CHAPTER FIVE
‘WERE you giving Alex a hard time?’ Kit asked after Alex had delivered their teas and then beat a hasty retreat.
‘You bet.’ Caro grinned. ‘I read him the riot act.’
‘Oh, Caro!’ But Kit couldn’t help laughing as her friend kicked off her shoes and climbed up onto the bed beside her.
Caro grimaced when she took a sip of her tea.
‘I thought you liked chamomile.’
‘I do.’ Caro’s lips twitched. ‘It’s just that first sip, you know? Anyway, tel me how you are feeling.’
‘Much, much better. My temperature is back to normal and the awful cramps in my back have become a low level ache…much easier to deal with.
And I don’t feel as if I’ve been hit by a bus any more either.’ She shuddered. ‘I thought I was going to be stuck with that back pain for the next six months.’
‘Your colour is good. The antibiotics must’ve kicked in.’
‘I think the doctor is being a panic merchant,’ Kit grumbled. She almost felt whole again. ‘What am I going to do in bed for another two and a half days?’
‘It’s better to be safe than sorry.’
Which was what Alex had said when he’d brought her breakfast.
Caro took another sip of her tea. ‘You don’t think he deserved the riot act?’
‘I don’t know. I…I can’t believe he’s stil here.’
Though he had been sort of sweet last night—
reassuring and kind. Somehow he’d managed to defuse her misgivings and her awkwardness, without her even realizing it. She wasn’t quite sure how. ‘He even vacuumed the living room while I was having breakfast if you can believe it.’
And he hadn’t thrown up again. Her lips twisted.
At least, not that she knew about.
She glanced at her friend and a different emotion surged through her. She took her and Caro’s mugs and set them on the bedside table, and then she took Caro’s hand. ‘I have something real y important to ask you.’
‘Shoot.’
‘Me getting sick like this, it’s made me realize a couple of things. I…’ Her stomach knotted and a lump lodged in her throat. Caro squeezed her hands but didn’t rush her and Kit loved her al the more for it. ‘Caro, if something should ever happen to me… I mean, it probably never wil …’ She hoped to heaven it never did. ‘But…but if I died, would you look after my baby? I don’t know who else I trust as much as you. Mum and Grandma would help out, of course, and—’
‘Yes.’
Caro didn’t hesitate. Kit closed her eyes in relief.
‘Thank you.’ But a weight pressed down on her. If she’d done this right, her baby would have two parents to rely on rather than one. She’d robbed her child of that and she knew, no matter how much she tried, she would never be able to make that up to her baby. Ever.
Unless Alex had changed his mind and wasn’t going to walk away from his child after al . It seemed a slim hope.
A tap on her door brought her crashing back. Alex stood in the doorway. Her chest clenched. Had he heard what she’d just asked Caro? The pinched white lines around his mouth told her he probably had. She swal owed. But he didn’t care, did he? Not about her and not about the baby.
He’d wanted her to terminate her pregnancy!
Her heart burned. Sorrow and anger pulsed through her in equal measure. What did he care what safeguards she put in place to take care of her baby? He meant to leave again just as soon as it was humanly possible. She was sure of it. Her best guess was that he’d organise for Doreen and Caro to take it in shifts to look after her for the next couple of days so he could hightail it back to Sydney.
Perhaps she should confront him about that right now? It was just that the doctor had ordered her to rest—no stress, no worry. Yesterday she’d been feeling too fuzzy to take those orders in properly. But today… She swal owed. Today she’d do anything to keep her baby healthy. Fighting with Alex, confronting him about his intentions, had to wait. She raised an eyebrow. ‘You wanted something?’
He rubbed his nape. He didn’t meet her eyes. ‘I wanted to check if Caro was staying for a while. I need to pop out to grab a few things.’ His voice was devoid of al emotion.
‘Pop away,’ Caro said with an airy wave of her hand, not even looking at him.
hand, not even looking at him.
Alex left without saying another word. Kit pleated the quilt cover with her fingers. ‘Do you think he’l be back?’ Maybe he’d make that dash for Sydney right now.
‘Oh, I’m sure of it.’
She didn’t understand Caro’s grin but, before she could ask for an explanation, her friend said,
‘Snooze or a game of gin rummy?’
‘Ooh, go on. Break out the cards.’
The first thing Kit saw when she woke was the framed photograph of her ultrasound picture on her bedside table. She stared at it for a moment before hauling herself into a sitting position and reaching out to pick it up.
‘I thought it might help.’
The second thing she saw was Alex sitting in a dining room chair at the bottom of her bed. Her stomach tightened. She dismissed that as a symptom of her kidney infection. ‘Help?’
‘I thought it might give you added incentive to fol ow doctor’s orders and stay in bed.’
She had no intention of disobeying the doctor’s orders—her baby’s welfare was too important for that—but Alex’s thoughtfulness touched her al the same. She stared down at the picture, lightly ran her fingers over the glass, fol owing the contours that made up her baby.
‘I couldn’t make head nor tail of it,’ he confessed.
It suddenly seemed wildly important to Kit that he did. ‘Head here—’ she pointed ‘—tail there.’
Alex didn’t move to get a better look and she remembered then that he didn’t want this child. She pressed the photo frame to her chest. She wanted to tel her baby that it didn’t matter.
Only it did matter. A lot.
‘Why are you sitting guard at the end of my bed?’
‘I didn’t want you getting up again unless you had to. I’m here to fetch and carry.’
Oh.
‘Caro said to ring if you needed anything.’
Caro had gone? How long had Kit been asleep for? She and Caro had played cards for over an hour and then she’d napped. She glanced at the clock.
She’d napped for three hours! Caro would’ve had to leave to col ect Davey from pre-school.
‘Your friend is a psychopath, by the way. Can I get you something to eat or drink?’
Kit’s lips twitched. She settled back more comfortably against her pil ows. ‘No, thank you.’ She stil had an almost ful bottle of water on the bedside table. ‘I know Caro can come across as kind of scary, but she has my best interests at heart.’
‘I know,’ he said softly. ‘I’m glad you have such a good friend.’
She was so surprised she couldn’t speak.
He shifted on his chair. He was too big for it. It wasn’t the kind of chair made for lounging, but the only other option was to invite him to join her on the bed and no way on God’s green was she doing that.
The last time they’d been in bed together…
It had been heaven.
Once the thought flitted into her mind, it lodged there—a stubborn, sensual reminder that pecked at her, teased her. Al the sensations Alex had created in her with deft fingers and a teasing mouth, with the dark appreciation of his eyes and intakes of breath as she’d explored his body with as much thoroughness as he’d explored hers—exquisite, torturous reminders—they al flooded through her now and her body instantly came alive in some kind of primal response. She recal ed with startling accuracy the taste of him, the feel of him against her tongue, her palms…his scent. The way he’d—
‘Kit!’
She jerked out of the recol ection to find herself leaning towards Alex, breathing hard. Her name had scraped out of his mouth on a half-
strangled choke.
He was breathing as hard as her.
Oh, dear Lord! She wanted to close her eyes.
She’d been staring at him, practical y undressing him with her eyes and begging him to—
And his eyes had darkened in response. She swal owed. She’d recognized the answering hunger that had stretched across his face before it had been comprehensively snapped off from her view.
He shot out of his chair and pretended to adjust the blind. She knew he was giving them both time to pul themselves together again, but she couldn’t help pul themselves together again, but she couldn’t help noticing his hands weren’t any steadier than hers.
How could it be like this? How could she want him so badly when she didn’t even like him? How could he want her, knowing she was pregnant? She’d seen what the news of her pregnancy had done to him.
But he did want her. She read that too clearly to mistake it for anything else.
He raked a hand back through his hair. ‘I picked you up some magazines while I was out.’ He spoke to the window, not to her.
‘Thank you.’ She breathed a sigh of gratitude. Her voice was low, but at least it worked.
He final y turned. ‘I thought if you wanted I could haul your television in here and set it up so you at least have something to watch.’
She shook her head. ‘That’s not necessary.’ It’d only mean setting it back up out in the living room when she was wel again. She suddenly frowned.
Had too much sleep fogged her brain? ‘Alex, why are you stil here? Don’t you have a company to run?’
‘The company isn’t important.’
She stil ed at that, glanced down at the photo frame. Had he changed his mind about having a baby? Yesterday he’d been in shock and denial. But maybe today… ‘Are you trying to tel me that you’ve come around to the idea of being a father?’
‘No.’ The single word was inflexible. His face had gone impassive, emotionless. It was an expression she was starting to recognize, and loathe.
‘Then don’t you think it would be better for both of us if you just left?’
He didn’t say anything.
‘Between them, Caro and Doreen can take perfectly good care of me.’
He dragged a hand down his face then before seizing the chair and pul ing it back a foot or so and planting himself in it. He leant forward to rest his elbows on his knees. ‘Caro told me that over the course of the next two days Doreen is booked in for a rash of tests at the hospital. It’s something to do with late onset diabetes,’ he added quickly when she bolted upright, ‘and it’s nothing serious, but…’
But it meant Doreen wouldn’t be available to look after her. Kit settled back again, chewing her lip.
‘And Doreen told me that Caro’s mother is arriving from England tomorrow and—’
‘Oh!’ Kit clapped a hand to her forehead. ‘Caro is col ecting her from Sydney Airport. She’s leaving at the crack of dawn to get there in time. I forgot.’
‘She was going to change her plans and make other arrangements for her mother, but I told her not to. If you think I did wrong, then I can cal her now and
—’
‘No, no. Caro hasn’t seen her mum in over a year.’
And while Caro’s mother was staying for a month, Kit certainly wasn’t going to be responsible for delaying their reunion.
‘And we’ve al been trying to ring your grandmother,’ Alex continued, ‘but…’
Kit smiled faintly. ‘But she’s a gadabout who refuses to carry a mobile phone. If you leave her a message on Tuesday you might hear back by Friday.’
‘And your mother lives—’
‘In Brisbane,’ she finished for him.
She pressed her fingers to her temples. Think!
‘Kit?’
She glanced up.
‘I’m staying in Tuncurry until the weekend.’
‘But—’
‘It’s non-negotiable. There are things we need to discuss, but they can wait until you are wel again. It’s just as easy for me to stay here and keep an eye on you than it is to book into a motel.’
Easy for who?
‘And it’s the least I can do.’
She sagged into her pil ows, suddenly unutterably weary. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I know I hurt you, Kit.’
She wanted to look away, but those dark eyes of his held hers and something whispered between them. The memory of soaring together for one unforgettable night and touching the stars. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, this man had touched her soul. In that moment she recognized that she’d touched his too.
It didn’t mean they had a future together, though.
She saw that just as clearly.
‘I hurt you, Kit, and I know I’m disappointing you now.’ He rested his head in his hands for a brief moment. ‘Knowing me has made your life worse. I can’t begin to tel you how sorry I am about that.’
She blinked and then frowned. He looked as if he actual y meant that.
‘Helping you out for the next two and a half days is
‘Helping you out for the next two and a half days is the least I can do.’
Two and a half days? When he put it like that, it didn’t sound like much. And, frankly, there was no one else available because she had no intention whatsoever of imposing on either Caro or Doreen.
‘Don’t you think your baby’s welfare is more important than anything else at the moment?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered. She did. With al her heart.
‘So do I.’
She blinked and frowned. He did?
‘So why don’t we just do what the doctor ordered
—you rest and I’l be general dogsbody?’
She drew in a breath. What he was proposing, she may not like it, but it made sense. She let out the breath in an unsteady whoosh. ‘Okay, Alex.’ She nodded. ‘It seems to be the best solution. And…
um…thank you.’
‘No thanks necessary,’ he said roughly.
She frowned suddenly, hitched up her chin. ‘But you know what? Regardless of what you think, being pregnant, that hasn’t made my life worse. Having a baby is wonderful.’
He turned grey. She shrugged. ‘I just want you to know that you don’t have to feel guilty about that. At least, not on my account.’
If he real y did mean to walk away from his child, though, she hoped guilt would plague him every day of his sorry life.
He moved to fiddle with her CD player on the other side of the room. The sound of lapping water and soft squeals and gurgles fil ed the room.
She stared at him when he turned back around and then at the CD player. ‘What on earth is that?’
‘It’s cal ed Sounds of the Sea.’ He shrugged and held up the CD case. ‘It’s supposed to be calming and relaxing.’
He’d bought her a relaxation CD!
‘I got it from one of those hippy places when I went shopping earlier.’ He rubbed the back of his neck and didn’t quite meet her eyes. ‘You know the doctor said you needed to relax. I thought the CD…’
‘I thought you went shopping for a change of clothes, a toothbrush.’
‘I did. And for food—your refrigerator was practical y empty!’
‘There are plenty of frozen TV dinners.’ She shrugged at his stare. ‘I don’t cook.’
He planted his legs, hands on hips. ‘What do you mean, you don’t cook?’
She waved her hands in front of her face. ‘This is al beside the point. Alex, you’re doing my head in!’
One corner of his mouth kinked up. ‘I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention that to Caro.’
The silence between them fil ed with the laughter of dolphins—oddly hypnotic. She shook herself out from under its spel . He might find this amusing, but she’d lost her sense of humour. There was too much at stake for laughing. Her baby…
‘I just don’t get you at al . You wanted me to terminate my pregnancy—’
‘No
, I didn’t! I—’
‘You threw up when I told you I was pregnant but now you’re doing everything you can to make sure the baby stays healthy.’
He was silent for a moment. ‘You want this baby, Kit. You’ve already given your heart to it. You love it. I would never take that away from you.’
Her chest clenched. Frustration, remembered joy and then the ensuing crushing desolation, Alex’s generosity as a lover and then his cal ousness the next day, it al rose up through her now. She didn’t understand him at al and yet she’d agreed to let him stay in her house.
She was having his baby!
She needed to understand at least some of what had happened between them or…
Or she’d have learned nothing.
‘You were the most incredible lover, Alex, generous and thoughtful. You made me feel beautiful and cherished.’ And loved, which just went to show how skewed her judgement had been.
He leapt up, going white at her words.
‘And then the next day you acted as if what had happened between us meant nothing. No, even less that that, as if what had happened between us was an aberration.’ She lifted her hands. ‘Why?’
‘It wouldn’t have been fair to let you think we had a future.’
‘But you were so utterly cold, so cal ous. You didn’t even bother trying to let me down gently. What did I do wrong? Please—I don’t ever want to make that same mistake again.’ She had a baby to think of.
Her heart jammed in her throat. What if next time it wasn’t just her heart she broke but her child’s too? If her judgement about him could be so off, how could her judgement about him could be so off, how could she ever trust it again?
‘How could you have changed so completely?
What was that al about? Was it you? Or did I do something?’ She couldn’t hold the questions back.
Her voice rose as each one burst from her. ‘Why?’
Alex’s face twisted in an emotion she couldn’t identify—anger? Panic? Horror? He thrust an arm towards her stomach. ‘Because I didn’t want that!’
The shouted words reverberated in the quiet of her cool, shady bedroom. They pulsed in the air like live things. Her hands crept across her stomach in an attempt to block her unborn baby’s ears. In an attempt to protect it from pain and hurt. In an effort to console it. Her knees drew up beneath the covers to form a barrier between him and her.
The Secretary's Secret Page 6
