"I know. It's just that if we have it here, it won't be at a neutral place."
"This isn't a neutral place?"
"It's my home, Mom. It's my place."
Johannah looked mystified. "Are you at war with the Kellihers?"
"Of course not. It's just that they might not feel comfortable."
"Why not? They've been here hundreds of times."
Kate gritted her teeth and uttered the words she knew were tantamount to drawing a line in the sand. "All right, Mom. I'm the one who won't be comfortable."
Johannah's eyes, normally as cool and green as a slate quarry, turned angry. "You can't be thinking clearly. If you're worried about people's comfort levels, you would have thought this entire situation through more carefully. Why didn't you talk to Dermot or try counseling before you left? People who divorce suffer a great deal of discomfort." Placing both hands on the table in a splayed position, she drew a deep breath. "I said I wouldn't ask you, but I have to know. What is your relationship with Ritchie O'Shea?"
Kate's surprise was sincere. "We don't have a relationship."
"I've seen you together, Kate. If nothing's going on, why do you tolerate him?"
Kate struggled to answer. She didn't actually like Ritchie, but she didn't dislike him either. "He's interesting," she said slowly. "He thinks and articulates clearly. He's not afraid or embarrassed to express himself."
Johannah stared at her. "It can't happen, Kate. I'm sorry you set your sights on that one, but it's impossible."
Kate's cheeks flamed. She shook her head. "I wish you would understand. All that's over. I fancied him when I was a schoolgirl. I admit that I thought it might be possible when he first came home, but I know better now. I don't think of him like that. Ritchie is the only one who can talk about the things I remember. He wasn't satisfied staying here in Tralee, just as I wasn't." She waited a moment. "Just as I'm not."
"You didn't have to come back."
"I know that. Neither did he. But we're here and we're two of a kind, strangers in our own land. I suppose, in a way, I feel sorry for him."
"What does that mean?"
"We don't fit."
Johannah picked up her spoon and slowly, slowly, began stirring her tea. "Explain yourself, Katie Enright, because, at the moment, you could be speaking a foreign language."
Kate rested her chin on both hands. "Have you ever seen pictures of the Hollywood Bowl?"
Johannah thought a minute. "Yes, actually."
Kate continued as if her mother hadn't spoken. "Imagine a massive theater, enough for a crowd of eighteen thousand, set in the round, amidst hills tall as our mountains, the Hollywood sign cut into the land, the air warm as summer and thousands of people all around you."
She caught Johannah staring. Kate pointed her finger at her mother. "I know that look. You're asking yourself how you could have given birth to a child so unlike you. You're probably thinking you brought home the wrong baby. But, that's ridiculous because we do look alike and even if we didn't, hospitals are very careful about those wristbands infants are manacled with as soon as they pop out of the womb." Her mouth turned up in a half smile. "Am I right? Is that what you're thinking?"
"Not at all," her mother replied. "I'm imagining summer air and eighteen thousand people just as you told me to."
"It's a magical scene," Kate said dreamily. "There's nothing like it here, nothing even close."
Johannah sighed. "Life isn't a concert, Katie. It's getting up every morning, plugging in the kettle and spooning porridge into bowls. It's about family and friends and what's comfortable and who'll take you in when you need a handout. California may be a lovely place with their Insinkerators and Hollywood, no rain and all those children with straight teeth, but it isn't your home. You have no one there. Do you want Evan to grow up not knowing his family? You made your choice, love. If Dublin is where you find your life's work, so be it. Dublin is a four hour train ride. But California is impossible. You've more than just yourself to consider."
"Are you saying I don't count, that I must set aside my own needs for Evan? Won't he be better off if he has a happy mother?"
"He will not and giving up is part of raising children. It's what every mother does from the moment she learns she's pregnant until she draws her final breath. You should have known that. I regret not making it clear enough while you were growing up."
The still, comfortable air of her mother's kitchen was thick with silence. Kate looked everywhere but into her mother's eyes. Her owned burned with the effort not to burst into tears, not for herself but for Johannah who clearly resented spending a lifetime denying herself for her family. It was so sad, so terribly sad. "How did you bear it?" she whispered at last.
"What?"
"The day in and day out misery."
"What on earth are you talking about?"
"How could you manage for all those years doing for everyone else, denying yourself?"
"I did nothing of the sort," her mother retorted. "I loved it. Knowing my family was happy and tended was tremendously satisfying. It still is. That's why you, Evan, Liam and Nan are here. I wouldn't have it any other way. Your needs are mine. That's the way it works."
"Didn't you ever wonder or wish it could have been more, or at least different?"
"Do you mean did I ever wish I could float down a canal in a gondola with a hot sun overhead and a dark-eyed man whispering in my ear? Of course, I did. That's what the library is for." She stood. "It's still there, Katie. Think about it. Now, I must meet Maura. We're walking to Ballyseedy. Friends are very important as well. You should look up a few of them."
Kate watched her walk upstairs wondering why it had taken nearly thirty years to have this kind of conversation with her mother.
Chapter 31
Liam
Kate challenged him, tapping her finger against his chest. "Dermot needs help at the shop. But maybe working behind the counter at a hardware store isn't good enough for you."
Liam swallowed his temper. "Give over, Kate. I never said anything of the sort and, please, lower your voice." They were having lunch on the second floor of what used to be the Munster Warehouse and the tables were close enough to swap cutlery.
She looked around, adjusted her volume marginally and continued. "But you're not jumping at it, are you?"
"I've only just heard of it. For pity's sake, give me a chance to soak it in."
"Mom would never tell you, but she could use a bit of help with the groceries, especially if there's a strike."
Liam barely heard her. Voices inside his head drowned out her words. First his sister, You're a grown man living off your mother. You can be sure the gossips will be out in full force over you, too. Then Patrick, You and your sister must be a great help to her. Finally, Ciara's rebuke the night Sheila walked out on him: Admit it, Liam. You've got your mom cooking and cleaning for you. It can't be easier for her.
"You're right," he said slowly. "Mom could use some help. I'll talk to Dermot."
"It wouldn't kill you, Liam. I mean—" she stopped. "Really? You can't mean it."
Liam frowned. "Is Dermot looking for help or isn't he?"
"He is, of course. I never thought you'd be interested." She smiled. "It would be great, Liam and such a favor to all of us, even me."
His eyes twinkled. "Don't go trying to talk me out of it."
She punched his arm. "Go see Dermot today. I know the strain is doing him in."
Liam nodded at her water glass. "Are you drinking water or may I have it?"
"Go ahead. I'm not fond of warm water."
"America spoiled you, Katie."
"Stop or I won't buy your lunch."
He held up his hands. "I'll say no more, except this: Dermot is a very good person. Is there no hope for the two of you?"
"He's tied to his mother's leading strings."
"I know the feeling."
Kate shook her head. "It isn't the same at all. You don't really want to be home. He does."
"He can't very well leave his mother altogether," Liam maintained reasonably. "People don't do that. Imagine someone telling us to leave our mother. Maired Kelliher is old and Dermot's an only child."
"Our mother is completely different. I'm not suggesting we abandon Maired. We could move out of town into a bigger house. If we weren't falling all over each other, maybe she and I would get on better."
"Have you talked about it?"
"All the time." She shook her head, "I want to work in my field, Liam."
"Which one would you rather have?"
"Sorry?"
"If you had to choose, which one would you rather have, a larger house or a job in your profession?"
"The job," she said immediately. "I worked hard for my certificate."
"You shouldn't have come back to Tralee. There's nothing here."
"My point exactly."
"You should have figured that out before you married Dermot and definitely before you had Evan. "He reached into his pocket, pulled out a twenty euro note and pushed it across the table, toward her. "Never say I don't pay my share."
"Are you leaving already?"
"I'm off to see Dermot, striking when it's hot."
"I wanted to talk to you about Mom's friend, Patrick."
"Save it and we'll talk tonight." He checked himself. "Is it your turn to take Gran to Bingo or mine?"
Kate sighed. "I'll take her, Liam. You know very well it's my turn."
He grinned and stood. "Don't let her cheat. She nearly blew the roof off St. John's Church when Brigid O'Connor found out she didn't have Bingo after all."
"Old biddies," Kate muttered after he left. "They're not so holy either."
* * *
Liam drove into the carpark shared by Kelliher's Hardware and Garvey's Grocery, kept to the left and drove through the gate and into the hardware's private lot, the lot that closed from 1:00 until 2:00 in the afternoon, a holdover from an era when everyone went home in the afternoon for a proper tea.
An unusual emptiness settled in his chest when he entered the shop through the back door. He couldn't remember a time he hadn't come into the shop without Mickey by his side, shaking hands, greeting acquaintances, steering him to the hardware aisle, explaining the difference between an over mount and under mount sink and the right amount of water to mix with grout to ensure a stable consistency. Mickey tried to interest him but Liam never paid attention. He was all thumbs when it came to the trades and when his father veered in that direction it bored him. What he wouldn't give now for an hour of his father's company no matter what Mickey chose to gander on about.
"Liam." A hand came down heavily on his shoulder. "How's it goin,' lad?"
Liam nodded. Sean Cronin was Richie O'Shea's backup at the Greyhound on Sunday. He played the drums badly but he was so good-natured no one had the heart to tell him. "Grand, Sean, and you?"
"Couldn't be better. Now that Richie's home the gigs are rollin' in. We don't have enough days in the week. I hear you're back in Ballyard."
"I am."
"Given up on the estate business, have you?"
Liam sighed. It would be too much to hope that he wouldn't get stuck sharing his recent history. "For now," he said, extricating himself from Sean's grip. "I'm here to see Dermot."
Sean whistled. "I heard the beautiful Kate is over the moon because Richie's home. Poor Dermot."
Liam stiffened. "I can't imagine who would tell you such a thing, but you've been misinformed. Richie O'Shea has nothing to do with the matter and I wouldn't be spreading gossip if I were you." He brushed Sean's hand from his shoulder. "I've business with Dermot and must be on my way."
Somewhere between the lamp shades and the tea kettles his rage subsided. Damn Kate, her selfishness and her quest for personal happiness. Who was happy? There was a bit of fun at times and a general satisfaction with the world when things were on the upswing, but actual happiness? Who sat around and measured his degree of happiness? Kate, that's who. And in so doing she'd come up short, acted on it and consequently messed up the lives of her family. Liam was honest enough to admit that he was the least of her victims despite chancers like Sean Cronin. It was Dermot who was most affected, then Evan and then Johannah.
Dermot sat in his office staring down at the paperwork strewn across his desk. Absentmindedly, he tapped a pencil on the blotter.
Liam could tell from the slant of his focus that he wasn't concentrating. He cleared his throat. "Hello, Dermot."
Dermot looked up. "Liam. It's grand to see you. What brings you here?"
Liam hesitated. He desperately wanted to say he'd come merely to check in, say hello and shoot the breeze, but Dermot would see through the lie and pretend he hadn't. "I came because Kate said you might need some help in the store and I'm in need of work."
"Kate sent you." Dermot looked incredulous.
"She said you could use a body to man the desk."
Dermot nodded. "I could at that, but the job doesn't pay much. Did she tell you that?"
"As a matter of fact she did. I don't need much as long as you don't mind me cracking the books during slow periods."
Dermot stood and held out his hand. "Done. Can you start on Monday?"
Relieved that it had gone so easily, Liam shook his brother-in-law's hand vigorously. "I can. What time?"
"What time do you start school?"
"I'm free all day except for Tuesdays and Thursdays."
"Perfect. Do you have time for a cup of tea?"
Liam smiled, pulled a fold-up chair from the corner and sat down. "How are you holding up?"
Sighing, Dermot flipped the switch on the electric kettle and shook his head. "I'm afraid I don't understand your sister, Liam. She won't tell me straight away what it is she wants. Oh, she mumbles about a house and her schooling and wanting to find a job that suits her, all right, but are those reasons enough for breaking up a marriage? Is she really that unhappy?"
Liam frowned. "They sound like good reasons, Dermot. It can't be comfortable living with a child in those rooms above the store. Kate comes from Ballyard. She's accustomed to a certain level of comfort."
"She knew where I lived when she married me."
"I think she believed you would move to larger quarters when Evan was born. You've been married six years. Children need a garden to play in."
Dermot raked his fingers through his wavy, too-long hair. "I suppose I could see my way to buying something larger, a place with some land, maybe. But what about the job? No one in Tralee would pay good money to see a dietician. Who would hire her?" He poured a cup of tea, added milk and handed it across the desk to his brother-in-law.
Liam was beginning to feel a small degree of sympathy for Kate. "She mentioned something about starting a business for people who need specialized diets."
Dermot's eyebrows shot up. "Really? She never said anything to me." He thought a minute. "I like it. It's a good idea."
"It might take a bit of investment," Liam said cautiously.
"If it's what she wants we could work out a business plan." He looked at Liam. "You could help us. That's your expertise, isn't it, investing money?"
"In a manner of speaking." Liam gulped down a scalding mouthful of tea. "What about your mom? Do you think she'll see her way past the money?"
"It doesn't matter. I have money of my own." Dermot slapped his knee. "Good for Kate. Who would have thought?"
Liam took his time walking up the hill to Ballyard, wondering how he was going to broach the idea of starting up a special diets business to his sister who, he was quite sure, would never in her wildest dreams consider such a plan, no matter how sound the scheme was.
* * *
Liam wasn't ready to discuss Dermot's proposition with Kate. He took the keys from her hand and set them on the kitchen counter. "I'll collect Evan from the crèche. I promised him we'd buy a tin whistle."
"He hasn't been in a crèche for years, Liam. He's in school."
"He hasn't been
alive for years. He's four."
Kate reached for the keys. "You know what I mean."
Liam tried a different approach. "I'm sure you could use a few hours for yourself, do something you'd like to do."
Kate hesitated. She was in the middle of an online application and she did want to finish it. "If you're sure."
"Completely."
"He's at the Montessori School across from the library near St. John's Church. I'll ring and tell them you'll pick him up. Otherwise they won't let you take him."
"Do that." Liam grinned. "I'll have him back in time for tea."
"Make sure he wears his seat belt," she called after him. "It's the law."
He saluted, backed out of the driveway and headed toward Ballymullen. Traffic was already heavy and it wasn't yet late afternoon. Parking in an empty space in the library carpark, he crossed the street to collect Evan who was already waiting for him. Kate was ever reliable. The child was puffed up over the idea that his uncle had come to take him on an errand.
"Will we drive in your car, Uncle Liam?" Evan asked after he'd taken enough time buttoning his jumper to assure that everyone in the vicinity had managed an eyeful of his magnificent relative.
"We will, but first we'll walk through the park, find your whistle and then we'll drive home. If you like we can buy an ice cream at Garvey's."
Evan raised hopeful eyes to his uncle's face. "Before I've had my tea?"
Liam realized his mistake. "I suppose it isn't a good idea. Your mom wouldn't like it."
"She wouldn't mind, Uncle Liam. Really, she wouldn't."
"I think she would, lad."
Evan drew a deep breath. "Will we tell her?"
Liam managed to control his laughter. Taking his nephew's hand, he crossed the street, choosing the close beside the Christian Brothers' School and shook his head. "Let me give you some advice, Evan. It's no good hiding things from your mother. She'll find out. They always do. If you want your ice cream and you're sure it won't spoil your tea, come right out with it. Take your medicine like a man. Besides, what's the worst she can do to you?"
"She doesn't do anything to me."
"Then what's the problem?"
Hannie Rising Page 20
