by Lilly Black
The trust funds their grandfather had set up for the four boys before his death began paying out in small increments when they were kids, and as the boys grew, so did their allowance. Caleb did not heed the advice their father gave them about investing, pissing it away, and when all remaining funds became available upon graduation from college, he took a gamble and lost it all, forcing him to work for his mother at the distillery and become financially beholden to her.
“And Caleb was perfectly content to live in his misery,” Cain says, “until he met Nicole.”
“So he’s never cheated? Not even a one night stand or a call girl?”
“I don’t think he’s ever even considered it before.”
“Be honest with me, Cain. I don’t want to let Nicole become just another notch on some rich asshole’s bed post.” As I say this, I realize that based on their pasts, I’m the one more likely to end up a notch. “Nicole wouldn’t have the balls to kill him like I would if some playboy did that to me.”
“She won’t…and neither will you,” Cain says, knowing exactly what is going through my head. “Besides, we’re talking about a guy who won’t even agree to a massage with a happy ending.”
“Hooking up with my friend is a little different than getting a blowjob from a masseuse,” I say dismissively.
“A happy ending is not a blowjob.”
“Then what is it?”
“A handjob.”
“Well, that’s just stupid. Why would you pay for that?” I ask, incredulous. Cain is amused with my naivety.
“I wouldn’t, but the point is, my brother even contemplating cheating with Nicole is a major step for him.”
“You know what Caleb needs?” I ask as the thought suddenly comes to me. “A dungeon.”
“I’ve thought about that, but I would never broach the subject with him unless he has a girl on the side because I’ll be goddamned if I would put the idea of letting Arianna dominate him in his head.”
“I meant that he needs to be the Dom.”
“But that’s not the way it would go down with Arianna. The bitch has completely emasculated him. He has to drop thousands of dollars at Grohl’s just to get her to fuck him, and judging by her reaction to your jewelry Saturday night, I’d say she hasn’t fucked him in a long time.”
“Speaking of which, you didn’t really buy those, did you?”
“I did, and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”
“Not even thank you?”
“Oh, I think a simple thank you for those isn’t nearly enough.”
“You’re lucky I don’t have my riding crop here,” I threaten.
“I can send for it,” he calls my bluff.
“Not until you to get me a case for it so it can be carried it back and forth discretely.”
“It will be done, Domina.”
“Good, then maybe tomorrow night, if Trent says we’re safe, we could spend some time in the dungeon.”
“And that’s where your command ends, little girl,” Cain informs me, and I scowl.
“When I finally say it, I’m really going to fuck you up,” I warn.
“I’m sure you are,” he says with a laugh. “That reminds me. When we were negotiating the limits of our arrangement, there was something we missed.”
“Yeah? What was it?” I ask, but Cain hesitates before answering me.
“Blood,” he finally says.
Ewww!
“I only take the sugar pills every three months. I think you can go twelve days a year without…”
“Are you talking about your…uh…”
“Period?” Looks like Mr. Evan Can’t Be in Charge Until She Says the “P” Word has a “P” word of his own.
“No! Fuck, no!” he shudders.
“Excuse me?” I demand, his reaction pissing me off.
“I just meant I’m not talking about that kind of blood.”
“Bullshit! You we’re visibly creeped out.”
“It was a kneejerk reaction. It made me think of Liz….”
“That does not make it better!”
“Because,” he says emphatically, “she would always say it was the only time I could fuck her without a condom. It pissed me off that she was trying to manipulate me into doing something I didn’t want to do, but I don’t feel the same way about you.”
“You filthy liar,” I hiss with an eye roll.
“It’s just a part of you, Evan, and nothing about you could ever turn me off.”
“Okay then, I’ll start taking the sugar pills right now,” I threaten.
“Try me,” he challenges me.
“Shut up,” I say, pushing him playfully. He pushes back, starting a game that ends in him holding me so tight I can’t possibly win. He kisses me softly and moves me to lay on my side with my head against his shoulder.
“So tell me what you really meant,” I say, twisting my head to look up into his eyes.
“Last night,” he says hesitantly, “when you cut me with the knife…you licked away the blood…”
“You want me to…cut you?” I ask, disturbed yet aroused by the thought.
“I don’t know. It’s not something I’ve ever thought about before, but when you kissed me with that slight metallic taste on your tongue, it…it turned me on.” He looks away shamefully, showing me a facet of himself I’ve never seen before, a facet I never thought existed.
“Yeah?”
“It’s no big deal, just something that crossed my mind,” he says dismissively.
“Sounds like something we should revisit when I’m in charge,” I suggest, and when he smiles, I know that in the end, if he wants me to cut him, I will. I just don’t know if it would be cathartic or regressive for me. I’ve cut before.
September 23, Early Morning
I don’t know when we drifted off, but it couldn’t have been more than a few hours when I am awakened by the sound of the front door being opened. It doesn’t even cause Cain to stir as I slide out of bed, pull on a robe, and creep down the hallway to find Caleb kissing Nicole against the wall beside the door. I wait out of sight, but when the kiss doesn’t end after several minutes, I clear my throat loudly. Nicole giggles.
“Yes, Missus Morgan,” Caleb says, then I hear them speak in low voices about having fun and making plans tomorrow night.
“Good night, Evan,” Caleb calls out.
“Good night, Caleb,” I call back, and I finally hear the door close.
“He’s so wonderful!” Nicole gushes, her face a mask of joy, her head in the clouds, and her eyes glazed over as I arm the alarm.
“What are you doing?” I demand. I know I said I would butt out, but now that I know more about Caleb’s situation, I know their relationship is already doomed.
“Can’t you just be happy for me?”
“He’s has a wife, Nicole.”
“Do you have any idea how miserable she makes him? She’s horrible!”
“Yet he has remained married to this horrible woman for more than six years.”
“We talked about that, and we’re both going to think it over tonight and decide tomorrow.”
“Just don’t have any illusions, okay? If you try to build a life with Caleb, the best you can ever hope for is to be his mistress. He’ll never leave her.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Nic, if Caleb leaves his wife, his mother cuts off the cash flow. He’ll have nothing but the clothes on his back.”
“Their mother hasn’t cut Cain off, and she hates you.” Nicole blurts out, then her eyes grow large and she covers her mouth. “Oh, God, Evan! I’m sorry!”
“It’s okay. She does hate me, but you know Cain doesn’t need her money. All of Caleb’s finances are tied to the family business.”
“Bother me with facts tomorrow,” she says, shutting me down as she floats toward the guest room. I shake my head and walk back down the hall where, despite slipping back into bed as quietly as possible, Cain grabs me, holding me tight aga
inst him, and my concerns about Nicole fade away as I fall right back to sleep in his arms, the only place I’ve ever felt truly safe.
By the time I wake on Monday morning, Cain has risen, spoken with Cary and Caleb about last night, called Trent, cooked omelets, and had a long discussion with Nicole about his brother.
Trent, who has already couriered “cease and desist” letters to Sunny and her cronies, suggests that we all stay in today, and if we go out in the evening, we are to be certain that we are not followed in case any members of the press is still willing to try to break the story.
Cary reported that, after much argument, Catherine admitted that she knew what Sunny and her posse had planned Saturday night. Though it’s hurtful, Cain says he told me because he doesn’t want to keep secrets from me. Nicole being here to overhear the depth of his mother’s hatred for me is a nice bonus. I only supplanted a possible fiancé. Nicole is gunning to break up a marriage.
Lastly, Cain has made arrangements with Dave to cover my shifts and hire my replacement, and though I do love how things get taken care of around here like magic, I don’t like the idea of not giving Dave two weeks’ notice.
“I owe it to him,” I protest.
“Evan, Nicole is not working tonight to stay away from reporters. You are not working because there is a killer out there who raped and murdered my last girlfriend. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, and if you resist, I have absolutely no problem keeping you in chains.” My eyes fly open wide. I can’t believe he said that in front of Nicole, especially after she found his list at our house, but she doesn’t seem to make the connection.
“Look, I know you’re not thrilled about me calling Dave, which means what I’m about to say next is really going to piss you off,” Cain says, turning toward me in his chair. “I’ve tried to put this in perspective, but I can’t shake the fear that you might have been the target.”
“Cain…” I start to argue, but he talks over me.
“Listen. Liz’ killer could have been someone who saw you when we bought the dress in La Jolla, maybe he came looking for you and killed Liz as a surrogate when he couldn’t find you. Baby, if the odds that Liz’ killer wants to do the same thing to you are one in seven billion, that’s too great for me. You have to quit working right now. Period. You have the checking account as insurance, and I’ll put as much in it as you need to be…”
“You don’t need to add more money, Cain. I just feel like you’re doing too much, like anyone looking in from the outside is going to see what your mother sees when she looks at me.”
“What my mother sees when she looks at you is any remaining trace of influence she thought she had over me slipping through her fingers.”
“I doubt…” I start to argue, but his words have already taken away my sting.
“Shhh, like I said, you’re really going to hate what comes next,” Cain says with a crooked smile.
“Alright. Just get it over with.”
“Including Lucy’s apartment, I own all but one residence on the top two floors of the building, and the one I don’t is finally on the market. I’ve arranged to buy it, and since you don’t have a job anymore, I’d like you to work with an interior designer to finish the space.”
“That actually sounds like fun,” I admit, relieved.
“You’re surprisingly agreeable,” Cain says suspiciously.
“Honestly, the way you prefaced it, I expected worse.”
“I haven’t gotten to that part yet,” he admits, and I stare at him impatiently. “While you’re here working on the apartment, you’re safe, and though it would be best if you don’t leave the apartment at all, I know you won’t agree to that, so I’m going to hire private security to accompany you…”
“A bodyguard?”
“Only when I’m not with you and just until Elizabeth’s murderer is behind bars.”
“Cain, no!”
“We can talk again after you’ve had some time to think it over,” he says in an authoritative tone that means we can talk about it again when I’m ready to give in.
“I don’t need to think about it!”
“We’ll see,” he says dismissively.
“Is that why you want me to redecorate your apartment? To keep me occupied here so I won’t go anywhere?” I ask, irritated, but he ignores the point entirely, distracting and manipulating me like only he can.
“I want you to redecorate because it’s no longer my apartment. It’s our apartment, and maybe if you have a hand in the design, you’ll begin to see it that way. I want every inch of this place transformed by you until there’s not a trace of residual memory of any woman but you.”
Excited, Nicole and I go to look at the unfinished space. There are four apartments the size of the one we are presently living in, and the new apartment on the 36th floor is a smaller unit at the front of the building like Lucy’s apartment on the 35th floor. She invites us to look around her apartment as she heads out the door to run an errand.
“This would be a good layout for a rec room,” I say as we stand in the great room. “We could convert the kitchen into a bar, put in a pool table maybe…”
“You know what would be great in here? A guitar bar,” Nicole says.
“A guitar bar? Why?”
“Have you looked in Cain’s closet?” Nicole asks.
“No, and you shouldn’t either.”
“Maybe not, but I did.”
“And?”
“And in addition to some obscenely expensive suits and shoes, there are more than a dozen guitars in there.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, and a bunch of amps and things. It’s a huge closet.”
“I didn’t even know he played,” I say, an image of how sexy he would look with a guitar strapped to him ravaging my mind. Then memories from Saturday start to pop into my head, like the acoustic guitar music I heard coming down the hall that afternoon and Rain saying “he is a rock star around here” at the club that night.
Hmmm…maybe Cain was in a local band in high school or college…maybe I’ve bagged the X-Bitches’ rock god. Though I very much like that idea, Cain hasn’t even mentioned playing the guitar to me. Whatever it was, it must not be a significant part of his life anymore.
“Evan,” Nicole says, snapping her fingers. “Are you listening at all?”
“Huh? I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
“I was saying that you should do the bar, but set it up like a studio for him to play his guitars and record if he wants. You never know. Maybe his friend Mason Steel will come down to lay down a few tracks.” She gives me a wink.
“I don’t know. If they’re in a closet when he has all of this space…”
“All of this unfinished space,” Nicole reminds me. “He may have just put them in there until he had time to set it up for himself.”
“I guess…”
“Evan, if they didn’t mean anything to him, they wouldn’t be here.”
“I’ll ask Lucy if…” I trail off as we step into Lucy’s bedroom and I notice a locket laying across her jewelry box on her dresser near the door. It makes me remember something I should never have forgotten.
“Oh, God!” I shout suddenly.
“What is it?”
“My Daddy’s locket,” I say, panicked. “It was hanging from the rearview mirror when the Honda was stolen.” I wish I hadn’t even remembered it because I know I’ll never see it again. It’s not just a beaten up, dime store locket. It’s all I have of my father. I have no other pictures, no mementos, not even a newspaper clipping of his obituary, just a tiny heart-shaped cut out of his face from thirty years ago. I used to have more of him. I used to have the simple, white gold band he gave my mother to wear even though they weren’t really married. I had worn it on the ring finger of my right hand since I found it in my mother’s jewelry box when I was twelve. It was comforting to have that ring, like my father was somehow with me during the time in my life when I needed him most,
but that was taken away from me like everything else.
One night, I took the ring off and placed it on the kitchen counter while I was cooking, but when I washed my hands and went to put it back on, it was gone. I know who took it. The only person who had come into the kitchen was my mother’s husband, my second step father, and he was so jealous of the memory of my father, every single thing in that house that once belonged to Daddy eventually disappeared until there was nothing left but that locket. I kept it taped to the wall behind my dresser along with the money I saved to run away, and since I left New Orleans, it’s been hanging on a chain around the rearview mirror of my car. It was my St. Christopher’s medal, seeing me safely home every night, but now it’s gone forever.
“Evan?” I hear Cain ask as he enters Lucy’s apartment looking for me. “What’s wrong?” He pulls me to him, and as Nicole tells him about the locket, I feel childlike in his arms and realize that he’s filling a role that has been missing from my life far longer than a lover - a father figure. It comforts me, and I won’t allow myself to ruin it by picking it apart and applying the standards set by my past. It is what it is, and I don’t want anything to change it.
“Baby, if I have to hire everyone in San Diego county to scour the road from Temecula to Tijuana, I promise we’ll find it.” He kisses me on the forehead. Such a simple, caring thing, yet so far beyond the capacities of my stepfathers. Of course, the last step father started out just like this, talking to me about what was important in my life, tucking me in at night, and kissing my cheek, making me think that he might be the father I so desperately needed. He gave me hope. Then he taught me the meaning of despair.
Evening of September 23
Around 6:00, Cain and I leave for the dungeon, passing Caleb in the parking garage on the way out. He took the Veyron home last night, and we’re in the Maybach, which for some reason has become my new, favorite car.
“I can get you one of your own if you’ll let me,” Cain offers.
“If I want to drive a car like this, I’ll drive yours.”
“Stop being difficult. You’ll either let me buy you a car, or you can keep the Jaguar and I’ll buy Nicole a new car.”
“Sooner or later, you’re going to have to learn that you can’t always have your way,” I tease.
