“As I said,” Lenora said with a sigh. “A cliché. Oh, he promised to do all the right things. He would speak to my father the very next day and we would be married within the month. And when he did not appear the next day, I feared he’d been in an accident. Or had taken ill. When he didn’t come the third day, I went to the village, to make sure he was all right. But his rooms had been vacated and one of his friends told me that he’d been called to London.”
She laughed bitterly. “Even then, I thought he’d come back to me. But when a month had passed with no word, I knew that what I’d feared was the truth. He wasn’t coming back.”
“What did you father say?” Freddy asked, his fists clenched. “I hope he put a bullet in the bastard.”
“Papa searched for him, but by the time he found Anthony it was too late.”
“He was gone?” Freddy asked.
“He was dead,” Leonora said, flinching at the memory. “He’d gotten into a brawl in a tavern near the army barracks and was stabbed to death.”
“That saves me the trouble of killing him myself,” Freddy said, stepping forward to lay a hand on her shoulder. “For there’s no doubt he deserved it.”
“Perhaps so,” she agreed. “But at the time, I thought my world was over. And that my child would have no father.”
It was obvious since she had no child now that something had happened, but to Leonora’s relief Freddy didn’t press her. Even so, she would have to tell him the truth of it now.
“Not long after that,” she went on, “I lost the child.”
He made as if to take her in his arms, but Leonora placed a staying hand on Freddy’s chest. “There were complications,” she said, hating the words even as she spoke them. “And the end result was that I can no longer bear children.”
She watched his eyes change as the meaning of her confession sank in. And her heart clenched as he took a step back.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded. “It would have made no difference to me.”
“But what of the children you just mourned, that you thought we might have had if I’d not broken our engagement the first time?”
“You cannot blame me for weaving castles in the air when you hadn’t told me how things stood,” Freddy said sharply. “It was a logical hope that we would have children. Had I known the truth I’d have changed my expectations.”
“You say that now,” Leonora said, “because it is what you hope you’d have done.”
“We’ll never know,” he said with a frown. “It’s clear you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth. Then or now.”
“Can you blame me?” she asked. “The only other man I’d loved abandoned me when I told him I was carrying his child. Was it really so foolish for me to expect the same thing when you were so clearly looking forward to fatherhood?”
“You didn’t give me the chance to do the right thing,” he said quickly. “That you placed me in the same category as that bastard who left you before shows how little you thought of my sense of honor.”
His words hurt. Because they were true. And Leonora let the shame wash over her. “It was wrong,” she said at last. “I was a fool not to tell you. It was selfish and that is why I had to let you go. I was too cowardly to face you and tell you the truth, but I could make sure that you were free to fall in love with someone else. To have the family you wanted.”
“Do you know how much your rejection hurt me, Leonora?” Freddy demanded, his anguish visible in his face. “I had expected to live the rest of my life with you and you turned me away with no good reason. No explanation. I could only imagine I’d hurt you somehow.”
He laughed bitterly. “But it would seem that it was you who wronged me. For no good reason other than a fear of telling me the truth.”
“Do you deny that most men wish to marry in order to father children?” Leonora asked. “Is it not what the church says marriage was created for?”
“The church, perhaps, but we are hardly the picture of piety, my dear. It’s my brother who is the vicar in the family. Not me.”
“I wanted to save you,” she said, knowing her words were not recompense enough. “I wanted you to have the children you’d wished for. And I suspected you’d forget about me before long.”
“You should have given me the choice,” Freddy said softly. “By refusing to tell me the truth you did the same thing you’re always railing about when it comes to men’s treatment of women. You made the decision for me. As if I didn’t know my own mind and hadn’t the sense to make the right choice. You robbed me of agency in the matter. If I’d done anything like that to you, you’d have rightly ripped me up over it.”
It had never occurred to her to look at her actions in that context, and Leonora knew that if their roles were reversed she would have dismissed him as a paternalistic typical male. If she hadn’t already been ashamed of her actions, she would certainly be now.
Suddenly, she was exhausted and overwhelmed. And she wanted him to go so that she could cry in peace.
“Freddy, I have wronged you,” she said. “And now that you know the truth, you’ll see that the only rational thing for us to do is to dissolve this betrothal. It was never meant to be real anyway.”
“I see nothing of the sort,” he said firmly. “And what if that physician of yours was wrong? You might even now be carrying my child.”
“That is wishful thinking on your part,” she said mournfully. “He was quite certain that the damage was permanent. And aside from that, you are not thinking clearly. When you’ve had a moment to think things over you’ll see that parting now is the best decision for you.”
“And what of you?” He stepped forward and stroked a finger down her cheek. Leonora closed her eyes at the caress. “What about what’s best for you? Surely a life of solitary reflection is not the way for you to live life to the fullest.”
“I am trying to do right by you,” she said, reaching up to take his hand in hers. “Perhaps you are a younger son, but you deserve to have a family of your own. I want that for you.”
“I am not convinced.” He squeezed her hand.
Knowing that if she let him he would persuade her out of her decision, Leonora pulled away and walked toward the door.
“It is for the best,” she repeated, then fled the room.
Twenty-four
Hours later, Freddy was halfway through another decanter of brandy when his butler arrived to announce that he had visitors.
“Tell them to bugger off,” Freddy said, hunching deeper into his armchair. “Don’t want to see ’em.”
“Afraid not, old fellow,” Mainwaring said with a meaningful look at the butler, who took himself away with a nod. “There’s news, and though from the look of things you are in no state to do anything about it, it’s important.”
“Don’t give a damn,” Freddy said morosely. “Not unless someone has figured out how to raise the dead. ’Cause I’d bloody well kill him again.”
“Kill who?” the Duke of Trent asked conversationally, dropping into a chair across from his drunken friend. “Not like you to be so bloodthirsty without reason.”
“Oh, I’ve got reason,” Freddy said with a laugh. “If ever a man deserved killing again it’s Anthony.”
“Don’t know any Anthony,” Mainwaring said, pulling up another chair for himself. “Though if you think he’s worth killing, I have little doubt he is.”
The butler returned then with a tray of coffee and sandwiches, and when he was gone, Trent set about pouring Freddy a cup of the steaming drink.
But Freddy would have none of it. “What the devil are you about trying to sober me up, man? I’m not half drunk enough.”
“Which is not usual for you since you got back from France,” Mainwaring said meaningfully. “What’s happened to put you in such a mood?”
“Normally I’d guess it’s a woman,” Trent said thoughtfully, “but I cannot imagine the lovely Leonora doing anything to jeopardize things a second time a
round.”
Freddy gulped down his glass of brandy, then frowned as he began to search for the decanter that Mainwaring had hidden from him. “There’s where you’re wrong, friend,” he said absently while he patted the chair around him. “For Leonora has ended our engagement. Again.”
“What?” Mainwaring exchanged a look with Trent. “That’s impossible. I’ve seen you together. You were like a pair of bloody lovebirds.”
“A lot can change in a day,” Freddy said, staring into his now empty brandy glass. “She’s doing it for my own good. Which would be hilarious if it weren’t so damned infuriating.”
“How so?” Trent asked, getting to the heart of the matter. “How could not marrying her be for your own good?’
Freddy sighed. “It’s complicated,” he said, thrusting a hand through his already mussed hair. “But the gist is that she cannot have children and thinks to protect me from myself by forcing me to marry some other woman who can.”
“But I thought one of the benefits of being a younger son was not having to worry about getting heirs and all that?” It was a subject Trent had often teased his friend about. Mostly because as a duke, Trent had no such freedom.
“One would think,” Freddy said, resting his head against the back of the chair. “But it is clear that Leonora doesn’t think so. And I did not help matters by mentioning children at some point. But dammit, that was just daydreaming. It didn’t mean I had my heart set on a dozen children.”
“And she won’t take you at your word?” Mainwaring asked. “Or am I wrong and it does matter to you?”
“It matters,” Freddy said, “but not enough to give up the woman I love. Especially after what that bastard Anthony did to her.”
“Ah yes,” Trent said, “who is this Anthony? Since he is not happily married to Leonora I suspect the answer is angry-making.”
Quickly, Freddy told the story of what Anthony had done to Leonora. Both Trent and Mainwaring swore when he was finished.
“And you’re sure he’s dead?” Mainwaring asked, flexing his hand as if anticipating a fight.
“According to Leonora he is.” Freddy leaned forward and clasped his hands between his knees. “Though I suppose it’s not impossible that she only said that to protect me. I can’t imagine her father allowed the man to get away without doing the right thing, though.”
“True enough.” Trent nodded. “Likely Craven was as angry at being denied a chance to bloody the fellow’s nose as you are.”
“That’s not all I’d have bloodied,” Freddy growled. “When I think about Nora abandoned and alone. Suffering a miscarriage that likely frightened her to death. I just want to carry her off and wrap her in cotton wool. She is strong, of course she is, but that doesn’t mean she should go through things alone. Unfortunately, she won’t bloody let me take care of her. For my own good.”
“It’s not like you to take no for an answer, man,” Mainwaring said, shaking his head. “In fact, I’m rather surprised you didn’t persuade her that you’re capable of making your own decisions.”
At his friend’s words, Freddy straightened up in his chair. “What did you say?” he asked aghast.
Mainwaring shrugged. “It’s just that I think you might have found a way to convince her that you want her whether she can have children or not.”
“She ran away, Mainwaring,” Freddy bit out. “Was I supposed to chase after her and take her by force?”
“Of course he doesn’t mean that,” Trent said hurriedly, glaring at Mainwaring who looked unrepentant. “I think perhaps what he means is that it is unlike you to back away so easily. Especially when Leonora has done this to you before. An imbecile could see that the two of you are meant to be together. But you cannot let her fears keep you apart.”
“Unless, that is,” Mainwaring said unrepentantly, “you truly would prefer to marry someone who can give you a nursery full of ankle-biters.”
“Don’t be an arse, Mainwaring,” Freddy said sharply. “I love her. I don’t give a damn that she cannot have children. Except for her own sake, because I know she would make an excellent mother.”
“Ah, good,” Trent said with a nod. “Then I believe we have some information that might assist you in persuading her. Or at least will get your foot in the door in the event that she refuses to see you.”
Freddy frowned. “What?”
“Not good news, I’m afraid,” Mainwaring said apologetically. “I followed up on the information you sent me on your return to London. It seems that the Darleighs were found murdered on the Great North Road just outside of London. And Jonny’s curricle wasn’t with them.”
“Gerard.” All traces of his earlier inebriation fled as the import of Mainwaring’s announcement hit him. “It had to be. My cousin had them killed. Because they fled.”
“It’s very likely,” Trent agreed. “And it also means that Gerard is tying up loose ends. He didn’t follow you to London, but that’s not because he doesn’t wish to make sure neither you nor Leonora is able to report your suspicions to the authorities.”
“Damn it,” Freddy burst out. “I was supposed to stay with the Cravens until this died down. I was so angry when I left their house, I forgot about it. Leonora and her father must be protected.” He rose and began unwrapping his cravat as he stalked to the door.
Mainwaring grabbed his arm. “Wait a minute, old fellow. There’s more.”
“What?” Freddy demanded impatiently.
“We need to figure out a way to stop Gerard once and for all,” Trent said. “And I think perhaps you and Leonora might be able to do it. If you work together.”
“I don’t want her put in harm’s way.” Freddy was not going to let anyone hurt Leonora ever again.
“We won’t,” Mainwaring assured her. “In fact, if the plan goes right, you’ll have plenty of time to persuade her to marry you.”
“Let’s hear it, then,” Freddy said impatiently.
* * *
“Are you sure that you don’t want a nice cuppa tea, miss?” Leonora’s maid asked again as she tidied her mistress’s bedchamber.
Leonora had wept herself to sleep almost as soon as she heard the front door close when Freddy left. She’d hoped to stay by Freddy’s side at least until they’d managed to close the net around Gerard, but it seemed that had been too much to hope for. She wasn’t sure why she’d felt so compelled to tell Freddy the truth this afternoon, but something about the sincerity of his proposal had made her own mendacity cut like a knife. It had been physically impossible for her to go another minute without telling him the truth of what had happened between them five years before. And indeed, why she could not marry him now, either.
Instead of the relief she’d hoped for, however, all she’d felt on seeing the betrayal in his eyes was a degree of hopelessness she’d not experienced since all those years ago when she’d lost both her child and Anthony in one fell swoop. Now, of course, she was glad not to be tied to a man like Anthony, but her heartbreak at the time had been genuine.
Turning over the lavender-water-soaked cloth on her forehead to capture the coolness of the other side, Leonora tried and failed to erase the memory of the hurt in Freddy’s eyes just before she left him that afternoon. She’d done so much harm to him at this point, she could never hope to atone for it.
And he’d been right when he said she was patronizing him not to let him make the decision for himself. But she knew him so well. He would do the right thing no matter how much it hurt him. If she could, by some miracle, conceive, then perhaps things would be different. But she would not let that insidious hope flourish in her breast. Her courses were due in a few days, which would put a rest to such wishful thinking. And the sooner that happened, the better.
A brisk knock on her bedchamber door broke her from her reverie.
“I told them you weren’t to be disturbed,” her maid grumbled. Leonora didn’t move, but she could hear Peggy’s skirts rustle as she crossed the room to the door.
&nb
sp; When she heard Freddy’s voice, however, she sat bolt upright, flinging the cold compress aside.
“Miss,” Peggy said, aggrieved, “I told him you weren’t to be disturbed, but he won’t take no for an answer.”
“It’s important, Leonora.” Freddy pushed past Peggy into the room and stood watching her. “I’d not have disturbed you otherwise.”
Searching his face for some other explanation, she saw only fatigue and determination.
“It’s all right, Peggy,” she told the maid. “Leave us alone. We are betrothed after all.”
At the lie, Freddy’s brow quirked. But Leonora refused to feel bad about the obfuscation. He was the one who’d barged into her bedchamber. A little white lie was the least he could give her.
“All right, miss,” Peggy said with a frown. “But you just call out if you need me.”
When the door had closed behind the maid, Leonora was suddenly aware that she was alone in her bedchamber with him. A glance at Freddy told her he was thinking much the same thing.
Swallowing, Leonora climbed down from the bed and walked in stocking feet to the door that led into her sitting room. She heard Freddy following behind her.
When they were seated across from one another, she indicated with a hand that he should state his business.
“Lord and Lady Darleigh were found murdered on the Great North Road this morning,” he said without preamble. “Jonathan’s carriage was missing. I’ve sent a man to search South Haven but haven’t heard back yet.”
“Dear God,” Leonora said, pressing a hand to her chest. “It’s what they both feared from the moment Lord Darleigh decided to leave the club, but now it’s happened, I can hardly believe it.”
“My cousin has shown no compunction about killing anyone who dares to leave the club, or anyone who tries to uncover his illicit dealings as Jonathan did,” Freddy said. “Or as you and I have.”
“If this is about finding someone to protect my father and me—” Leonora began.
But Freddy raised a hand. “We can discuss that later. What we need now is to find some way to trap Gerard once and for all. And to do that I need your help.”
A Good Rake is Hard to Find Page 25
