by Lilly Black
“How was Boston?” I ask, a wary look on my face.
“Boring without you,” Cain says, rising and coming toward me, his gaze mesmerizing the suspicion right out of me. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Nicole watching us with an annoying awww look on her face, and I scowl at her before Cain follows me out the door. He has brought the limo.
“So where are we going?” I ask.
“Shopping,” Cain says, and my mind flashes back to what he said Thursday night about remedying my lack of a lingerie drawer.
“Cain…” I start to protest but stop myself, realizing it’s futile. He’ll have his way, and if I don’t cooperate, I’ll probably find underwear made out of diamonds in my drawer tomorrow. I resign myself to do as I am bid, which is to procure at least enough undergarments and nightwear for two weeks, and looking at price tags is strictly prohibited. He’s particularly adamant about that.
“Why two weeks? Are you taking me on a vacation?”
“Would you like me to?”
“Answer the question,” I demand.
“It’s just a minimum limit. You can get as much as you like,” Cain says, and as I snarl in exasperation with him, he leans in close.
“Whether I get to see you in them or not, how can I be expected to enjoy undressing you with my eyes when I know you’re wearing cotton panties?” He whispers it so low that I feel his words more than I hear them, sending chills down my spine, and I have no choice but to elbow him to overcome the intoxicating effect. He just laughs.
When Lucy pulls up in front of Horton Plaza in downtown San Diego, I’m relieved. I was afraid he would take us to someplace obscenely expensive where I would feel out of place and self-conscious. He helps me out of the car, and steers me toward the entrance with his hand on my back.
“And don’t worry about the leather lingerie today,” he whispers. “We’ll get that later.”
“Listen, Playboy,” I say, using his audacity as an opportunity to stretch my dominant wings. I turn and hold my arm out, my hand against his chest. “I’m going to let this happen today, but if you want to take me lingerie shopping in the future, you’ll have to earn it.”
“Yes, Mistress,” he whispers with a mix of pleasure and sarcasm before slapping me on the ass. Working in bars and restaurants as long as I have, my kneejerk reaction is to elbow him again, but I suppress it because something about the sting of his hand excites me.
Maybe I would enjoy what he wants to do to me in that leather lingerie…
After shopping, Cain drops me off at home to go to the office, but he’s coming back to pick me up this evening. With no particular plan in mind, I ask him to take me somewhere private where we can be alone. I’ve decided that it’s time I told him the real reason I don’t date because I am becoming too attached to him. I take a quick shower and put on one of the new sets of bras and panties he bought me today, and he picks me up, looking sexy as hell in his tight, fitted jeans and a sweatshirt as he walks me to the black Maserati Quattroporte. Wearing the same per his instructions, we’re dressed too warm for anywhere but the coast. It’s still bikini weather in La Mesa most nights this time of year.
“So where are we going?” I ask, eyeing the picnic basket in the back seat.
“Sunset Cliffs,” Cain says,
Though the sun has already set when we get there, it’s still a perfect choice. Cain opens the basket to reveal a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc with an assortment of chocolate-dipped and candied fruits. He’s also brought a lantern as the moon is only a thin sliver in the sky, and no candle flame could survive the high wind of the cliffs. As we listen to the waves crashing against the rock face below, we sit side by side on a blanket to have the talk I’ve been avoiding. In the past I had no problem presenting suitors with my challenge, but with Cain I don’t even know how to begin. As I agonize over it, he takes charge like he always does.
“Nicole told me,” he says, and I feel a sudden, intense mix of anxiety and seething rage.
“She had no right!” I hiss.
“Don’t be mad at her. She was just trying to help.”
“What exactly did she tell you?” I demand, and he explains that this morning in the kitchen, Nicole had asked him some questions about Lucy, and assuming I had put her up to it, he told her that not only were he and Lucy not attracted to each other in that way, Lucy is frigid.
“So’s Evan,” Nicole had said just before I walked in.
“I’m not really frigid,” I say with a roll of my eyes.
“You think I don’t know that? You may not be as obvious as me, but do you think I can’t tell when you want me?” His words excite me even as they make me feel exposed and vulnerable, bringing a rush of color to my cheeks. “And even when you blush, I can tell if it’s because you’re feeling shy about being turned on…like right now.”
“I don’t think I blushed once in my entire life before I met you,” I say.
“There will be a lot of things your body never did before you met me,” he brags unabashedly.
“I admire your confidence, but honestly I don’t think it’s anyone’s shortcoming but my own,” I admit, and since I am already blushing, I clarify it. “I can’t even make it happen…you know…myself.” That was really hard to say, and it only makes matters worse when Cain laughs about it.
“Shut up!” I snap at him.
“I’m laughing because as brazen as you are, you’re a total prude when it comes to sex.”
“I am not a prude,” I argue.
“Evan, you can’t even say masturbate.”
“I can say masturbate.”
“Then tell me you would like to masturbate for me.”
“No,” I say, nervously biting my lip. He’s right, of course. I am a prude when it comes to sex but only about specific, baggage-related things.
“The time will come when I can make you say it and do it,” he says with an enduring assurance that makes me see how relinquishing my free will could allow me to experience things my hang-ups would otherwise prevent. It’s a thrilling and liberating thought that I can’t share with Cain because admitting it would close the loophole, so I fall back on my habit of late.
“Or maybe the time will come when I make you do things you thought you’d never do.”
“That time has already come,” he says.
“Same here,” I say, smiling.
“Then there is no reason for us not to move forward.”
“Of course there is! I’m 23-years-old, and I’ve never had an orgasm. What do think is going to happen if you’re everything you say you are?”
“You’ll fall in love with me,” he answers without the slightest hesitation.
“I probably will,” I admit, my eyes pleading with him to understand the problem with that.
“Is that such a bad thing?” he asks. “Evan, my intentions with you are…hmmm…pure isn’t quite the right word because I want to do very impure things with you, but you have to know by now that isn’t all I want.”
“I’m sorry. I know I seem to be making this harder than it has to be,” I say. “I’ve just never done this before.”
“Then how do you know you’re frigid?” he teases.
“Not sex. I’ve done that before.”
“Well, that’s a relief.”
“A relief?”
“I’m way too good to be wasted on some virgin who won’t know any difference,” he teases. He makes me smile but only for a second.
“That doesn’t mean you want someone with my past either,” I whisper.
“Evan, my only interest in your past is to help me be a part of your future. There is nothing you can say that will change that.”
“You have no idea how much I have to confess,” I say, and he takes my hint.
“Whatever your number is,” he assures me, “I guarantee you mine is higher.”
“But you’re a man,” I argue.
“A man who doesn’t have an unfair double standard about that,” he says, pulling
me to sit between his legs facing out to sea, the back of my head against his chest. I keep saying that he doesn’t understand, but somehow he seems to know just what I need because it will be easier for me to talk if I don’t have to look him in the eye. With his arms around me, he’s so warm, smells so good, and his clean-shaven chin rested gently atop my head feels almost excruciating. I want this so much.
So we share our histories in brief. Cain lost his virginity as a freshman to the homecoming queen - of course! - and I tell him about the first guy I had sex with, though I can’t tell him how I lost my virginity. I don’t know if I can ever tell him that. It’s a secret no one knows.
As we press on, Cain tells me whatever I want to know, even about cheating on his college girlfriend with the Italian exchange student, and when it’s my turn again, though I’m so scared of admitting it, I have to tell him the truth. If he doesn’t want me anymore after he knows what I’ve done, I would rather find out now than after I’ve already slept with him.
“Between 18 and 21, I had a lot of partners,” I say remorsefully, and I mean a lot of partners. I don’t even remember all of their names. “I wasn’t thinking about how it would make me feel about myself in the future or what people might think of me…what you might think of me…”
“Shhhh…it’s okay,” Cain soothes me. I feel so safe with him, and he’s making this easy for me…too easy.
“I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t…please any man unless…unless he pleased me first,” I say, forcing the words out as I stare straight ahead at the dark sea, afraid to turn around to see the expression on Cain’s face, but when I’m finished, he laughs.
“With all of your prudery, exactly how did you go about asking for that?” he asks as he moves to sit beside me.
“I didn’t have to say much. What’s going through your mind when you get so cocky about this?”
“Going down on you,” he says. His gaze shoots downward for only a fraction of a second, but it’s enough to make my skin burn.
“And when they couldn’t pay the price of admission, it was over. Your turn.”
“I really have very little left of interest compared to a woman who can put any man on his knees before her.”
“It doesn’t bother you?” I ask.
“I’m more bothered that you seem to have been so forthcoming in the past yet have been unwilling to grant me the same courtesy.”
“I’ve stopped dating since then. Why would I go around telling people a pointless secret?”
“You’ve known it’s not pointless for a while now.”
“And I had planned to tell you tonight,” I say, and in the distance, I hear the faint sound of thunder and wonder briefly if we should pack things up.
“I’m glad you’ve finally opened up to me. It explains so much,” he says, cryptically.
“Like what?” I ask, though I’m afraid of what his answer might be.
“Like why the idea of Femdom appeals to you. You’ve been dominating men your whole adult life.”
“Cain, stop it,” I say, feeling like he’s patronizing me.
“Think about it. You make the rules, we play the game, and when we win, we get our prize, but the rules of your game involved having the prize literally shoved in a man’s face only to be taken away entirely. You’re cruel,” he says, then pauses. “You know how much I like cruel.”
“Then give me the reins, and I’ll show you just how cruel I can be,” I offer, but he only laughs as he takes a bite of a massive, chocolate-dipped strawberry, offering me the rest. It’s the most intimate thing we’ve done, almost like having him in my mouth.
“So I’ll be the first to play your game in two years?” he asks as I savor the decadent red flesh in my mouth before swallowing.
“You’ll be the first to even kiss me in two years,” I say. That is, if I let you kiss me.”
“You mean if you beg me to kiss you,” he reminds me.
“Before I would even consider such a thing, you owe me the rest of your history.”
“One night stands, a series of submissives, some here, some at Berkeley, and that’s it.”
“And that’s what you want to make of me?” I ask as thunder roars in sky. It’s closer now.
“My submissives have always been elitist bitches who needed to be broken. I thought you were the same, but now, even though I know you’re not, I only want you more.”
“But Cain, what if…what if you can’t…”
“Evan Lucien, if it is my last act upon this Earth,” he says, his eyes intense and shadowed in the lantern light, “I will make you come.”
My breath catches. I don’t just hear but feel his words, suddenly covered in chills on the outside and set ablaze on the in. Unable to resist him any longer, I push him onto his back and straddle him, my knees at his hips as I move in slowly toward his mouth for our first kiss. He teases me, turning his head, and I pin his hands to the ground as I try again. He dodges me.
“Kiss me, damn it!” I demand.
“Ask nicely,” he says with that damnable smirk.
Oh, fuck me! I think, rolling my eyes.
“Please, Cain,” I say emphatically. “I am begging you to kiss me.” His eyes wild, he takes control, rolling me onto my back and holding my hands by my head, our fingers interlocked. As I look up, a brilliant flash of lightning silhouettes him against the now starless night, and when his lips finally meet mine, the heavens burst, pouring down upon us. The water rolls down Cain’s face onto mine, mingling with the kiss as my legs instinctively wrap around him, and I feel his cock, like marble, rubbing against me. I don’t care that I’m covered in gooseflesh from the cold, Pacific, night rain as I thrust my tongue into his mouth, so voracious that when he ends it with a gentle, chaste meeting of closed lips, as he predicted, I could shamelessly beg for more.
“You’re freezing,” Cain says, my lips chasing after his in the darkness. “Come on.” He pulls me to my feet, and hand in hand, we run for the car, both completely drenched already. When he opens my door for me, he starts undressing, and since getting into the car in cold, wet clothes isn’t going to warm up me, I follow suit, stripping down to my sexy, black bra and panties.
He looks me over with lusty eyes as he starts the engine, and when the dashboard lights come on, casting deep shadows on his chiseled core, I can’t control myself. I climb into his lap, my knees on either side of him as I lean his seat back with one hand, the other in his hair. Though I wasn’t ready to make tonight the night, God, I want to as he holds me down by my hips, rocking me against his hard cock until my doubts no longer make sense.
Okay, I tell myself. Just one more kiss, and that’s it for tonight, but when I end it and slide back into my own seat, I’m already renegotiating inside my head.
“Tease me like that again, and I’ll put you over my knee,” Cain threatens, and my poor impulse control kicks into overdrive.
“I’m not teasing,” I say with a sultry purr as I pull an envelope out of my purse and hand it to him.
“Is this an invitation to play your game?” he asks. I shake my head shyly, and as he scans my bill of health, I stare out the window. Tonight could either be the end of everything or the beginning, and if it is the beginning, I already know I am going to let him spank me if that’s what it takes to keep him. I just don’t know how far I can go in a world where the distinction between pleasure and pain is not clearly defined.
“How bad will it hurt?” I ask suddenly as Cain pulls the car onto the road to head back to my house.
“How bad will what hurt?”
“The spankings, the torture, all the ways you want to punish me.”
“I’m not a sadist, Evan. I don’t get off on hurting women.”
“So it won’t hurt?”
“Oh, it will, but you’ll love the way it hurts,” he says, and as his words fall upon my ears in a harmony of exhilaration and foreboding, I think I’m beginning to understand.
“So you sure you’re
ready for this?” Cain asks as he pulls the car in front of my house, and whether he’s being concerned or cocky, the answer is the same.
“Yes,” I say, biting my lower lip as he stares me down like a hungry lion.
“I am the one, Evan,” he whispers, then he gets out and hurries around the car to open my door for me. In our underwear with the rain still pouring, we run up the sidewalk like children. I jam my key in the door, and as soon as it’s closed behind us, he pushes me hard against it, his mouth on mine, pinning my shoulders as I feel his cock struggling to get to me through the cold, wet fabric of his boxer briefs. I pull at them, and he takes them off, giving me only the briefest glimpse before he lifts me, carrying me into the bedroom like a bride.
We fall to the bed, and he lies weightlessly atop me, his cock sliding against me through my panties while he kisses me. I feel myself getting wet, but as Cain moves his hand down my body, I freeze.
“I forgot to tell you something,” I whisper. I forgot to mention that I don’t like hands touching me there, mostly because I’m afraid he’ll feel my scars, but I omit that part as I timidly tell him.
“Evan, I can make you come with my hands tied behind my back,” he boldly claims, grabbing my panties instead, his thumb hooked around the crotch and pulling them over to the side as he slides between my legs. When the first, gentle touch of his tongue hits me like a million volts of electricity, I flood with excitement, thinking this could be that perfect amalgamation of burgeoning love and orgasmic pleasure I’ve been denied so long as Cain reads my body like he reads my mind. And he’s good. He’s beyond good. He’s amazing? Incredible? Those words seem too saccharine to describe what he’s doing to me. I’ve never felt anything in my entire life as intense as his warm, velvety tongue on my clit, not even that very first time when I didn’t know what was happening to me before I taught myself to block the pleasure. Tonight, I chase it as Cain grips my legs, pushing them apart, his mouth covering me, his tongue making fast, tight circles…but…
