by Lilly Wilde
I grabbed the clothes and went to the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I didn’t bother with makeup or my hair. I dressed in my new designer swags and grabbed the scrunchy for my messy bun, a silly grin on my face the entire time. I felt a tinge of guilt for these small moments of happiness. Was it okay to smile or have my thoughts pulled from the sadness of my mother’s death to a lighter, happier place? Everyone grieves in their own way and maybe this was the way for me ... not to grieve at all. I didn’t want to mope around burying myself in all of the horrible things I was thinking yesterday. I wanted to honor her memory and I wanted to solidify a close relationship with Lia and Bianca. Mom would want that too; she wouldn’t want me to sink into a pit of despair and I didn’t want that either because who knew the depth of that pit. If I fell in, it was quite possible I would never emerge. I wouldn’t go there. Instead, I’d try my best to be the person she’d want me to be. She’d said that I was strong and I was … not as strong as some may have thought and not as strong as I was even a few months ago. But I wanted that person back and she was going to come back. She may stumble a little but she was definitely coming back … sooner rather than later.
I emerged from the bathroom a few moments later to see Aiden walking into the bedroom … dressed exactly like me. I doubled over in laughter.
“You,” I accused, pointing at him.
“What?” he asked, innocently.
“You’re ridiculous, you know that right?” I asked. He was better for me than any pill could ever be.
We smiled at each other for a few quiet seconds.
“I need to check on Lia and Bianca,” I said, ending the awkwardness of the moment.
“They aren’t here,” he said, walking toward me.
“What? Where are they?” I asked, worried.
“I had Allison fly in this morning and she and April are out with them. I figured that someone as buoyant as Allison would be great for them right now.”
Actually Allison was the bolt of energy we all needed. He never ceased to amaze me. “Tell me again … how is it that you’re still single?” I asked, jokingly.
“Because the girl I want doesn’t want me,” he replied, seriously.
“Clearly that girl is insane,” I replied, hoping to lighten the weight of his words.
“I couldn’t agree more,” he replied.
“Either insane or afraid.” I said, pensively.
“This look works on you,” he said, ignoring my last statement.
“Are you kidding? I look hideous. This look doesn’t work for anyone,” I replied.
“I don’t know about anyone, but it works for you.”
“Whatever,” I said, waving him off.
“It got you fucked didn’t it?”
“I don’t even know how to respond to that,” I said, laughing.
“Are you hungry? Dianna’s prepared pretty much everything you can think of for breakfast.”
“You know. I think I am hungry,” I said. I wasn’t sure when I’d last eaten.
“Good, I’m glad you have an appetite. Shall we?” he asked, motioning toward the door.
“You know … I was wrong, this look is totally working for you. I could honestly have you for breakfast,” I said, following him.
“So back to the pineapple? Last I heard, you were allergic.”
“I can’t believe I said that to you,” I said, remembering that night. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
“Hell, I can. You have quite the smart mouth.”
I was happy that Mom had met him.
“Are you okay?” he asked, when I became quiet.
Would I ever really be okay? “Yes, just thinking about everything. It hurts Aiden. It hurts so much,” I said, as my eyes started to water.
“I know. I know,” he said, standing and walking around the kitchen counter to pull me into his arms.
“I think you should take an alprazolam with breakfast. What do you think?” Aiden asked, after the sobs subsided.
“Yeah, I think so. I was hoping I wouldn’t need one but I guess I do.”
“I’ll get it. I’ll be right back,” he said, releasing me from his embrace.
I wiped my face and watched him leave the kitchen. I didn’t want to feel like this. My self-pep talk this morning was apparently unsuccessful. Trying to skip some of the stages of grief wasn’t going to work; I had to face this; there was no shortcut. It would take time, I knew that but I simply didn’t want it to.
“Here you go,” Aiden said, passing the bottle to me.
“Thank you,” I said. “So tell me more about this crazy girl who doesn’t want you. Maybe I can talk to her for you … make her see the light.”
“Could you?” he asked, grinning.
“After all you’ve done for me, of course, I’ll speak to her for you,” I replied.
“I don’t know … she can be quite obstinate,” he said.
“Do you think she’s worth it? She’s probably a real bitch,” I said.
“Now that you mention it –” he started.
Dianna walked into the kitchen, her entrance halting our whacky conversation. “How are you feeling this morning Miss Cason?” she asked.
“As well as can be expected I suppose,” I replied. I could feel Aiden’s eyes on me. Was I that much of a mess? I looked up to see the worried look in his eyes. He smiled, attempting to cover his concern but I could see it. I didn’t want him looking at me like that. I looked down before the tears spilled over.
We finished breakfast and I took the medication, Aiden watching as I swallowed it.
“How about a game of chess?” he asked.
“What? What makes you think I play chess?”
“You were staring at the chess board on the jet last night. This morning I asked Lia if you could play and she said you were actually very good.”
I had only played chess with my father.
“Did I say something wrong?” he asked.
“No, I used to play with my dad,” I said.
“We don’t have to play.”
“No, it’s fine. I want to,” I said. It may be therapeutic.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes, Aiden I’m sure,” I snapped. “You don’t need to keep fussing over me and watching everything I do or say as if I’m going to lose it!”
I felt like shit as soon as the words escaped my lips. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m feeling. Everything is all jumbled up.”
He didn’t say anything. He simply looked at me. “I’m being a bitch … just like that girl you like, huh?”
“I plead the fifth,” he said, smiling.
“Are you ready for me to kick your ass at chess?” I asked.
“You can try,” he said, leading me to the study.
We played two games of chess; he was a formidable player, but I didn’t expect anything less. I won the first game and he won the second. We were about to start the third when a knock sounded from the door, followed by the entry of the four other house guests. I laughed as I took them in; they were each dressed like Aiden and me. I looked at Aiden. “What happened to your messy up-do?”
“Look at this,” he said, pointing at his hair. It was slightly disheveled but it looked hot, so that didn’t really count.
“We still don’t know why Aiden insisted we all dress alike,” Allison said.
“He thinks he’s funny. It’s more of an inside joke,” I said.
He was grinning mischievously as he watched me attempt an explanation. His phone rang and he sighed as he walked to his desk.
“Hi Allison,” I said, hugging her. “Thanks for coming.”
“Of course, Aria and I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. So what did you guys do this afternoon?” I asked.
“It’s Nicholas. I need to take care of this. Something’s gone wrong with the Japan deal.” Aiden said.
We took that as our cue to leave. I followed Lia, Bianca, April and Allison. Th
ey were headed to the theater room to watch a movie. It was a comedy that I’d seen before but it was a pretty good movie so I grabbed some popcorn and joined them. Two movies later, Dianna announced that dinner was ready. Aiden was still behind closed doors. We sat down for dinner and started our salads. I was hoping Aiden would have been able to join us. I started to feel guilty again. He was making too many adjustments for me. I would check with the designer today to see how much longer we’d have to wait before going to the condo.
They filled me in on their day and it seemed Lia and Bianca had really connected with both Allison and April. Aiden walked in as we started the main course. He looked stressed. He rarely looked stress even when he should, so I wondered if our presence was complicating things for him. I wasn’t ready to leave.
I didn’t know what to expect when I went home. I knew we would all be uncomfortable for a while. I watched them chatter with Allison. I hadn’t had a chance to speak with them alone yet. I’d make sure I took some time to check on them tomorrow. I was also still in the dark in regards to what was bothering April.
Aiden took the seat across from Allison. He was quiet for the most part. I would imagine he was thinking of a way to juggle his schedule to allow him more time here with me. Allison later asked him to join us for a movie. His initial response was no. After some prodding, he finally agreed. I didn’t say anything but I wanted him with us too. His presence was quickly becoming necessary. He gave me a sense of calm, or maybe it was the medication. Either way, I was feeling less crazed … a little loopy but definitely less emotional.
*****
I’d drifted off before the movie ended. “Let’s get you bathed and in bed,” Aiden whispered. I looked around to see the others engrossed in the movie. He and I slipped out without their noticing.
We walked silently to the bedroom. He went directly to the bathroom and started a bath for me. I stood in the doorway as I watched him. He was spoiling me. He started a soft relaxing playlist and walked over to me and started undressing me. I lifted my hands and he removed my top and as he looked into my eyes, he reached behind and unclasped my bra. His hands were then at my waist lowering my sweatpants and panties. I stepped out of them and walked over to the tub and stepped in. I sat down and lay back, forgetting … losing myself in the soft melodies of the room.
Hozier’s Like Real People Do was playing in the background. The lyrics took me to my Mom’s grave and then back to the person who rescued me.
He closed the door and walked out of the bathroom. A half hour or so later I stepped into the bedroom and Aiden was sitting in a chair near the terrace reviewing something in a folder that bore the Raine Industries logo. A tinge of guilt surfaced again as I thought about the sacrifices he was making for me. He looked up from the file.
“How was your bath?” he asked.
“It was nice. Thank you,” I replied, stifling a yawn.
He placed the folder on the table beside him and walked over to me. “Looks like it’s past someone’s bedtime.”
“I didn’t think I had a bedtime.”
“You do now,” he said. He grabbed my hand and walked me to the bed and tucked me in.
“I’ll let you rest,” he said. He kissed my forehead and turned to leave.
“Aiden.”
“Yes?”
“I don’t want you to go just yet. Can you hold me please?”
He didn’t reply, he simply walked back to the bed and climbed in beside me. He pulled me close and I lay my head on his contoured chest. I inhaled, taking in a concentrated dose of his unique scent. We lay in silence and my mind started to wonder. I thought about my being here and my sisters and, of course, my mom. I could feel the tears forming and I absolutely didn’t want to cry. I was so over crying. I wanted to forget the pain. I wanted to forget my tears. I touched the side of his face and gently motioned him towards me and softly kissed his lips. Our kiss quickly became one that involved quickened heartbeats and exploring hands. I reached inside his pants to stroke his manhood. I wanted him inside me. I wanted his skin on my skin. I wanted his touch to erase everything else … if only for a short while.
“Aria, are you sure about this?” he asked.
“Yes, Aiden. I need this. I need you.”
He looked at me, searching my eyes, seeing my dire need for him. He lowered his head to meet my anxious lips and kissed me deeply.
He suddenly pulled away and I reached up to pull his mouth back to mine. “Aria, no. Stop. You’re trembling. We aren’t doing this. As much as I would love to be with you like this again … not this way. I want you lucid. Tomorrow if you’re okay without the medication and you still want this … then we’ll make it happen.”
“But Aiden –”
“No buts.”
“Will you at least hold me until I fall asleep?” I asked.
“Now that, I can do.”
He pulled me toward him and I placed my head on his chest. He pulled me closer, surrounding me with the warmth and comfort that only he could provide. I took a deep breath and sighed. I closed my eyes, allowing the erogenous scent to penetrate my senses.
We were both quiet. My raging thoughts soon calmed as I listened to his heartbeat. It was a soothing repetition that carried me to the edge of unconsciousness. The last thought before I dozed off was of tomorrow; I wasn’t taking any medication … not even Tylenol.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Good morning, sleepy head.”
“Good morning. What time is it?” I asked, as I watched him dress. What a yummy site to wake up to.
“Shortly after 11 o’clock. I saw you stirring in bed a little while ago and I wanted to be here when you awoke.”
I looked at the tray of food on the bedside table. “What’s this? It looks delicious.”
“I helped Dianna prepare something special for you.”
“Something you helped with? “I asked.
“Yes. What? Are you surprised?” he asked, walking over and kissing the top of my head.
“Everything about you surprises me.”
Why was he in a suit?
“Are you leaving?” I asked.
“I need to sign some papers and meet with some key people at RPH. I don’t want to lose momentum on your roll out of The Writer.”
“Hey. That’s my project. I don’t want you coming in putting your Aidenisms on it.”
“What the hell is that?” he asked.
“I’m sure you can figure it out.”
“These Aidenisms … when did you come up with those and how many are there?” he asked.
“They kind of just appeared I guess and there’re several,” I answered.
“Would any of them happen to have a positive connotation because your reply a few seconds ago leaned more toward the negative?”
“Of course, there’s positive, but there’re also a few that I’m not particularly fond of,” I replied.
“I don’t want to hear about those. Tell me about the others.”
“Yeah, you would want to hear any and every thing that inflates that monstrous ego.”
“Not at all. I want to make sure I understand is all,” he said.
I smiled. “Nothing to understand. An Aidenism is simply the term that I apply to your way of doing things … like you posing as Aiden Wyatt or your tendency to control everything.”
“Cute Aria … real cute,” he said.
“Don’t be that way. Those are just the bad ones. Would you like to hear a good one?”
“If you can manage to scrape one up … sure.”
I laughed. Was his ego so easily bruised? “It’s not like that. There’re some Aidenisms that take my breath away.”
“Such as?”
“You’re a brilliant businessman. You have a wonderful sense of humor. You’re a great brother. You’re unbelievably gorgeous. You’re strong and you have this graceful but dominant demeanor … it’s sexy as hell. And you have the most beautiful green eyes. I could go on but I think you get the idea.�
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“Humph,” he said, considering what I’d revealed.
“Why do I get the impression that you already know all of this?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he replied.
“What are you not saying?” I asked.
“Do you know that you talk in your sleep?” he asked.
“What?”
“You talk in your sleep. Not all the time but you have a couple of times,” he replied.
“Really?” I knew I did as a kid, a lot, and I did a time or two in college according to my roommate. I’d never slept with anyone else besides April and she never said anything so I hadn’t considered the possibility.
“Don’t be too self- conscious. It’s mostly undecipherable gibberish,” he said.
“What have I said?” I asked, hoping I hadn’t said some of the shit I’d thought about him.
“You mentioned my eyes once … that’s all. And before you ask, no … I don’t watch you sleep. There have been a few occasions where I have awakened before you and I heard you. Granted, I didn’t know it was an Aidenism at the time,” he replied smiling.
“So you’ve never watched me sleep? I’ve watched you.”
“You watch me all the time anyway, so I’m not surprised.”
“You jerk,” I replied, tossing a pillow at him. But one would have to be crazy not to stare at him. He was beautiful. I was beginning to see more and more that his outward beauty mirrored what was on the inside.
“Eat and I’ll see you shortly. You’re going to make me late.”
“Seriously Aiden, I don’t –”
“Relax Aria, I know your vision and I share your vision. I will not do anything that’s not in line with that. You have my word.”
“Okay but if you make even the slightest of modifications –”
“I won’t. There will be no unapproved Aidenisms added to your project. Now eat.”
*****
I finished breakfast, dressed and went in search for my sisters. I found them in one of the guestrooms on their laptops researching colleges. I was amazed at how well they were doing, seemingly moving forward in the midst of their grief. They were so independent, just as I was at their age. I suppose we had to be, due to Mom’s depression. I promptly chastised myself for thinking ill of my mother. But for so many years, my disdain was instinctual; an inclination that now seemed iniquitous.
