ME: I’ll call you when I’m ready?
IAN: Does this have anything to do with your boss?
Anger courses through my veins. I know what he thinks, what he was told, but after the years we spent together, I had hoped he would know me better than that. Especially as of lately. I make my own decisions. I’m my own person.
Taking a deep breath, I carefully type out my response.
ME: No. This has nothing to do with Ryder Dixon. I know he told you we were together, but he was only there to help me get my things, nothing more. I didn’t know you were home or else I would have come alone. I didn’t mean to put you in that position. It was unfair of me. Especially after the rumors you heard. When I’m ready to discuss this more, I’ll call you and we can talk. Until then, I would appreciate some space.
After ten minutes of waiting for his response, I put my phone away. Of course it chimes as soon as I drop it in my purse. Ignoring it, I focus my attention on the last task I need to accomplish before heading home for the night. As soon as I drop all the paperwork on Ryder’s desk, I head to the elevators.
My head is pounding. I can feel the tension radiating off me. A hot bath and a glass of wine should help, but it won’t solve all my problems. There’s not enough wine in the world to solve my problems in one night.
“Have a great night, Miss Emerson,” Helen calls as the doors slide closed between us.
That woman is so sweet. She’s always the first to say hello in the morning and the only one to say goodbye. She’s so quiet the rest of the day that I barely notice she’s there.
There’s a chill in the air that assaults me as the doors open to the parking garage. It’s eerily silent except for the screech of tires against the pavement somewhere below me. An unsettling feeling of being watched consumes me, so I pick up the pace and speed walk to my car.
As soon as my car door is closed, I hit the locks and breathe a sigh of relief, resting my head back against the seat and closing my eyes. A knock on my window causes me to jump, my knee slamming against the steering wheel.
Smiling on the other side of my window is Ryder.
“Hey,” he says as my window slowly lowers.
“You scared the shit out of me,” I reply, placing my hand over my heart as it beats wildly in my chest.
“Sorry. I saw you getting in your car, and I wanted to catch you before you left.”
“What are you doing here? I thought you were gone for the day.”
“I just finished with my lawyer.”
“How’d that go?” I ask, crinkling my nose in concern.
“Fine. Things should be official by morning. Want to grab some dinner and celebrate?”
He’ll be divorced by morning? That was quick.
“Um…”
Am I the rebound then? Is that what this is? He heard the rumors going around and thought, “hey, that could be fun,” so he made a move.
“What’s going on in your mind, Emerson?”
“Nothing. It’s just…”
How do I put it without sounding like an asshole? I don’t want to offend him. I don’t want him to think that I’m not interested in him. It’s just, things are moving really fast. We both just ended a long relationship, his more serious than mine. There are other people to consider here, mainly his daughter.
“If you don’t want to have dinner, that’s fine. We can celebrate another night. Or wait until its official to celebrate. Maybe Saturday at the party?”
“As long as we don’t celebrate in front of Allison or Justine,” I retort.
“What happened?” he asks, opening my door.
“As expected. They wanted to interrogate me about this,” I say, motioning between us. “In fact, I bet you money one of them is watching us right now. I wouldn’t be surprised. They didn’t believe me when I told them nothing was going on.”
“That’s because something is going on and you’re a horrible liar.”
Rolling my eyes, I let out a huff. I know I’m a horrible liar, but I wasn’t lying to them. I was omitting partial truths and attempting to keep a low profile. Is that such a bad thing?
“Look, people are going to talk no matter if we’re together or not. Let them. Who cares? This isn’t about them, it’s about us.”
“I know.”
“We don't have to do this,” he says, taking a step back and standing up so I can’t see his eyes. Is he angry? Indifferent? His voice doesn’t give anything away. “It’s up to you, Emerson. It would be a shame to give up before we even try, though.”
It would. That much I’m sure of.
“What did you have in mind for dinner?” I ask, hoping he’s still interested.
“Something better than Thai food on my office floor,” he replies, bending back down, a smile on his face.
Rolling up the window and shutting my car off, I grab my purse and follow Ryder to his truck. Just as he begins to back out, I see Justine and Allison getting out of the elevator. I contemplate ducking down so they don’t see me, but I think about it for too long.
Our eyes meet, Justine’s widening in surprise, the same as mine I’m sure. Allison’s have a knowing look in them as she raises her hand and waves, slyly grinning at me. All the effort to convince them that nothing was going on between us was pointless.
Squaring my shoulder, I wave back at them. If they want to play games, let’s play. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve done nothing wrong. And this is none of their business.
Chapter Twenty
Ryder is amazing. The more time I spend with him, the more I realize exactly how amazing he is. Whether we’re at the office or alone together, he’s beginning to give me a clear view of what his heart holds. In many ways, that scares me. In others, it’s invigorating and exciting.
Tonight, for instance. He drove us all the way to the lake shore to eat at this adorable seafood restaurant along the Grand River. Could he have taken me to a hot dog stand and I would have enjoyed myself just as much? Yes. Why drive an hour to eat dinner, then?
When I asked him, his answer was beyond simple.
“I wanted you to relax and stop worrying that someone might see us together.”
And that right there stole my breath. He cares enough about me he knew that I wouldn’t open up to him unless I was comfortable. For me to be comfortable, I needed to feel safely away from prying eyes. Justine and Allison may think they know something is going on between us, and after our run-in in the parking garage, their suspicions were confirmed, but it’s one thing to see something and another to know details.
If we had run into them while having dinner, there would be details floating around the office the next day. New rumors to spread. That’s not what I want and he knew it, so he drove us as far away as possible to enjoy a quiet meal together.
As we sit, sipping wine and talking about life in general, it hits me that this shouldn’t feel as comfortable as it does. Being only our first “date,” we should still be nervous around each other as we get to know each other.
I’m not. Nervous, that is.
Even though it’s only been a few weeks, I feel like I’ve known him for far longer. He’s easy to talk to, fun to be around. Sweet and caring. A little pushy when he believes strongly in something, but also giving and able to compromise.
“Let me ask you something,” I say as he lifts the bottle to pour me another glass of wine.
“Anything.” His eyes find mine, and in them I see the hesitation as the word slips past his lips.
“That first week at the office was a shit storm. You were happy then pissed and back again in the blink of an eye. What was up?”
Nodding, Ryder takes a sip of his wine before answering. “It was the pressure,” he finally says.
“Pressure?”
Raking his fingers through his hair, Ryder leans back against the booth and lets out a breath. He seems at odds with himself. If he doesn’t want to answer, he shouldn’t. I don’t want one question to ruin the night. As I’m
about to tell him, he finally speaks.
“My father was forcing me to make a decision about the divorce. He wanted me to try and work things out with Megan. Megan was pressuring me to stay and make it work for Amara. I was sleeping on the couch in my office to avoid them both. Plus, there was you. I was fighting my attraction to you because I had just filed divorce papers and wasn’t sure I really wanted to put Amara through what happened next.”
“And what changed?”
“I realized I had to put myself first. I tend to be a people pleaser. Less drama. Everyone’s happy except me, and that’s okay.”
“But that’s not okay,” I reply. My anger at his father for the pressure he was putting on him and the unnecessary stress was growing. Not to mention the week of hell I lived through because he was struggling with an impossible decision. “Not at all. You shouldn’t make decisions to make other people happy if it makes you miserable. That’s ludicrous.”
“Well, my father isn’t happy about my decision even though I’ve managed to keep it quiet. He thinks it’s bad publicity for the firm. Megan’s not happy, especially now that, as of this afternoon, she has to move out of our house by Friday.”
“And Amara?”
“We haven’t told her yet. She won’t really understand it at her age, but I want us to tell her together. I made Megan promise not to tell her before the papers were finalized.”
“So… tomorrow, then.” My words are hesitant and I’m sure he can hear that. If I thought pressure from Megan and his father were bad, this is astronomically worse.
“Maybe. She has a dance recital tomorrow night. I figure we can tell her after since it’ll be official.”
Nodding, I’m at a loss for what I can say to him to make him feel better. There’s nothing. It has to happen. His daughter is going to be devastated. I can’t imagine what I would say in that situation. It has to be one of the hardest conversations he’ll ever have.
Thinking back on my parents’ relationship as my sister and I grew up, I remember a few fights, but there was never a moment when the thought of them separating even crossed my mind. All my friends saw the love they carried for each other. That’s when it hits me.
An option.
If he’s interested in trying it.
“You know, there are plenty of ways to spin it that will help her to focus on the happy things,” I finally say, reaching for his hand.
“Like?” he asks, staring at our hands as I entwine our fingers. I hear the crack in his voice. He’s putting on a strong front. I’m not sure if it’s for me or because that’s how he is, but the walls are crumbling as I stare at him, trying to support him in any way I can. He needs it.
“Well, I had a friend whose parents got divorced when we were in middle school. I knew she was crushed, but then she told me she tried to stay positive. She focused on having two of everything instead of one. Two sets of presents for Christmas. Two bedrooms she could decorate. More toys, more clothes. All that. Maybe that’s something Amara could relate to.”
“That’s a good way to start the conversation. As long as she knows that we both still love her and will be there for her, I don’t care what else we say to her.”
“Can I ask something else, not that it’s my business, but I’m curious?”
“If there’s anything you want to know, Emerson. All you have to do is ask. I’m an open book. That’s how relationships are supposed to work.”
Relationship. Have we crossed that line yet? I mean, we are eating a meal together for the second time today. We’re holding hands. Made out in an elevator. He picked me up for work this morning. We hung out with another couple last night.
It appears we have crossed the line and I didn’t even realize it because the transition was so seamless.
“Okay. Yeah.” I stutter, pulling my hand away and reaching for my water glass.
“I scared you again.” He leans forward, a worried expression causing his forehead to wrinkle.
Truth? With Ryder, I think the truth will set me free. I don’t think it will keep him from pursuing me. I don’t think anything will, and that thought alone causes my heart to race.
“Sort of. Not you, but this. This is all just moving faster than I’m used to. I had one other serious boyfriend aside from Ian. This all feels new to me, like I’ve never dated before.”
“Okay, let’s back up. Are you interested in anyone else?”
“No.”
“That’s all that matters. We don’t need to put a title on this if you don’t want to.”
“It’s not that, it’s just only really been a day since it started. I need time to process. My life had been a bit of a whirlwind the last few weeks. I’m not sure if I’m ready to jump into something serious right now.”
“And that’s fine. I forget that my relationship with Megan had been over for a while. The divorce should have happened a long time ago, but I was listening to my father instead of my gut.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” he asks, his forehead wrinkled in confusion.
“You shouldn’t have had to live in that situation. You should have been able to be happy.”
“There were times when I was. In the beginning,” he confesses, a look of sadness washing over him.
“And then?”
I don’t know why I ask. It’s really not my business, and I don’t want to spend the little time we have left together talking about his ex-wife.
“Then I caught her cheating on me. It broke me in a way I’ll never be able to explain.”
He drifts off for a moment before he continues.
“I forgave her, you know. The first time. I kept my guard up, never fully trusted her again, but I forgave her. For Amara. I wanted her to have a chance to grow up surrounded by both her parents. It didn’t take long for her to fall back into her old ways. I suspected that she was cheating on me again and this time I set her up. She still has no idea how I found out.”
Raising my eyebrow at him out of curiosity, a devious grin slowly spreads across his face.
“Have you ever heard of those nanny cams?”
“Yeah. Parents hide them in stuffed animals, right?”
“Yeah. Well, there’s a tiny version you can buy and hide just about anywhere. For instance, the air vent of a vehicle as long as it’s equipped with Wi-Fi. They record audio and video. Turn on and off based on movement. The signal transmits to any device you program it to.”
“Like, your cell phone?”
“Bingo. And guess who just so happened to be straddling a man who wasn’t her husband in the backseat of her car every Wednesday afternoon between one and two o’clock?”
“I have a few guesses, but I only need one,” I reply, my heart breaking for him. To see it, to hear her, must have destroyed him. “I’m so sorry, Ryder. I really am.”
“It’s fine. You know, I wish I had found what my parents have. They’ve been married for almost forty years and are still madly in love. I knew when I married Megan that we wouldn’t make it forty years, but I went through with it anyway because I loved her.”
“We all do stupid things when blinded by love.”
“Very true,” he replies, letting the conversation fade away.
Sipping our wine, we enjoy the peaceful silence as we watch the sun setting over the inlet to Lake Michigan. There’s nothing quite as magical in my mind. It’s a simple beauty, and when you’re able to share it with another person, it becomes special.
“What were you going to ask me, by the way? In the restaurant, before I scared you,” Ryder asks as he opens his truck door for me.
After the way he just bared his soul to me, I’m not sure I want to ask anymore. Pressing my lips together, I stare up at him as he patiently waits for my answer.
“Emerson?” he says, my name soft and sweet, coaxing me to confess.
“What was the custody decision?” I finally ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Joint. It’s not ideal, but it�
��s better than only getting her every other weekend, and I think it’ll be good for Amara too.”
My smile is weak as he shuts the door, effectively ending our conversation. There’s tension in the car as we head back to the city. I blame myself for ruining the mood. I should have known better than to ask about it. It was a sore topic of conversation before and as much as I was hoping it would work out in his favor, I should have known better than to expect it to.
From everything I’ve heard, Megan is vicious. She gets what she wants. Or rather, takes what she wants.
Ryder offers to drop me off at my apartment, but I ask him to take me to my car. As much as I loved having breakfast with him, I hate relying on others to take me places. I’m more comfortable driving myself and knowing that I can come and go as I please. Plus, I need a moment to myself to process everything from today.
His divorce. Our newly blossomed relationship. The way I feel for him and about him. Those are two different things at the moment.
I feel for him in a way that I don’t think I’ve ever felt for another person. His pain radiated through me when he told me about Megan. Feelings of love wash over me when he mentions his daughter. And then there’s the mix of emotions he has about everything else with his current situation.
How I feel about him is just as unstable. I’m drawn to him, physically and emotionally. I want to be there for him, to hold him when he’s in pain but to celebrate when times are joyous. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man—caring, genuine and honest. My heart skips a beat every time he looks at me, and my legs quiver when I think about his lips touching mine again.
After helping me out of his truck, Ryder pulls me close to him, wrapping his arms around me. He holds me for a few minutes, neither of us speaking. I let the moment carry me away and relish in the feel of his hard body against the softness of my own. When he finally releases me, he bends and kisses me softly on the lips, causing my entire body to sag.
I watch as he pulls away, waving until he’s out of sight.
“I thought you said you weren’t dating him?”
Rumors: Emerson & Ryder Page 15
