“To who? Ian?”
“No. The girls at work.”
“Um, no. I can take care of them,” I retort with a voice of authority.
“Okay, so let’s get this over with. If he already thinks we’re together then it won’t matter if I’m here with you or not. We’ll grab your stuff and get out as quick as possible. Just ignore him and start grabbing your things, okay?”
This is a bad idea. I never should have agreed to this. He has a point, though. If Ian already thinks I’ve moved on to another man, this could be the final blow. He surely won’t ask me when I’m coming home again. This might actually drill it into his brain that we’re done. At least, I hope that’s the only blow that’s delivered in the next twenty minutes.
Unlocking the door, I’m surprised to find the apartment eerily silent. Just as I’m about to breathe a sigh of relief, I hear Ian cough. Then sneeze. Then cough again. He’s here and he’s sick. Just great. He’s going to be whiney and annoying the entire time we’re here.
“Hello!” he calls out from the back of the apartment. He must be in bed still. “Emerson, is that you?”
“Yeah. I just came to get a few things.”
“Can you bring me something to drink?” he asks.
Rolling my eyes, I motion for Ryder to follow me into the kitchen.
“I’m going to go in there alone. Make yourself comfortable. I shouldn’t be long.”
Reaching under the sink, I grab a handful of garbage bags for my clothes while Ryder takes a seat at the counter. Taking three bottles of water from the fridge, I slide one to him and retreat to the bedroom.
“You’re here,” Ian announces as I hand him a bottle of water, placing an extra bottle on the bedside table. “What are the garbage bags for?”
“Clothes. I’m grabbing the rest of my things,” I say, turning to get started.
“Seriously? Today? I was hoping we could talk.”
“You had the opportunity to talk to me last week and you blew it. I’m done talking, Ian. We don’t want the same things. We don’t see things the same way. It’s time we end this before things get ugly and one of us say things we don’t mean. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want, but I can’t do this anymore.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell him that I don’t love him anymore, knowing that it will be a huge blow that his ego needs, but I hold back. I’ll only say it if he forces me to.
“Did you bring your boyfriend with you for protection, or were you hoping to have one last roll in our bed?”
“Why? Why are you being such as ass?” I ask, forcefully shoving clothes in the bag until the black plastic begins to stretch.
“Why are you throwing us away like we mean nothing anymore?”
“Me!” I yell, dropping the bag and turning to face him. “I’m not the one who ruined us, Ian. That would be you. You’re the one that tried to control me. You’re the one who turned into an asshole the moment I did something you didn’t like. If anyone ruined us, I was you. Blame me all you want, but we both know the truth.”
“Keep telling yourself that. Just remember I won’t be here when you realize what you’ve lost,” he calls after me as I make my way into the bathroom.
Gross! He threw up in the toilet and forgot to flush. I can’t believe he can’t take care of himself at his age.
Gathering my things, I stop when I hear the floorboards creak. Ducking back into the bedroom, Ian isn’t where I left him. The sheets have been tossed back. His slippers aren’t next to the bed and his robe isn’t hanging from the hook next to the closet door.
“What the hell are you doing in my apartment?”
Ian’s words echo down the hall causing me to stop dead in my tracks, halfway to the kitchen. This day can’t get any worse.
“I’m just here to help Emerson,” I hear Ryder say.
“Well, she doesn’t live here anymore, I do. You can get the fuck out of my house now.” Ian’s words are dripping with hatred.
“As soon as she has her things, we’ll leave. Together. Not a moment sooner.”
“I don’t think you heard me. Get. The. Fuck. Out,” Ian screams, causing a shiver to run down my spine.
I’ve only heard him this angry once before. He was yelling at his brother on the phone. I still to this day have no idea what the fight was about, but to my knowledge, they haven’t spoken since.
“No wonder she left you for me. Who would want to kiss a man with that kind of mouth?”
Damn it, Ryder. Why are you making it worse? Why is he pushing him? I can hear the laughter in his voice as he attempts to get under Ian’s skin. Little does he know, his mere presence is already getting to Ian.
“Let me tell you something, Dixon. She enjoyed kissing these lips and everything else I used to do with them. Can she say the same about you?”
And now it’s a pissing match. I need to pick up the pace so we can get out of here. Rushing back to the bedroom, I shove as much as I can in the garbage bags and start tossing them in the hallway. The last thing I grab are the dried roses hanging from my closet door. I take them into the bathroom, crumble them into tiny pieces, and flush them down the toilet along with Ian’s puke.
As I stand there watching the broken petals swirl around, I think back to all the good times Ian and I shared. They’re hard to remember now, my thoughts clouded with anger and hatred. There was a time when we were happy together. A time when we loved each other unconditionally. Those are the moments I’ll choose to remember.
Not this moment.
Not Ian and Ryder standing nose to nose in the kitchen, Ryder glaring down at Ian. Both of them are willing the other to swing first. Shaking my head, I announce my departure and Ryder immediately steps away, grabbing the garbage bags I’ve dragged to the front door.
I make the mistake of looking back as I close the door. Ian is standing in the middle of the living room, staring at me. I expect to see regret or sorrow in his eyes. Sadness. Maybe even fear. All I see staring back at me is pure, unadulterated hatred.
His jaw is set. His eyes are narrowed.
Looking over my shoulder, I assume Ryder is standing behind me, but that’s not the case. His anger is directed toward me. This is my fault in his mind. I’m to blame.
That’s fine. As long as this is over, I don’t really care who he points the finger at. He’s no longer a part of my life. Someone else can help him cope and maybe they can help him see more clearly the error of his ways. At least I hope so for his sake.
“Goodbye, Ian,” I finally say, closing the door.
Ryder’s waiting for me by his truck. He takes the garbage bags from my hands and tosses them in the back, wraps his arm around my shoulder, and gives me a light squeeze before helping me in the truck.
Staring out my window, I watch as the apartment building becomes smaller in the side mirror. My former home. The place I was most comfortable until I no longer felt safe. It was a new beginning for me and Ian. Living together. Moving our relationship to the next level. There was talk of marriage and kids at one point.
When I moved in with him, I had no idea it would also be our demise.
A pain in my chest reminds me how real this situation is.
Am I going to miss Ian? Of course. In many ways, he will always be an important part of my life. Not my present or my future, but my past.
Do I think I’m doing the right thing, leaving him?
I do. If I had stayed, his control would have tightened and I would have resented him in the end. Because the fact is, at some point in time, it would have eventually ended. The signs were there, I just didn’t want to see them at first.
My hope, at the end of the day, is that we each find someone who complements us and understands our needs. Ian needs someone who is content with being a housewife, letting him provide for her and take care of her. I need someone who will allow me to stand on my own two feet and make mistakes, but help me up when I fall. I couldn’t be the person he needed me to be and h
e wasn't the man I wanted him to be.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, Emerson?” Ryder asks, drawing my attention back to reality.
“Just letting it all sink it, I guess.”
“Are you changing your mind?” There’s an element of apprehension in his voice that I don’t expect to hear.
“No, it just doesn’t feel final yet. I thought today, officially moving out, would bring a sense of closure and it hasn’t. Not yet anyway.”
“Well, if the way he was being protective of you is any indication, I don’t think this is over for him either. It’s not closure he needs, though. He needs to accept what’s happened and move on somehow.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Just something he said,” he replies, hesitant to answer.
“Care to share what he said, exactly?”
“It’s just, he made it very clear that he didn’t like the fact that I was there, so I may have embellished out relationship a little to get him going. Not gonna lie, I was hoping he would hit me so I could knock him on his ass.”
“Embellished a little? I’m going to need you to be more specific,” I say, turning in my seat to face him better. “And by more specific I mean I want you to tell me word for word so there’s no chance I misinterpret what you told him.”
Ryder glances in my direction, a sly grin on his face. I have a feeling I’m not going to like what he’s about to tell me, and Ian probably didn’t either.
Chapter Sixteen
“Are you serious! What were you thinking?” I ask Ryder as he merges onto the highway.
“That he was being an asshole and needed to be taught a lesson.” The smirk plastered on his face is annoying me. He’s obviously proud of himself, of the reaction Ian had.
“And you thought telling him we were sleeping together would do what? Make him jealous?”
Anger seethes through my veins. I stood in the hall, paralyzed, listening to Ryder and Ian fight for a few moments before retreating to finish gathering my things. It was time to get out of there before the situation got worse. If that was possible.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that Ryder started it. Instead of telling him the truth about why he was there, he made up a preposterous story.
I’m more than just his assistant.
We’re dating.
It was love at first sight.
I’m moving in with him.
Lies, all lies. Ian wouldn’t even look at me as I stacked everything by the front door. It wasn’t until Ryder took a load of things down to his truck that he finally broke his silence.
“That guy, really? You left me for him?”
“It’s not what you think, I swear.”
“It sure does look that way. He watches your every move. I can see how much he cares about you. He gets this look on his face when you walk in the room. It’s like you light up his world. I remember feeling that way once. What happened to us?”
That’s when I nearly broke. Seeing the anger and hurt on his face. His eyes were bloodshot as if he had been crying. I knew it was because he was sick and not because of me, but it still got under my skin.
I’ve been asking myself that question for a while now. We’ve both changed, grown, but it hasn’t been as a couple. We’ve grown as individuals and that caused us to grow apart. The things I use to love about Ian I no longer see in him. I’m sure he feels the same way about me, even though he hasn’t said as much. It would explain why he was trying to change me, to control my life.
He wanted me to be the person he fell in love with again. I’m not that person anymore. Neither is he.
We were young when we started dating. Still in college, love was a glamorous thing. It was shiny and new, just like our relationship. Every day, every moment we spent together was fun and exciting.
Sometime between then and now, the sparkle faded and our lives became routine. Saying I love you became automatic anytime we said goodbye, whether it was for an hour or a month. I can’t remember the last time I felt a flutter in my chest when I heard him tell me he loved me. That feeling should never fade, no matter how long you’re together.
“I’m sorry, Emerson. I am. I wasn’t thinking. I saw him and how angry he was, and I wanted to draw the attention away from you and onto me. Let him be mad at me; I don’t care. You don’t need him to be mad at you,” Ryder explains as we come to a stop at a red light.
“Well, he is. At least he will be until I tell him the truth. I don’t want him thinking we’re together. There are enough rumors going around right now, I don’t need him spreading more.”
“I’ll put a stop to the rumors.”
“I don’t care about the rumors, Ryder!” I scream, at my wits end with everything that’s happened today. “I don’t care what people think about me. I have a job to do; that’s all that matters right now. I can’t do that if people are watching me and analyzing my every move. I can’t control them, though. All I can control is myself, my actions, and that’s what I’m going to focus on.”
“Em—”
“I’m done talking about this. There are always going to be rumors. The only way to extinguish a rumor is to make it true. Once it becomes a fact, it’s not fun to talk about anymore.”
Ryder doesn’t respond, giving me a moment to myself before we pull into the parking garage. As soon as he puts his truck in park, I reach for the handle to get out. Locked.
“Can you let me out, please,” I say, my eyes focused on the handle.
“I want you to know that I didn’t plan to make your life harder by going with you today. I really was trying to help. That’s all I want to do, Emerson. Help you. I’m not a bad guy, I swear. I just have a hard time keeping my cool when it comes to people like you. I always go caveman and get protective. It’s who I am.”
“People like me?” I ask, turning to face him.
“Yeah. Good people. People with a large heart. People who’ve shown me that they care. People I care about. People I’m attracted to.”
Attracted to.
Shit!
Say something, Emerson. At least acknowledge his confession.
“You’re going through a lot right now, and you’re really vulnerable. I never meant for my kindness to come across as anything else. I’m sorry if it has. I’m just trying to do as you ask, do it well, and prove myself. Nothing more, nothing less.” My reply is barely above a whisper. The car is silent, and for a moment, I think he may not have heard me.
“You haven’t come across as anything other than a kind-hearted, hard-working person, Emerson. I, on the other hand, have been battling with my feelings for you. From the moment I met you, I knew you were special. I could see it in your eyes. I know I shouldn’t feel anything, not right now, maybe not ever, but I do. We’re both in complicated situations right now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the way I do. I can’t control it any more than I can control the weather.”
That explains the Jekyll and Hyde personality he displayed the first few weeks.
“Um.”
Think, Em, think.
Looking at the dash, the time saves me.
“You have a meeting in ten minutes with your father. We should probably talk about this later.”
“Can we? Talk later, that is?”
“Sure,” I say when I hear the doors unlock.
Hopping out of his truck, I speed walk to the elevators, hoping to make the climb alone. Ryder being almost a foot taller than me, catches up to me easily and falls into step.
“You know, your stuff is still in my truck,” he says as the elevator doors slide close.
Shit!
“I’m parked close to you. I’ll grab it later.”
“Or I can drop it off at Angela’s place tonight if you want. I’ll bring Thai food with me.”
That sounds a lot like a date.
Leaning down so his lips graze my earlobe, Ryder whispers, “I promise to be on my best behavior.”
A sh
udder runs up my spine at the thought of him being bad. I shouldn’t be thinking about him like that. Shirtless, like he was the other night. The image of his hand running along his tattoo is still fresh in my mind. That image has made more than one appearance in my dreams since then.
Hot dreams. Naked dreams. Naughty dreams.
No, no, no!
Now I won’t be able to look at him the rest of the day without blushing.
“You know that’s not a good idea.”
“How else am I supposed to get you alone without more rumors starting?” he questions, a hint of laughter in his voice.
“The point is to stop the rumors—”
“You said the only way to stop the rumors were to make them less interesting. This could make that happen.”
“I’m not dating you,” I say sternly.
“Who said anything about dating?” he insinuates as the elevator doors open and Helen’s head pops up from behind her desk, a large smile on her face.
Ryder backs out of the elevator, wiggling his eyebrows at me before heading down the hall toward his father’s office.
Is he serious?
Does he just want a piece of ass? A booty call?
That’s not how I operate. I’ve been with very few men in my life, and I plan to keep it that way. Unlike most of my friends, I never went through a “slut” phase. Instead, I lived vicariously through them while they freaked out about condoms breaking and remembering the name of the drunk guy they went home with the previous night. I’m sure they had fun, but to me it seemed like a lot of work that never paid off.
Sure, you got laid. Maybe you even had an orgasm. But the next day, your work started all over again. You had to find a new “buddy” to meet your needs. No thanks. Not my thing. Plus, I was with Ian and I thought he would be the last man I would share myself with. Apparently, I was wrong.
Watching the minutes tick by, I plan my escape. I’ve never left without letting him know before. He knows that. Today I plan on running before he can stop me.
Rumors: Emerson & Ryder Page 12
