He finally got his first tattoos that summer—he started with a half sleeve down his right arm. That was pretty expensive, so after that he just had some of his song lyrics tattooed on his left shoulder. Then he started banking his money, saving up for things for the band. His mom was nice enough to let him continue living with her. He knew why, though. It was a huge two-story, four-bedroom house that would have felt too empty. She didn’t charge him rent, either, but Brad made sure he continued doing chores so he kind of earned his keep.
And he lined up a few gigs for the band. He wasn’t able to schedule as many as he would have liked and all but one were out of town, but it gave them some practice in front of an audience, and the experience was invaluable. Playing onstage was so different from fucking around in his garage. Even when they’d played entire sets together, it was nothing like doing it live. They couldn’t simply stop when something wasn’t right. They had to keep going, push through the mistakes, recover, go on. And the energy was exhilarating. Brad didn’t understand why Ethan felt the need to get stoned before going onstage. His friend was missing some of the best highs he could imagine. They also met some great bands to network with.
Brad felt like he was laying solid groundwork for the future. He imagined these bands would help his own band go further in the future. He’d already landed two gigs thanks to other bands. The band he felt the most solid connection to was a band out of Denver called Last Five Seconds. They were good guys with a hardcore sound, and Brad was surprised they hadn’t made it already. All he could figure was that they just hadn’t been heard by the right people.
Ethan didn’t get to know any of the bands, though, even when they partied together, because the guy was taking his chemical dependency to new levels. Brad started to worry and considered talking to June about it, but he knew that would only make Ethan worse. He knew, because they’d been there before. The previous summer had been almost as bad, but when school started, Ethan managed to keep his partying confined to weekends only. Brad hoped having to attend college in the fall would have the same effect. In the meantime, he did his best to keep Ethan upright and away from the worst stuff. He now regretted the time last fall he and his friend had tried meth together, because it was something Ethan played with now and again. Brad never thought there would be a day he’d be glad to see his friend taking heroin, but it was better than meth and crack. Ethan seemed to prefer the drugs that made him mellow, anyway, and meth didn’t work that way.
By August, he felt like he was completely over Leah. Part of him would always care about her, but he no longer felt sad. He was having the time of his life, because Misti only wanted him for sex. She didn’t want a relationship. That opened the door to occasional other girls who just wanted a little fun with a guy who could sling an axe. He finally discovered the secret—sex, lots of it, was the cure for a broken heart. Did he feel a little empty? Yeah, but he was willing to pay the price. As one of Bullet’s frontmen, the confidence he was gaining by becoming a master in the bedroom was priceless.
He still wasn’t cocky, though. That wasn’t his bag. It was a quiet confidence. He had no need to get in people’s faces about how good he felt about himself. There was no need. But it was an attitude that drove him forward, and he saw results in his day-to-day life. More women approached him than ever had before, many of them older (but not to the extreme like Misti), and he got a large raise at work, where he was now employed full time. His newfound confidence and what he almost considered luck made him more determined than ever to make his band work. Bullet was going to make it big if it was the last thing he’d ever do.
* * *
Late August, Ethan and Zane left for school. Brad felt a little discouraged, but his friends had promised to return home when needed. Brad had gigs lined up in September, October, and November, and he’d even managed to land two during their Christmas break. The guys promised to practice at school, especially right before shows, and they’d try to come home occasionally to get together to practice and maybe even try on some new stuff. They’d find a way to make it work, and Brad hoped that maybe before next summer, they’d have a record contract, and then Ethan and Zane’s families would see that they had a future in music.
Fall seemed to come quickly, faster than it ever had when he’d been in school, and—as promised—Zane and Ethan showed up for their gigs in spite of being in school. The nice thing was they were making a little cash, and Brad figured that had to be an incentive as well. He’d been watching other bands make money with merch tables, so he planned to invest in t-shirts (now that he’d made a logo), stickers, and other stuff, and he hoped they could record an EP in the spring. First, though, more amps. Living at home and working full-time made it easy to save up and buy things for the band. When he wasn’t working, he was doing something band related. He was almost obsessed, but he was driven. He was determined to make it work. He was not going to be a fucking lube tech his entire life.
Girls weren’t as important, either. Yeah, he was getting laid on a regular basis now, but he’d managed to keep his heart from getting snagged. His goal wasn’t to be a heartbreaker either, so he tried to be upfront with girls, letting them know he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Most of them seemed okay with it, and those who weren’t, he didn’t pursue at all, because he didn’t want to hurt anyone. He’d been there himself and didn’t want to do it to someone else.
He and Misti fizzled out sometime early October. She got back together with an old boyfriend and told Brad she was sorry for letting him down. He tried to assure her that he was okay, but she acted nervous that now he’d go tell his mother. Part of him felt relieved because it was often awkward. On occasion, though, she’d still buy him liquor if he wanted it, and that, he supposed, was a great payoff from the relationship.
He knew he’d gotten more out of it, though, and if he hadn’t felt like it would make him look stupid, he would have profusely thanked Misti.
At Thanksgiving, Ethan and Zane hung out for several days before heading back to college. Ethan started talking about some girl he’d met at school, and Brad worried at first. He was angry that he felt that way, because part of him was anxious that a girl was going to take his best friend away from him, make his friend no longer interested in making music or even coming home. But the more he, Ethan, and Zane talked, the more he realized that this girl was just a friend…or at least Ethan played it off that way.
“Anyway, she keeps pestering me about seeing the band, so I’m gonna see if she wants to come home with us next weekend.”
Zane said, “Dude, we’re coming home next weekend? You know it’s finals week after that, right?”
Ethan sneered. “Like you give a shit?”
Zane started laughing. “Right. But if I’m here practicing and partying with you guys, my parents are gonna know I’m not studying my ass off for finals.”
“So? Do you really care?”
Zane shrugged. “No, but I feel like I should since they’re spending money on it.”
“You study enough while you’re there. You’re getting Cs, right?”
“Mostly.”
Brad shook his head. “No problem if you guys want to wait till after finals. I hear college tests are a bitch.”
Ethan smiled. “Like I give a shit. Yeah, so, my grandpa’s paying for it. I told him I didn’t want to go, but that if he was going to make me do it, fine. I’d do it. I’m showing up for classes, and I’m trying to study, but damned if it’s gonna ruin a good weekend.”
“Whatever. I’m here no matter what.”
“So, like I was saying, I’m gonna see if Valerie wants to come home with us next weekend. I think you’d like her. She’s a total metalhead, but she doesn’t look like it at all. Well, in all fairness, she was able to pull it off when we went to a concert earlier this month. She’s a nice girl, though. There aren’t many of us there, if you catch my drift, so she’s cool.”
“You still want to practice then?”
“Yeah
…she wants to see us play, so we should.”
“Works for me.” Brad had no idea that meeting Ethan’s new friend would change the entire course of the rest of his life.
* * *
The first weekend of December arrived, and, with it, snow and cold. Brad was finally feeling like a real man, not just a kid trapped in a man’s body. It had been a long, hard year, but he’d made the transition. He felt ready for anything. He wanted to take on the world. He knew he simply had to hold out for a few more months and then he and Bullet could make a real go of it. He knew living in this little burg wasn’t helping. They needed to get out where there were more people. Sure, they could post a few YouTube videos, but there was nothing like a live audience. He knew that would be their key to success.
By the time Brad got off work that Friday late afternoon, he hadn’t heard from Ethan. His friend had said he was going to call when he got home from school so they could arrange meeting that night. It had started snowing sometime around noon, though, so he wondered if maybe they’d decided to wait it out. He called Ethan’s cell phone so he’d know if he should expect him or not.
Ethan answered after one ring. “Hey, dude. How’s it going?”
“Hey, man. Fine.”
“You know that friend I told you about?”
“Yeah. You guys come home?”
“Yeah. We’re here, and she’s here with us.”
“Cool. So you wanna get together, do some practicing?”
“Hell, yeah.”
“We have a couple shows later this month and next, so we have a lot of work to do. Nick should be free after six. You wanna plan for seven?”
“Sounds good.”
Brad hung up. That gave him a couple hours to shower, eat some dinner, and do some much needed guitar maintenance. Tonight, Bullet would be performing for an audience of one, and he planned to treat it like a real show…so he had to be ready and at the top of his game.
Chapter Seven
BRAD HADN’T QUITE known what to expect when Ethan and his new friend arrived, but he hadn’t expected her. She was outgoing and friendly, but there was something about her. She looked nothing like Leah, but she reminded him of her just the same. He couldn’t quite figure out why, but that wasn’t good. He was drawn to her from the second he laid eyes on her.
The only saving grace was that Ethan had talked of her only as a friend. He hadn’t indicated any attraction whatsoever. In fact, Ethan had been bragging over Thanksgiving break about all the college pussy he’d been getting, so Brad was pretty sure this young woman was off the guy’s radar.
They’d made their way through perfunctory greetings, but all of them headed to the garage, eager to play. They hadn’t been able to practice as much over Thanksgiving break as they’d hoped, and now they could get in some solid time to prepare for their shows later in the month. Their last practice session had sucked balls anyway, so Brad was hoping this one would help them hone and polish some songs.
The other guys were plugging in and setting up, something Brad had done an hour earlier, so after he’d shown Ethan’s friend where she could sit to watch them play, he decided he needed to talk to her. Jesus Christ, was she cute. She had long brown hair and bluish-green eyes. She wasn’t overly tall, but she was stacked. She seemed oblivious to how attractive she was, though, which drew Brad to her all the more. That was a definite Leah quality. There was something about this girl…something. It was inexplicable, but he wasn’t going to question it. He hadn’t felt this way about a girl since Leah, and it was a nice feeling, unlike the coldness he’d been growing accustomed to.
“Valerie, right? Ethan’s told me so much about you. I feel like I already know you.” She smiled, and then her eyes drifted toward his half-sleeve tattoo. He’d worn a sleeveless shirt after getting out of the shower, probably a stupid move since they’d be hanging out in the cool garage, but he liked showing off his tats whenever he could. He hadn’t gotten them to hide them. He wanted people to look. So when he took Valerie’s hand to shake it after she started nodding, he said, “Like the ink?”
Oh, that was even cuter. Her cheeks turned pink. She had no idea she had nothing to be embarrassed about. “Yeah.”
God, he had to let go of her hand, but he didn’t want to. He felt connected to her somehow. Yeah, it made no sense, and he could have kicked himself. He suspected it was because she was so much like Leah…only better.
* * *
They spent the next hour playing their hearts out for Val. Brad had warned her that neither he nor Ethan had good enough vocal chops, and maybe that was the next thing Brad should work on. For now, though, he hoped warning her would allow her to forgive their rough edges. In terms of music, he knew his guitar playing would rival anyone’s.
Still, they’d played a mix of all their original songs as well as a lot of their favorite covers, and Brad could tell Valerie really was a metalhead when he caught her singing along, first to Judas Priest’s “Heavy Duty/ Defenders of the Faith” (sung by Ethan) and next when he saw her mouthing the words to Marilyn Manson’s “Coma White” (that he sang).
Brad treated Valerie like he would have any girl who’d be sitting in the front row. He wasn’t stupid; he knew that sometimes it wasn’t just the music when it came to females. Sometimes it was also sex appeal. He’d been working on that. In this young lady’s case, there was even more to it than that, but she didn’t have to know that. He was glad he’d been working on that since June—opening up to the audience, making eye contact. Ethan had somehow managed to do the exact opposite. He’d get onstage and look inward. Lots of people thought it was because Ethan was completely absorbed in his music, and Brad knew that was part of it. He knew his friend well, though, and he knew that wasn’t all of it. Ethan was not a stage person. He wanted to share his music with the world, but he wasn’t comfortable with people watching. It had taken Brad a while to figure it out. That was part of why Ethan would indulge before every single damn concert. The music was salvation for Ethan too, so he wished he could find a way to get his friend to slow down. At the rate he was going, he was gonna kill himself.
Tonight, though, Brad’s thoughts were not with his best friend, who, amazingly, appeared to be quite sober. He was tense, but that was nothing new. No…Brad had taken it up a notch tonight. Everything he’d been practicing for months he was using full force on Ethan’s friend, and it appeared to be working. He loved the look in her eyes. At first, she’d seemed embarrassed, pulling her lower lip into her mouth and holding it in with her teeth or blinking a few times and then looking down into her lap. But in that short time, he felt like they were making some kind of connection. He even winked at her once, confirming that they had shared some kind of moment, and she blushed again and smiled and then turned her attention to watching some of the other guys. Probably a good idea.
He noticed something else too. She kept looking over at Ethan, but his friend was off in his own little world. When he wasn’t high on something, Ethan’s next best defense against the overwhelming sensations he felt was drowning in his guitar. She was hoping to get his attention, maybe so she could pretend there wasn’t something magnetic between her and Brad. And he realized that Valerie had some pretty strong feelings for Ethan…but he was pretty sure Ethan didn’t feel the same way. He’d seen Ethan with girls, and he could tell that Ethan wasn’t reciprocating whatever it was Valerie was feeling. In fact, Ethan had turned something off inside after he’d caught Heidi cheating on him for the last time. It was worse than what Brad had done after Leah. It was like Ethan was putting a permanent lid on his heart. It was too bad for this girl he’d brought home from school. But Brad couldn’t feel sorry for her, because that meant he was free to make a move.
They finished playing, close to an hour later, and Brad knew it was chilly in the garage because, in spite of the two space heaters they had blowing full blast, Valerie continued to hold her coat tightly around herself. He didn’t feel a thing, though, and was probably on the verge
of perspiring. Someone who’d never performed like they did would probably never understand, but he worked hard, and that exertion kept him plenty warm.
He and his three bandmates set their instruments (or drumsticks) down and looked at Val in anticipation. Brad wanted to know what she thought, but he knew all of them were eager to hear her opinion. His hope was that she’d be honest. They got plenty of praise from friends and girls who’d drooled over them, so an honest voice would be refreshing. Then again, the way she seemed to adore Ethan, she might not want to hurt his feelings. She might only say nice things too. He was hoping, though, that she’d know that anything constructive she had to say would be taken seriously.
Ethan grinned at her, finally his old self. “So, Val, what do you think?”
“Well…” Val had a concerned look on her face. Oh, fuck. He’d wanted honest but not painful. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but—” He prepared himself for the worst. Well, maybe she’d have something to say that they could use to improve. He had to hope. But then she got a huge grin on her face, and Brad felt his spirits lift. “You guys are—fucking fantastic!” As if she hadn’t meant to go that far, she covered her mouth, raising her eyebrows. That was cuter than hell. Maybe she didn’t feel comfortable swearing in front of them, but he didn’t understand why, considering they’d been singing curses all night long. She was Ethan’s friend—surely, she knew he—and his friends—talked that way constantly.
They all started laughing, mostly from relief. Ethan grabbed Val, picking her up out of the chair and twirling her around. Oh, that feeling in Brad’s chest wasn’t good. He was already aching for this young woman, and he’d only met her a little over an hour ago. What the fuck was wrong with him? It was stupid, but he knew this much: he should not be feeling jealous about Ethan’s friendship with her. She obviously had some strong feelings for his friend and Brad had to accept that.
Bullet Series Box Set Books 1-8 Page 95
