by June Francis
She hesitated. ‘I know the owner of a pet shop and she told me in her deeds it states it can’t be turned into a fishmonger’s nor can there be any tallow or glue making on the premises.’
He smirked. ‘How many people would know such things? I reckon I can get away with it. What the eye doesn’t see …’
‘You should check,’ said Celia quickly. ‘There’s bound to be someone at the Town Hall or somewhere who knows. Haven’t you ever seen the deeds?’
‘I’ve looked for them,’ he said in a disgruntled voice. ‘Not a sign. You didn’t find them when you were going through Ethel’s stuff?’
‘Surely she’d keep them in a safe place? Have you asked at her bank or does she have a strong box anywhere?’
‘I can’t think of everything! I am a man suffering a grievous loss.’
‘Of course you are,’ she said warmly, and touched his knee. He covered her hand with his and pressed it down on his thigh. She felt the colour rise to her cheeks and glanced round, hoping no one could see. She managed to tug her hand free and, not wanting him to think she was a prude, changed the subject swiftly, asking how it came about the shop had not been left to him.
‘I was in India, up to my neck in mud and bullets. You’ve no idea how handy a Gurkha can be with a knife in a fight,’ he said with relish. ‘I’ve seen Everest, you know.’
‘How exciting,’ said Celia, who was really more interested in the shop. ‘You must tell me all about it.’
His eyes shone. ‘I’ll get myself another whisky and then you can pin your ears back and hear just what kind of man you’re sitting opposite.’
It was later than Celia intended when she let herself out of the shop after leaving Andy, having imbibed several more whiskies than he should have, snoozing in a chair. She had had to be firm with him when he made a rather coarse remark and attempted something she was definitely not ready for, but she had done it with a dignity befitting the kind of woman she was supposed to be. She hurried in the direction of Green Lane, having barely noticed the couple canoodling in the doorway of Dolly’s shop, her mind definitely not on love but on finding those deeds when she returned later in the week.
‘That must be her,’ whispered Vicky, eyes following Celia’s retreating figure.
Jack murmured, ‘She fits the description. It has to be her. I’ll have to go, love. See you tomorrow.’
He kissed her quickly, and with his hands in his pockets strode in Celia’s wake, his breath a cloud of vapour in the cold night air. She caught a bus and so did he and when she got off there was a bit of a walk but he felt well rewarded when he saw her enter a pet shop just after midnight.
A light went on in an upstairs room and he saw her draw the curtains and was pleased with himself. He knew exactly where he was because he and Ben had often gone to Anfield football ground when he came home, but he was not about to tell anybody back at the Arcadia just yet. Tomorrow he would be back and hopefully see and talk to Katherine and then he could present her to them, much as a magician produces a rabbit out of a hat, and they’d all be pleased with him.
The next day it was raining and lunchtime by the time Jack found his way to the pet shop because Kitty had wanted him to help John move furniture. He was just in time to see the ‘CLOSED’ sign being turned on the door. Damn! His plan had been to go inside as a customer and, presuming Katherine worked in the shop, to try and persuade her to come home. Now what? He decided to wait a while and see if she came out so stood outside the optician’s facing the shop, watching.
After half an hour or so a taxi drew up, obliterating the doorway of the pet shop. Hurriedly Jack crossed the road and stopped outside the chemist’s a couple of doors up. He pretended to be absorbed in a display of shampoos, hair dyes and perfumes but really it was three large bulbous bottles filled with some mysterious brightly coloured liquids that fascinated him.
The pet shop door opened and Celia emerged with an elderly woman, who was obviously having difficulty walking. Rheumatism, thought Jack with interest. What a pity they couldn’t give people new knees or hips. A young couple followed and Jack recognised Katherine in a sunshine yellow raincoat and a headscarf. She looked slimmer and was wearing what Kitty used to call her mischievous look as she inclined her head towards the old woman as they helped her into the taxi. Jack heard the murmur of Katherine’s voice and it seemed to be that of a stranger. Even so it had much the same effect on him as the sight of her. He felt guilt, as well as relief that she looked OK.
The taxi moved off, leaving her and the young man behind. He said something to her which made her smile. She linked her arm through his and they began to walk towards Jack. He was not ready for a confrontation and pulled the peak of Ben’s cap further over his face, huddling closer to the shop window. They went past and Jack caught the name Patrick and a mention of Celia. The two carried on walking past the Baptist church and on round the corner.
He followed, thinking Katherine seemed to be having plenty to say to this Patrick as their heads were very close together. He thought about love making the world go round and of Vicky.
They came to the Gaumont cinema and went inside. Jack followed, glad to be out of the rain. He saw them go through into the stalls and bought a ticket and a bag of popcorn because he was starving. The lights had dimmed and the title Me and the Colonel was showing on the screen. An usherette appeared at his side and he realised he was going to have difficulty spotting Katherine and her companion in the dark. Deciding there was nothing for it but to take off his cap, open his popcorn and enjoy the film until the lights went up again, he relaxed.
The last few days had been busy and exciting for Jack. He had fallen in love and had had an interview at the Royal Infirmary about finishing his medical training there. Last night he had got to bed extremely late and this morning he had worked physically hard. He fell asleep and did not wake until someone shook his shoulder and asked could they get past.
Jack stumbled to his feet, pressing himself against the folding seat. The neon sign that flashed TOILETS was a few feet away and suddenly he saw coming out of the door Katherine!
She spotted him the same time he spotted her and he guessed from her expression she didn’t believe her eyes. In a flash he remembered how he had felt a few months ago when he’d needed time to think about his future and it occurred to him that the decision to return to the Arcadia should not be forced upon her.
Jack allowed his gaze to wander past her as if he did not know her and when next he glanced in that direction she was no longer there. He looked around and noticed the boyfriend coming up the aisle with ices and followed him with his eyes until he saw Katherine. The way they smiled at each other caused Jack to search for Ben’s cap where it had fallen down the side of the seat and drag it over his rumpled hair. Another time, another place, he would talk to her, but now was the wrong time.
Katherine took the Orange Maid from Patrick and smiled at him as if in a dream. ‘Do you think everyone has a double?’ she mused.
‘You mean, is there another you somewhere, or even another me? Real cool thought! Perhaps they’ll get it together instead of us?’ murmured Patrick.
‘We will get it together,’ said Katherine. ‘Didn’t you listen to a word I said on the way here? Didn’t I explain it all perfectly?’
‘If you say so.’ He scooped out ice cream with a small wooden spoon. ‘Who was the double you thought you saw?’
‘It was my brother Jack!’
‘I thought you said he was nothing to you now?’
She sighed. ‘Not related but I still haven’t got the hang of thinking of him like that.’
‘So what are you going to do? I don’t want you thinking of me like a brother,’ said Patrick forcefully. ‘I know you said that at one time you thought of me like that but I don’t want that, Katherine, and you know it.’
‘Of course I know it, but we can’t get engaged until I sort things out.’ She took a large bite of the Orange Maid and gasped as the chunk slither
ed down her throat. It was several seconds before she could speak and when she did it was still not the words he expected. ‘I wonder if it could have been Jack and he just didn’t want to know me?’
‘I’m not surprised from what you told me,’ said Patrick, exasperated that he could not pin her down to making a decision now. ‘He must have felt you were a right cuckoo in the nest and that he’d been shoved out of it to make room for you!’
Katherine was silent and Patrick glanced at her and saw there were tears rolling down her cheeks. ‘Sorry,’ he whispered, shocked that his words could have such an effect. Putting an arm round her, he wiped away her tears with the side of his hand. ‘I’ll try and be patient.’
‘But you’re right,’ she sniffed. ‘It must have been like that for him. And you’re right, I have to do something soon.’ She rested her head on his shoulder and it felt so comfortable she wished she could keep it there for ever. ‘It’s just that I’m torn in two,’ she whispered. ‘I want to go back but I don’t know what to expect, and part of me is worried that Ma’ll be so anxious to prove that I still belong to the family that I might have trouble standing up for myself and just allow her to run my life for me again.’
‘I’m sure you’ll stand up for yourself after all you’ve been through,’ he said in a low voice as the lights dimmed. ‘You’re a tough cookie.’
‘That’s only window dressing,’ she said forlornly. ‘There’s also the thought that they mightn’t want anything to do with me – and I need people to like me.’
‘Shush!’ said someone in front of them. ‘You two don’t half go on.’
‘Shush yourself,’ said Patrick belligerently.
‘You looking for a fight, mate?’ said the youth in front, standing up.
‘No!’ exclaimed Katie before Patrick could answer. She snuggled closer to him and thought, He needs me to keep him in order and what if Ma really shows her disapproval of him? Doesn’t think he’s good enough for me? She decided then that the folk at the Arcadia had to stay in her past.
February blew in and it was a picture in the Echo which caused Katherine to change her mind. She took the newspaper and waved it under Celia’s nose. ‘Have a look at this,’ she said, incensed. ‘It’s Ben and Sarah. They’ve got married and I wasn’t there to see it!’
Celia put down a mascara brush and picked up the newspaper. ‘Nice frock,’ she said with a sigh.
‘Ivory figured satin,’ said Katherine gloomily, stretching out on the bed and gazing up at the ceiling. ‘The bridesmaids wore apricot and a single artificial flower in their hair. Mick was the best man. I wonder if they missed me?’
‘I should think they did. Isn’t it time you went back to them?’
Katherine lowered her gaze and looked at her mother in astonishment. ‘What did you say?’
Celia hesitated and then went over to the bed and sat beside her. ‘Perhaps this is the right time to tell you something …’
‘Like what? You’ve had a win on the horses and that’s why you’re wearing another new frock?’
‘No!’
‘You’ve got a man?’
‘Why should you think that?’ Celia laughed lightly and Katherine raised her eyes to the ceiling in disbelief.
‘What is it then?’
‘I’ve told you a terrible fib – Mick Ryan is your father!’
Katherine thought, I’m tired, I’ve had a bit of a day with dropping that rabbit and it dying on me. My ears aren’t working properly. It’s a good job I’m lying down …
Celia cried, ‘Haven’t you anything to say? Aren’t you going to shout at me?’
Katherine turned her head and realised Celia was trembling. She was serious! ‘Could you repeat that, please?’
‘Mick Ryan’s your father.’ Celia’s voice shook. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth but I knew if I did you wouldn’t have left them. You’d still have felt part of that family and I didn’t want that. I wanted to hurt her and Mick.’
Katherine got up and went downstairs to the living room and put the kettle on. Celia followed. ‘Don’t you believe me?’ she whispered, aware of Mrs Evans dozing in front of the fire.
‘Does everybody tell lies?’ Katherine said to the wall.
‘I’m sorry. She thought she could buy my silence and I didn’t like that.’
Katherine spun round. ‘She offered you money?’
‘She was frightened! Terrified of losing you! She loves you much more than I ever could. Even though I’ve grown very fond of you.’
‘Fond of me?’ repeated Katherine, thinking that her mother was right. It was love that made someone terrified of losing the object of that love.
‘Don’t look like that!’ Her tone was fretful. ‘Be honest, Katherine, isn’t fondness all you feel for me? I left it too late for us to feel more. I didn’t give you all you needed when you were growing up.’
Katherine did not answer. Her head was suddenly aching and she needed to think straight and the pain made it difficult.
‘You do see you can go back to them now? Mick is your father! I’m telling the truth this time,’ insisted her mother.
Still she did not answer.
‘Why don’t you say something? Don’t you believe me?’
Mrs Evans started in her chair and blinked her eyes.
‘I believe you,’ said Katherine in a low voice. ‘But will the family?’
‘You’ll go and see them then?’ said Celia eagerly. ‘Today would be a lovely day to go, the week after the wedding when Mrs Mcleod will be missing Ben.’
Katherine gnawed on her lip. ‘I don’t know, I have to think.’
‘What is there to think about?’ said Celia, that fretful note in her voice again. ‘It’s perfectly straightforward. You’re one of them. You can go home.’
‘It isn’t that simple!’ blazed Katherine, turning on her. ‘Do you realise how you’ve made me hurt them?’
Celia flinched. ‘You can put it right. They’ll be pleased to see you.’
‘How do you know? And why do you suddenly care? It’s not like you to care about them,’ she said scathingly.
A flush spread from Celia’s face to her neck. ‘Conscience! I do have one. The Mcleods were good to me years ago but I wouldn’t let myself dwell on that after she gave me that money. I felt tainted, dirty! Getting to know you has changed me. I understand now why she did what she did. I do care for you, Katherine, I do. But we both have our different lives to live.’ There were tears in her eyes.
‘What’s going on?’ asked Mrs Evans querulously.
They ignored her, too intent on what was happening between them.
‘I know we have but you’re not telling me the whole truth,’ pressed Katherine.
‘What else d’you want to know?’ Celia’s colour deepened. ‘How it actually happened?’
‘No! It’s just so sudden, you telling me about Mick and wanting me to go back to them.’
‘I explained that. My conscience has been bothering me.’
‘Aye, your conscience,’ said Katherine dryly. ‘I think there’s more to this than your suddenly feeling guilty but I won’t argue the point right now. I’m tired, I need to think.’
She walked out of the room. She wanted to be comforted but Patrick was working at the chippie this evening. Despite the early hour she filled a hot water bottle and went to bed, to think and remember the times Kitty had been there for her, and to long for the security of her previous life, before Celia had disrupted it. To have Ma chiding and comforting her, and Pops there, as strong as a rock if a little distant at times. They had always known who she was and still treated her as their own. Perhaps things could be just the same if she went back?
On that comforting thought she eventually fell asleep, only to dream that she was hunting for something but it kept eluding her and she was running and running until she came to the edge of a cliff with a sheer drop. She recognised it as a place up in Scotland where sea birds nested. She went over the top and was
falling, falling. Then suddenly she was flying but she was still searching. When she woke, her mind was made up. She had to see the family and tell them what Celia had said. She would not know where she belonged until she did.
Katherine gazed through the swirling fog at the familiar frontage of the building she had called home for most of her life and thought: It looks different from how I remember it! Whether that was due to the weather she was unsure but she was in no mood to confront any guests. So after the barest of hesitations, she climbed down the area steps where she found a pint of milk and tried the door to the basement. It did not open so she peered in at the window but the room was empty and the fire unlit. The tension which had started to build up in her since yesterday evening increased. She so wanted to get those first moments of seeing Ma again over with!
She picked up the milk and retraced her steps and tried turning the hotel door knob but the door remained closed. She pressed the bell but no footsteps came in answer to her ring. Could they all have been gassed or have gone away for ever, forgetting to cancel the milk? The fear gave her a cold, sick feeling and her nerves felt ready to snap. She pressed the bell again, hearing it ringing and ringing inside. She did not want to believe no one was there. How could the place be empty? The Arcadia was a hotel, for goodness sake!
But eventually she had to accept the truth that there was no one there. She sank on to the doorstep and huddled against the door, reluctant to leave but shivering in the cold.
‘Katie!’
It was so long since Katherine had been called that, that she did not respond immediately. It was not until it was repeated and the person came and stood in front of her that she glanced up.
‘Eileen, so you’re still here? Thank God!’ she said, scrambling to her feet, forgetting how she had felt about the girl last time she had seen her. ‘Hurry and open up and tell me where everyone is?’
‘I can’t,’ said Eileen, dismay in her eyes. ‘I haven’t got a key.’
It was then Katherine noticed the other girl had a suitcase with her which she dumped on the step. ‘You’ve been away?’
