“Yes,” he said, his voice low. “I do. I would far rather leave you with Lady Alice, where I know you will be in pleasant company, than take you back to London and put you beneath Lady Eunice’s hand again. I want you to be happy, Julia.”
Rain blew in through the window again, and Julia closed her eyes and lifted her face to feel the cold drops on her skin.
“I am under a blood curse,” he said softly, his arms tightening. “I came to Wales, brought you here, in the hope of lifting it by preventing my uncle from forcing himself upon your aunt. But as I’m sure you’ve discovered without my having to say it, there was nothing to be stopped. No unpleasant deed to be performed. Ffinian speaks of marrying your aunt, but Lady Alice clearly has him well in hand.” He spoke tonelessly, without emotion, and Julia felt her heart breaking. “We came for nothing, Julia. You suffered this journey, and Cadmaran’s spell, and were nearly lost to the spirit realm for nothing. Instead of performing a good deed for the Linleys, I’ve only added insult to injury. Except in this instance, if any lasting harm had come to you, I wouldn’t have needed a curse to teach me sorrow.”
She turned in his arms to look up at him, gazing into the light eyes, dimmed by the darkness.
“I don’t understand,” she said. “How could doing something for my family help to lift a curse? You’ve done nothing to us.”
He lifted a hand and, with gentle fingertips, wiped the moisture from her face. Then he stroked the edges of her hair back upon her forehead, lightly, carefully.
“I caused the death of the man who for many years was my dearest friend. He was also a distant cousin of yours.”
“Do you mean Andrew Payne?” she asked. When he nodded, she said, “But he was a very distant relation. I hardly even knew him. And you couldn’t have had anything to do with his death, because he committed suicide over his wife’s infidelities. He left a letter explaining everything.”
“Everything except how he discovered that his wife was being unfaithful. They were both mere mortals, you know. I was able to read her feelings.”
Shock stole Julia’s voice, momentarily. Reaching up through the blanket, she gripped a handful of Niclas’s shirt.
“You told him?”
He covered her hand with his own, squeezing hard.
“He loved Lucilla desperately, and he knew something was wrong. I thought I was being a friend by helping him, and assumed that he would simply put a stop to her affairs. The trouble was that I didn’t bother to read his emotions before I told him. I could control the gift in those days. Far worse, I failed to tell him everything that I had felt from Lucilla, for fear that he would wonder how I knew.”
“He didn’t know about your gift?”
“I never revealed it to him, not even when we were at school together. As I said, it was easier to control my gifts in those days. But I wish I had taken the risk of his discovery, for if I’d only told him how deeply and truly Lucilla loved him, despite the other men, perhaps he never would have fallen into such despair.”
“And perhaps he would,” she said. “I didn’t know Andrew Payne well, but I cannot believe that the guardians found you to blame for what was, in the end, his decision.”
A particularly loud clap of thunder punctuated the words, and Julia turned to shout out the window, “No, I can’t!”
She felt his hands, warm and gentle on her face, turning her back to him.
“I love you,” he said, and kissed her until every ounce of indignation had disappeared. Lifting his head, he murmured, “I was afraid you would hate me. Andrew may have been a distant relative, but he was your cousin, all the same. I wouldn’t have blamed you. God knows how I’ve hated and blamed myself. I don’t think the guardians were wrong to punish me.”
“What is the curse?” she asked. “Are you in pain? Is that why you always seem to be so weary?”
“I’m not in physical pain,” he said, “but mental. I can no longer sleep as mortals must do, to rest my mind completely. My body rests and renews itself, but not my mind.”
It took Julia several moments to comprehend what he’d said, and several more to consider just how great a punishment had been laid upon him.
“And this has been since Andrew died?” she asked. “You’ve not had a proper sleep for over three years?”
Through the darkness, she saw his nod.
“But how can that be? You would have gone mad by now. Any man would.”
“Other men don’t have Earl Graymar for a cousin,” he said simply. “And, despite what he’s been able to do for me, I am inexorably sliding toward madness. Magic can but slow the process, not stop it. Already I’ve lost the ability to control my gifts, so that when I’m with mere mortals I feel all their emotions without relief. In time I’ll cease to be rational, and God alone knows where it will end.”
“That is why you cannot marry,” she said, touching his cheek. “I felt something inside of you, because of the Tarian, and accepted that we could never be together. Now I know what it is.”
He kissed her again, then held her tightly as the wind gusted all about them. “I let myself hope, as we journeyed, when I knew I loved you, that by the time we returned to London the curse would be gone, that I could ask you to be my wife. But it became clear from the first day at Tylluan that there was nothing I could do to repay the debt I owe.”
“Must it be repaid to my family? Or only to someone related to Andrew?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “No one ever knows precisely how the curse can be lifted, or what duty must be performed. The cursed one can only try, and keep trying, everything possible, to repay the blood they are guilty of.”
“It was not your fault,” she repeated emphatically. “Lucilla’s foolish behavior had far more to do with it than you did, and Andrew’s weakness in controlling her was even more to blame.”
He shook his head. “I used magic to find out and tell him what I had no right to divulge. And Andrew would still be alive if I’d simply stayed out of the matter entirely. It was very wrong of me, Julia, and I accept that completely.”
“Then let me help you to find the way to lift the curse,” she said eagerly, pushing away enough to look up at him. The wind gusted in a curtain of rain, spotting them both with droplets, but she paid it no mind. “I know everything that’s happening among all of the families Andrew was related to, and I can discover who all of Lucilla’s relatives are, as well. Together we can take every opportunity to be of help or service, and in time surely we’ll come across the right fix. Don’t say no until you’ve had a chance to think upon it,” she said when he began to shake his head.
“Darling, I love you far too much to take such a chance. Do you think I would bind you to me, only to watch as I descend into madness? To live with me night after night as I wander and roam until you begin to feel crazed, as well? And what if I should get you with child? Would you let our son or daughter grow up in a living nightmare? No, love. I know you would not, and I wouldn’t ask you to make such a choice. Don’t weep, Julia. Please.”
“It’s only the rain,” she lied.
He bent and kissed both cheeks, several times, taking the moisture away.
“I’ll take you to Glen Aur in the morning,” he said, “and then Abercraf and I will depart.”
“Will you go back to London?”
“I don’t know,” he murmured. “Perhaps I will. Malachi would come after me if I didn’t. And there are matters that I must attend to in town. But regardless of what happens to me, Julia, you must promise that you’ll live as fully and happily as you possibly can. Don’t go back to Linley House to live with Lady Eunice, for, much as I respect her, I cannot believe you wish to remain with her for the rest of your life.”
“I don’t want to live alone, either,” she whispered. “I hope you aren’t going to say anything about my forgetting you and finding another man, because if you do, I’ll strike you. And though you’re much bigger and stronger, I shall do my best to make it hurt.”
And
then, embarrassingly, her trembling voice gave way and tears flowed. Niclas quickly gathered her close and murmured soothingly.
“I don’t expect you to forget me,” he said. “Just as I know I’ll never be able to put you from my thoughts. But I don’t want you to suffer or be alone. If you don’t have sufficient funds of your own to set up your own house in London, I’ll provide them. Jane can go with you, and I’m sure Lady Alice would far rather stay with you when she visits town than with her sister. You can go to parties and balls and dinners and the theater. You can live, Julia. That’s what I want for you. To live and be as happy and content as you possibly can. Promise me, please, that you’ll try.”
She sniffled, sounding embarrassingly like a child to her own ears, then wiped her face and looked up at him.
“I’ll make you my promise, but only in exchange for something from you, first.”
“I’ll give you anything that I can so long as it brings you no harm,” he said.
Julia’s heart began to beat loudly in her ears, and she suddenly found that she wasn’t drawing in enough breath. The storm outside had begun to lessen, and thunder rumbled in the distance.
“I want to know, just . . . once” she began, thankful that it was too dark for him to see how hot her cheeks had become. “I—I want to stay here with you tonight, . . . and”
A hand rose to cradle her face again. “I might get you with child, love.”
“That would only ensure my happiness,” she whispered. “I would never regret such a gift.”
“You would not, I know, but the child would suffer. Society isn’t kind to such children or their mothers, and I’ll not leave either of you to such a fate. But there is another way for us to be as one, Julia.” He kissed her, gently. “Come and lie with me.”
Picking her up in his arms, he carried her, blanket and all, to the huge bed, and laid her gently upon it. Bending, he kissed her and said, “I’m going to light the fire.”
Within moments a small blaze was burning in the hearth, dimly illuminating the room with its flickering light and spreading warmth into the chilled air. He closed the open window, shutting out the storm, and then moved back to the bed, sitting to remove first his boots, then to pull off his shirt and toss it aside.
Julia watched him in the glow of the firelight, her fingers clutching at the blanket and her breathing quickening. She had never seen a man without a shirt on before. He was powerfully built, and his smooth skin glowed in the golden firelight, flowing tautly over his muscular frame. He also looked much bigger, suddenly, and when he sat beside her on the bed, Julia couldn’t stop the nervous squeak that came out of her.
“Don’t be afraid,” he murmured, leaning to kiss her lips. “I love you, Julia. I want to be one with you. And I want to give you pleasure.”
With careful movements he parted the blanket and pried her fingers free so that he could spread it out. She felt vulnerable, exposed, but then he slowly stretched out beside Julia and gathered her into his embrace. Tentatively she lifted a hand and laid it upon his shoulder, testing the strange new feeling of his bare flesh.
“You’re so soft,” she whispered, surprised, and heard him chuckle.
“Men aren’t supposed to be soft,” he said, “but I’m glad if it pleases you.”
Growing bolder, she stroked him, and felt him shiver with pleasure. Then his hands began to move, too. Tilting her face up, he brought his mouth down to hers once more. Julia moaned and pressed closer, caressing his shoulders and neck and back, delighting in the warmth and silkiness of his skin.
One of Niclas’s hands cupped the back of her head, his fingers rubbing lightly in her hair, and the other slid slowly down her back, then lower still. She felt the skirt of her nightgown rising inch by inch, seemingly endless in length, until she felt the warmth of his fingers on the skin beneath.
She moaned again and his mouth parted over her own, his kiss demanding a response that Julia gladly gave.
His hands roamed over her body, caressing the swell of her breasts, her waist and hips.
Then he began to unbutton the top of her gown, making room for his hand to slip inside to cup and caress her breasts. He muttered when the Tarian got in the way, and impatiently pushed it aside.
Pleasure. Just as he’d said. That’s what it was, and she had never really known it before, or even dreamed of it.
But it wasn’t enough. Julia wanted—needed—something more from him, but didn’t know how to ask.
“Niclas,” she said, and he rose up and silenced her with a kiss. He was breathing harshly when he lifted his head and, gazing into her eyes, murmured, “Now we will be one.”
He knelt in the middle of the bed and pulled Julia up to kneel before him. The gown, unbuttoned, slid from her shoulders to her hips. The Tarian hung between her breasts, its shimmering light dueling with the golden fire glow. It tingled against her skin in a manner that she’d only felt once before, just after Niclas had placed it on her, as if it had come to life.
Lifting her hands, Niclas folded them around the Tarian, then placed both his hands, strong and warm, over hers. The necklace glowed so brightly that their flesh was illuminated, and tiny slivers of light escaped through the folds of their clasped fingers.
“Hold the necklace tightly,” he said. “Don’t let go, no matter what you feel happening. We’ll be safe, and together. Look at me, Julia, and keep looking at me.”
He smiled, and she smiled in turn. And then he began to speak.
“I, Niclas Oliver Robert Seymour, declare this woman as my unoliaeth. My heart is hers, my strength is hers, all that I possess is hers, forever. I bind myself to her alone, and proclaim my love for her alone, forever. I have said it before the guardians and with the witness of the Tarian, and thus it will be from this moment on. Forever.”
Before the final word was out of his mouth the room had begun to spin, or perhaps she and Niclas had begun to spin. The Tarian, beneath their joined hands, grew warm, and the sensation of tingling increased.
Once before the Tarian had pulled her out of her body, so that she wasn’t afraid when it happened again. Except this time she wasn’t pulled down, but lifted up. It was like being set free from invisible tethers and drifting away from Tylluan, from the earth, and into a weightless sphere composed of clouds and deep blue skies. She was floating, lifted to an entirely new realm that consisted of neither thought nor care, but only of feelings. And she wasn’t alone. She was with Niclas. With him, but more than that. Entwined with him. One with him.
Pleasure. Yes, beyond all knowing. She could hear his voice inside her and feel his touch deep within. A rhythm of sensation pulsed around and through them, and they moved to it in a beautiful dance. And the pleasure grew, and spread, and at last took Julia completely. She cried out, but Niclas held her safe, murmuring gently as they drifted back, slowly, into warmth and darkness.
She woke sometime later to find herself in his arms, wrapped together in the blanket, lying on the bed before the fire in his chamber at Tylluan. He was watching her solemnly and lightly stroking her cheek. Julia was so sated and replete that she couldn’t do more than smile. She didn’t think she had ever been more comfortable or relaxed in all her life.
“Go to sleep,” he whispered. “I’ll wake you in time to get you safely back to your room unseen. Sleep.”
Happily, she did his bidding. Closing her eyes, she obediently slid into slumber.
Sixteen
Lady Alice arrived the next morning before Loris had even finished helping Julia to pack her things. She had only come to visit her niece, and was delighted to find that she could take her back to Glen Aur. Neither Julia nor Niclas were quite as pleased, but could do nothing but agree that it was a happy coincidence that had brought her ladyship to Tylluan.
An hour later they had all converged at Tylluan’s mighty castle doors, outside of which Lady Alice’s carriage stood, to bid Julia good-bye. She was crushed by the men—especially Uncle Ffinian—and hugged by Loris
. Steffan kissed her hand and then her cheek, claiming the privilege of special friendship as they had shared something of an adventure together. Kian, not to be outdone and insisting that, as he was the one who’d rescued her from the other world, his claim to friendship with Julia was far greater, kissed her on the hand and both cheeks.
Then, with rare tact, they stood back and gave Niclas a moment alone with her.
They had already said good-bye, when Niclas had awakened Julia at sunrise and taken her back to her chamber. There was very little they could say to each other now, but letting go of each other’s hands seemed to be impossible. All those surrounding them looked on with open interest.
Julia pulled away first, lifting her hands to the back of her neck. “You must give this back to Lord Graymar,” she said somewhat unsteadily, and with great care she removed the Tarian. Everyone present leaned forward to have a better look at the rare object, which all Seymours knew of but few had ever seen. “I’m sure I don’t require its protection any longer, and I should be quite nervous to continue to wear it when you’re not near.”
Niclas was uneasy. “I wish you would keep it. Just in case. Lord Graymar will come to Glen Aur to retrieve it soon, and to see how you fare.”
“It’s too valuable,” she said, and folded his fingers around the glowing stone. “If something should happen to it while it’s in my care, the loss to your family would be too great. And I’m safe now. Please take it, Niclas.”
Reluctantly, he pocketed the heavy necklace and turned his attention to Julia’s lovely, upturned face.
“Good-bye,” she murmured, very afraid that she was going to begin crying.
Niclas blinked at the sudden irritation of his own eyes, and nodded. “Don’t forget the promise you made.”
Her smile trembled slightly. “I won’t.”
He stood on the driveway long after they drove away, Abercraf at his side. The pain in his heart was dark, sharp, depthless. How did a person survive such loss?
“Have you packed all my things? Are we ready to depart?” he asked quietly.
Susan Spencer Paul - [Enchanter 01] Page 24
