Rocco and Henley look at Nixon like he just spoke in Italian because usually Rocco’s the one with the voice of reason. I join their gazes. He shakes his head and gives us the finger at our looks. I realize that my plan is not going to be as easy to implement as I had imagined. No, they are already fixating on Sailor joining the group. Good thing I’ve created an opportunity to disrupt their plans.
“He’s right. She’s going to be a member of our band, like it or not,” Rocco says. “And honestly, she didn’t ask for any of this shit. It’s not right to resent her for something that isn’t her fault.”
“Whatever. That doesn’t mean that she automatically has equal status to the rest of us. We’ve been doing this for a few years, professionally, and years more before that. And we are the experienced ones, need I again remind you? Hell, if it wasn’t for us she wouldn’t even have had this chance, so there’s got to be something for that.” I add.
“All I’m saying is don’t assume she won’t have something to offer other than her voice. She may actually have a good idea now and then – who knows. We’ll continue to make the majority of the decisions for the band as a whole, as we’ve always done, after all, her role is only a temporary one. At least that’s the way I’m looking at it,” Rocco says and we nod.
“That’s the way it is,” I say sternly.
“And let’s be honest. What is there really for us to decide anyway? The label leads us around by our balls and we just go and do and say whatever the hell they tell us to,” Henley says in annoyance.
“True that,” Nixon agrees.
My phone dings and I look down at the screen. Speaking of the devil. I snatch it off the table. ‘Just making sure we are still on for dinner, that plans haven’t changed,’ reads a text from Sailor. I type out a quick response telling her I’ll be there, then press the button to make the screen lock and set it down again. It lights back up and dings again with another text from her. ‘Okay, see you soon’. I don’t respond and set it back down. When I notice the guys all looking at me curiously I clear my throat. It dings again when she sends a smiling faced emoticon. I don’t respond to her again, but ask the guys, “Alright, are we done here then?”
“Why? You in a hurry to go somewhere?” Henley asks and I shrug not answering him.
“Yeah, what are you up to tonight?” Nixon asks. “I might be game to hang out. I have nothing going on.”
“Sounds good to me,” Rocco adds.
“Don’t you have…I don’t know…more music to work on for Sailor’s part?” I ask not liking at all where this is headed.
“I could use a break,” he says while the other two continue to stare at me.
Suddenly, my phone alarm sounds loudly, making all of us jump. Before I can grab it, Henley beats me to it. “What the hell is so important?” he asks looking at my screen. I know the exact second he reads the description I typed to go with the alarm because he looks at the screen, and then back at me, then at the screen again. “What the fuck is this all about?”
I don’t say a word and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m struggling for something to say, or if it’s because I don’t feel like I owe him an explanation. Maybe a combination of both. “What is it?” Nixon asks curiously while he and Rocco both keep looking between the two of us trying to determine what’s going on.
“Maddox is meeting Sailor for dinner,” Henley says as he turns my screen to face them displaying the evidence.
“What?” Nixon asks his eyes getting large. “How come?”
“Well…”
“No, Mad. Absolutely not,” Rocco interrupts.
“What?” I ask confused.
“Don’t do this.”
“Do what?” I ask having no idea what Rocco is trying to say.
“You’re going to try to fuck her, literally or figuratively or both,” Henley says.
“Jesus,” Nixon curses.
“Don’t even think about it,” Rocco says.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence guys,” I say.
“How long have we known you, Mad? Don’t screw with us.” Rocco says angrily.
“Look, it’s no big deal. I went to the bar where she works last night, and-”
“You what?” Nixon asks disbelievingly.
“For what?” Henley asks.
“Did you tell her that we’re interested in her being in our band?” Rocco stands up in alarm. “Because I’m not sure that was a good idea. What if something falls through with the label and the offer gets jacked up or something?”
“I didn’t tell her anything about that.”
“Then why did you go there?” Rocco asks.
“Yeah, I’d like to know the answer to that question too,” Nixon says.
I throw my arms up in the air. “Fuck! Fine! I went there for a few reasons. Because, I was hoping I could get her to change her mind. I mean, we sure as hell don’t have a choice in all of this, but if I could get her nervous…make her wonder if she’s good enough…”
“Then she wouldn’t want to sing with us?” Henley questions.
“Yes. She would question if she’s up to the task and hopefully would have decided no.”
“You were going to make her insecure?” Rocco shakes his head in disapproval.
I ignore the question, “I also went because I was curious. Jace and Rick told us about her singing karaoke and I looked up the bar, saw their website and which nights they have it. When I saw it was last night, I went to check it out. I couldn’t help myself from wanting to see her sing in her element. I wanted to see how people respond to her singing, what kind of songs she sings, and how her presence is on stage.”
“And?” Nixon asks.
“And…what?”
He sighs, “How did people react? What did she sing?” I stare at him and cross my arms over my chest, and he shrugs, “Shut up. I’m curious now too.”
“She sang some shitty woman empowerment song, but then she sang one of our songs.”
“She did?” Rocco asks.
“Yeah.” I state remembering the way her eyes found mine in the crowd. She looked at me defiantly as she told the DJ what song she wanted to sing next. Her chin was high, shoulders back, the lights were hitting her hair making it shine and there was a seductive grin on her lips full of attitude and sass. The confidence she exuded was sexy as hell, and I’m not the only guy in the place that took notice either. “She sang, Keep Dreamin’ but she switched the pronouns around.”
“How did it sound?” Henley asks.
I look around the room at each of them and for just a moment I think about shrugging it off and telling them she was okay. But then I flash back again to her on that stage. The way her body moved with the music. How she would close her eyes at times and I could see the lyrics and the melody was speaking to her. I could almost taste the words as they were sung from her lips. I watched as the crowd gladly ate them up. All of that combined with the fact that the woman can sing like a damn songbird, and I answer them honestly, “She’s fucking amazing. Just…amazing.” I sigh.
“Yeah?” Rocco asks and I detect a note of hope in his voice. I think all of us need to know that this decision is only going to reap good things for the band, and not be the beginning of our downfall. If I’m honest with myself, I think it also gives me comfort – it helps me know that perhaps the mistakes I’ve made recently are salvageable. That this isn’t going to break us, that I didn’t break us.
“Yeah. Both times I’ve seen her now, something is clear. She’s one of us. Music is in her soul, just like ours. She doesn’t just sing the words - she feels them. You guys know what that means, how that makes all the difference. And on stage she’s…”
“What?” Nixon asks and his stance has changed. His elbows are on his knees and he’s leaning toward me, eager for each word. A look around shows that they all are. Yeah, they all need the truth, and I get it. And for a moment I hate myself for what I’ve been putting them through with my shit.
“She’s
electric. The crowd ate up everything she sang. They cheered for her. Wanted her to keep singing. She owns that stage. In fact, I realized something else when I was watching her.”
“What’s that?” Rocco asks eagerly.
“I think there will be times when we are on stage with her and we’ll all be invisible next to her. She’s going to outshine us all.”
“Wow,” Henley responds.
“Yeah,” I say at a loss for anything else to add.
“Now I kind of want to get her into bed too,” Nixon says with a straight face, until he notices all of us staring at him, and his lips twitch with humor making us all laugh.
“Not funny,” Rocco says finally. “The last thing we want to do is scare her away. Everyone needs to behave themselves, I’m not kidding,” he says when we snicker at him going parental on us. “We can’t afford the bad press that could rain down on us if something goes south. Can’t you imagine the headlines?”
They wouldn’t be pretty. I know that much personally. “Alright, well I’ve got to go.”
“Wait just a damn minute,” Henley points his finger at me. “You heard what Rocco said. No way are you going to go to dinner with her and say something stupid and mess this up for us. More than you already have.”
“She’s already on her way, I’m not cancelling on her at the last minute.”
“How did this even come about? We know why you went to the club, but why are you meeting?” Rocco asks.
“Well…”
“Dammit, you lied to me. You told her we picked her didn’t you?” Rocco demands.
“No. I told you I didn’t tell her that.”
“Then what did you do. You did something. I know it.” Rocco accuses me.
“Yeah, we know that look,” Nixon says.
Sighing, I tell them, because I do have to go and until I give them what they want, they won’t let me out the damn door. “I told her that we were concerned about her inexperience, and you guys had concerns about whether or not she and I can get along considering what happened on the night she auditioned. You know…with the water and…”
“You’re being an asshole?” Henley asks.
“Yeah, that.”
“So you lied,” Nixon says. “Not surprising I guess, but the question is why?”
I shrug, “That’s not obvious? Because, I’m still unhappy with all of this, and like I said, I’m curious about her. I do think I need the opportunity to get to know her better. If I wasn’t able to scare her off, then I need to make sure she’ll fit. That she has what it takes to be on the road, to get along. All of those things. Especially since we’re going to be spending a lot of time with her.”
“Well, despite your trying to create an opportunity to scare her off, those are actually good points,” Rocco says.
“Thank you. I think so too.”
“That’s why, we’ll all go with you,” Rocco says.
My mouth falls open and I’m not sure what to say for a moment. Rocco, Nixon, and Henley all stand and it’s clear, they’re serious. They are really going to come too. “Wait a second,” I begin.
“What for? You set an alarm so I’m assuming you should have left a bit ago. We need to get going. We’re going to be late,” Henley says.
“Yeah, where are we all going anyway?” Nixon asks.
I consider leaving and not telling them a damn thing, but they’d just follow me. Cursing under my breath I throw my hands up, “Thorn. I’m meeting her at Thorn,” I tell them wondering how the hell this did a complete about face.
“Great place,” Henley says.
“I only made reservations for two douche bags.”
“No worries. I know the owner,” Rocco says. “It won’t be a problem.”
“But-” I scratch the back of my neck and think hard for another reason to tell them why this isn’t going to work. I was looking forward to having some one on one time with Sailor. I really do want to get to know her better. I’m not sure why, I’m not even sure I like it, but after I saw her sing, I couldn’t just leave. I found myself wanting to talk to her more, to come up with a reason, something…anything…to be able to do so. And before I knew it I was taking her outside the bar and giving her some lie about why we needed to go to dinner. I mentally kicked myself in the ass for it the whole way home and thought about cancelling with her a million times, but what was done was done. Plus, the feeling of being intrigued by her far outweighed any doubt about my actions.
When I turn to tell them that she isn’t expecting them and we’re all going to overwhelm her so they should reconsider, I realize they’ve all left the room and I’m left standing here by myself.
“Fuck!” I curse, and head outside in time to find their vehicles already leaving Rocco’s place.
Great, just great. They are all going to arrive for my dinner with Sailor before I do. This is not at all going according to plan. But, really why am I surprised? From the moment I met that woman it’s been one surprise after another and I’ve only been around her for a matter of minutes, really. It begs the question what else is going to be in store with this girl? I can’t help it - the thought makes me smile. I have a feeling whatever it is, it’s going to be one hell of a ride. I guess only time will tell.
I’ve been stressing out about this dinner all day. And that’s what it is. It’s a dinner - a dinner to get to know each other better. This is not a date. When Britt referred to it as such I freaked the hell out. Maddox doesn’t even like me let alone want to date me. So I keep telling myself that I don’t need to stress over what I wear, how my hair looks, or my makeup as I get ready. Is it working? Well, no, not at all, but that’s not the freaking point.
I’ve already changed my clothes four times, have styled my hair up, then down, then put it half up, then left it down again. I still don’t like it. I’m being stupid. This is stupid. I’m nervous, I know that’s why I’m acting like an idiot, but I can’t seem to help myself. I mean, what if I say or do something that completely blows my chance to sing with Graffiti? I would be devastated.
While I apply my makeup I internally lecture myself. I tell myself to be kind, I tell myself to listen and process words and thoughts before I simply react. Is it likely Maddox could say something to piss me off? If past interactions with him are any indication, then yes. But, I need to remain calm no matter what and remember the big picture here as well as practice the mindfulness techniques I’ve learned. This is the time to use each and every one if needed. If he does something to upset me, I should just smile, nod, and if that doesn’t work, fake it until I make it. Looking into my eyes as I apply mascara, I move back from the mirror and stare at myself. What the hell am I thinking? Forget this. Why am I telling myself to be someone that I’m not? I am who I am, and god knows I’ve worked like hell to be proud of it. I’m finally comfortable with me again, with who I am, and no one, not even Maddox Colt gets to take that away from me. I’ll never let anyone strip me of myself again. I remember all too well what it’s like to be a shell of who I am. Never again.
So, with those thoughts giving me determination, I twist the cap closed on my mascara, throw it in my jewelry bag, then stalk into my room. Grabbing a dress and shoes from my closet, I put them on. No more wondering what the hell I should wear. I like this dress, we’re going to a really nice restaurant, I’m wearing it. The only person I’m dressing for is myself. Sliding the dress over my hips, I put my arms through the sleeveless top and zip it up the back. Looking at myself in the mirror, I run my hands down my sides. The top of the dress is formfitting leather, it cuts off at the dropped waist and the skirt material changes to something softer – more feminine – a soft spandex infused knit that cuts off mid-thigh. It’s adorned with thick imprints of diamond chains that wrap around the skirt and look like well placed tinsel. They dip in a way that makes it look like actual chains are hanging from the fabric. I pair the dress with tall studded heels that are one of my favorites, and then reach back in my closet for a black clutch and quick
ly put the essentials inside.
Looking at myself again, I determine that the dress requires an up-do, so I pull my hair back into a low messy knot. Checking my makeup once more, I grab my nude lip gloss from my dresser and swipe it across my lips before placing it in my clutch. Taking in the full look in the floor length mirror, I smile. It’s total rocker chick chic and I make it look good. More importantly, I feel confident and comfortable in my own skin. I’m wearing this look, not the other way around. Pushing my shoulders back, I lift my chin, grab my bag, and walk out of my room and into the living room where Britt sits in front of the TV. She begged to help me get ready earlier, wanting to fret and take care of me in her own way I’m sure, but I begged off. I told her I needed to be alone with my thoughts before I left. I think she was a bit bummed, but she understood. I’m lucky to have her in my life.
“Wow, Sailor,” she smiles widely when she sees me. “You look fantastic.”
“Why, thank you,” I tell her with a smile then do a little spin and laugh. “I feel good,” I tell her and she smiles and nods because it’s clear I mean it.
“Are you ready for this?” She asks me and I shrug, “Yeah. I mean, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was nervous, but I kind of had a come to Jesus talk with myself.”
“Oh yeah?” she asks in amusement. “And how did that go?”
“Well, actually. I’m not about to let my insecurities take over and tell me to be anyone but myself while I’m with him. It would be easy to do so because I want this to work out so bad. But, if he doesn’t like me and we really can’t get along, then so be it. I don’t know that I’d want to be picked anyway if that’s the case.” I sit on the edge of a chair. “I’ve been through a hell of a lot worse than Maddox Colt not liking me. Will it be disappointing, yeah, but that’s okay. I’ll survive.”
“That’s my girl,” she says with a smile, “And I’ll be here every step of the way.”
“I know you will,” I smile at her and she returns it. “Thank you for that.” She makes a gesture that’s clearly telling me not to thank her. “Alright, well, I’m out of here,” I tell her after I get a text notifying me that my ride service is outside.
Broken Melody (Graffiti On Tour Series) Page 8
