by J. S. Scott
Two days later, I found myself wondering how I’d never known that Zeke was a pretty romantic guy.
Not in a sappy way, but in an I-want-you-to-remember-this-experience kind of way that touched my heart.
“I love it,” I murmured to him as I clutched at the pendant he’d just put around my neck, a medallion that was carved in white gold, and inspired by the Mayan calendar to remind me of the ruins we’d explored all day.
We’d come back to our suite and ordered room service, which hadn’t arrived yet. Zeke had wanted to give me my birthday present, even though it wouldn’t technically be my birthday until midnight.
The gorgeous pendant had been a surprise that had nearly left me speechless.
The last few days had been magical, everything a couple could want on a honeymoon. Well, minus the sex part.
Zeke was attentive and affectionate, but he hadn’t pushed for anything more than I wanted to give.
Truth was, I wanted to give him everything, and I knew that was dangerous.
This relationship is not permanent, which scares the hell out of me.
Every moment I spent with him was both heaven and hell. He made me happy, but I was terrified what would happen when it was over.
For me, every touch, every brush of our bodies, was too much to handle without wanting to beg him to fuck me, but his long-ago rejection still played in my mind.
I didn’t feel like things were make-believe anymore. We both wanted more, and I was convinced that Zeke wanted to explore something more intimate. And I really wanted to know what it would be like to be with him.
I wanted the experience without the danger, but those two things went hand-in-hand.
The sexual chemistry and the resulting tension had me on edge.
“Thank you for today,” I said as I turned around to face him.
“You mean you really enjoyed slugging around a bunch of ancient ruins?” he asked with a grin.
I smiled. “I did. I can’t explain it, but I could almost feel the souls of Maya there. Is that weird?”
He shook his head. “It’s a little eerie. But fascinating, too. They built great civilizations only to see them fall, and the culture die out. It’s pretty amazing to see relics of a society that existed so long ago.”
I nodded, knowing that Zeke understood my weird fascination. In fact, we’d always seemed to see history in the same way.
“So what’s on the schedule for tomorrow?” I was starting to look forward to experiencing something different every day.
“Whatever you want. This is your time. And tomorrow is your birthday.”
I put a hand on my hip. “I want you to enjoy it, too.”
“I have a confession to make,” he answered in a sincere, mesmerizing baritone. “There isn’t much I’m not going to like if we’re together.”
I melted from the heat in his eyes. “I’m willing to do just about anything.”
“There’s a catamaran trip I wanted to arrange so we could do some snorkeling.”
“I’d love that,” I replied excitedly. Honestly, I was good doing anything with Zeke, too, but getting into some great snorkeling waters was pretty appealing.
He nodded. “I’ll hook us up. And then we can go explore the town. I have an idea where we might be able to get some good Mexican food.”
We both loved Mexican cuisine, and we wanted something more authentic. “Sold!” I said with a laugh.
I watched his handsome expression change as he looked at me intently. “Do you know how good it sounds to hear you laugh?”
“Have I really been that bad?” I asked.
I’d been miserable with Stuart. Maybe I hadn’t realized just how much while I’d been stressing about the wedding. But over the last few days, it had hit me that I really had changed.
Being with Zeke made me happy, which was so opposite from how I’d felt when I was with Stuart.
Zeke and I loved just being together.
And I guess I’d forgotten how it felt to be with somebody who accepted me without criticism.
“You look happier,” Zeke replied.
Because I’m with you.
I sighed. “We were always like this when we were younger. I guess I just forgot what relaxation and fun was like.”
“That won’t happen again. I’ll be here to remind you.”
I sighed.
No more Stuart.
No more constant belittling or sarcasm.
No more demanding mother of my fiancé who never thought I was good enough for her son.
No more…fear.
I was finally starting to see how really bad things were in hindsight. I just wish I had wised up sooner.
“I nearly married him,” I said in a horrified voice. “What was I thinking, Zeke? Was I so damn desperate for love that I was willing to turn myself inside out to make things work with him? Was I willing to give up myself to please him?”
He stepped forward and put his arms around me. “He was a master manipulator, Lia. For fuck’s sake, don’t blame yourself. You’ll get over him.”
I put my hands on his shoulders, and tipped my head up to meet his gaze. “I’m not in love with him anymore. I’m not sure I ever was. I don’t need to get over him. I need to get over the fact that he played me so damn well. I have to figure out what in the hell is wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Zeke rasped. “You’re a loving, giving person. You always have been. You just met up with somebody who was willing to take complete advantage of those traits. It’s not some kind of character flaw you have. It’s his. The bastard.”
I wanted to believe what Zeke was telling me, but deep inside, I knew so much of what had happened with Stuart was my fault. “But I should have been strong enough to stand up for myself. I thought I did, but I realize I let him separate me from my friends, even you. We’ve barely seen each other for the last few years if it didn’t involve the coffee shop.”
I hadn’t even known what was really happening in Zeke’s life. I’d completely missed the fact that he had broken things off with Angelique, and my relationship with him had been almost superficial. That hurt considering all we’d been through together over the years.
“I think I can take some of the blame for that, too,” Zeke said, his gorgeous eyes reflecting more than a little remorse. “I didn’t want to see you with Stuart, so I pretty much avoided us meeting up that way. It was easier to just see you at the shop.”
I frowned. “Why?”
“Because he had something I wanted,” Zeke said in a husky voice.
“What?”
“He had you, Lia.”
My heart skittered as I looked at the tense expression on his face. Zeke was as serious as I had ever seen him. “I’m sorry. I should have been a better friend,” I said in a rush.
“I should have told you that I envied what you were giving to a guy who didn’t deserve you,” he countered.
I diverted my gaze and stepped away from him to give myself some space.
Being too close to Zeke made me feel vulnerable, even though I knew he was the only person who really understood me.
Taking a seat on the couch, I tried to force my body to relax as I answered, “None of this was in any way your fault. I wanted to pretend that everything was okay with Stuart, when it never really was. I convinced myself that he was the one. But he never was. You know my insecurities better than anyone, and you’ve never tried to play on them. I guess it was unfathomable to me that somebody else would use them to manipulate me. I was an idiot.”
Zeke sat down on the other end of the couch. “Nobody you care about should ever do that to you.”
“Stuart did,” I answered. “And he made me feel so small and imperfect that he turned it around until I thought that I was lucky to have him. I believed that everything that went wrong was my fault. God, I even hated myself because I couldn’t satisfy him sexually.”
Zeke lifted a brow. “Are you serious?”
I nodded. �
��Something is wrong with me, Zeke. I’ve always been way too cold to enjoy anything intimate.”
“For God’s sake, Lia. You’ve never been the least bit cold. Has it ever occurred to you that your previous partners just sucked?”
“There really haven’t been all that many,” I confessed. “But no, I haven’t considered that. How can more than one guy be incompetent?”
“Pretty damn easily if they don’t care about whether or not you’re there with them when it’s time to come,” he grumbled.
“I don’t orgasm,” I admitted.
“Never?” he asked in a graveled voice.
“Not once when I was with someone.”
“But you can get yourself off?”
“Yes.”
I watched as Zeke closed his eyes and let his head fall back until it hit the wall behind the sofa with a loud thunk.
I wasn’t certain, but the sound he released right before his head smacked the wall sounded suspiciously like a tortured groan.
CHAPTER 9
Zeke
I should have never fucking asked her if she could get herself off.
Our room service had come and gone, but I was still haunted by images of Lia naked, stroking herself to climax.
Fuck!
I hadn’t touched Lia since that first day we’d sprinted for the sea from the beach. God knew I wanted to, but the more I recognized how damn vulnerable Stuart had left her, the less I wanted to rush anything.
My body wanted me to, but my brain was trying to get my dick in check.
I wish I had paid more attention to exactly what Stuart was doing to Lia. The bastard had taken every good thing about her, and twisted it into something bad.
It pissed me off that he’d been able to read her well enough to be able to make her feel like she was nothing.
Lia, she was something. And I knew I had to give her time to realize that all of the problems had been Stuart’s.
Yeah. She was right. I did know her vulnerabilities, but I’d rather support her than tear her apart. Hell, I had a few of my own issues—namely my inability to stop wanting the woman I’d married. Or at least give myself enough time to re-build her trust.
I slammed my hand against the shower control, turning it off way harder than I needed due to my frustration.
I knew that I was no longer going to be able to settle for just having Lia’s body.
Not happening—since I also wanted her heart.
I grabbed a towel and started to dry my body as I thought about some of the things she’d told me.
If it wasn’t so damn tragic, I would have laughed out loud about her assumption that she was cold. She had an enormous heart. She just hadn’t found the right man to give it to, somebody who would cherish the gift.
Lia hadn’t changed like she thought she had.
She’d just had her confidence severely shaken by somebody who should have never been allowed to get close to her.
Maybe she had realized that she didn’t love him.
However, the relationship had gone on too long not to do some damage.
I can wait to try to seduce her. She’s my wife. I just need her to understand that to me, she’s perfect. Always has been.
One of Lia’s vulnerabilities revolved around the loss of her parents and her subsequent move to Washington after that. She’d adored her Grandma Esther, but I knew it had been difficult to lose her mom and dad, and then be taken away from everything that was familiar to her before she even got into high school.
Since she was strong, Lia had adjusted, but it had left some lingering insecurities about caring about people because she was afraid that they’d leave her, too.
Watching her try to come to terms with her grandmother’s death had torn me up because I knew damn well that she was reliving those fears of being left alone. She’d had no family left, so her pain had been pretty severe.
Stuart had come into her life right after Esther had died, and I had to wonder whether she’d been trying to fill some empty place inside her.
Understandable, but not necessarily wise. I should have been there for her more, even if it was just to get her out of Stuart’s clutches.
But I’d been too damn busy feeling sorry for myself because she’d chosen him instead of me. And I’d been licking my wounds because of it.
What I’d confessed to her earlier in the evening was true. I had been envious of Stuart, and I’d had no fucking idea how to handle it except for keeping my distance.
Yeah, I’d thought he was a dick, but I’d never been quite sure whether it was really an unbiased opinion since I’d coveted her myself.
I wrapped the towel around my waist, opened the door of the bathroom to let the steam out, and started to shave.
Logically, I knew it was going to take time for Lia to figure things out. She’d eventually realize that none of what happened was her fault. But I was going to have a hell of a hard time not just getting her naked and proving that she was anything but cold.
Plus, it was going to take me some time to not want to beat the shit out of Stuart for making Lia doubt herself.
He’d taken a woman who was still grieving, a woman who was still hurting from losing the only family she had left in the world, and had turned her inside out.
It took a real asshole to do something like that.
I’m going to have to be patient.
Problem was, I had all I could do not to touch Lia now that she was my wife.
My protective instincts toward her had always been strong, but now that she was mine, I was downright possessive.
I grimaced as I rinsed the razor and put it on the counter.
I think I need a drink. Or two.
Lia had gone to bed early since we had an early snorkeling excursion scheduled.
But I knew I was never going to sleep. I was too wound up.
I walked through the bedroom and went to the small kitchen to pull out a beer. I chugged it down, tossed the bottle and then grabbed a second one and screwed the top off.
“Zeke?” I heard Lia’s sleepy voice say my name softly.
I turned toward her voice, and saw her standing at the entrance to the kitchen.
“I couldn’t sleep, either,” she said as she walked toward the fridge barefoot.
My eyes followed her.
I recognize the red and white cotton shorts and the matching tank top she was wearing. I’d packed them. It was the only pair of pajamas I’d found.
“You okay?” I asked in a rough voice.
She pulled out a beer and tried to unscrew the top. When I saw her struggling, I snatched the bottle, removed it for her, and handed it back.
Lia looked adorably sleepy, her beautiful blonde hair tussled, like she’d been tossing and turning in bed.
She hopped onto one of the kitchen counters, and then her eyes ran over my towel-clad body boldly, an action that made my dick go on high alert.
I wanted her to want me, but when I caught the signals that she wanted me, too, it became damn near unbearable to stop myself from lifting her off the counter and taking her to bed.
“I think I am okay,” she answered, and then swallowed a portion of her beer before she continued. “I messed up big time, didn’t I?”
It wasn’t the first time I’d heard her ask that question through the years, but her wistful tone and the sadness in her eyes nearly sent me over the edge. “Not your fault,” I snapped out. “And you got the hell out of the situation before you married him.”
“I think I was searching for something, and I wanted it so badly that I ignored all of the red flags.”
I put my bottle down on the counter and moved forward, situating my body between her silken thighs. I took the bottle from her hands and put it down on the counter beside mine. “I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there for you, Lia.”
She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. “I wasn’t there for you, either,” she said with a sigh. “We drifted apart. And now I don’t know what to
do.”
Love me!
I couldn’t make that suggestion right now, but I sure as hell wanted to say it.
If she gave me her heart, I’d never fuck it up. Not anymore. I’d been too damn close to losing her.
“What do you want to do?” I was distracted by the feel of her soft body leaning into mine, but I’d gotten the question out.
“I just want to be with you,” she said hesitantly. “I don’t quite understand exactly what’s happening, but I want you, Zeke. I’m just…scared.”
Every protective, possessive, out-of-control instinct I had for her started to come to the surface. “It’s me. We’ve known each other for a long time. Don’t you know that you never have to fucking be afraid of me?”
“I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid of the way I feel, and the last thing I want is for you to be disappointed.”
“You never disappoint me, Lia. Never,” I said in an animalistic tone I didn’t recognize.
“First time for everything,” she said, sounding uncomfortable.
I tightened my arms around her waist. I knew I wasn’t willing to wait another night. Lia needed to learn just how warm she could be, and there wasn’t another guy who could teach her about that but me.
I’d make her feel wanted.
I’d make her feel special.
And I’d damn sure make sure she was satisfied before my dick ever saw the light of day.
“Say the word,” I demanded, clenching my fists while I sweated it out.
She was silent for a moment before she said quietly, “Word.”
All of the tension drained out of my body. It wasn’t the first time she’d said that, and I knew it was a sign that she was willing.
I didn’t hesitate to put my hands under her ass, lift her up so she had to wrap those beautiful legs around me, and carry her to my bedroom.
CHAPTER 10
Lia
Every single negative thought flew out of my brain as I pressed my body against Zeke’s. It was replaced with heat, desire, and anticipation, more pleasant feelings that I’d much rather focus on at the moment.
I’d laid in bed for over an hour, wondering what would happen if I just didn’t think about the repercussions of screwing my best friend. Unfortunately, not a single scenario could block out the fact that I desperately wanted Zeke to fuck me until we were both sated.
