by P. J. Hoover
The scroll was blank.
“Shouldn’t there be writing?” Tia asked.
I looked to Colonel Cody. “Well?”
He facepalmed. “The cat said it would be revealed to the worthy.”
“Revealed how?” Darn Horus for his half-truths and riddles. I was worthy.
“The cat did not say,” Colonel Cody said.
Perfect. I figured I could take it with me back to the town house and decipher it there … until I saw the giant sign overhead. Written in ten different languages, including English and ancient Egyptian, were the words:
ARTIFACTS MAY NOT
UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
BE REMOVED FROM THE
HALL OF ARTIFACTS.
VIOLATORS WILL BE THROWN
INTO STASIS
FOR ALL ETERNITY!
There was a good chance it was an empty threat put in place by Imsety and Qeb, but I didn’t want to risk it. Spending my immortal years in Egyptian god purgatory would ruin my plans for revenge.
“Didn’t your cute little bodyguard say something about ink made of blood?” Tia asked.
Colonel Cody beamed under her praise. “The beautiful mortal girl is correct.”
Tia blushed in return.
“Perhaps blood, Great Master.” Colonel Cody snapped his fingers and the two green shabtis I called Major Rex and Major Mack ran off, returning moments later with a pointy tool of some kind that looked sharp enough to puncture my eardrum.
It couldn’t hurt. Well, actually it could, but not that much. Major Rex pierced my finger, and I let a drop of blood fall onto the golden scroll.
I prayed to Maat that I would be found worthy. I had to read the scroll.
Words began to take shape. Immortal. Afterworld. Knife. Osiris. My heart pounded. This was exactly what I’d been looking for.
Hieroglyphs of blood filled the page in front of us. Based on the style of writing and the usage of the hieroglyphs, I would have bet Horus’s other eye that this scroll had been made before I’d been pharaoh. Probably before my entire dynasty. The symbol choices looked like the stuff Horus decorated his cat-scratching post with. Like the language of the gods.
Wind whipped through the room, blowing the flames in the torches. I let my mind carry me back to the ancient days—the days when Egypt had been the jewel of the world and the gods had been feared. Now they were hardly believed in, just a thing of mythology. I scanned the symbols and my brain instantly fell back into ancient Egyptian, picking out symbols that made up words.
“What’s it say?” Tia asked.
That’s right. I had serious doubts anyone alive could read this thing except me.
“I don’t know,” I lied. “The script is too old.”
Except I could read every word, and it told me exactly what I needed to know.
“You read those Sumerian tablets,” Tia said. “You can read anything.”
“Nope. Sorry.” Sure, I wanted to defend myself. To tell her I could not only read this scroll, but that I could translate our whole World Cultures textbook into this text. But my common sense held its ground.
“You’re lying,” Tia said. And she grabbed the scroll and ran.
I tore off after her. She ran in the opposite direction that we’d come in, almost like she knew where she was going, weaving in and out of the long rows of artifacts.
“Stop!” I called, but of course she didn’t listen.
I jumped over Canopic jars and obelisks and statues and columns, trying to catch up. Tia rounded a corner and I lost sight of her.
“Where did she go?” I asked Colonel Cody.
“We’ll find her,” he said. He snapped his fingers and his majors ran off in four different directions.
It wasn’t until I heard the snap of wood that I saw her, halfway up a rickety flight of stairs against a wall. It was another way out. Except she had the scroll. The warning from the sign flew back into my mind.
“Don’t take the scroll with you!” I cried out, but either she didn’t hear me or she didn’t listen, because the second she got to the top and opened the door, the entire Hall of Artifacts quaked like a sonic boom had come through. I ducked as objects flew through the air from the impact. And when I looked back up, the door stood open, but there was no sign of Tia or the scroll.
9
WHERE I’M STALKED BY THE PIZZA GUY
I ran out the same way as Tia, but there was no sign of her. I didn’t want her to be cast into stasis for all of eternity, like the sign had said, but I also didn’t want her to have escaped with the scroll. Both options stunk. I spent the next two hours scouring D.C. for her, dreading having to tell Horus what had happened. I didn’t find her. At least if she did get away, she couldn’t read the scroll. And now I knew where the knife was.
Isis had it. I cringed at the thought of visiting her. The last time I’d visited Isis, she’d tried to pull a piece of my brain out with a hook. Some mummification experiment she’d been working on, and she needed a live sample. When I’d protested, she’d laughed, calling me a ninny-faced girly-man. That had been over a hundred years ago. I had no idea where she was now, but Horus would know. Isis was his mom, after all. But he was still out on his date when I got back to the town house, and in the three hours remaining until morning rolled around, he didn’t return.
Gil woke up bleary eyed, just as I was leaving for school.
“Did you go somewhere last night?” he asked.
I’d crept in. He couldn’t have heard me.
“Where would I go?” I asked. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t talk to him about the knife. Horus would skin me alive.
“Where would you go?” Gil asked. And he gave me this prying look, like my entire brain was spilled out onto a serving tray in front of him.
“Nowhere,” I said. “At least not without telling you. Because we don’t keep secrets, right?”
“Right,” Gil said. And then he ruffled my hair like I was five. “Have fun at school today.”
I wasn’t sure fun and school belonged in the same sentence.
* * *
“We’re working on our project tonight, right?” Henry said during first period. And second period. And in every single class we had together.
“Can’t it wait?” I finally said when I got to World Cultures. Excuses weren’t working. I just needed to say no.
“No, Tut, it can’t wait. It’s due in two weeks. Two weeks!”
“That’s plenty of time,” I said.
“Plenty of time for what?” Tia asked, dropping into her chair as if nothing had happened the night before.
“You’re okay?” I said before I could stop myself.
She looked at me like my head had cracked in half like a giant egg. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
I opened my mouth and then stopped. I couldn’t really mention breaking into the Library of Congress. Or the Hall of Artifacts. Or the fact that she should be in stasis for all of eternity. And then there was the matter of the scroll she’d stolen from me. Or at least from the gods.
“You weren’t supposed to take anything out of the library.” I fumbled over my words. I still couldn’t believe she knew who I was.
“You stole a library book?” Henry asked. “You know, librarians will come after people like you. Maybe you got away with stuff like that at your old school, but you better watch out, or you’re going to get sent to juvie.”
I couldn’t imagine Tia at juvie. Sure, she had a reputation for trouble, but it almost seemed like it was a costume she wore. Like she wanted people to think something that wasn’t really true.
“You’re both crazy,” Tia said.
“But…” I started. She knew everything about me, and I had no clue who she really was. But with Henry around, I couldn’t start plying her with questions.
Seth plunked down in his seat. I covered my nose so I wouldn’t have to smell him. “Where is everybody?” he asked.
Seth was right. Half our class was missing.
“It seems a handful of students have contracted a stomach flu,” Mr. Plant said. “Which means I’m giving you the entire class period to work on your projects.”
Project or lecture … I wasn’t sure which was worse.
“Why do you think so many people are sick?” Henry said after Mr. Plant finished talking. “Do you think it’s the curse again?”
“Enough on the curse,” I said. “There is no curse.”
“How can you be so sure?” Tia said, and she fixed her eyes on me. Challenged me to see how I would respond in front of Henry and Seth.
“Just a feeling,” I said, praying she wouldn’t reveal my identity on the school announcements. I could see it now as a special feature in the school yearbook: “King Tut Doomed to Suffer Eighth Grade Over and Over Again.”
“And shouldn’t we work on our projects?”
“I thought we were getting together tonight for that,” Henry said.
“That’s the good thing,” I said. “If we work on it now, we don’t have to get together tonight. Anyway, I have other plans.”
“I bet you do,” Tia said.
“What’s up with you?” Seth asked her. “You’re acting all weird and stuff.”
“I’m not,” she said. Except she knew she was, so she started fiddling with all the jewelry she was wearing and avoided looking at me.
Tia was one problem. Seth was another.
“What were you doing outside my town house last night?” I narrowed my eyes at him and dared him to answer.
Seth ran his hands through his greasy hair and then wiped them on his desk. Gods help the person who had to sit there after him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do,” I said. “You were in that red van. You saw me.”
“You’re imagining things, Tut.”
“Henry?” I said. He’d been there. He could back me up. “Remember that red van last night? Looked like it had been painted in blood.”
Henry shook his head. “All I remember is that your house is filled with weird things. It’s like a museum.”
“My stuff’s not weird,” I said. “And Seth was outside.”
“Yeah, right,” Seth said. “The last place I’d want to spend my spare time is hanging around you.”
That was probably true. Maybe I was wrong.
No, I wasn’t wrong.
“You were there,” I said. “I’m not crazy.”
He made a cuckoo sign with his finger around his ear. “Whatever you say, crazy boy.”
I’d figure it out. Just like I’d figure out who Tia really was.
Tia sat quietly for the rest of class, while Seth continued to assault me with his stupid little comments. Henry talked my ear off about presentation skills and intestines in jars and mummification. He had so many of the little facts wrong, but I wasn’t about to prolong the conversation by correcting him. I endured all three of them until the bell rang and class was over.
My phone vibrated. Sure, I wasn’t supposed to have it on during school, but nobody was going to bust me for it.
It was a text from Gil. can’t pick you up from school today
Gil always picked me up. I figured with the Horemheb threat, he’d be twice as overprotective as he normally was.
why not? I texted back.
I went to my locker and got to my next class before his reply came.
have something I need to do
Was it something to do with the knife? He knew about it. Was he going to look for it, too?
what? I pressed.
Another long delay.
nothing big. talk later.
And that was the end of our text conversation.
* * *
I avoided Henry after school so he wouldn’t try to drag me to the library for the useless project, and hiked the six blocks home. Gil would be proud to know I was perfectly safe. Not a sign of Horemheb or the Cult of Set.
“Would Great Pharaoh care for a refreshment?” Colonel Cody asked from his prostrate position when I walked into my town house.
“Why yes, now that you mention—” I didn’t have time to finish. He snapped his fingers, and Lieutenants Virgil and Leon darted off. Sometimes it’s good to be pharaoh.
Horus had made it back from his date, but his lady cat, Bast, wasn’t what I wanted to talk about. With Gil not home, I had a chance to get moving on the knife.
“Where does your mom live?” I asked.
“Why do you want to know?” Horus swatted at a passing beetle.
So I told him about my visit to the Library of Congress, leaving out the part about the trivia quiz. I couldn’t believe I’d almost lost. I also decided to leave out the part about Tia being there and stealing the scroll. That was Qeb and Imsety’s problem. I didn’t want to get them in trouble. Not to mention I didn’t want Horus jumping to some crazy conclusion, thinking Tia was some kind of spy or something. Which maybe she was. I don’t know. Why else would she be following me around? But she couldn’t possibly be working with the Cult of Set. Could she?
“Figures my mom has the knife,” Horus said, distracting me from my thoughts of Tia.
“If the scroll can be believed,” I said.
“Of course the scroll can be believed,” Horus said. “The gods wrote it. But why does my mother always feel like she needs to be right in the middle of everything, like the world will implode if she’s not involved? She acts like she’s the queen of everyone. Do you remember when we moved here, how she tried to take over?”
I nodded in agreement until Horus finished his mom tirade.
“So where is she?” I asked once he’d gotten all his complaints out. With Gil gone, there was no time like the present to pay Isis a little visit. Get the knife. Cut out Horemheb’s heart. My life was totally getting back on the right track.
“You know the Dynasty Funeral Homes?” Horus said.
“The ones with that stupid little jingle?” They ran a million commercials on all the local channels, mostly during shows that old people watched, like Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. The commercials came on so often, sometimes I couldn’t get the song out of my head.
“With over fifty locations to serve you best, Dynasty Funeral Homes is where you want to rest,” I sang. The shabtis clapped along with the tune. They’d heard the commercials as many times as I had.
“Those are the ones. Isis owns them.” Horus took a giant sip of milk from his bowl. On my orders, the shabtis kept it filled up. Complaining about his mother must have made him thirsty.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. And I’m sure she’d love to have you pay her a visit.”
“You’re not coming with me?” I asked.
Horus looked at me without blinking. “You’re kidding, right? She’d point out all the things I’m doing wrong in my life. I don’t have time for that kind of nonsense.”
Sometimes it was hard to remember that even though Horus was a powerful god, he also had a mom to report to.
The doorbell rang.
“Expecting someone?” Horus asked.
“Great Amun, it’s probably Henry,” I said.
“Again?”
I scanned the town house to make sure everything looked normal. I’d stashed the Book of the Dead on the bookshelf, and the shabtis had repaired the feather fan.
“It’s this project,” I said. “He’s way too enthusiastic about it.”
“Enthusiastic? He almost cut my tail off last night. Reckless is a better word,” Horus said. “I’ll be back once he’s gone.” He scowled and jumped out the fire escape window.
I pointed to the closet and said to the shabtis, “Don’t make a peep unless you think it’s the end of the world.”
“Of course, Great Master,” Colonel Cody said, and they filed off and hid.
I opened the front door. It was Henry, of course. I glanced out at the street and saw the red van again. My hackles went up as I felt the occupants watching me.
“See, that’s Seth,” I
said, pointing at the van. “You see him this time, don’t you?”
Henry angled his head around so he could look. “It does look like Seth. Does he live here?”
“Great Osiris, I hope not,” I said. It was bad enough having to go to school with Seth. Living in the same neighborhood would be a reason to move out.
“Great Osiris?” Henry said.
“Oh, that. I’ve just been getting into our project,” I said. Normally I’m smart enough not to say things like that around mortals, but my game had been off this whole week.
“Great Osiris. I like it,” Henry said. “Anyway, maybe Seth’s girlfriend lives around here.”
We both burst out laughing. There was no way Seth had a girlfriend. Still, it didn’t answer the question of what Seth was doing here in the first place.
“So if I ask him about it tomorrow, you’ll back me up?” I said.
“I totally got your back,” Henry said, and then pushed his way into my town house like I’d invited him. He was sporting yet another Pluto shirt, but I stopped myself from commenting. I didn’t have time to get into some planetary debate.
“I thought we were working on the project tomorrow,” I said.
“Tut, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday,” Henry said.
“What?” Sometimes I wondered if Henry was for real.
“The project needs to get done,” he said.
He was never going to let it go. I might as well get it over with.
“Grab a water out of the fridge if you want.”
While he was in the kitchen, I moved a camel seat in front of the closet. When I turned back around, Henry stared at me with one eyebrow up.
I let out a fake laugh. “The other cat’s being bad. I’ll keep him locked up for now.”
“And where’s Horus?” Henry dropped his backpack next to the futon. A bunch of scarab beetles scurried out of the way and crawled under Gil’s chair. Henry scooted away from them.
“He went out to look for stinky fish,” I said.
The doorbell rang.
Two visitors in one day? It was unheard of.
“Who is it?” I called, because I’d already made the mistake of opening the door once.
