Midway through last year, she’d written a profile on Alex for a book titled Australia’s Most Successful Entrepreneurs. That had led to a whole chapter in another book cal ed Advice From Australia’s CEOs.
Now McBride’s were launching a new series cal ed From Go to Whoa, and they wanted a book with Alex’s name on the cover detailing a land development project from its earliest stages through to the final development. The title they’d floated was Commercial Land Development: from Scrubland to Shopping Mall. Kit had already substituted shopping mall with sports resort.
She should love what she was doing.
Her eyes narrowed. Had she lost her zest for life because a man had disappointed her? Pathetic!
She slapped her hands down onto her knees and glared at the wal opposite. From now on, whenever thoughts of Alex surfaced she was ousting them out of her head pronto. It was time she started having fun again.
She brightened marginal y. At least for the next three weeks she didn’t have to worry about running into Alex, didn’t have to steel herself for accidental meetings in the corridors at work, there wouldn’t even be the risk of catching an unexpected glimpse even be the risk of catching an unexpected glimpse of him in the distance. A week ago he’d left for a month-long odyssey to Africa. Rumour had it that he was doing some kind of aid work.
Not that he struck her as the aid worker type.
She uncrossed her legs. Re-crossed them. Wel , okay, maybe he had three and a half months ago, but not since—
No. She wasn’t doing that any more. She was through thinking about Alex, through trying to work him out. ‘Enough,’ she muttered under her breath.
She had more important things to think about.
Like the reason she was sitting in her doctor’s waiting room at ten to five on a Friday afternoon.
She gripped her hands together. If this was what she thought it was, then…
She squared her shoulders. She’d get through it.
Adjustments would be necessary, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. This could be taken care of.
‘Ms Mercer?’
Kit jerked around at the receptionist’s voice and tried to smile. Would she have to have a needle?
She didn’t like needles.
Of course you’ll have to have a needle. The doctor will have to take blood.
The receptionist smiled kindly, as if she sensed Kit’s nervousness. ‘This way; the doctor is ready for you.’
Dr Maybury was middle-aged, kind and unfailingly practical. ‘Now, Kit, it’s been a while. What seems to be the problem?’
Kit pul ed a face. No sense in beating about the bush. ‘I’m worried I might have diabetes.’ She pul ed in a deep breath and quickly detailed her incredible thirst, her endless trips to the bathroom—especial y at night. ‘The thing is, though, that sometimes there’s nothing, just a drop or two. And I’m so tired al the time. And hungry.’
‘Dizziness? Nausea?’
‘I’ve felt faint a couple of times.’
‘Blurriness of vision?’
Kit shook her head.
‘Wel , let’s not waste any more time.’ Dr Maybury handed Kit a cup. ‘We’l test your urine.’
Ten minutes later, Dr Maybury turned to her and folded her arms. ‘I’m pleased to say you are not diabetic.’
Kit slumped in relief. ‘Oh, that is good news! The thought of having to give myself daily insulin injections…’ She shuddered.
‘Kit, you’re not diabetic, but you are pregnant.’
Kit blinked. She shook her head. ‘What did you just say?’
The doctor repeated it.
She shook her head again. ‘But…’ Her chest tightened, her stomach cramped. ‘But I can’t be! I just had my period.’
‘Some women maintain their period throughout their entire pregnancy.’
Kit could only stare. ‘Heavens,’ she found herself murmuring, ‘how unfair is that?’
Dr Maybury smiled and Kit shook herself again.
‘No, you don’t understand. I can’t be pregnant. I haven’t had morning sickness and…and my breasts haven’t been sore…and…I mean you have to have sex to get pregnant and I haven’t had sex in, like, forever!’
She hadn’t had sex since that magical night with Alex. Her mouth went dry. ‘Except… One night…’
‘One night is al it takes.’
‘But…but that was three months ago.’ She couldn’t have been pregnant for three months and couldn’t have been pregnant for three months and not known.
Could she?
She thrust out her arm. ‘Please, do a blood test or…or something!’
‘I wil take blood and send it off to the lab to make a hundred per cent certain. But, Kit, the pregnancy test I just used is roughly ninety-seven per cent accurate. I can do an internal examination to eliminate that final three per cent of doubt if it wil put your mind at rest.’
Kit nodded mutely.
After the internal exam and when Kit was dressed again, she forced herself to meet the doctor’s eyes.
‘Wel ?’
‘There is not a doubt in my mind that you are pregnant. And, like you say, I’d put you at about three months. The results of the blood test wil give us a better indication of your due date.’
She could tel the doctor the exact date of conception, only she didn’t have the heart to.
‘Kit, what do you want to do?’
She couldn’t be pregnant. She just couldn’t be.
Alex, he’d…
She closed her eyes.
‘If you’d prefer a termination, we can’t leave it too much longer.’
Her eyes flew open.
‘Do you want children, Kit?’
‘Yes.’ The word croaked out of her.
But she’d wanted to do it the right way—married, with a divine husband whom she adored and who adored her in return, and with a mortgage on a cute little house and…and planned. Not like this!
‘You’re twenty-eight. How much longer did you mean to leave it?’
She didn’t have an answer for that. Through the fog of her shock, though, one thing started to become increasingly clear. She swal owed, twisted her hands together. ‘I don’t want to terminate my pregnancy.’
Her doctor smiled.
The answering smile that rose up through her suddenly froze. ‘Oh, but I’ve been drinking tea first thing in the morning and again at lunchtime and—’
‘You don’t have to give up caffeine altogether. Are you exceeding more than three cups a day?’
‘No.’
‘Then that’s okay. Alcohol?’
She winced. ‘I usual y have a glass on Friday and Saturday nights.’
‘Any alcoholic binges in the last three months?’
‘No.’
‘Then there’s nothing to worry about.’
‘I haven’t been taking folate.’
‘You can start that today.’
Kit leaned forward. ‘You real y think my baby is okay?’ She couldn’t stand the thought that she might have somehow hurt her unborn child.
The doctor patted her hand. ‘Kit, you are a healthy young woman. There’s absolutely no reason to suppose your baby isn’t healthy too.’
She let the doctor’s words reassure her. Final y, that smile built up through her again. ‘I’m real y pregnant?’ she whispered.
‘You real y are.’
‘But that’s lovely news.’
Alex Hal am wouldn’t think it was lovely news.
The doctor laughed. ‘Congratulations, Kit.’
Who cared what Alex Hal am thought? She was through thinking about him, remember? She beamed back at the doctor. ‘Thank you.’
Pregnant!
Kit left the surgery and turned in the direction of the train station. When she arrived there she couldn’t remember a single step of her journey.
Pregnant? A tentative excitement wrestled with her apprehension. One moment joy held sway. In the next, anxiety had gaine
d the upper hand. An unplanned pregnancy? She gulped. It sounded so irresponsible. Irresponsible people shouldn’t be al owed to raise children.
She hugged her handbag. No. She hadn’t been irresponsible. She and Alex had taken precautions. It was just that sometimes, obviously, accidents happened.
She frowned over that word— accident. Her baby wasn’t an accident. It was lovely, a miracle.
Alex wouldn’t think their baby lovely. He’d definitely think it was an accident, a mistake. She closed her eyes. It was pointless tel ing herself now that she was through with thinking about Alex. They were having a baby. That changed everything.
Her hand moved to her abdomen, cradled it. She imagined the tiny life inside and her mouth went dry.
How on earth would Alex react when she told him the news?
I don’t do long-term, I don’t do marriage and babies, and I certainly don’t do happy families.
Nausea swirled through her. Her eyes stung.
Would Alex reject their child as ruthlessly and dispassionately as he had rejected her? Her throat thickened and then closed over completely. When her train arrived she boarded it like an automaton, found a window seat and concentrated on her breathing.
A baby deserved a mother and a father. Had she robbed her child of that chance because she’d misjudged Alex so badly? She should pay for that mistake, not her baby. She’d messed everything up and now her baby would pay the price.
The rush and clatter of an oncoming train as it sped past her window made her flinch and then sit up suddenly straighter. What was she doing? She couldn’t control how Alex would react, but she could control how she dealt with the news. She had a miracle growing inside her and she wanted this baby with every atom of her being. The weight pressing down on her shoulders melted away. A sm
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inside her.
She was having a baby!
The minute Kit entered her apartment she let out a www.dpgroup.org
whoop, shrugged her arms out of her coat and threw it up in the air. She was going to have a baby! And then she danced around the coffee table before fal ing onto the sofa and grinning at the blank screen of her television, at her sound system, at the magazines scattered on the coffee table.
She was going to be a mother.
Her hands formed a protective cocoon across her abdomen. ‘I’m going to be the best mother that ever walked the earth,’ she vowed, making the promise out loud to her unborn child.
And Alex I-don’t-do-happy-families Hal am?
And Alex I-don’t-do-happy-families Hal am?
She lifted her chin and pushed al thoughts of Alex aside for a moment. He was out of contact for the next three weeks and she wasn’t going to let thoughts of him darken her day or dim her joy. He might not do happy families but she did!
She reached for the phone and dial ed her mother’s number in Brisbane. Today was for joy.
‘Mum, I have some wonderful news.’
‘Ooh, do tel , darling.’
She heard her mother’s grin down the line. It widened hers. ‘Mum, I’m going to have a baby!’
She held the phone away from her ear as her mother squealed her delight. ‘Darling, I’m so happy for you! I can’t wait to be a grandma. When are you due?’
Kit counted six months off on her fingers. Was that how one did it? She shrugged. ‘Some time in March, I think.’
‘I’l take holidays,’ her mother vowed. ‘I want to be there for you.’ There was a slight pause. ‘And the daddy?’
‘He doesn’t know yet…and he’s not going to be thril ed. I…um…got him al wrong.’
‘Oh, darling.’
Kit’s eyes fil ed at the sympathy in her mother’s voice. ‘Do you real y think I have to tel him?’
Keeping it from him, would that be so bad?
‘Yes, darling, you must.’
Kit knew her mother was right.
‘Are you quite sure you got him so wrong?’
‘Quote: I don’t do long-term. I don’t do happy families. End quote. I don’t think he could’ve made it any plainer, do you?’
Her mother exhaled one indignant breath.
She shook her head at the remembered pain of his words. It didn’t matter. Not any more. ‘It was a learning experience. The baby and I wil be just fine.
We’l be better off without him.’
‘I’m sure you wil be,’ her mother agreed, ‘but what about him? Wil he be better off without you and the baby?’
She snorted. ‘Of course not. But, as you and Grandma have always said, you can lead a horse to water…’ Stil , if Alex did want to be involved…
‘I see.’ A pause. ‘Not al men are like your father, Kitty-Kat.’
She smiled at the childhood nickname. ‘I know, Mum. And I wil tel him about the baby. Just as soon as he gets back from Africa next month.’ And who knew, maybe Alex would surprise her.
‘Good. So tel me…’
She had a vision of her mother settling into her favourite armchair, feet tucked beneath her.
‘What are your plans? Do you mean to stay in Sydney?’
What was she going to do? Kit wriggled around until she lay on her back. She propped an ankle on the arm of the sofa. She’d never envisaged raising children in the city. She’d always thought…
She gave a sudden laugh as she realized exactly what she was going to do. ‘I’m going to go home, Mum. I’m going to raise my child in Tuncurry. It was a wonderful place to grow up.’
‘Your grandmother wil be thril ed!’
Kit started mental y writing her resignation letter.
She’d give two weeks’ notice on Monday.
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CHAPTER TWO
‘GOOD morning, Mr Hal am.’
‘Phil ip.’ Alex inclined his head as he exited the elevator on the top floor of Hal am Enterprises’
Sydney office. He told himself that eventual y he’d get used to seeing Phil ip rather than Kit behind that desk.
‘It’s good to have you back, sir.’
‘Thank you.’ Alex walked through to his office. He closed the door behind him and glanced around.
Everything was neat, tidy and shining. Outside the window, the harbour sparkled in the early spring sunlight.
Nothing had changed.
Except Kit no longer sat at that desk in the foyer.
It had been almost four months since he and Kit had…
He dragged a hand down his face to try and dispel images that were stil far too vivid.
He dropped into his chair. This last month in Africa had provided him with some perspective, given him some distance. It had renewed his determination, had al owed him to gather his strength again. With Kit, he’d made a mistake. He’d paid dearly for that mistake too. He’d made love to her and in the next instant the nightmares about little Chad had started up again. He couldn’t go there, couldn’t do that again. Not for anyone. Not even for Kit.
He’d learned his lesson and he would never make the same mistake again. Not with Kit. Not with any woman.
He swung in his chair to survey the harbour, a scowl building through him. Reckless. Idiotic. That was what he’d been. He should’ve taken more care around her. He should’ve…
He shouldn’t have hurt her.
The knowledge that he had pounded at him, lashed him with guilt. Even now. She deserved so much more than anything he could ever offer her.
She deserved the best. She would never find the best with him. He didn’t do family, forever and commitment. He couldn’t do it.
He tried to focus on the scene before him, wil ed himself to appreciate its beauty. When that didn’t work he dragged a hand down his face. It took an effort of wil to stop his shoulders from slumping.
He’d regret hurting Kit til the day he died, that was something he couldn’t change. But no doubt she’d found a way to move on and so had he.
There was just one more te
st.
He leant across and pressed a button on his intercom. ‘Phil ip, can you set up a meeting with Kit Mercer for some time tomorrow afternoon.’
There was a hesitation at the other end of the line.
‘Sir, Kit resigned. Al the details are in a file in your in-box. She finished up at the end of the week before last.’
Alex didn’t say anything. He sat back and stared at the intercom. He stared at his in-box. He tried to work out how he felt.
Betrayal. And relief.
The betrayal was nonsense. Kit owed him nothing.
He rubbed the back of his neck. Relief? Maybe she was right. Maybe this was the answer—cut al ties and never clap eyes on each other again.
He leapt up, paced, stopped to track the Manly ferry’s
progress
into
Circular
Quay,
and
remembered Kit tel ing him how much she loved working for Hal am Enterprises. She’d said it was her dream job. He remembered her smile, the way her eyes had shone…and her gratitude to him. To him! His mouth dried. That had been the same day they’d clinched the Dawson deal, and that night they’d made love.
His hands clenched. He recal ed how, in their few His hands clenched. He recal ed how, in their few meetings since then, two faint lines would appear on her forehead whenever she looked at him and how her eyes would dim. He’d taken her dream job, al the satisfaction she found in her work, and had turned it to ashes.
Letting her walk away, never having to see her again, that would be easy. It’d also be incredibly selfish. Kit had loved her job. She shouldn’t be made to suffer on his account any more than she already had. He had to make this right!
He swore loud and hard. That was what his trip to Africa had been about—wanting to do something positive rather than negative, helping rather than hurting, making someone’s life a bit better rather than a bit worse. He’d needed to feel that he could make a difference in a good way instead of a bad one.
Letting Kit walk away was making a difference in a bad way. He’d done enough damage where she was concerned. He had no intention of adding to the score.
He scattered the contents of his in-box across his desk until he found the file he wanted. He tucked it under his arm. ‘Tel Donald he’s stil in charge,’ he shot at Phil ip as he strode from his office. He punched the button for the elevator…twice…three times. ‘There’s something I need to take care of.’
The Secretary's Secret Page 2
