Half an hour later, Hillary was dressed, her hair was brushed and she was ready for breakfast. Her stomach rumbled as she walked down the stairs. She had grown used to eating solely for sustenance. She barely tasted the food as she shoveled it into her mouth, chewed and swallowed it. Today, she could almost taste the sausages just by inhaling the sweet aroma from the maple flavoring. It made her mouth water and her stomach growl even louder.
“Wow, good morning, Hilly Bee,” her mother said happily, “I didn’t even have to wake you...and you’ve already showered...and...you’re smiling too? Is it Christmas already?”
“I’m starving,” Hillary replied matter-of-factly as she reached for a dish.
Her father craned his neck to watch her as she piled sausage links onto her plate.
“She must have had a good night,” he remarked snidely, with a big grin as he turned his attention back to the newspaper he was holding.
Just a matter of time, the voice promised.
Hillary smiled as if she was guarding an important secret. She placed some fluffy scrambled egg on her dish beside the sausages and carried her mouthwatering breakfast to the drawer under the microwave where the silverware was kept. She grabbed a fork and stabbed a sausage link. She watched as its juices escaped from the four punctures made by the tines on the fork.
Like it’s bleeding, the voice said.
“Mmmmm,” Hillary moaned as she bit into the juicy sausage before reaching her seat at the breakfast nook.
Her father set his newspaper aside as Hillary sat across from him. He didn’t know what to make of this new transformation. He eyed her with suspicion, frowning. It made Hillary laugh aloud to see him so uncomfortable.
“Are you on drugs or something?” he asked sternly.
“Nonsense,” Kathy answered as she brought over a glass of orange juice for Hillary, “she’s just happy, and I for one hope to see more of that beautiful smile from now on.”
“Thanks Mom,” Hillary said, her voice muffled by the food in her mouth.
She took a sip of her orange juice. Her mother planted a kiss on the top of her head, reached for the empty plate in front of her father and strode off to place it in the sink.
“Mama...” called a small babyish voice from the living room. It was Hillary’s brother Joshua. Her parents often allowed him to eat his meals in front of the television on weekends while they had insisted that she and Caleigh eat either at the breakfast nook or the dining table. Hillary always thought it was unfair, but even this didn’t cloud her cheery disposition.
Michael waited for Kathy to leave the kitchen before forcibly grabbing Hillary’s hand as she was about to shove a forkful of egg into her mouth.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked angrily.
“What do you mean?” she asked, still smiling.
“Why are you in such a good mood?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugged, “I guess like you said, I must have had a good night.”
Michael stared intently into her bright eyes for five full seconds, as if trying to probe her brain, before releasing her hand. He, too, began to smile.
“So you’re finally coming around?” he said with a wink.
Oh, you don’t know the half of it....
Hillary giggled softly then resumed eating her food. She devoured her eggs and every bit of sausage. It was as if her taste buds had been enhanced somehow and after clearing her plate, her hunger lingered on.
“Are you making any more sausages?” she yelled to her mother, who entered the kitchen moments later.
Kathy was beside herself with joy to see Hillary with a smile on her face and a healthy appetite.
“How ‘bout I make some banana pancakes and bacon for you?” she said warmly.
Hillary nodded enthusiastically. “That sounds great,” she said.
Kathy gave Hillary a tight hug before walking to the other end of the kitchen to prepare her meal.
“I like this,” Michael said, still smiling, “this is good.”
It’s going to get even better....
Hillary giggled aloud as she stared at her father.
“It’s going to get even better,” she said and laughed uncontrollably.
“What’s so funny?” Caleigh asked as she entered the room.
Hillary didn’t answer. She just sat there giggling quietly to herself.
“I think Hillary’s gone crazy,” Caleigh announced as she walked over to the refrigerator to pour herself some juice.
“She’s just in a good mood,” Kathy replied, “isn’t it great?”
“Great,” Caleigh repeated sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
Caleigh was tired of all the attention Hillary got. Before her long bout of depression and anger issues, Hillary was adored by all and showered with her parents’ love, affection and attention. Then Hillary had “troubles” and remained the focus of undeserved attention from her friends and parents. Now, Hillary had finally managed to crack a smile after all these months and her parents were acting as if she had cured cancer or located the fountain of youth. In Caleigh’s mind, perfect Hillary could do no wrong whether she acted like a saint or a bitch.
Caleigh recalled all the times she had tried to be just like Hillary. She used to dress like her, speak like her, copy her mannerisms, brush her hair the same way and follow her around like a pathetic little puppy. No matter how hard she had tried, she could never rise to Hillary’s standard. She never received compliments like Hillary received. Boys didn’t notice her the way they noticed Hillary. She was the invisible little sister living in her sister’s glorified shadow. And Caleigh resented her for it.
She was thrilled when Hillary had her “troubles” (as her mother would say) or “became a mental freak” (as she would say). It gave her an upper edge, despite her parents’ continuing focus on Hillary. Her confidence soared and she joined several after-school clubs and even the soccer team. Her list of friends grew...multiplied, and she quickly became accepted amongst the popular crowd.
Caleigh took a seat next to Michael.
“You look so pretty, Caleigh,” Hillary said with that seemingly perpetual smile.
“Yeah, thanks,” Caleigh replied nonchalantly.
“Isn’t that my dress?”
“Yeah...well, you don’t wear it anymore right?”
She’s a bitch...she didn’t even ask you if she could wear it....
“Nope, not at all,” Hillary replied, still smiling.
“If it bothers you, I’ll take it off when we get back from church.”
Church, huh!
“I’m not going to church,” Hillary stated firmly, her smile thinning out a bit, “why don’t you keep it.”
“Yeah...okay.”
“What’s this about not going to church?” her father demanded.
“I’m not going,” Hillary repeated without elaborating any further.
“Like hell you’re not,” Michael insisted.
The smile finally faded from Hillary’s face. It relocated to Caleigh’s face. She enjoyed witnessing Hillary in the hot seat.
Kathy paid close attention to the conversation from where she was stationed in front of the stove but she didn’t interject.
“I don’t need to go to church.”
“You want to go to hell instead?” Michael said, his voice rising steadily in accord with his patience.
You’re the one who’ll be going to hell...and sooner than you know....
“Yeah, right,” Hillary exclaimed, “I’m going to hell?” she arched her brow daring him to debate it.
Michael grew incensed by Hillary’s defiance. He swiftly stood up, causing Caleigh to jump. She stood as well, allowing him to pass in front of her.
“You’re going to church, that’s final!” he ordered, pointing as he spoke to emphasize his resolve.
“No I’m not!” Hillary shouted back, looking straight into his eyes, challenging him.
“Hillary, you know we always go to church to
gether every Sunday,” Kathy interjected as she turned to see Michael and Hillary glaring fiercely at one another.
“Stay out of this, Kathy,” Michael yelled, without breaking his gaze.
“Yeah, Kathy, shut up and obey your master,” Hillary added.
Kathy’s mouth hung open. What had happened in such a short period of time? One moment Hillary happily resembled her former self and the next she was as angry and bitter as ever. Caleigh’s eyes were wide with excitement as she sat down to enjoy the show.
“See, that’s exactly why you need to go to church...to learn right from wrong.”
“Well then you’d better pack a bag and move in, ‘cause you’ve got a lot to learn,” Hillary retorted.
Kathy could see that Michael was close to losing control. His eyes were narrowed as he glared at Hillary malignantly. Hillary met his gaze with her own venomous stare. Michael walked over to Hillary, crouched down and placed his head just inches away from hers.
“We go to church as a family...together,” he said slowly and emphatically, “you’ll be right there next to us when we attend the ten o’clock mass.”
“No I won’t,” Hillary said defiantly.
“You’d better watch it, Hillary.”
“Or what?”
“Or you’ll be sorry.”
He’ll be the one who’s going to be sorry....
Hillary chuckled.
“What are you laughing at?” Michael shouted, enraged. He stood up and slammed his hand down on the table startling both Caleigh and Kathy. Caleigh was no longer amused. She had never seen her father so angry before. Kathy flipped the half-cooked pancakes onto a plate and rushed over to Hillary.
“She’s going to church,” she said nervously, “she’s just teasing you.”
“No I’m not,” Hillary said indignantly.
“Honey, it’s Sunday, the Lord’s day,” Kathy said softly to Hillary, trying desperately to reason with her. Hillary didn’t turn to face her mother. She sat obstinately firm, staring up at Michael and challenging his authority.
“You’re one to preach,” she responded, “like you’re so good and righteous.”
“Don’t talk to your mother that way,” Michael shouted. He reached out clamped her jaw firmly.
“No, no,” Kathy pleaded fearfully, “let her go, let me talk to her....”
Michael held on to Hillary’s face. She neither attempted to pull away nor give any indication that she was distressed by his action.
“You’re going,” Michael growled, tightening his grip on her jaw.
Don’t cry out...don’t let him know it hurts...he’ll be the one suffering soon....
Hillary felt as if her father was going to crack the bone but she didn’t wince. She continued staring into his eyes.
“Michael!” Kathy yelled loudly.
Michael released his grip on her face and walked away furiously. Hillary watched him go with a smug look on her face.
Kathy stooped beside Hillary and caressed her jaw.
“I’m sorry, sweetie, he didn’t mean it, he’s just set in his ways...why don’t you want to go to church?”
“Really, Mom? You have to ask?” Hillary faced Kathy, who took Michael’s place at the receiving end of her hateful glare.
“You have to be strong, Hilly, pray for strength, pray for—”
“Pray? Pray for what? A father who isn’t a creep? A father who doesn’t—”
“Hillary, shhhhh,” her mother interrupted, “Caleigh, go back to your room, I have to speak to Hillary.”
“What? That’s not fair, I—”
“Now Caleigh,” Kathy said sternly and Caleigh exhaled sharply as she stood up and stormed out of the kitchen.
“I don’t want you spreading lies about your father in front of your sister,” Kathy chided angrily.
“Are you kidding me? I’m not lying...you know it, you know it’s true, you—”
“Shut up, Hillary, shut up!” she demanded, clapping her hands over her ears.
She’s not even listening....
“Listen to me....” Hillary pleaded.
Kathy applied greater pressure to her ears, refusing to listen. She shook her head to emphasize her objection.
She can’t hear you...she WON’T hear you....
Hillary stood up and abruptly walked out of the room, bumping into Kathy in the process, nearly knocking her back. Kathy quickly swung her hands out behind her to keep from falling. She could hear Hillary stomping up the stairs. She stood up slowly and walked back to the stove to turn over the bacon. It had overcooked to a crisp and she cursed under her breath. She angrily removed the stiff, crunchy pieces from the pan and onto a paper-towel lined dish. She turned her attention to the pancakes while tears rolled down her face.
Minutes after Hillary entered her room, her father joined her, closing the door behind him.
“No!” Hillary exclaimed, answering an unasked question, refusing a silent command.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, girl, but from now on you’ll do what I say when I say it.”
From now on, things are going to be different....
“No,” Hillary said calmly, “from now on, you’re going to leave me alone.”
Michael was outraged but he laughed out loud in spite of himself. Who did Hillary think she was to speak to him so disrespectfully? She was his...he owned her and she would do whatever he wanted. Michael stopped laughing and looked at Hillary. Did she change her hair? Was she wearing makeup? There was something different about her. She didn’t have her usual frail, fearful look. She looked...dangerous. Michael wanted to laugh out loud again at his own absurd thought, but didn’t, couldn’t. There was no doubt that something had happened to change Hillary. She had become confident and daring. Michael was losing his dominance and control. He was not about to let that happen.
“I should take you right here and now, show you who’s in charge.”
Never again...don’t let him touch you....
“Go on and try,” she said tauntingly.
Michael lunged forward. Hillary didn’t move. He was just about to grab her when a knock at the door stopped him.
“Hillary?” Caleigh said as she entered the room.
“Oh, Dad...I didn’t know you were here,” she said.
“Go to your room, Caleigh,” Michael barked.
Caleigh turned to leave.
“Stay, Caleigh...you wanna see what Daddy likes to do?” Hillary said playfully.
Caleigh froze. What was going on?
“Out Caleigh!” Michael shouted.
“Daddy wants to touch me now,” Hillary said, “you can watch if you’d like.”
“Shut up, Hillary!” Michael yelled loudly, “don’t pay any attention to your sister, Caleigh, she’s very disturbed.”
“Of course I’m disturbed! You would be too, Caleigh, if Dad raped you over and over and—”
Michael’s fist connected with her eye with such force, Hillary was knocked to the floor instantly. Michael hadn’t even realized he had lashed out until he saw her small body fly back and fall limply to the floor. It was as if he watched in slow motion. The next thing he knew, Caleigh was running over to Hillary.
He’s going to pay for this....
Hillary could feel her eye swelling. Was it just tearing or was she crying?
“You okay, Hillary?” Caleigh asked, genuinely concerned for her sister.
“Get out of my room!” she hissed, startling Caleigh who didn’t expect such a reaction from her. With hurt feelings, Caleigh turned and ran out of the bedroom. Hillary stood up quickly, feeling a bit dizzy and disoriented. She stood in place a moment to gather her senses then ran past her father, down the stairs and straight to the kitchen. Caleigh was already there standing by her mother, talking animatedly.
“I guess I’m making this up too!” Hillary shouted, turning her head so that her mother could see her injured eye.
Kathy’s lower jaw dropped as she saw Hillary’s brui
sed and swollen eye. She ran to the freezer and pulled out a bag of frozen peas. She jogged back to Hillary and placed the bag over her eye. Hillary swatted her hand away.
“I don’t want that on me,” Hillary yelled, “I want you to admit that Dad hurts me...physically and—”
“Hillary!” Michael shouted loudly as he descended the stairs.
Caleigh was frightened. He sounded furious.
“Don’t let him hit Hillary again,” she begged her mother.
Michael’s heavy footsteps grew louder as he approached. Suddenly the family dog yelped in pain.
“He hurt Storm!” Caleigh cried, running to check on the family beagle.
“Goddammit, Hillary, you made me step on her tail,” Michael complained, entering the kitchen with Storm cradled within his arms.
“I guess that’s how you apologize?” Hillary yelled.
Michael ignored her as he cooed the young dog, bringing her paw to his lips and kissing it softly. Hillary looked at him disgustedly.
“You care more about that damn dog than you do about me!” she shouted.
“Hillary! Watch your mouth,” her mother scolded.
“I don’t believe this family!” Hillary exclaimed. “I hate you all!”
Hillary ran up to her room and slammed the door.
It’s okay...things will be better soon...they’ll all pay...they’ll all suffer....
Hillary flung herself on her bed. She felt like crying but instead held back her tears. Things would get better soon. The voice had said so and the voice would not betray her. Her family would pay...they would suffer. Hillary stared up at the ceiling and smiled.
Hillary_Flesh and Blood Page 7
