of the line Pops picked up some orange juice and coffee as he turned and looked the room over. He saw the corner table that he wanted was empty. With the newness of the morning it was perfect. Most people would think that the normal way of sitting would be to face the whole mess hall but at this table Pops could sit with his back to everyone and like before act like he was not watching. In reality he could see almost everything behind him reflected in the glass of the windows.
After a few minutes Pops overheard the people seated behind him talking about some guy falling down in the shower the night before and splitting his head wide open. One of the people talking said that the last anyone had heard, the guy had been out cold the whole time he was being evacuated. Then one of the others at the table said the injured guy would never see a hospital around here. Similar remarks came from the rest of the table. Pops just listened and took mental notes thinking to himself that you never know what will come in handy later.
After going back for a couple more cups of coffee Pops started back to the hooch. When he reached the hooch he went over to his hooch mate’s bed and folded the sheets and blankets, knowing the guy wouldn’t return since he was probably suffering a cracked skull and had been evacuated. Then he rolled the mattress up at the foot of the bed and laid the bedding and pillow on top. He reached under the bed and pulled out the duffel bag and put it on the bed. Pops went to the door and took a quick look around the area near his hooch and there was no one nearby. After another quick check at the back door he went back to the duffle bag and opened it, trying to find the little black bag that he’d seen the night before. He pawed through the bag and pulled out half the things in the bag before it dawned on him that someone had beaten him to it. He repacked and closed the bag and placed it on the bed like a soldier does when he’s getting ready to move out.
Pops had plenty of time to snoop before breakfast but he didn’t want to be seen going through someone else’s bag at this time of the day. Now it looked like he was just helping out a hooch mate who was running behind. He fixed his bed in the same manner as he’d done for his hooch mate except he left his duffle bag under the bunk. Pops went back outside and sat on the steps and waited to see what would happen next. It was time for Pops to do some more observing because you can learn a lot about people by just watching.
Ten minutes later one of the cadre came to the edge of the clearing while the rest of the cadre stood by two large poles anchored into the ground. Each pole had a hook attached to the end. One was painted red and the other was painted blue. The man standing at the edge of the clearing blew his whistle and yelled for everyone to gather around as he headed back to the two poles. People followed him towards the poles. Pops like the others had been waiting and wondering when and where the contest was going to start and how this would be played out. Now they were about to find out.
As Pops walked past a cadre member he could see sergeant strips on his collar. Back in the old days in either the army or marines, the cadre sergeant would have been called a buck sergeant but today he would be called either just sergeant or an E-5. The sergeant started yelling for the two teams to divide into two separate groups, red on the right and blue on the left. He waved his hands in an up and down motion demanding that everyone clear the way so he could have a walkway between the two groups. As he walked between the groups he said, “Okay gentleman, here’s how this is going to go. We’ll have the first week of pure training and at the end of the first week there will be a showdown between the two teams. Each team will pick the five best warriors on their team. Your five best will be dropped off out there.” He pointed to the small mountain range west of them. “Each of these team members will be wearing a set of I.D. tags, one around his neck and the other around his ankle. The team that places the most tags on the hook of their colored pole by a pre set time will win.” Then with a smile he stated, “And there will be no questions about how you got them or who got them. Do you understand what I’m telling you? No questions, no rules.”
The only part that drew Pops’ attention was the part about no rules. In his mind that was the whole point to the no questions, no answers. Pops was about to ask a question when the sergeant answered it. “The winners will keep their hooch and the food they have been getting here so far. They also keep the nice hot showers every night. The losers get to live out here. They get to eat MRE’s (meals ready to eat) and washing and shaving will be out the window. Today you will meet with your teams and pick your leaders.” He handed out some captain’s bars and continued, “The team leader will wear these and will be responsible for the team and the training. Once you pick your team leader you will be stuck with him for this whole week. You can leave here now and go to anywhere in the camp to hold your team meeting. Gentlemen, you all have a good day today for it’s going to be the last good day you will have for a while.” As the men considered their next steps, the sergeant said, “Oh yea, one more thing, the blue team has one more guy than the red team.” With no further explanation he walked away.
Pops couldn’t help but wonder why they didn’t just take a guy from the blue team and reassign him to the red team. Pops looked around for the rest of his team and saw them gathering on the side of a small grassy embankment. One of the red team members was already acting like he was the big cheese and Pops thought the guy figured he could rule by self-appointment. It’s a fact that some think that if you act like you’re the boss then others who don’t want to be bothered with taking charge will let you be the boss. Laziness comes in many forms.
The guy acting like the big cheese was a large blonde German-looking man. He turned to the rest of the team and said, “Okay boys let’s go over there,” as he pointed to a clump of trees, continuing, “We can sit in the shade and get started.” Pops knew this was just a move to further imprint his newly assumed position. While everyone got comfortable on the side of the small grassy well shaded hill Pops noticed that some of the men looked at each other and made gestures as if to say, “Who the hell is this guy?”
By contrast, a couple of other team members immediately buddied-up to the big blonde guy. Pops had seen this behavior time after time in the military. One soldier gets a little rank and the next thing you know he has a small group of suck ups tagging along wherever he goes, doing whatever he says. It was clear that the blonde guy wanted to be the team captain and was trying to assume the leadership role through shear expectation and a deep need to be out front. Me, me, me was his main goal.
In Pops’ view this could be just perfect. He could do more of what he thought necessary for his team to win if everyone perceived Pops was just a flunky who was an organizational office boy and not much of a combat type. If all eyes were on the German looking guy then they would not be on him. Pops knew if he could pull this off then maybe whoever the leader was would give him the jobs that didn’t contribute much. Pops decided for now to play it as if he was one of the office boy types. He would try his best to look so unaware of what was going on around him that the team would soon leave him behind whenever they could find a reason to do so. If looking and behaving like he was an unaware office type would get him the unwanted status then so much for the better. He would drop back and act dumb, weak and clumsy, whining about everything with every step. He wanted the team to think of him as just another one of those organization office boys, a pantywaist boy.
Things went as expected. The big blonde German-looking guy became the team captain and his two main
suck ups became his candy-striped sergeants. Pops had seen many suck-up candy-stripers during his career. They were usually someone who was given an arm band with three buck sergeant stripes so they could play a big shot. Pops laid back and watched how the candy stripers acted. It was as if men from Pops’ own professional background had just become macho men and were making like this blonde flunky was some kind of a major accomplishment in their lives. The meeting went forward as most meetings like this do with the new leader telling the rest what was going to happen and what he, the new leader, would expect everyone to do for this week’s training. Of course the candy stripers were egging him on and echoing everything he said.
The self-appointed captain told everyone to go back to their hooch and get ready for a little pre-training test and he dismissed the men. Apparently the guy was going to run everyone through a test that the idiot had come up with that he thought would get them in shape. Yea right, if you weren’t in shape when you were chosen for the training then some on the spot, made up test was a load of bull. As Pops left the area and was walking back to the hooch, he could not help but wonder who was going to test the big blonde German captain.
Back in his room Pops dug into his duffel bag for the gray military sweat suit and the running shoes they’d all been given on the plane. As he pulled them out of the bag he decided he could really help matters by looking the part of an organizational office boy. Pops put on the sweat pants and then the shirt. He tucked the shirt into the pants and pulled the pants up high on his waist. Pops sat on the bed and put on the socks and shoes and for an added touch he pulled the socks up as high as he could and kicked up the legs of the sweats so they looked like old nineteen twenties knickers. Pops stood up and assumed his goofy pose with the pants seemingly almost up to his Adam’s apple and sporting the stupid looking knickers. He decided that he had the look he was trying to achieve, but the topper was the addition of a ball cap that he pulled down so far that the top of his ears were almost pinned under the cap. With his costume almost ready, Pops could only hope that no one had remembered his confrontation with the truck driver during the plane trip. If they did, he hoped it wouldn’t mean much to them. He figured that looking like a silly, nerdy weakling boy, no one would want him to go on any mission and he would not be picked for the showdown at the end of the week. His instinct told him his team could win the showdown by Pops being the odd guy out. He thought he could help his cause of winning the money by doing things his way rather than by being out front and having someone watching him all the time. Pops also knew if everything went as planned, the team captain and his candy stripers would start by trying to make this physical test as hard as they could on him. In the military way of life, the puny and weak are often picked on and nobody gets too close to them for fear of the others thinking you are like them. He was hoping he could pull this off and not lose his temper along the way if anyone started in on him with over-the-top abuse. Minor ribbing was to be expected but any physical abuse was going over the line.
Pops had no more than finished getting dressed when one of the new candy striper sergeants came to the center of the open field area outside but in clear view of Pops open door and blew his whistle. Then like he was someone who was important, he started announcing in his high pitched voice, “Red team fall in.” This was the first test.
Pops relished the thought of how he would like to stick that whistle so far up the candy striper’s butt that he would still be able to blow it without opening his damn mouth. He walked out of his hooch in his fake clumsy demeanor and awkwardly stared holes through the little numb nuts candy striper. But Pops was ready to play his character to the highest. He also knew that with even a half ass review of the situation any decent leader was sure to make a decision to leave the weakest link in the unit chain behind. He thought that if he played his part right, there could be no one better than he to be chosen as the teammate to be left behind.
The men from the red team fell out in a loose and disorganized fashion. They were told that the self-imposed team captain wanted them in military formation. Everyone started to laugh, some very loud and some more like a chuckle. They took their places looking more like the doctors from some daytime TV series. Then one of the candy striper sergeants walked around the men making adjustments in the line which made the red team look more like good little tin soldiers than the experienced military or field agents that most of them had been. The candy striper sergeant showed his new found bit of pride and made a sharp military turn and walked back to the front of the formation. It was at that moment that Pops realized that even though this candy striper had worked for the organization it didn’t mean he was an agent. Most likely the punk ass had been squirreled away in some office working as a paper pusher. If a paper pusher paid attention to detail it meant he often had the chance to read highly classified information about past missions which would allow him to fantasize about being that field agent. Even recognizing this, it was difficult for Pops to wonder how the hell a paper pusher ever got picked to be sent to some competition for a hundred-thousand-dollars. With retirement money like that any real field agent would do precisely what he had been trained to do to obtain success including running over some office paper pusher.
The candy striper sergeant stood at attention and called the squad to attention. The order didn’t take with the men as none of the agents moved. Reacting, the pompous blonde so called team captain began walking in front of the men with his hands behind his back acting like he was General Patton. The red team stood there watching him, not doing well at hiding their feelings. Just as the team captain was about to speak someone in the ranks yelled out, “And here’s our comedy relief.”
Acting like he hadn’t heard a word of the sarcastic humor that should’ve given him pause, the captain chose to ignore it and he began to talk, “Gentlemen, the test you will be taking today will be the same one that the United States Army is using. You will do as many sit ups and as many pushups as you can, each in two minutes. Then you will get up and start a two-mile run that will be timed. Your placement on the team will be in accordance with your performance. We don’t want any slackers or pussies on the showdown, Friday. Yes, gentlemen, on Friday I’ll be one of the team members on the showdown and I’ll be leading our team to victory.”
Pops looked around waiting for someone to show some balls and say something but so far no one said a word. Then out of the back of the formation a voice said, “We want you to take the test first. You show us poor lackeys how to do it.” Pops looked back and found that the voice was coming from Baldy.
The team captain got very mad, very quickly, “I can pass any test, anytime.” he yelled back. The team captain tried to regain his command but Baldy wouldn’t have any of it and the others soon followed joining in with a collection of jeers and sneers.
The captain yelled trying to regain command, “I have a pulled hamstring.”
In the same manner Baldy yelled back, “Then how are you going to lead the showdown?”
“Okay, okay that’s enough of this shit, we have work to do.” said the captain.
Still Baldy wouldn’t stop, “You test first or we don’t!”
The angry and very red-faced team captain turned to his sergeant and said, “You’ll test me.”
“Oh no,” yelled Baldy, “we will test you and your sergeants and that’s that.”
Now the team captain went wild throwing down his cap and pulling off his long sleeve sweatshirt which he threw on the ground next to his cap. “Fine, okay fine, we will test first but then, we will test all you people. Got it?”
Baldy spoke up again but not yelling this time, “Remember, no one’s voted on any leaders yet.”
The captain gave a quick look to his sergeants and you could see their questioning glances as the change come over their faces.
Baldy came to the front of the formation and picked four other team members to help him. He looked at the now unhappy captain and asked, “Okay captain where is the course
?”
One of the candy striped sergeants spoke up without anyone asking him, “The one mile down and back track?”, and pointed it out while he started walking toward the starting line.
Baldy turned and asked the men he had picked if they would help him by spreading themselves out alongside the track while the rest of the team would see to the pushups and the sit-ups of this so called leadership competition.
The self appointed captain’s whole attitude changed in a heartbeat as he realized that he no longer had the advantage of having his men being the ones watching him. With more anger in his eyes than could be expressed he began to stretch and do some warm ups. After some stalling techniques, he turned and looked at the rest of the team with a sheepish look and said, “Okay I’m ready.”
Baldy walked up to the grassy area and pointed to the ground and said, “This is good, let’s see your stuff.” The captain and his deflated candy striper sergeants laid down and got ready to start the sit-up exercise. Baldy pushed up his sleeve and checked his solar self-charging digital stopwatch. After messing with it, it made a few beeps and with a nod of his head Baldy said, “I’m ready, you ready?” Seeing the exasperated captain give a nod, Baldy announced, “Okay get ready, get set, start.” The three men started doing sit ups first and it was easy to see that the candy striper sergeants were doing way better than the captain whose belly looked like he had too much beer and pizza over the past few years.
After two minutes Baldy yelled, “Stop and roll over and get in position for your push-ups.” The count was being truthfully and accurately kept.
The captain was fading fast. About one minute into the push-ups his body dropped to the ground like a dead man. Pops thought all he needed was a white chalk outline around him to be pronounced dead. Baldy stood over him yelling, “Get up, get up you damn pussy. You’re not done yet. You want to be the leader?” But as hard as the captain tried he did not have one more push up left in him.
