And so, the Fae were created.
The gifts she gave to the Fae were Sword, Sky, Moon, Sun, and more rare, Blood and Bone, but her daughter, Titania, held all of those gifts. Made different by the blood of her mother, Titania was doomed to forever be a ship unto herself. Always separate. Always Other.
Morrigan watched as her daughter stood. She felt what her daughter felt - the deep-rooted grass of the hills around her, her brown hair returning, the first brush of the wind against her newly sensitized skin. She’d given her daughter a curse. She’d given her Shades a curse. But she’d saved them as well. Gifts and curses.
Morrigan had borne the burden of the souls within her, and through their rebirth, she herself had grown in power, but her anger and pain over their loss and destruction was still so new, still so fresh. These devastating feelings combined with her peace over giving the Shades and her daughter something to live for broke something in her.
She couldn’t stand the thought of them being alone forever, and so she screamed into the universe and created the Others and the Veil, giving her last breath, her last bit of power. The final piece of her essence was carried away by the wind, which had touched her daughter so reverently in the moment she’d been brought back to life.
Her people cried on bended knees, some even prostrate to the ground, and as she was lifted, she felt the warmth of the sun against her skin before the sensation of falling hit her. The last of her spirit fell to the ground, and in her fall, she rose up as tall Stones around the earth. Just as her power as a goddess had always been Stone, she too became the very image of her magic. And those Stones held power that humans worshipped for thousands of years. They were Sentinels. Symbols of protection and peace and a reminder to the people, to the gods, and now to the newly created Others and Fae that times were once Dark, but that Light was always possible. And maybe more important than that truth, that Light and Dark were both necessary.
The gods, angered by the loss of their gifted humans and by the newest Darkness, created the Clans to maintain control over all. To bring Light to the plane of the Earth. The gods created a system of checks and balances and banished any god who had fought on the side of the non-magical humans and the Shades to the Veil…
She turned to the room, which had grown quiet, contemplative, and she ducked her head before then lifting her chin up with false bravado. She made sure she looked at everyone in the room in turn.
She noticed Carrie and Ben were missing. That wasn’t unusual. But so was Loch. Zeke and Damon had been there, but Loch had not. Where was big brother?
She looked to Ginny first.
“I am the only Fae to have the gift of Stone.” Her voice wasn’t cold. No, there was so much emotion in Eire’s voice, it felt almost foreign, and yet, the tone seemed as though it was always supposed to have been the cooling breath of new snow. She wasn’t the razor sharp edge of knives and ice. She was emotion.
She held her hand out to the Skröm woman.
“It’s not your fault, Ginny. What happened to Ina tonight or any other night…it’s not your fault,” Eire said, and she knew that if anyone was to blame, it was Eire herself. She felt the catch in her throat, but she needed to continue.
This wasn’t about Eire.
This was about Ginny understanding she had no fault in this.
“My father had his sights set on Ina when we were eight. I used the naming then, but do you want to know the funny thing about becoming a precise weapon of the Fae?” Eire asked and grabbed onto Ginny’s hand to pull her up. Ginny was a good seven inches taller, and Eire found herself looking up to meet the bright, red gaze of the Skröm. “The thing is that any naming you’ve created breaks.” Eire thought about the day in the Veil when she’d decided the best way to make it through was to focus on her vengeance and pull on her shield of ice. “The moment I decided to become ice. The moment I decided to build walls around myself, I broke the bonds of the naming, and I left my best friend open to my father, to anyone who would prey on her rather unique gifts. She was once a powerful Azima, and he fed on all of that power.” Eire looked to the bed and let out a sigh. “I couldn’t feel any of her gift when I tried to heal her. Not even a spark. I’ll try again when I’m recovered, but Ginny…” Eire turned back to her. “None of this is your fault…”
Ginny’s jaw hardened and Eire saw her face take on a serious expression she’d never seen from the slightly insane woman. Eire flinched at the look, ready to take the brunt of the woman’s anger. She deserved what she got. She’d become a monster like her father, and she would still die with him.
“Don’t do that,” Ginny said, and Eire looked back at her.
“What?” Eire asked, lifting her chin. Jesus, would she ever again have actual bravado or would she be so bogged down by these aches of emotion that she’d never feel confident and whole again?
“Don’t take on the whole of this burden.”
“I killed Nicky. I almost killed my best friend. I let my father—”
Eire’s choked sobs stopped her, but she needed them to know. She needed them to know the whole truth…how far she’d gone…how evil she’d become.
“You didn’t kill me.” Nicky’s voice spoke from next to her. She needed to move, but he was standing there and he wasn’t letting her move. Her anger came to the surface and she felt it like a live wire as her fists clenched.
“I can’t do this right now, Nicky. I want to scream. I want to hurt something, but I’ve hurt everyone in this room already, haven’t I?”
“So scream,” Alexia said from her spot next to her fated mate as she stepped forward. “Get angry.” The queen bee moved in toward her. “Let it all go. Have it all out. Scream out your pain. Scream out your frustration.” She held out her hands as if to say, look around you. “This is a padded room. Absolutely no one is going to fucking hear you,” Alexia said, turning to the bed where her friend had been. “Let this be your independence from the ice, from the walls you built around yourself.” Alexia turned back to Eire, a somber look in her eyes. “If what you say is true, if your Histories are correct, you are not ice. You are Stone. Yes, you are a Fae of Swords, but you are Stone, and that is power. So, scream,” Alexia said, touching Eire’s arm in comfort, “and heal.”
Eire looked around her, and that Stone inside of her wanted to listen, wanted to answer the call Alexia had just issued. She wanted to let it all go. Wanted to scream it out.
She felt the shift in the room, and then Nicky’s arms reached toward her before she felt the world shift.
Nicky stepped back, and she realized Alexia, Devon, Ginny, and Gimp were there as well. In Nicky’s woods. Nicky had traversed and brought her to his woods. To his haven. To a place he knew she’d feel comfortable.
She heard the cracking of his bones, and she whispered his name into the howling wind as his wolf burst forth. She heard movement behind her as a bear and a red and silver-haired wolf moved into her side, and she smiled.
So much pain. So much clawing at her middle that she felt the crushing of her heart and cold worry move up her spine.
But beyond that…
Hope.
The bear and the red wolf with the orange eyes started running while Ginny and Gimp stood to the side, watching her, waiting for her to accept the gift she was being given. Forgiveness. A second chance.
She reached her hand out to her wolf, dug her fingers into his hide and petted him to calm herself, and then her smile grew and she barreled after the bear and the wolf, running high into the mountains. Letting the steady pace of her run and her feet hitting the mountain path ground her.
And when the bear roared and the wolves howled, she screamed out her frustration, her anger, her pain, her sadness, her fear, and every ounce of emotion she’d buried for so long.
She let it all go, and when she was done, her dark hair blowing around her in the wooded hills covered with pure snow, she once again leaned into the strong form of her wolfman. She fell into the man who’d shifted fo
r her so she could have someone solid to hold onto as she broke under the light of the moon, the billions of cold stars screaming with her.
She wasn’t a cold star.
She was all the cold stars.
She was all their emotion.
She was all their voices.
She was the woman, the Fae forged in fire and cooled at just the right moment.
She was Stone.
"To build on the past rather than endlessly relive it. That's what separates us from the beasts."
–Seth Shostak
Eire ran briskly, her legs carrying her across the untamed pathways of the wooded mountains in Montville, New York. A wolf ran by her side, his warm, brown eyes steady and sure, his gait never faltering, just like the man himself.
His movements matched hers perfectly, like the synchronicity of souls rather than the running of machinery that constantly needed its gears tended to. Eire didn’t question the loyalty, nor did she question their runs together. This was her escape. Her escape from the emotions that constantly bombarded her on a daily basis. She had no regrets about her choice. If she had to choose again, she would still let those fucking walls of ice fall, but some days, everything in her hurt.
Nightmares. Constantly tearing up at any small mention of anything sensitive. Anger would hit her in the spur of a moment and she rarely realized why until after. She was a big ass ball of emotion. And fear. And depression.
There were days when she couldn’t even get out of bed, and she didn’t know how to stop it, so she let it happen. She let herself feel. It was the first lesson she had learned six weeks ago. Six weeks. That was all. But the last month and a half of learning to deal with her emotions had felt like a lifetime, like the longest six weeks of her life.
Her few areas of solace were that she was recovering. Recovering from seventeen years of abuse and neglect. Hell, recovering from almost thirty years of abuse and neglect, much of it her own doing, but still a great deal of it the result of her upbringing. She felt like a fucking human, getting all in touch with her emotions, talking to people about shit. She wasn’t a big fan of constantly sharing, especially when everyone in the community was a bunch of tight-lipped Clan members and Others.
But oh, if she had to open up, so did they. Ironically, Alexia was making a better effort at sharing her emotions as well. She’d even suggested a weekly Girls’ Night. Everyone had to be there. Even Eire, who was back to staying with Nicky, a mountain over. The past six Fridays they’d met in Carrie’s cabin, ate junk food, and watched action movies. Alexia, Eire, and Carrie weren’t the most talkative females.
Then, there were Gem and Ginny. But especially Ginny.
Goddamned chatterbox who had tried to get them all to talk the first couple weeks, but had since just started talking to herself. Eire was pretty sure Alexia was going to throw fire or mentally burn the Skröm, or whatever the fuck she did. Eire still wasn’t 100% certain of what exactly Alexia’s gifts were. She’d only heard rumors, and to be fucking honest, she didn’t really want to know how the queen bee’s powers worked. Fucking scary shit.
But, Alexia had said there would be no movies tonight, and Eire was anxious. What did that mean? She’d spent the morning in bed, a basket case of nerves until her wolf had come into the room and nudged her to death. She’d thrown a minor fit of rage. There may have been a lamp thrown and a headboard broken for a not-so-fun reason back at their yurt.
Shit, not their yurt. She’d be gone soon. After she worked through how to control her gifts and she was able to heal Ina. After she found Lochlan and Nessa Trappe and could kill them.
What they’d done to the Others across fifteen towns now was bad enough. Even Damon was worried. None of his contacts had turned anything up. Neither had Eire and Gimp’s contacts. Four more murders since that night she’d found Ina, and nothing. No one was talking. No one was witnessing anything. So, yes, what Lochlan and Nessa had done had earned them a death sentence, but what Lochlan had done to Ina—
Ina who was now living in Cam’s trailer because Alexia and Devon had fixed up the last few things in their own trailer.
Ina who spent most days hiding out in said trailer.
Ina who didn’t know that Henry Jones was really Lochlan Trappe.
Ina who didn’t know Damon and Eire were related to each other, let alone that the man who had tortured the woman for twelve years was their father.
Ina who hadn’t spoken a word to Eire in six weeks. She deserved the quiet, of course. Ina had once been very powerful. She’d have felt the withdrawing of the naming. That loss of protection had been Eire’s fault.
She shivered at the thought of why Ina was hiding, quiet, withdrawn – and her steps faltered.
Her wolf moved into her side to show her she wasn’t alone, and her anger rose. Anger. Fear. Pain. Devastation.
Because she couldn’t…
She hadn’t changed a fucking thing.
Because tonight, Alexia had also told Ina that she would need to be there.
Eire would have to face Ina.
Shit. Damn. Fuck.
Yeah, she was starting to sound like Danny, but she didn’t give a damn because she couldn’t…
She couldn’t…
She couldn’t breathe.
Her legs halted their steady pattern of muscle movement, and she tried to catch her breath, but it wouldn’t come.
She heard the breaking of bones, and her tears started to fall. She didn’t want Nicky to hurt for her, but he kept hurting for her. Why? Why was he even trying? Why would he invest his time in a damaged Fae who couldn’t even go for a run without having a panic attack?
The panic attacks had diminished in the past month and a half, but she’d probably have them for years, maybe decades. Emotion, when it was bottled up, when it wasn’t listened to, did that to a person.
Her breaths came heavily. She tried to reach for the air, but it wouldn’t come. Shit, the irony. That which she was named after was the one thing that was in short supply for her since she’d apparently started working toward becoming her true self.
Becoming your true self sucked ass sometimes.
Fuck.
It.
All.
She rubbed her chest in the way Alexia had taught her to – even circles. Something to focus on, but also a way to stimulate the chest muscles. She bent over, focusing on the motion and felt her wolfman move in behind her, rubbing her back, patient and ever-present. Always there.
Something she wasn’t worth of in the least. But she couldn’t leave him, despite the fact that she knew she didn’t deserve him. Their bond had only strengthened since she’d come back.
But she’d hurt him. God, she’d killed him. Killed him like she’d almost killed Ina.
So, why did he still want her? A bond would only strengthen through mutual attraction and growth. So what did he see in her? What did he want? Did he really want her? Or did he just want to save her?
And not just him. Alexia and the others had changed toward her as well. Matt too had forgiven her right away, even though he had so many reasons to hate the Fae, to hate her.
But still, they’d all acted like she hadn’t really been Eire when she’d done what she had done to Nicky. They’d forgiven her. And she didn’t know how to handle their forgiveness because she absolutely did not forgive herself.
Hell, how could she forgive herself when she didn’t even know who she was. She wanted to get better, but she couldn’t figure out how to get her own head on straight, and everyone was battering at her to accept something. To be that better person she was trying to be, but it was so goddamn hard.
They gave her encouraging words. Told her to keep pushing. To keep trying. To keep living… Because they didn’t talk about it, but there were days when she didn’t want to live.
Except, there were things that kept her going. Connections. Ina. Nicky. Her brothers, although she hadn’t seen Loch since before they’d found Ina. Carrie. She even felt a growing connecti
on to Alexia, Ginny, and Gem. She was doing all of this – fighting and overcoming her emotional upheavals and joining in the community she so wanted to be a part of – not to die, but to live a better life for whatever time she had left. Sometimes it felt impossible, though. Sometimes, everything felt useless, futile, and she knew in her bones that she was so goddamned unworthy of any efforts they all made.
Especially since she herself would be dying soon. That still hadn’t changed.
There wasn’t enough power to defeat her father and grandmother except in the death of her Stone. Just as Morrigan, Titania’s mother, was destroyed by her Stone to create the Others and the Fae, so too Eire, who was weaker, would be destroyed by her Stone to unmake two of the most powerful Fae to have ever lived. But she couldn’t explain this to Nicky and to the Clan members she now knew, because their Histories were different, and although they’d broached the subject in pieces, they held so tightly to their own history, that her sharing of the Other history again would do nothing to warm her to them. And for all her guilt, she desperately wanted them to continue forgiving her.
Nicky had only confirmed the idea that her Stone was the key when he’d shared about his experience during his near death. Her Stone, and not her knives, would be Lochlan and Nessa’s destruction. Alexia’s power, although amazing from the tales, couldn’t do it. Eire’s brothers didn’t have the gifts she had, no matter that they were strong in their own ways.
She slowly straightened as her breaths returned to normal and her heart stopped squeezing. The snakes whipping around her stomach wouldn’t stop until she found a minute to center herself and meditate, but she let the presence of the gargantuan wolfman at her back soothe her mind, her body, her soul, and her heart.
She’d been awoken by nightmares and old memories so much recently that she’d gotten used to his presence in her room, in her space. He’d become so much a part of her space. And his forgiveness, although unwarranted, was slowly encroaching and leaving its mark on her heart, but she couldn’t share this with him because that was one emotion she knew she definitely wasn’t worthy of.
Rage Against the Devil (Wild Beasts Series Book 2) Page 26
