She’d tried to make the marriage work, but it was destined to fail. Thomas had been content to let her take care of everything and she hadn’t been willing to let some things go undone in an effort to force him to help. So the loneliness had gotten bigger until it filled her life and left her numb.
Sandy rose slowly and walked down the stairs. She stepped into the family room. Their blue floral-print sectional sofa blended with the soft ivory walls. She’d found an old rug in the attic and had aired it for a couple of days. The blue and rust tones brought out the colors from the couch and the hardwood floors, making the room look homey. Lindsay sat in the far corner of the sectional. She had the TV on, but the sound turned low.
Sandy sat in the oak rocker she’d bought when she first found out she was pregnant. It felt like yesterday, but it was over thirteen years ago. She’d sat in the chair night after night with her hand on her belly, willing her baby to be happy and healthy. Lindsay sure wasn’t happy today.
“I’ve about had it with your sulking,” Sandy said, throwing down the gauntlet. If she didn’t jump start her daughter into talking about what she was feeling, Lindsay would spend the next week moving from room to room and sighing loudly whenever anyone was in earshot.
“I’m not sulking,” Lindsay said, glaring at her. “I’m simply wondering why you enjoy ruining my life.”
“How is your life ruined?”
Her daughter rolled her eyes. “You know.”
“Because I don’t want you to see Kyle so much? Honey, it’s not good for you to spend too much time over there. He’s an older man. You have these…” She paused, not wanting to make the situation worse. “You have these ideas about him, but they aren’t realistic. You’re still a child.”
Lindsay jumped to her feet. Her long brown hair spilled over her face. She brushed it back impatiently. Sandy recognized the movement as one she made frequently herself. They were more alike than they looked on the surface. Maybe that’s why they were often at each other’s throats.
“I’m not a child. I’m practically a teenager. I’m growing up, even if you don’t want to admit it. Maybe because I’m young and beautiful and it makes you feel old.”
Sandy forced herself to remain calm. “Talking and thinking ugly is going to make you ugly inside and out, young lady. I’m trying to treat you like the mature person you claim to be, but if you act like a child, I’ll send you to your room just like I would with Nichole.”
“Please.” She put her hands on her hips. “I don’t think it’s fair for you to tell me who I can and can’t see.”
“I don’t want you at Kyle’s house by yourself.” She met her daughter’s mutinous stare. “I’m going to talk to him in a couple of days. If we get everything straightened out, then yes, we’ll have contact with him. As neighbors. It’s not right for you to be there all the time. He’s got a personal life, and he doesn’t need a young girl getting in the way of that.”
“It’s not like that,” Lindsay said loudly. “It’s not. He likes me. You’re being mean because Daddy loved me more than you. You’re afraid Kyle likes me more, too. You’re punishing me for that.”
She started to run out of the room. Sandy jumped up and grabbed Lindsay’s arm. Tears filled her daughter’s brown eyes. Sandy pulled her close and held her. Lindsay resisted, then sagged against her.
“Hush,” Sandy murmured. “We’re all a little on edge since we moved. It’s been a big change for all of us.”
Lindsay continued to cry.
Sandy smoothed the girl’s hair and wondered where the first mistake had been made. Had it been letting Lindsay go off with her father? Who knows what Thomas had told the child. Lindsay had made this accusation before. Sandy wasn’t sure what it meant. She suspected her daughter was afraid her father had loved her more, and she felt guilty about that. Or maybe Lindsay knew how Sandy had been hurt. Sandy hated to admit the weakness, but sometimes she had felt left out of Thomas and Lindsay’s special world.
“I never resented the time you spent with your father,” she said. At least that was true. She’d done her best to understand.
“Really?” Lindsay raised her head and looked at her. “But I heard you guys fighting about it. You didn’t want me to go.”
“That wasn’t about you. I was afraid he wouldn’t take good care of you. He was forgetful.”
“I know.” Lindsay gave her a shaky grin. “He left me at a rest stop a couple of times, but he always came back for me.”
Sandy hugged her close. She didn’t know whether to be furious or to laugh. It’s a good thing she hadn’t known that while Lindsay and Thomas were gone, or she would have worried herself to death. The important point was that Lindsay was fine now, and they were together.
“I love you,” Sandy said. “No matter what, I’ll always love you. I know you don’t always agree with what I say or the rules I insist you follow, but I hope you know I set them because I think they’re the best thing for you. I don’t make rules just to be mean.”
Lindsay sniffed. “I know, Mom. I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it. I was just upset about, you know.”
Kyle. Sandy was afraid there wasn’t anything she could do about her daughter’s crush except let it run its course. Eventually, Lindsay would discover Kyle was just a guy. Or maybe she would notice a boy her own age.
Sandy stepped back. “Are we okay?”
Lindsay nodded. “I’m going up to my room and read. ’Night.”
“’Night.” Sandy walked into the family room and sat in the rocking chair. The TV continued to play silently. She ignored the images and instead wondered if she would ever learn how to be a parent. It felt as if every time she got one mothering skill mastered, her kids grew a little and needed something else. Maybe she should spend some time with Lindsay alone. They could do the female bonding thing.
Or she could just curl up under a rock until all these problems went away. She sighed. One thing was sure. She was going to have to talk to Kyle. She needed to apologize for some of the awful things she’d said to him.
He had every right to be furious with her. She couldn’t remember all the names she’d called him, but she was confident she’d hurt him. She shook her head. Since she’d come back to Glenwood, she barely recognized herself. Her nerves were shot, her hormones in a constant state of arousal. Her body hummed at the thought of seeing him. It didn’t make sense. She was dealing with a part of herself she’d long thought dead. She wasn’t prepared for this; it wasn’t fair. Her entire world was unraveling and she didn’t know how to make the process stop.
Tomorrow, she would talk to Kyle, she promised herself. She would apologize and ask him about that Gary kid, and find out where the boy lived so she could speak with his parents. Next, she would discuss whether or not Blake really needed to know how to defend himself. She hated to think of her son getting in fights, but she also didn’t want him beat up. This had to be some kind of guy thing she would never understand.
The list made, she was able to relax. It wouldn’t be that difficult. Kyle was fair-minded. He would forgive her and things would go back the way they had been. He would be charming and far too good-looking, and she would resist temptation with all her might.
She ignored the little voice in the back of her mind that whispered the question asking what wonderful thing might happen if, just once, she forgot she was supposed to resist.
Chapter Ten
Kyle folded the blank piece of paper one last time, then laid it flat to smooth the edges. He grasped the bottom and aimed toward the open glass door that led into the hallway, then he let the paper airplane go. It soared toward the ceiling, looped around once, took a nosedive for the floor and crash-landed about a yard from the trash can.
Travis came in the from his office and stared at the crumpled plane. He glanced at the paper, then his brother and grinned. “Woman trouble. Who is she?”
Kyle didn’t bother answering. He wasn’t in the mood to be harassed with well-meaning advice. He rubbed his
hand over his chin and tried to stay awake. He told himself his sleeplessness the night before had more to do with switching from graveyard to days than it did with Sandy, but he knew he was lying.
“Your silence means you don’t want to talk about her.” Travis sat on the corner of Kyle’s desk. “Excuse me for mentioning it, little brother, but you look awful.”
“Good. I feel awful.”
“Is it Sandy?”
Kyle glanced up into eyes that were the same dark brown as his own. All four Haynes brothers had dark hair and eyes. He was the tallest; Travis was an inch shorter. They were most alike in looks. He, Travis and Craig were most alike in temperament, with Jordan being the moody one in the group. But they all had one thing in common—a history of failed relationships. At least Travis had managed to make his second marriage work.
“Maybe,” he admitted.
“That’s a yes.” Travis leaned toward him. “What’s the problem?”
“She hates me.”
“Is that all?”
“Thanks for the sympathy.” He wondered if he should just ignore the whole damn thing. That’s what Sandy wanted. She thought everything that had happened with Blake was his fault. She’d been quick to judge and had refused to listen to his explanations. He shouldn’t try to change her opinion. Only it wasn’t that easy. He didn’t want her to be mad at him.
“So what did you do?” he asked Travis.
“About?”
“Elizabeth.” Kyle leaned back in his chair and rested his heels on the corner of the desk. “How did you know she was the right one? How did you know it would be different from Julie?”
Travis’s first marriage had ended in divorce. He’d moped around for a year or so, then had started dating again. It had seemed that the Haynes curse was hard at work, until Travis had met Elizabeth.
Travis studied him for a long time. “It’s that serious?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” He picked up a pen and studied it, then set it down. “Maybe. She got mad at me yesterday. Her son, Blake, got in a fight. She thinks I wasn’t being responsible. She said a few things that forced me to take a look at myself.”
His brother nodded. “When I first met Elizabeth, I knew I was attracted to her, but I didn’t know she was going to be the one for me. When I finally figured it out, I was scared as hell.”
“I remember.”
Travis grimaced. “The Haynes curse. Four generations of men who managed to screw up perfectly good relationships. I’d been faithful to Julie, and our marriage still hadn’t worked, so I knew it was more than that. But I didn’t know what. I was afraid we’d been born with a gene missing or something.” He grinned.
Kyle didn’t smile back. Maybe his brother was right. Maybe there was something fundamentally wrong with all of them. It would explain a lot of things.
“Then I found out it was a lot simpler than that. I just had to decide.”
“Decide what?” Kyle asked.
“Decide to make it work. I’d always thought I couldn’t be a good husband or father. Look at what we were raised with. Then I figured out our father chose to be with those other women. He chose to be gone and ignore us and Mom. He chose to be a first-class bastard and I could choose to be something else.”
“As easy as that?” It couldn’t be that simple.
“It wasn’t easy. I had a lot to learn. But Elizabeth has been patient with me and I’m getting better.”
Kyle lowered his feet to the floor and leaned forward. He rested his forearms on the desk. “But how did you know she was the one?”
“I couldn’t imagine life without her.”
Kyle had spent most of the previous night trying to imagine what his world would be like now that Sandy had taken herself from him. He hadn’t wanted to picture the long days, the silence. Even consoling himself with the thought that there were any number of women he could call hadn’t made him feel better.
“What if she can imagine life without me?” he asked glumly.
“You mean you haven’t seduced her with the famous Haynes charm?”
He shook his head. “I think she’s immune. She accused me of skating by on my looks. Form over substance.” He looked up at his boss. “Do I have any character?”
Travis laughed. “Hell, Kyle, you’re my little brother. I’m not supposed to make you feel better, I’m supposed to make you suffer.”
“That was when we were kids.”
Travis sobered. “Yes, you’ve got a lot of character. You work hard here. Why do you think I offered you the job in the first place?”
“I never could figure that out.”
“You graduated at the top of your academy class, and you were ranked highest of all the rookies on the SFPD. Why wouldn’t I want to hire you? I spent the first year waiting for you to tell me you were going back to the city. That being a deputy in this little town was too boring.”
“So how about a raise?”
“Talk to me after the county commissioners present the budget.”
Kyle leaned back in his chair. Once he’d returned to Glenwood, he hadn’t wanted to live anywhere else. This was home to him. He liked the pace of life, and the roots he had here. Everything in his life worked. Except for Sandy.
“I should probably just forget about her,” he mumbled. She’d made her feelings pretty clear last night. He’d assumed she would realize her mistake and want to apologize, but what if he was wrong about that? What if she was still mad at him? Then, worrying about being a part of her life wasn’t going to matter. She would chase him off with a shotgun if she saw him coming.
But the thought of not seeing her again, of not being near her and touching her, made his chest ache. He wanted to call her up and ask her to hear him out. He wanted to have her kids over, even Lindsay, and take them to a movie. He wanted to hear the laughter and feel as if he was a part of a family. Funny, growing up with both parents and three brothers, he’d never felt as if he’d belonged. With Sandy and her kids, he felt whole.
Normally, this was the point in a relationship where he thought about running away. This time, he didn’t want to leave. At least not yet. He was willing to risk a little more. The thought scared him though. She could leave him trampled and bleeding. But he had to take a chance.
“I think you should wait for a sign,” Travis said.
“That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard.”
“I’m serious. If something happens in the next five minutes that tells you it’s meant to be, then go for it. If nothing happens, then forget about her.”
Kyle glanced at his older brother. “You’ve been working out in the garden without a hat, haven’t you?”
Travis shrugged. “It’s just a suggestion. I’m a great believer in signs.”
Before Kyle could respond to that, the station door opened and Sandy walked in. He felt his jaw drop. “Holy—” Talk about a sign.
Travis slid off the corner of his desk and stood up. “I told you.”
Kyle rose and glared at him. “You’re not so smart.”
Travis chuckled. “I know. I saw her car pull up.” He glanced at the clock. “Look, it’s time for your break.” Still laughing, he went back into his office.
Kyle opened the wood-and-glass door that led to the waiting area. Except for Sandy, it was mercifully empty. She was standing by one of the wooden benches that lined the wall. It was quiet in the middle of the afternoon. They were alone.
She glanced at him. Her green eyes were dark with emotions he couldn’t read. Or maybe he didn’t want to know what she was thinking. He stuck his hands into his pockets and waited.
Sandy wore a peach sundress. He was used to seeing her in shorts, but he liked how the thin fabric molded itself to her breasts, then flared out at the waist. Skinny straps held the bodice in place. Her slight tan made her hair look lighter.
She twisted the shoulder strap of her purse several times, stared at the floor, then looked back at him.
“Hi,” she said at
last.
“Hi, yourself.”
“I went by your house but you weren’t there, so I figured you might be working.”
“Here I am.” He motioned to the benches. “You want to sit down?”
“Sure.” She lowered herself to one end of the seat.
He didn’t know how close to get, so he took the bench next to hers. There was about two feet between them. “What’s going on? Are the kids okay?”
“What? Oh, they’re, um, outside eating ice cream. We went to that place across the street. Blake’s doing really well. Most of the swelling is gone, although the bruise is turning some pretty interesting colors.”
“I’ll bet.”
He wondered if the conversation could have been more awkward. He wanted to ask why she’d come, but a part of him didn’t care why. It was enough that she was here. He studied her face, the wide eyes, the slightly pointed chin, the trace of lipstick on her mouth. He wanted to kiss her. More than that, he wanted to hold her and have her tell him it was going to be okay between them.
She drew in a deep breath. “I’ve come to eat crow. I can eat it cold, if you insist, although it might go down a little easier if I can heat it in the microwave.”
A fierce feeling of gladness swept over him. He forced himself to stay still. “I don’t mind if it’s warm.”
She smiled slightly. “Thanks.” Her smile faded. “Look, Kyle, I was wrong. I came home after dropping Nichole off and Lindsay told me Blake had been in a fight and he was bleeding. I just lost it. When I came into your place and saw you teaching him how to fight more—well, I reacted without thinking.” She stared at the purse on her lap. “I don’t remember everything I said. I just sort of went into protective mother rage. I was scared and I lashed out at you. Blake told me what happened. I know he wasn’t really fighting. Gary hit him when he wasn’t looking.” She raised her gaze to him. “I also know you tried to stop it. I’m sorry about all the things I said. I hope you can forgive me.”
At fourteen, he’d thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. At thirty, he thought she was the most beautiful woman. There was something about her combination of features, or her eyes, or her smile that made him crazy when he was near her. She could turn him on with a glance. She could reduce him to a whimpering mass with just a word. He had it bad, and it scared him. But for once, he wasn’t going to run away.
The Best Bride Page 35
