by Majok Tulba
I look up and I’m still in Akot’s lap, but his face is still. Not like the kids in my dream. His face isn’t empty, it’s hidden.
‘Obinna,’ Akidi is almost whispering. ‘How do you feel?’
‘It hurts,’ I moan.
‘Well, you aren’t bleeding too much,’ Akidi says, trying to smile. ‘So I think you’ll be okay.’
‘I’m not okay.’
‘I know.’ She reaches out and touches my face. The touch feels funny. Then she takes the cloth from her hair and sticks a corner of it in her mouth. Carefully she uses the wet corner to wipe my face.
Akot looks towards the soldiers. None of them are looking at us. Of course they don’t care.
‘They told us we can’t sing,’ Akidi tells me. ‘We can only sing revolution songs, but I don’t know any of those.’
Just then someone yells, ‘Elephants!’
Soldiers turn around, craning their necks to get a look. One of the new recruits, who’s about my age, stands up, trying to see, just as Champ throws the steering wheel around a sharp corner. Soldiers yell out as they slide to the edge of the truck, hands scrambling for a grip. Shouts turn into laughs as the truck goes straight again. They could have died, but they just laugh. They cheer for Champ even though he almost killed them.
‘Hey,’ I hear a soldier yell. ‘I think we lost a recruit back there.’ He laughs. The boy who had stood up was no longer there.
They laugh more. The truck keeps its steady pace.
I look over at the Captain. He isn’t laughing, but a little smile breaks up his harsh face. He has one leg in the truck and I can see my sick still on it, dry and cracked, like old mud. He looks down at me and I find I’m looking into his eyes. I see how dark they are. Like black circles in white pools, empty holes that go on forever. For a moment, I feel like I’m falling.
Slowly he pulls a handgun from his belt. He lowers his head and looks at me through his eyebrows, like a cheetah before it runs. He turns the gun towards me and pushes on the back part so it clicks.
I see his big lips move. Bang, he says silently. Then he smiles, big this time.
‘You’re mine,’ he says. ‘Baboon’s Ass.’
Fear is a second skin underneath the first, and made of ice.
The cold breaks and I look away. I want to run again, but when I think about running, my body screams.
So I stare at the sky. The forever up, blue beyond. I’m reaching out for it in my mind. I’m flying. A cool breeze blows and my scrapes and cuts feel better. My heart beats faster, a soft tickle caresses my chest.
I glimpse green in the edges of my vision. The farthest branches of trees. At first just a few, but then almost solid. The leaves are so thick and lush and the trees are so close together, like a wall or a valley. Now I want to see it.
I push up on my elbows. Searing pain! But I can now see the thick jungle flying by us. For a second I think about hiding in there. I think they’d never find me. But this isn’t my jungle, maybe they walk through it every day. I don’t know. Then the trees end, giving way to a large football field. Now I know it’s their jungle.
In the field are about fifty trucks. Most of them are big army trucks like the one I’m in. I see a few smaller trucks with large guns mounted in the back and even a school bus spray-painted camo green. They all look beaten up and I wonder if Champ’s driving did that. More soldiers with big guns and bullet belts over their shoulders walk around the field. Little groups of new recruits like me stand around.
A group of girls are sitting around a cooking fire, and even from far away I can see they don’t want to be seen, so they just look down. Another group, this time boys, sit around another fire. They look everywhere, like buzzards protecting their meat. Some recruits are singing, they look happy. A soldier comes over and sings with them. It must be a rebel song. The rebels’ songs are all about how beautiful the world will be when the revolution takes over. I can’t hear the words above the sound of the truck, but I know I don’t like their song. What sort of a place is this?
I see more kids sitting together crying. No one is beating them. Maybe the soldiers know there’s too many to beat, so they leave them alone. Maybe.
We turn onto the field and Champ slams on the brakes. We all slide forward and a goat almost steps on my face. The soldiers cry out as they slide towards the edges. Then they laugh and cheer. They’re all crazy.
The young soldiers, the kids who already have uniforms and guns or sticks, jump down and run onto the football field, shouting to others they know. Perhaps they’re friends. The new recruits get out slowly as the others wave their rifles at us. We’re like young goats coming out of a pen. We scoot to the edge of the truck, where the soldiers are, then run right past them.
Akot and I are still scooting when I hear other soldiers coming near the truck.
‘Captain!’ they shout with big smiles, running towards him.
‘Whoa, Captain!’ one shouts. ‘Are you sick? I’ve got some malaria tablets if you need them.’
‘Not me,’ the Captain replies. ‘See that one in there, with the bruises? It’s his. Baboon’s Ass puked right on me.’
More soldiers stand at the edge of the truck. ‘Come here!’ they yell at me. ‘Baboon’s Ass!’ I hear. ‘Hand him over!’ another says. They are grabbing the other recruits and pulling them out of the truck and just pushing them away, like meerkats digging for a bug. Six huge men, just torsos because their legs are hidden by the edge of the truck, claw at me.
I grab Akot, but I know it’s no good. They seize me and Akot and tear us apart. I don’t see where Akot goes, but I land in the dirt with these six men towering around me.
‘Puke on the Captain?’ Kick. One of my cuts reopens.
‘He’s a great man!’ Kick. I’m bleeding.
‘Enough!’ the Captain yells. They stop.
I hear stepping around me. No one’s talking, but someone’s crying. When I try to open my eyes it’s like they are sewn shut. When I do open them a little the world is blobs of colour. Tears in my eyes. The crying is me. I’m crying. The monsters didn’t beat it out of me. Now I want to cry. I want them to see that they are kicking a child.
That they’ve stopped kicking me is the best thing that’s ever happened.
‘So,’ says the Captain. He’s standing next to me. I turn my head and try to look up. ‘Do you know why I told them to stop?’
I don’t reply.
‘I want you to get well soon,’ the Captain whispers. ‘Then we can start again.’
He stands up and walks off with his soldiers following, like he’s Michael Jordan.
I look around. Akot stands by the truck. A soldier holds onto my brother’s shoulders, rising behind him. I know that look on Akot’s face. It’s hate, for either me or the soldiers.
The soldiers give the girls cardboard boxes to sleep on. ‘We want them to stay soft,’ one of them says. He laughs. The Captain and other adults have tents.
Akot and Otim carry me to the other seated recruits. A couple of girls come over when they see Akidi and other girls from the truck. They bring bandages and cover my worst cuts – they sting then fade to a dull throb. A boy makes a fire and a soldier brings us a dented pot and wilted vegetables. Akidi crouches near the cooking fire and makes a soup. The vegetables are old and dissolve in my mouth, but the soup is hot, and pushes back against the cuts and bruises.
While we sit around the fire, trying to eat, Otim says to Akidi, ‘Tell us a story.’ In the village, Akidi was famous for her stories. She would tell them to the rest of us kids when the adults were away in the fields, or at times like now, when we’d eaten and the fire was burning low. But now isn’t like any time we had in the village. Akidi shakes her head.
We’re not alone. ‘Yeah!’ says a soldier at the next fire. ‘A story! Let’s hear what the new recruits have got to say for themselves.’ The other soldiers with him grin and look at Akidi.
Akidi shrinks with all these men looking at her. Now she look
s scared again, like she thinks if they don’t like her story, they’ll kill her. Maybe she’s right, these animals will kill you for anything.
‘Come on,’ says the first soldier, whose face we can’t see properly. ‘Tell us a story! Otherwise I might tell you one.’
And all the soldiers laugh, and sing out, ‘Yeah,’ ‘Tell us,’ and ‘Come on.’ Akidi just stares at the bonfire. I can see the flames’ reflection in her eyes.
Next to me, Akot’s foot moves. He has given Akidi a little kick. ‘“The Princess and the Thief”,’ he whispers. She looks at him for a minute, not understanding, but then she nods and clears her throat.
Her voice squeaks, ‘Okay.’ She takes a deep breath and tries again. This time her voice is loud and stronger. They can hear her at the next fire..
‘Once upon a time, an evil king lived in a beautiful palace that overlooked a very poor city. The king would go through his country, and anything that he liked he would just take. He would steal the food right off a poor man’s table and eat it right in front of him. He didn’t care if the man died, as long as the king got exactly what he wanted, nothing else mattered. The same went for people.’
Soldiers chuckle. I think I can feel a couple scowl, but it’s hard to see in the dark.
‘One day, the king was travelling through farm country and he saw a girl working in the field. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Of course, she was just a maiden and he was an old fat king, but that didn’t matter. He ordered his servants to take the girl and bring her back to the palace. He didn’t talk with her parents, he didn’t even ask the girl’s name. Which was White Lily.
‘Quickly, a wedding was planned and all the rich and important people were invited, but no one poor was allowed to come. Even the girl’s family wasn’t allowed to attend. The night of the wedding, the bride’s father stood at the palace gate and beat on the stones, weeping, for he could not see his daughter on her wedding day. Passing him, a whole parade of servants brought in sumptuous and exotic food from all over the world. Another parade of servants carried in expensive gifts of gold and luxurious cloth.
‘All these riches were, of course, tradition at such a wedding. The evil king already had several wives, but none were as beautiful as White Lily and he was sure no one else had a wife so beautiful. He really wanted to show her off, even though he still hadn’t thought to ask her name. He just called her New Wife.’
That earned a few laughs. One soldier got slapped on the back by a couple of others. ‘She’s talking about you!’ Laughter rippled around the fire.
‘As the presents and the feast were brought in, the entire town came out to watch. Many were so poor they couldn’t believe their eyes, and thought their hunger was giving them hallucinations. One man who could believe it was named Black Tiger. He was the fiercest and fastest thief in the world. He once fought five royal soldiers by himself, making jokes about them the entire time.’
More cheering. ‘Yeah!’ ‘Fucking badass!’ I catch sight of the Captain at the edge of the circle of firelight. I can see the flame in his eyes, looking at Akidi. His arms are crossed. I know Akot has seen him too.
‘When Black Tiger saw all of the wealth that was being brought to the palace, he couldn’t resist. Just as the sun set, he snuck over the outer wall and crept past the guards. Then, using special claws he had made himself, he climbed the wall of the palace. Up and up he went, until he came to an open window. He leapt inside and found himself face to face with the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
‘White Lily had been crying because the wedding would start soon and she didn’t want to marry the evil king. When Black Tiger demanded her gold and jewellery, White Lily stood up and said, “Okay.”
‘But she didn’t take them off – Black Tiger didn’t understand.
‘“Take me,” White Lily explained. “Take me far away from the evil king and I’ll wear all my jewellery and you can sell it and buy your own palace.”’
‘He’s going to fuck her so hard!’ More cheering. ‘The bitch wants it bad.’ Can I see the Captain smiling?
‘This wasn’t what Black Tiger had expected, but she was so beautiful that he couldn’t refuse. He made a rope out of blankets and threw it out the window so White Lily could climb down it. But as she was climbing down, a servant came in to fetch her to the wedding. When he saw Black Tiger he shouted for guards to come. Black Tiger smiled. When the guards arrived he pulled out his sword and fought three of them at once. First he made them drop their swords, then he cut their belts so that their pants fell down around their ankles.
‘Black Tiger slid his claws back on, and fast, like he was running, he climbed down the side of the palace and got to the bottom before White Lily. He pulled out his sword and fought four more guards, taking their swords and dropping their pants.
‘When White Lily reached the bottom, he told her to climb on his back and he scaled the outer wall. They ran into the wilderness. The king sent soldiers and assassins after them, but Black Tiger fought them off. Finally, the king himself went to get White Lily back. By this time she was pregnant with Black Tiger’s child, but she wasn’t showing yet.’
A couple of soldiers moan in disappointment. ‘I wanted to hear about the fucking. Damn it, I’m horny now.’
‘The king knew that he wasn’t as good with a sword as Black Tiger, so he brought a poisoned dagger. If he could make just one cut, Black Tiger would be finished. After searching for days, the king found them and he challenged Black Tiger. As they fought, the king fell back. He clutched at his heart, pretending to have a heart attack. Black Tiger would never stab an old man having a heart attack. When he saw the king go down on his knee, Black Tiger dropped his guard and stood close enough to see if the heart attack was real. But that was too close.’
Shouts rise here and there, soldiers bellowing as if watching a real fight.
‘The evil king pulled the poison dagger from his robes and slashed out at Black Tiger, who evaded the dagger, but not before the very tip of the blade opened his skin. Black Tiger didn’t notice the cut and slashed at the king, opening his throat. No sooner had he seen the king die than his legs gave out, and Black Tiger died on the ground next to the king.
‘White Lily returned to the palace and told everyone that the king had come to her bed before the wedding and she was pregnant with his child. Of course, the other wives tried to kill the baby boy, when he came, but White Lily had been living with Black Tiger and learned many of his secrets. Finally the day came, and the son of Black Tiger took the crown, and his dynasty ruled for a hundred years of freedom and happiness.’
The end.
Akidi looks around, chewing on her finger.
The soldiers, who cheered throughout the story, give one last cheer. Now I’m sure the Captain is smiling. ‘Yes,’ he says. ‘That’s a good story. White Lily is like our country and we are Black Tiger. One day, the revolutionary government will be in the palace, not the fat king!’
They cheer more. I know this story, and that isn’t how it goes, but it made the soldiers happy and made me forget where I was. Akot and Akidi are pretty smart.
The Captain leaves and the soldiers settle back to their own fire and their own stew. Akot goes back to staring into the flames.
‘Are you a virgin?’ a girl called Mouse asks Akidi.
‘Yes.’ Akidi tenses up into an even tighter ball.
‘Too bad,’ Mouse replies, almost smiling. ‘They aren’t kind to virgins.’
After dinner, one of the girls gives me an old cardboard box, her bed. She says she’ll sleep next to another girl. Mouse says that she doesn’t have to do that, she should sleep in Champ’s bed.
The Captain shouts, ‘The girls sleep outside tonight!’ The men groan. ‘We leave at first light. I don’t want them too tired.’
‘I hope you can walk straight,’ Mouse smiles at me. ‘Tomorrow, bad road.’
The ride here began in another world. The cardboard is the softest thing I’ve
ever touched. I lie there listening to the camp: whimpers and rumbling stomachs, snoring and shifting bodies. The insect hum of the day gets gentler, with higher pitched sounds spiking through every few seconds.
‘Maybe, when it’s dark,’ Otim whispers to Akot, ‘we can sneak out. We could hide in the jungle until they leave. They didn’t count us or take our names. I don’t think they’ll even know we’re gone.’
Akot is silent for a minute. ‘You’re stupid,’ he says quietly, like he’s reading it out of a book. ‘Do you think you’re the first person to think of that plan? They’ll have a way to find you or stop you.’
‘How could they?’
‘I don’t know. But I’m sure they’ve thought of that.’ Akot is silent again, then says, ‘We don’t even know which way home is without following the road. And if we stayed anywhere near the road, they’d find us like that.’ He snaps his fingers. ‘We’re not going home any time soon.’
Above me, the sky is the darkest blue. I see so many stars, but I can’t make out the constellations Papa taught me. My side throbs. I don’t need the thing doctors wear around their neck to hear my heart. Every time it pumps, I hurt in four places. Like my blood is angry. Why did I get sick on the truck? Why didn’t I go to the back of the truck to do it?
Akot was right, the soldiers did think about us escaping at night. The new recruits sleep next to each other on the field. The younger soldiers sleep around us. And other soldiers walk around them, with little flashlights. Champ is one of them – I don’t want to move even where I am, in case he sees me and does something crazy.
Big chunks of the field are just dirt, but most of us sleep on the thin grass. They put me on the dirt because I got the box, and that’s okay with me. It also means I’m further away from most of the soldiers. They all snore. They sound like pigs digging for food. One guy sounds like an old motorcycle.
Can it be only this morning we left the village?
A cool breeze eases the ache and I can see high branches of the jungle dancing against the stars. Between snores, I hear crickets chirping. I’ve always loved that sound. I don’t know why. Mama hates them.
