“I would have done the same thing, okay? Look, despite what you might think, Mason isn’t the complete reason why I’m cautious about us. I just don’t want to rush into anything. I’m skeptical on relationships and love. It’s just not that easy for me, okay? And besides, Cory, you and I are friends first and foremost. I don’t want to mess that up, you know?”
Cory looked over at me and smiled.
“I understand cautious. About six months ago, I was dating this girl named Tiana. She was great, and I felt she and I hit it off. But one day she got her dream job and moved away. I like to think she felt the same way as I did. I mean, I was in love with her. But if it was easy enough for her to leave, then maybe the feelings weren’t mutual. So, I get it. You want to take your time and make sure what we’re doing is right. I just don’t want to miss a really good opportunity with you. You’re right; we are friends, and I don’t want to lose that either. But maybe we can become more than just friends. Maybe meeting Tiana and Mason have brought us closer together. We’ll never know until we give this a go fully.”
When we arrived at the hotel, I stopped just shy of the door.
“I hear everything you said, and I get it. But to be honest, it makes me more nervous. There is no doubt I care about you, Cory. I have for a long time. What worries me is that we both may be trying to fill gaps that are missing in our life. Some may use alcohol or drugs or anything to get over a person. Hell, some bury their feelings with sex.” I saw a smile creep on his face. “The difference for me is I don’t want to use anyone, especially you, to fill a void in my heart too soon. I want what I feel and what we have to be real. For me, it’s going to take some time.”
Cory and I walked back into the hotel. When I saw Mason—now for the second time—I tried to act natural. I mean, that’s what he’s doing, right? If he isn’t affected by me, why should I be by him?
I concentrated on talking to Marc and AB, but it was hard. He looked good in his khaki tan shorts and button-down sky-blue polo shirt. His hair fell on his forehead, and it took a lot of self-control not to move the thick locks from where it lays. And, holy shit, is that the watch I bought him on his wrist?
I was so thankful that Cory came back when he did. Just being near Mason was doing something to me. When Cory kissed me, I thought I saw a look come over Mason’s stoic features. But it was wishful thinking, right? I did wonder though, as they walked out together, what the hell they would talk about playing golf.
When I finally got with the girls, we ate breakfast first then went to see the dolphins. We then went shopping a little and decided to pamper ourselves at the spa in the hotel. We tried to keep the conversation random and light. I could tell Diane wanted to ask me all sorts of questions, but I didn’t let her. I asked Marie about her kids, and she showed me pictures. She asked me about singing, and Kat and I regaled her with story after story about me and her.
Kat is the second person that I know who loves to sing. We both have big voices and really should try and make something of our God given talents. But the love wasn’t in us. She wanted to become an ER nurse and then go to school to become a doctor. I wanted to work in the sports rehab side of medicine. We both had our passions, but our hobby—what we couldn’t get enough of doing—was singing.
“So, how did you and Mason meet?” Diane finally asked.
We were having a late lunch in the hotel restaurant after our spa treatment. I looked at her for a moment. You would have thought they would’ve had this conversation last night, but apparently they didn’t.
“Well, I used to work at a boxing gym, and he was there,” I said simply.
That’s good right?
“And what then? You two dated for a while?”
I turned to look at her, but Marie spoke up. “Diane, didn’t you and Mason talk about this last night?”
Diane smiled. To be honest, her smile frightens the hell out of me.
“No. Actually we were busy doing other things.”
I bet they were. Just thinking about the many times he and I would steal away to have a quickie, or for him to cop a feel, I smiled in spite of myself. He always managed to make me forget my bad day. All I would think about is how he was pleasing me.
I noticed all eyes were on me, and I dropped my smile.
“Well, Diane, if he didn’t tell you anything, it’s not my place to tell his story either. I’m sure that I didn’t matter at all because, if I did, you would know all about me.”
That seemed to satisfy her. But for some reason, Kat and Marie frowned at me. I felt I was speaking the truth, but I guess the only two people that agree with me are Diane and me.
The guys strolled in, laughing about something. I took this opportunity to look at Mason. Even though I said he let himself go, it wasn’t that noticeable. He was still very good looking…and sexy as hell. His body is still cute, but I could tell there is a slight change in him. The life that used to be in his eyes isn’t there. The swagger he used to possess in his walk isn’t as prominent as it used to be. I mean, you could see and feel the power he exuded before. But now he doesn’t seem that confident. The smile on his face as he joked with his brother was the first genuine smile I’ve seen since I’ve been here. It seems the old Mason is still in there. Wait, why do I care?
I suddenly turned my attention to Cory. He seemed so relaxed with Mason and the guys. Why can’t I give myself to a man that definitely wants me? Instead, I keep thinking of the one that doesn’t. That needs to change while I’m here. Maybe be this is the reason fate brought us together. I need closure, and this is the time for me to finally get it. I stood as the guys came close.
“Well, ladies, it’s been fun. But I want to take advantage of the beautiful sun out there.”
Kat stood too.
“Oh, that sounds like a fabulous idea. I’m coming with… Diane? Marie?”
“You guys go ahead. I’ll see you later. I want to talk to my husband for a little.” Marie smiled.
“Yeah, me too,” Diane added.
As Kat and I walked past Mason, we made eye contact. I quickly moved my eyes and then let them fall on Cory. I smiled and gave him a hug.
“Have fun?”
He smiled back. But before he could say something, I heard this weird noise coming from Mason. I looked over at him and saw him heading right for the bar.
“What’s his problem?” I asked Marc.
“Nothing, ignore him. How was the morning for you guys?”
“It was cool. Kat and I are about to head out and enjoy the sun.” I looked up at Cory. “We’ll see you later?”
“Yeah, that’s cool. I’m going back to the room and crash. I’m tired as hell.”
“Hey, where do you think you’re going?”
I turned to see AB reach for Kat.
“Monk and I are going out to the beach,” Kat told him, as she moved out from his arms.
“Are you kidding me? I haven’t seen you in hours. I need a little ‘us’ time.”
He pulled her toward him.
“Its fine, Kat. Go be with your man,” I told her.
But she shook her head. “Please, he’ll be fine.”
She kissed him on his cheek and pulled me away from the guys. “Let’s go.”
Kat and I went to her room first to grab her bathing suit and a change of clothes. Then we went to my room, where Cory was already asleep on the couch. I grabbed my bathing suit, and we both changed in my bedroom. I put a pair of shorts and a tank over my suit, and Kat wore a dress.
We went walking along the beach for miles, just talking and spending time with each other. We talked about the past and about all the fun we had when we were kids. We reminisced about the time we spent with her mom. Her mom really became a stand-in for mine. She was the one that taught me how to cook. Then my grandma taught me how to throw down, which is like five times better than just knowing how to cook.
We found a place along the beach and sat down in the sand. Kat asked me if I was looking forward to
working some nights with her at some jazz restaurant. AB owns a bar/restaurant where a band plays on Friday and Saturday nights. Kat sings with the band sometimes, and she works the front as a greeter. She told AB that I was a bartender, and he offered me a job on the weekends if I wanted it. This was a great segue into asking her about AB.
“So, Kat, spill the beans. What’s going on with you and AB?”
She shrugged but didn’t meet my eyes. “Nothing much.”
“Nothing much? Is he your boyfriend, or are you two just fucking?”
She sighed. “I haven’t a clue.”
“Are you in love with him?” I asked her.
She still didn’t meet my eyes, but she nodded. I sighed.
“And I take it he doesn’t know or doesn’t feel the same?”
Finally, she turned to me. “You know, I haven’t a clue about that either. It’s crazy how he is. There are times where he seems to be completely in love with me. He treats me like a queen. He spends all this time with me and tells me how he cares about me. He hates if someone hits on me what-so-ever. And when we have sex, he tells me how he wants me only for him and no one else. I mean, I think he loves me. Right? Or at least he wants to be with only me. Then bam…he changes and starts to ignore me. He stops calling me out of the blue, and he doesn’t answer my calls. I know he’s seeing other women. But when I try to break it off with him, he begs for me not to. I mean, I’m so lost when it comes to him. I don’t know what to do.”
“Did you try and have a talk with him or set some boundaries?”
“Girl, yes. But I don’t know. I can’t seem to keep the boundaries there.”
She sighed and fell back.
“I know the feeling.” I lay down next to her. “Why don’t you try playing him at his own game? Let him know that, since you aren’t exclusive, you both should be able to see other people. Then you should go out on some dates. Don’t be available for him all the time. You said he is seeing other people. So you know he’s probably fucking around too. So don’t be that doormat for him.”
“I can’t sleep with anyone else, Monk. You know that.”
I know my best friend. She can be crazy, just like me. She is confident in herself. But when she loves, she loves hard. It’s hard in a relationship to not give them her all.
“Then sweetheart, you have one of two choices. Either you let him go, or you play by his rules. To be honest, you should let him go. I mean if he makes you feel like crap, he’s not worth it. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and to eat it too.”
“Well, I would love to. But it’s not that easy,” she revealed.
“Why isn’t it? Kat, just tell him that you don’t think this is going to work out. You want more, and clearly he doesn’t. Don’t make the same mistake I did and waste time being with someone that doesn’t want you.”
Kat sat up and looked down at me.
“Is that what you think? You think that Mason didn’t really want you?”
I shrugged.
“Can you think of another reason why he did what he did? I mean, after all the things he told me and how he treated me, I can’t understand how he was able to just walk away so easily. He didn’t have the guts to break up with me in person. He sent his brother to give me a letter…a freaking letter.”
I shook my head and sat up. I let my hair down and started shaking the sand from it. Over the years, I let my hair grow. It now falls down in between my shoulder blades.
“Well, I can’t answer that. But I can say that, from what Marc and AB said, he was head over heels in love with you. I don’t think a person can get over a love that deep very easily.”
I shook my head. Tiffany has always been one of those soft hearts who believes deeply in that love that consumes your soul. I used to believe in that until my heart was shattered into a million pieces. I still can’t find the tiny shards to make my heart whole. I actually gave up looking.
I stood.
“Come on, let’s drop the whole love subject and talk about getting shitfaced tonight. I can’t wait to let loose. And maybe…just maybe…I’ll finally give your cousin some ass.”
Kat laughed and shook her head, putting her hands over her ears.
“I really don’t want to hear what you’re planning on giving Cory, okay? But can I just say this last thing, and then I’m done? Cory was in a situation similar to yours. The sun rose and set on Tiana’s ass, according to Cory. When she up and left, he was devastated. I don’t know if you have any feelings for my cousin or not, but he’s just as fragile as you are… And don’t give me any shit; I saw the way you looked at Mason a little bit ago. You can’t fool me. I just want you to be mindful about Cory and his delicate heart too, okay?”
I sighed. She was right. I don’t want to hurt Cory. I love him. I’m not sure if I can love him the way he wants, but I was willing to try. But Kat is right. I know he just got out of a relationship, and he gave himself completely to her. I don’t want to get his hopes up when nothing might happen between us.
“You’re right, of course. I’ve told him what my intentions are, which is why I haven’t slept with him. He says he’s always had feelings for me and wants to see if we can make it. I don’t want to hurt him, but what if we are what each other needs for right now? I wouldn’t want to miss out on just being with him, you know?”
“I hear you, and I just want you to be careful,” she told me.
I nodded, and we started walking back. She asked me about Mason and what he was like when I dated him. So I told her everything. I had told her a lot about us back when we were dating, but not everything. When I told her in depth what he was like, especially in the sack, she nearly fell on her face.
“I just can’t believe he’s like that.”
She shook her head, and her eyes got wide.
“Yup,” was all I said as my body reacted to just the memory of him.
“You’re thinking about it right now, aren’t you?” she asked me.
I looked over at her and tried to play it off, but I couldn’t. She knew me better than that, and I couldn’t hide anything from her.
“Oh. My. God. I can’t believe it. I mean you have goosebumps all along your arms and chest, and it’s blazing out here. You can’t stop smiling, and your face has freaking lit up like a Christmas tree.”
I pushed her, trying to get her from watching me. “Oh, cut it out. It’s not that obvious.”
“Oh no, not to just anyone. But I can see it because I know you. Oh my, you looked the same way before when we were sitting at the table, and Diane mentioned the night she had with Mason…you were thinking about him then, too.”
“Cut it out, Kat.”
I felt my face grow flush, and I turned away from her. She laughed and jumped on my back. We are about the same height and weight. And it’s crazy, but we have the same curves and everything. She is a little darker than me, but that’s about it.
“I can’t believe he has that much of an effect on you.”
“Get off of me, you heffa.”
She held on tight and wrapped her legs around me.
“Oh no, bitch. You aren’t getting away from this conversation. You still have feeling for Mason, don’t you?”
“Fuck no and fuck him.”
“Yeah okay, whatever. Carry me back to the hotel.”
“Oh, I’ll carry you alright.”
I gripped her legs tight and ran as fast as I could toward the water. She started to squeal and squirm in my grasp, but I neither stopped nor let go. I plunged both of us in the water, just in time for a huge wave to hit us.
“Oh my God, you bitch,” she exclaimed, laughing.
“Yeah, tell me I have feelings for someone…that’ll teach you.”
I pulled up and tried to wring the excess water from my hair, when she yanked my shirt off my body. I screamed and tried to cover myself.
Kat stopped waving my shirt and looked wide-eyed at me.
“What’s that on your side? …Holy shit! You ha
ve a tattoo?”
Damn it!
“Let me see?”
“No.” I wrapped my arms around my waist.
“Oh, come on, Monk. Can’t you please let me see?”
“Hell, no. Now give me my shirt back.”
I reached for my shirt, and she played a dirty trick on me. She pulled the string off my bikini, and my top dropped to reveal my breasts. My hands quickly went to my breasts, revealing my tattoo.
Her eyes went big, and I closed mine and didn’t move.
“Did that hurt?”
Without opening my eyes, I shook my head. I felt her come closer, and she touched my side.
“Not at the time, no.”
“What does it mean? I mean, I see some dog tags that are wrapped along an anchor, and the tags have the names ‘Reaper’ and ‘Alex’ on them. But what does the anchor represent?”
I struggled to put my bathing suit top back on, without revealing myself to beach goers.
“It represents the Navy. Mason and Alex were both Navy SEALs, remember?”
“Yes, I remember. So does the anchor going through a heart represent Mason?”
“Yes, in a way it does. One of the dog tags is wrapped around the anchor, and that represents Alex.”
“What does NFNF mean beneath his name?”
“Never forget, never forgive.”
She remained silent as she continued to study my tattoo.
“Okay, have you seen enough?”
“What does the other dog tag mean around the heart?”
I sighed.
“That’s for someone that I lost as well. He was wrapped around my heart, but he squeezed all the fucking life out of me. That’s why the dog tag says ‘The Reaper.’”
Kat looked at me skeptically but didn’t say a word. What I told her was partially true. Mason was wrapped around my heart completely. So at the time I got the tattoo, that’s what I wanted it to mean. Now it means exactly what I told her. She gave me my shirt back, and I held it in my hand.
“Come on, let’s go take a shower and go find a place around here to get shit faced. No men allowed.”
Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male: BWWM Romance Page 26
