What a mission, Napoleon thought as he hurried down the staircase to the Special Reading Room. He was going back almost seven hundred years to the Battle of Crécy, 1346, to meet the Black Prince and collect his DNA.
He pressed his hand against the palm pad and waited excitedly for the metal door to hiss open.
But the door didn't open.
‘Further verification required,’ said an electronic voice.
‘What?’ said Napoleon. ‘It's me, BB005.’
‘Press again,’ the voice insisted.
Napoleon rolled his eyes and did so.
‘Subject identified,’ said the voice after a long pause. ‘Smythe, Napoleon Augustus, aka Special Agent BB005’.
The door opened.
‘What was that all about, Prof?’ Napoleon said as he stepped into the Special Reading Room.
The main chamber was filled with light, but it wasn't the normal blue glow. It was so bright Napoleon had to shield his eyes. When they eventually adjusted to the glare, a small man about his own height was standing right in front of him.
‘Professor Perdu is not available,’ the man said. His words were clipped, and there was something metallic about his voice.
‘What do you mean? I spoke to her this morning about the mission.’
‘Professor Perdu is not available,’ the man repeated, his eyes cold and unblinking.
‘But why not?’
‘Security issues. Codes 41C–43A.’
‘Has she done something wrong?’ said Napoleon.
‘Security issues. Codes 41C —’
‘I don't know what those codes mean. Where is she? What's happened? Is she coming back?’
‘Enough questions, Agent BB005. Battle Book 17 is in advanced Delta Phase. Do you want to go on this mission or not?’
‘Of course I want to go on the mission! I want to meet the Black Prince. But —’
‘Then change into your outfit without delay.’ The man pointed to the far wall. A thin beam of light flickered from his finger, and the change cubicle opened.
Napoleon walked towards the cubicle. He was angry and confused. ‘Who are you?’ he said.
‘Overlord Zero Nine is my correct appellation,’ the man replied, his eyes still unblinking.
‘I'll call you Nine, then,’ Napoleon said.
‘I'd prefer —’
‘Sorry, but it's Nine or nothing,’ Napoleon said, disappearing into the cubicle. He was furious.
He lifted his SimulSkin down from the wall.
‘Maybe you can tell me what's going on, Skin,’ he said as he slipped on his skin-coloured body armour.
There was no reply. There was no warm glow either, and no humming sound to indicate Skin's nano-computers were in Active Mode. Instead there was a high-pitched whizzing that hurt his ears.
‘Are you okay, Skin?’ There was still no reply. ‘Skin?’
‘You have a new Simulation Skin,’ Overlord Zero Nine's voice said over the intercom.
‘WHAT? But Skin and I do all our missions together. We're best —’
‘Security issues again.’
‘Don't tell me; codes 41C–43A.’
‘No. Code 43D, to be precise: excessive information dissemination.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘To paraphrase – Skin spoke too much,’ said Overlord Zero Nine. ‘Far too much, in our opinion. Your new Simulation Skin – SSA3 – doesn't speak at all. It communicates using text displayed on an EyeScreen.’
As the Overlord spoke, a small see-through screen lit up just in front of Napoleon's eyes.
There was a long list of information on the EyeScreen, but Napoleon didn't even try to read it. The text was too close to his eyes and it made him feel dizzy, shifting in and out of focus.
‘This sucks,’ he said. ‘I can't do a mission with this in my face.’
‘You will get used to it, Agent BB005. Tests have shown this function to be fully viable,’ said the Overlord.
‘But Skin and I talked all the time during a mission.’
‘Yes. We know. And we consider that practice to be inefficient, inappropriate and open to misunderstanding.’
We know? We consider? Who are these people? Napoleon fumed. What's going on?
‘We feel that SSA3 is more beneficial for you.’
‘What does the A stand for?’ Napoleon said. ‘Absolutely Awful And Appalling?’
‘Not quite, Agent BB005. It stands for Automatic. Your new Simulation Skin will make many decisions for you. You will become far more efficient that way.’
‘But what if I don't want to do something? I might —’
Before Napoleon could finish, SSA3 whipped into action. It made him reach up and grab the rough woollen tunic from the wall.
‘This is crazy!’ Napoleon shouted as his hands pulled on the outfit.
‘You are going back as an English stable boy for the Knights of the Garter,’ said the Overlord.
‘I don't care what I'm going back as. I want to do what I want to do. I'm not a robot!’
‘As I said, Agent BB005 – you will adjust to it.’
‘No I won't!’ Napoleon yelled.
But before he could say more, he suddenly started to walk. He marched out of the cubicle and across the main chamber. As he did so, the EyeScreen dropped down with another message.
‘It's all for the best,’ the Overlord assured Napoleon as he marched past.
‘For the best?’ Napoleon shouted as he disappeared into the Tome Tower. ‘Whose best? What best?’
Battle Book 17 was rumbling and smoking and glowing red hot.
Napoleon was horrified to find himself going straight to the shelf and reaching for it.
‘Don't be stupid, SSA3!’ he shouted. ‘It's too hot to grab. We need the gloves.’
But the EyeScreen flashed a message –
– and in quick, controlled movements, Napoleon felt himself grab the Battle Book, place it in the centre of the Tome Tower and release its latch.
The titanium–iridium casket burst open and a shaft of yellow light shot to the top of the tower.
Napoleon took three big steps backwards.
‘Wait,’ he shouted. ‘Stop. I hate this! I know how to run into a Battle Book. I've done it heaps of times. Just let me do it myself, will you?’
But SSA3 took no notice.
In the next moment, Napoleon was running at the Battle Book.
‘Help!’ he hollered as he leaped into the yellow light.
Napoleon was still hollering as he hurtled back through the mists of time.
‘Okay – that's it. You hear me? I won't go on with this mission unless things change.’ His face was purple with fury. ‘Are you listening, Nine?’
After a while Napoleon's Battle Watch beeped and the Overlord's face flickered into view. ‘What exactly is the problem, Agent BB005?’
‘There are heaps of problems, but the main one is this auto thing. Please turn it off.’
‘I'm afraid that isn't possible. Your Simulation Skin is designed for maximum efficiency at all times.’
‘Well DE-max it, then. I feel as though I'm trapped in a skin-tight prison.’
‘That is an emotional response, Agent BB005.’
‘This is an emotional matter!’
‘Try to understand; humans are by definition inefficient. Performance Enhancing Technologies such as SSA3 fix that problem. Your Efficiency Level is already 97.8 percent, far higher than you have ever achieved on a mission before.’
‘I DON'T CARE!’
Napoleon yelled so loudly that the clouds parted and he could see two vast armies set up for battle far below, like thousands of tiny pieces in a war game.
‘I'm about to land in one of the fiercest battles of the Hundred Years
War between the English and the French. I need to feel as safe as possible,’ he continued. ‘And I won't feel that way unless you do something about the auto part of SSA3. NOW!’
There was a long pause before the Overlord replied.
‘Very well, then,’ he sighed. ‘We will make some modifications. But it won't be easy, and it will take a little time. Remain in hover position, Agent BB005.’
‘Tell that to SSA3. I don't have a say in anything.’
Napoleon could see the two armies clearly now – he was still dropping very quickly. His EyeScreen lit up.
Napoleon was now less than 30 metres above the ground, and beginning to feel nervous. He spoke into his Battle Watch.
‘How are those adjustments going, Nine?’
‘Soon, Agent BB005, I assure you.’
‘Well, you might like to hurry because ... we're going to hit the ground any second.’
Another message streamed across the EyeScreen.
‘There's every need to worry, SSA3. Can't you see? We're about to land in the middle of the soldiers.’
Napoleon knew he was in for a rotten landing. There was nowhere to touch down, just an endless sea of soldiers.
At least Epsilon Phase was activated, and everything was frozen in time. A moving sea of soldiers would have been much, much worse.
First Napoleon skimmed across thousands of spearmen – their spears pointing upwards – expecting a bad case of shredded backside.
Then he flew above the Genoese archers, their crossbows aimed at the sky.
Next he shot past masses of swordsmen, their blades held high.
And, finally, when he thought things couldn't get any worse, he saw that he was about to plough into a wall of knights mounted on their warhorses.
That's when he saw the clearing. It was small, but it was his only hope.
SSA3 saw the clearing too. Napoleon's Reverse Boot Boosters surged, his HoverVest rapidly reduced speed, and he dropped out of the sky.
He hit the ground and bounced across it – straight towards a man wearing a crown and sitting on a throne.
‘Oh no. It's the King of France.’
That was all Napoleon had time to yell before he slammed into Philip VI, knocking him off his throne. Frozen in Epsilon Phase, the king tipped over onto the ground, still in a sitting pose.
‘Thanks for the crash course in automatic landing,’ Napoleon groaned, untangling himself from the king. ‘What other surprises do you have for me?’
Overlord Zero Nine answered on the Battle Watch. ‘There's good news and bad news, Agent BB005.’
‘Can I hear the good news first? I need a build-up boost.’
‘You'll be pleased to hear that we have almost made the necessary changes to override SSA3's auto-status.’
‘Only ALMOST? And that's the good news? I don't think I want to hear the bad.’
‘Yes, you do. Epsilon Phase is about to end.’
‘What? But Professor Perdu was able to manually control Epsilon for much longer. Can't you do that too?’
‘You must understand, Agent BB005, that —’
‘Forget the excuses, Nine. We've got a real crisis now. I don't want to be anywhere near King Philip when Kappa Phase kicks in. Just get me —’
Before Napoleon could finish, SSA3 swung into action again.
And it all happened very quickly.
Hardly aware of his actions, Napoleon grabbed the French king and hauled him to his feet.
He dragged the king across the ground like a rag doll, plonked him back on his throne and propped him up so that he was sitting nice and straight, like a king should be.
‘Okay, SSA3, that's great. But we really need to exit this scene ASAP. Any chance of activating Auto Get Out of Here?’
SSA3's reply flashed on the EyeScreen.
‘No way. Leave the crown,’ Napoleon yelled.
But then he was on his hands and knees, crawling between officers of the Royal Guard searching for the crown. It was resting on the foot of an archer.
Napoleon lifted it off gently and dashed back to the throne.
‘Right, SSA3. I mean it this time,’ he said reaching out to place the crown on the king's head. ‘As soon as this is done, we're off.’
But Napoleon's words were drowned out by the war cry of 100,000 French soldiers.
Book 17 was in Kappa Phase.
The Battle of Crécy had begun.
‘Oh no,’ Napoleon groaned as King Philip VI opened his eyes and glared at him with royal fury.
‘What ho?’ the king roared in French. ‘Steal my crown, wouldst thou?’ He clicked his fingers and called to his men. ‘Seize the thief at once!’
Three Knights of the Royal Guard pounced. But at that very moment, SSA3 activated Rapid Launch. Napoleon's Boot Boosters surged and he did a Twin Turbo Take-off that took away his breath.
He rocketed up into the sky, still clutching the crown and dragging the knights with him. Two of them let go immediately but the third clung on.
‘Not so fast, scoundrel,’ the knight shouted, tackling Napoleon around the legs as they shot upwards.
‘Let go,’ Napoleon yelled, SSA3 translating his words into French.
Then a quick message flashed across the EyeScreen –
– and Napoleon began wrestling with the knight as they flew higher and higher.
They wriggled and writhed and twisted and twirled in the sky. But no matter how much they struggled, neither could gain the upper hand.
‘Enough,’ cried Napoleon as the knight held on to him tightly.
SSA3 reacted on cue, and Napoleon stopped fighting at once. Then he and the knight stared breathlessly at each other.
‘You are indeed a skilled fighter,’ the knight said. He was quite young Napoleon was surprised to see, probably no more than thirteen. ‘But then you must be a magician of some sort. A wizard perhaps; Merlin's apprentice, possibly.’
‘No, I'm just a boy.’
‘So am I,’ the young knight replied. ‘But you have special powers.’
‘Yes I do. But they're not magic, not in the way you mean. I come from another time. One that is far ahead of you.’
‘Do you mean the future?’
‘Yes.’
The youth wrinkled his brow. ‘But how can that be? Surely ’tis magic, to travel in time.’
Napoleon thought about trying to explain Time and Energy Capture, Battle Book theory and all the rest. But then he decided there was no point. ‘I suppose you're right.’
The knight sighed. ‘Alas, whatever you are I must still fight you, to the end if need be.’
‘But why?’
‘Because you have taken my king's crown. Honour demands I win it back.’
‘Oh, is that all?’ Napoleon smiled. ‘I was trying to put it on your king's head when . . .’ he paused. How could he possibly explain Epsilon and Kappa phases? ‘Here.’ He held out the crown. ‘Please take it.’
The knight beamed with delight, and took the crown with both hands.
‘NO!’ Napoleon shouted as the youth let go of him. But he was too late. The knight fell like a stone.
‘Heeeelllppp!!!!’ he screamed as he tumbled through the sky.
Napoleon braced himself, expecting SSA3 to immediately lock him into automatic dive mode. But nothing happened.
‘SSA3. What's going on?’
Overlord Zero Nine answered on the Battle Watch. ‘I thought you knew, Agent BB005. We sent a text message on the EyeScreen.’
‘What?’
‘The necessary adjustments have been made. SSA3 is no longer in Automatic Mode.’
‘Now you tell me.’ Napoleon stared down at the plummeting knight. ‘Kill the HoverVest, SSA3, and give me Force 10 Turbo Drive on the Boot Boosters.’
Nothing happened.
‘Hit it, you idiot, or our friend is in for a nasty end ... and so are you!’
That did the trick. Napoleon suddenly banked sideways and shot off like a bullet. He hurtled downwards unti
l he was level with the knight. Then he held out his hand.
‘Take hold,’ he shouted. ‘Quickly!’ The knight did so. ‘Okay, SSA3, activate the ShieldField, restart the HoverVest and give us upward thrust. Move it.’
SSA3 definitely took longer than Skin to react, but it did happen eventually. The ground was still a safe distance away when Napoleon felt the nano-computers whiz, the gyroscopes spin and the Boot Boosters surge.
‘Phew,’ he sighed as the ShieldField bubble wrapped around Napoleon and the knight. ‘That was close.’
The young knight sighed too, gradually releasing his grip on Napoleon. ‘You saved my life. How can I ever repay you?’
‘You don't need to repay me. I just did what had to be done, that's all.’
‘Then I pledge my eternal gratitude. I am William Forgeron.’
‘And I am Napoleon. You are very young to be a knight.’
‘And very lucky. My family are metal workers. A forgeron is a blacksmith, or just a smith if you like.’
‘How did you become a member of the Royal Guard?’
‘My father made a sword for the king of France. The king was so delighted with it that he made me a Knight of the Royal Order. It is truly a great honour for our family.’
William held up the French crown.
‘That is why I must return this to my king. It is my duty.’
‘Then I will help you, William Forgeron.’
The knight smiled. ‘Thank you, Napoleon From-Another-Time.’ He held out his hand. ‘We shall be friends, I think.’
The two of them shook hands and then sat back in the ShieldField to rest for a moment.
As Napoleon and William stared down at the Battle of Crécy, the young knight began to frown.
‘It goes badly for us,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I fear the English are winning.’
It was true. The French were throwing everything they had at the English, but getting nowhere. Hundreds of French knights charged again and again on their war steeds, only to be mowed down by swarms of arrows from English longbows.
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