by Rabia Rahou
At his office, I had access to the telegraph, I also had access to his drawers with all the telegraphs that Dismar sent to me and the chief had been hiding from me. He had been isolated on his island, and they confiscated his boat. That’s why he never showed up. He was sorry, but overall he was fine
The last letter from him was dated a week ago. He was angry that I never contacted him back. He said that this is his last letter, and that he just wanted to inform me that he had a newborn, baby girl…I wish I knew the chief better, that’s for sure… What a son of a bitch!
I also found a telegraph that I suspected to be from her, sent a year and a half ago, the first week I arrived. It read, “I hope this will get to you. I am fine. I need to see you.”
I’m almost sure that was her. She is not the kind that’s overly talkative – but then again, maybe not. Maybe this is my miserable, lonely existence that still forces me to believe in her. Maybe I didn’t know her well. Maybe she used me all these years. If she knew how to send this telegraph, then she knew that I was here, so why hadn’t she come? A million questions swirled around in my head, begging for answers.
I took the telegraph and read it a hundred times, naively thinking that we still have a special relationship. I felt this is not me anymore but a decayed image of myself, just like the paintings of the artist. I have faded into a reduced person, a simple, average man without a purpose or a goal, waiting for a queen to find him.
What a joke…
Days passed… Then one day, I was coming back from the forest at sunset, slowly touching the tall grass with my fingers. I suddenly felt a calm breeze. I suddenly stopped, and a déjà vu feeling came over me. Someone screamed my name, “Konu!”
I looked up the hill, and there she was, waving at me – Oina.
Chapter 24
Goodbye Oina
“Your existence is problematic.”
~ Oina
C onou!… I’m trying hard to hold the tears back and calm my feelings, trying to hold my emotions in check, as maybe he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. He has changed a lot. He seems to be ashamed, ashamed of becoming a normal person, of him dragging those trees behind him, of his clothes and the way he looks. He seemed to fight his tears, He avoided looking into my eyes, and that made me cry. Crying, I threw my shoes, my bracelets, and all my jewelry at him. I touched his face, and I asked him to look at me. Finally, he did with his big brown eyes that transcend time and space. I could see him finally. I told him that I don’t have much time left anymore.
We went to a small, wooden house, up on its roof. He offered me the best herbs, and I sat patiently as he served me tea. We exchanged smiles on an amazing summer night. A full moon, and the sky was full of stars like I had never seen before.
I told him that it was easy for me to find him, as I sent him a telegraph to see him one more time before starting my sentence in jail for high treason. I didn’t want to run away. The women unleashed their hatred all in one against me. I knew they will end up knowing about the meeting, and that was the price I had to pay, even if in the end I paid double as they hated me for taking your side and betraying them.
“After a while, they released me after piecing together all the story.”
“They released you mainly because they didn’t want the great Oina to die in prison. Your district wouldn’t allow that.”
“Yes, that’s true. Konu, the world changed a lot since you left.”
“Did Jazir made it alive?”
“Yes, he did.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Oris committed suicide in his cell.”
“Really?”
“He couldn’t live with the way he ended up, betrayed by his family, the ones he was trying to protect all his life.”
“How?”
“Fuvo, knowing that he was a temporary emperor, managed to strike a deal with the royal family to protect him from the oligarchs. He proposed to save the family by marrying the queen mother. By doing that, he could count on the population to start a civil war against the oligarchs if something bad happened to him.”
“The smart coward, although Oris wasn’t in the deal, I guess.”
“His mother betrayed him to save the family. But he took it as she did that only to keep her royal title of Queen. He couldn’t live with it, I guess.”
“Betrayed by his own mother for the sake of the royalty, what a fate…”
“Oh, now, you are hooked again!”
“A little bit, as I think it’s the cowards' fight. Fuvo is scared of death, the oligarchs are scared of losing wealth, the royals are scared of losing their titles. The population is scared of losing a country that never supported them. They have a blind commitment to the royals as the permanent authoritarian oppressor that hates them back. Everyone and everything is guilty, and they well deserve their chaotic, miserable, and laughable empire. One can argue that they are oppressed. They have no other way to live safely than complying with the authorities, and I agree. But you can comply and hate, just as when love becomes abusive, hate becomes noble.”
“Sometimes I don’t understand you. You are so compassionate and, at the same time, so harsh.”
“And I’m not done yet with hate as I think that even the Amians are the same, loving a country that is abusing them cruelly. It’s not even a country. It’s a market, ruled by the wealthiest, protected by mercenaries, loved by…, well…, I should stop here.”
“Is there anyone else to hate?”
“Yes, the League. After what they did to you, my hate for them is perfect.”
“We are a wolf pack, Konu. We don’t hesitate to kill a betrayer, without mercy – and if he makes it out alive, he will be alone, abandoned, injured – and the scars hurt, Konu. They hurt a lot.”
“Criminals! They don’t deserve you.”
“You might be right after all. Hate is the only thing left for us.”
“And a nice roll, like this one. Isn’t it beautiful, Oina?”
“Look at this perfection, let me have a puff…niceee… By the way, Banume dissolved the party and abolished the religious regime. Against all the odds, everyone approved that, and the people even loved him even more. They named him ‘The Prophet’”
“What?”
“He then disappeared. Our services tracked him to the mountains of Higashi. He became a monk in a small temple there.”
“Unbelievable…”
“… Said the man who could be the master of the world, and who is now a lumberjack,” she added, laughing. “Konu, Banume spoke with me after your meeting. Something deep in him changed. What happened there?”
“Nothing, really. Although at the end of the meeting, he gave me something very precious. He said something about consciousness that touched me deeply. He is not a dictator nor a politician Oina. And I think his uniqueness created a problem for him.
He couldn’t categorize himself, so he relied heavily on religion, and even that one, in the end, was too small for him. He probably tried to kill himself, but in an epic way, he did the undoable by clearing the table. He expected to be killed and go as a martyr – a good way to go out, in my opinion. That didn’t happen as they loved him even more, and that multiplied his first problem of uniqueness.
So probably, he is still looking for himself now. And if he makes it alive and sane, then probably he will come back stronger than ever, and they should watch him closely. If not, I really hope he’ll find some peace, as what he did should be the best example for every leader. A deep change can be done in a split second and doesn’t need preparation if the leader is not afraid of the consequences. In fact, he wishes for the worst.”
“What’s that on your neck?”
“My church’s neckless.”
“No way!”
“Yes, the Church of the Talking Child, I’m a fervent believer now, Oina.”
“Impossible, explain yourself.”
“That was the only connection I had with you, a shared truth. I we
nt every week to communion, sung, and did all the crazy rituals. They even asked me to host the ceremonies, as they feel I’m honest about my belief. Honestly, I cried one time in a middle of a song as I remembered you suddenly, and I couldn’t hold it back.” Saying that, he made me cry, then he said. “Oina, we did this all together; it wasn’t me alone. I had the will, but that alone is useless. Without you and the “pretty face,” I wouldn’t make it out alive.
“Yeah, the pretty face, Dismar? How is he?’
“He is on another island. He is a father again, can you believe that? The gods are offering him a brand new, second chance.”
“We didn’t have the time, Konu. We could have been a family.”
“We are, Oina – and you know what? This house is strictly for families.” He said that laughing.
I hugged him like I never hugged anyone in my life. I’m so much into him. Time is on hold when I’m with him. Everything is so steady, so balanced, so serene, so true…
“Konu, I never told you this before, but I think that your existence is problematic…Don’t take it bad please, I want to ask you some questions if you don’t mind.”
“It’s now or never! Go ahead.”
“Everything you do seems to fit in somewhere perfectly. Have you noticed that?”
“Most of the time…”
“Do you believe that you are just lucky, gifted, or…”
“Say it, Oina.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I feel that things are preordained for me.”
“A destiny?”
“A destiny without a clear end, without an answer. Every time I think I’m at a dead-end, a door opens for another act.”
“Are you tired of it?”
“No, not all, I’m just curious about what next.”
“Have you ever made a scan of your brain before?”
“Never. Do you think I should?”
“Have you ever seen a psychiatrist?”
“No.”
“Have you checked your brain capacity in a test?”
“No.”
“How old are you, Konu?”
“I don’t know, I only remember the first time they took me to the orphanage. There, they registered me as seven years old.”
“Who took you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Who is the salamander?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is he still showing up?”
“No, he left for now, but I know he will show up again.”
“Who are your parents?”
“I remember very well how my father got murdered and how my mother died. I’ve told you that before.”
“What race were they?”
“I don’t remember very well; it's blurry. I just know that my memories of my father are always in the daytime, and nighttime for my mother.”
“Are you still on psychedelics?”
“Yes, but only weed, no DMT here.”
“What do you see in your dreams?”
“A pattern.”
“Of what?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s crazy. I’m not crazy Oina.”
“What pattern do you see?”
“Ok… Everything is in a chain reaction. Everything is being created then destroyed. Existence is popping up in and out of reality, life, colors mixed into black – all in one pattern, recognizable instinctively.”
“Does it scare you?”
“No.”
“How come?”
“That pattern… is… me.”
“Konu, I asked my scientists to track your DNA. They found the place where you are probably from.”
“What?”
“Your DNA is an almost 100% match to the people from the northern islands of Sanoing.”
“Impossible, that’s almost to the North Pole. Oina, I’m dark. My ancestors are probably from somewhere near the equator. What are you talking about? No, that’s a mistake. It can’t be true.”
“Listen, I want you to check that. Please, do it for me. It’s very important.”
“There wasn’t any war there since the big war, 600 years ago, or so. There were no mountains or deserts, as I remember very well walking there as a kid. No, Oina, that’s impossible.”
“You must go there. There is something waiting for you there.”
“But does that explain my name? I couldn’t find its origin.”
“What name, Konu?”
“My real name, the only words I still remember from my mother.”
“Oh no, my hands are cold. Konu. it’s time…”
“No! Not yet!”
“Calm down, it is…Take care of yourself, please. Do it for me. I’m sorry, I wish I had more time. I wanted so much make you happy. Konu, I’m scared.”
“Don’t be…”
“Go there! Do it for me…”
I was holding her like I was holding my dying mother. I murmured my real name to her ear. She smiled and cried tears of joy.
I was crying badly when I was cremating her body. I wanted her to be free finally from everything, her traditions, her sense of responsibility for her people, and even from me. I promise you that someone will know about your sacrifices, word-by-word as you said and acted heroically.
All the saints are down, but you, On this hill, I set you free. There you go, up with the wind…, forever…
Goodbye, Oina…
Chapter 25
Time to Go
“As long as it’s peaceful.”
~ Konu
H e didn’t see me when I was watching him shaping the pottery. He looked focused, content, and even happy.
“I didn’t expect you to become a potter, Dismar.”
“Who is there? Konu!!?”
“How are you, Dismar?” I revealed myself. He was very surprised and happy and gave me a warm hug. I told him that I was sorry, but I only recently saw his letters as the former chief was hiding them for some unknown reason. Then laughing, I said, “So, they confiscated your boat?”
“Yeah, they did, and I didn’t have the will to fight another battle. I was tired of everything. I surrendered finally, and that turned out to be the right decision. But how did you get here?” he asked.
“I'm the new chief on my island now, so I did confiscate a boat from a newcomer, too.”
Laughing, he invited me to his home. I met his wife and his young daughter. I sat with them, sharing a lovely tea with mint. She kept asking me about him, and I didn’t know what truth I should tell her.
I thought that she was a wonderful woman. She was alone for a couple of years here before we arrived. I sensed she had a kind of a shady past, but isn’t that why we are all here, for a new start? Besides that, nothing could beat Dismar’s past.
“Konu, Dismar speaks a lot about you.”
“Did he tell you that one day I baked an apple pie for him?”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Yeah…, the apple pie.” Dismar looking at me like, Konu, let's cut the bullshit, shall we?
“Dismar told me that you were his boss,” she said, trying to get me to reveal more details.
Dismar was looking at me like if this was a very decisive moment for him. I said, “In the beginning, yes, he worked for me. But then, we became partners, and now we are friends.”
Then I asked Dismar if he wanted more tea. He looked at me very contently and said, “Yes, please,” so I served him. The conversation went on and on, and we remembered some funny moments we had. “…Do you remember the pink shoes?...” “…Yea what a sophisticated taste from a higher being, it blew my mind…” “…You never told me what happened to you at the league, the time when we escaped…” “…I never knew either, I just woke up completely broken…” and laughed a lot.
After a while, his wife asked me if I will stay with them for some time, and I answered that I will have to go back. Dismar asked me to stay the night. He wanted to talk with me.
Dismar’s wife made
a nice dinner in the pots he had created. What a nice combination! They seemed to make the food taste even better.
After dinner, I thanked her for having me here. Dismar and I then went outside for a walk as she went to sleep with the baby.
“I brought you a gift. Dismar.”
“Oh, really?”
“A DNA pill, the best of the best.” I gave it to him, and he was in shock.
“How did you get that? Hold on a second, Oina…, is she now with you?”
“She is resting in peace, Dismar.”
He went down on his knees. He couldn't hold back his tears and told me, “She was a good woman, Konu. How did that happen?”
“Naturally, it happened naturally. She reached out to me on her last day. We had some time together, then she passed away.”
We kept walking around, silently. It was like we’d both lost a big part of us. Then, he said, “You know that we never met? Not all the three of us together, I mean, at the same time.”
“Why would we meet all together? So you could hold the candles for us, or what?” he began to laugh, and that was better.
When his laughter subsided, I said, “Dismar, I’m, leaving.”
“Where!? Don’t tell me you are going back to the capital!”
“No, something was revealed to me recently, something about my origins. I am sailing tomorrow.”
“What are you talking about, Konu?”
“I don’t want you to worry.”
“I see, but you think you may uncover the original place of your people?”
“As simple as it may sound, yes, I do.”
“Then, that’s good news, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.”
“I even envy you now as you remember your home.”
“And you, you have a real home now, here. Dismar, she is really into you. Don’t mess it up this time. It’s a rare, second chance, and you are still young. It’s a real gift from the gods,” I said.
