He knew then that he couldn’t visit them anymore—not till Ethan was clean.
They ended their hiatus, trying to meet three times a week to write and rehearse, and things weren’t going well.
One night, Brad was taking out the trash and saw a car parked in front of the house. Karen had been itching for a fight all day. She’d been picking and grousing, and Brad finally told her to shut the fuck up and slammed himself in his practice room. After a while, he was hungry, though, and went to the kitchen. Karen was chattering on her cell phone, oblivious to the state of the room. It was a mess. The dishes were dirty and the trash was overflowing. He decided to take the trash out and then he’d wash the dishes…or go out for a bite to eat. When he stepped outside, it took him a little bit, but he thought the car in front looked like Val’s. He took the trash can back inside and set it inside the kitchen. Karen was still sitting at the kitchen table gabbing with one of her friends, so he wasn’t even going to tell her what he was doing. He walked back outside and toward the car in front. As he got closer, he was sure he saw a person sitting inside.
He leaned over and got close to the passenger window. He was positive it was Val, so he rapped on the window. No Ethan. That was odd. She rolled the window down and smiled. It was dark and he wasn’t sure, but—smile or not—she didn’t look happy. She seemed quiet too. “Val, what the hell are you doing here?” What shitty manners. He couldn’t let his shock make him a bad friend or crappy host. “Why don’t you come in?” He saw Chris in the backseat. “Oh, you brought the little guy.” He glanced at Val and said, “Come on in.” Then he opened the back door. Chris was looking at him, wide-eyed and smiling, and he unbuckled the car seat. “Hey, little buddy. How’ve you been?”
Chris smiled and said something that Brad couldn’t translate. Brad laughed, lifting him out of the car. They walked up to the house in silence.
Once inside, Brad undid the straps holding Chris inside his car seat and lifted him up and out. The kid looked so much like Ethan, it hurt, but he had a little Val in his features too. He was a cute kid. Chris touched Brad’s cheek with his hand. Brad said, “Boo!” and Chris started giggling. He set Chris on the living room floor and said to Val, “Have a seat.” Val looked strange—almost timid, something he’d never seen from her. She was closing herself off from him too. What was she hiding?
He got closer, and that was when he saw marks on her neck. “What happened?”
Karen came in then. Perfect timing. He could feel her eyes on his back, burning a hole through him. She said, “Valerie.” Her words were cold. He didn’t need her being all weird, not right now.
Val gave her a tentative smile. “Hi, Karen.”
She didn’t want to beat around the bush. “Brad, can I talk to you?”
He didn’t even turn around to look at her. “Just a minute.” He focused on Val. He looked her in the eye, because he wanted honesty. He feared he knew the answer, but he needed confirmation. And if he was right, he was gonna fuckin’ blow. “Did Ethan do this?”
He saw her eyes start to glisten, and that was all the answer he needed. What the fuck had Ethan done? It explained why she was here…and without her husband. Karen said, “Brad. I need to talk to you, please.” Now? What game was she playing? He knew, though—she knew Val had been number one in his heart, always would be, and the fact that she had come running to him told Karen probably everything she would ever need to know. Her voice was almost a growl, and she was tired of waiting. “Fuck it. I’m outta here.”
Letting her leave wasn’t fair to her, though. She’d been his companion for a while, had kept him focused and sane, and she was a friend if nothing else. It wouldn’t be fair to just let her walk away. But he wasn’t happy about it. “Karen…goddammit.” He looked at Val, hoping she would understand. “Give me a minute, Val. I’ll be right back.” He turned and looked at Karen, tilting his head toward the kitchen. If she needed to talk, he didn’t want to do it in front of Val. Val had enough of her own bullshit to deal with. She didn’t need theirs too.
They got in the kitchen, and he was glad for the first time that it had a swinging door. Karen could get loud and ugly when she was angry, and he could see it all over her face. She’d been gearing up for a rager all day. That was usually her excuse to leave and party all night with friends. They’d done it enough that he knew, and he just didn’t care enough anymore to fight about it, especially when his friend was hurting and needed him. Still, if he could help Karen through whatever shit was going on with her, he’d try.
It was hard, though, seeing the look on her face. She was wearing a hell of a scowl. “What’s going on, Karen?”
“Like you don’t know.”
“You think I’d ask if I did?”
She gritted her teeth and got close. She pointed her thumb toward the living room. “What? Val didn’t do shit. And I didn’t invite her over. She needs something, and I was trying to figure out what it is. She’s my friend, Karen. I’ve never told you who could be your friend, so don’t start with me.” She rolled her eyes. “Besides, you were on a tear long before Val got here. What the fuck’s going on?”
“Whatever.”
“Don’t give me that.”
She got louder. “I’m done, Brad. I don’t need this shit.”
In direct response to her volume, Brad lowered his. “Look, Karen. You and I both know now’s not a good time. Can we talk about this later?”
If Karen hadn’t let off steam like this in the past, blowing on occasion like Old Faithful—regularly and without fail—her next words might have seemed to come out of the blue. She took a few seconds, seeming to consider her response, but then she blurted it out. “You’re an asshole.”
“Really? Is that all you have to say?”
What she said next he hadn’t seen coming, and it told him all he needed to know. “You know…I thought if I stayed, you could love me. I thought you could forget this stupid hang up you have over that…twit, but you can’t. You just can’t let it go, and this is the final straw.”
Yeah. Oh, God, he should have known. Karen had grown to love him, and he didn’t know why. He cared about the woman, yes, but he’d never love her the way she wanted, and seeing Valerie at her most vulnerable—that had been the confirmation Karen had been looking for. She wasn’t willing to stick around when there was no way she’d be able to turn Brad’s heart around. It had been her wish, her goal, and part of Brad had hoped she would be able to do it. Having Val here now, though, hurting and needing him—it was all fresh again, like not a moment had passed, and Karen must have been able to see it on his face. Still, he would live up to the title of asshole if he didn’t at least try. “Karen…”
“No, I’m done.”
“Karen.”
“Fuck you, Brad. I am sick and tired of competing with the memory of someone else. I’m outta here.”
He shook his head. He’d hurt her, pretty badly, it looked like. “I’m sorry.”
She pulled her snug t-shirt down to her hips and blinked. “It doesn’t matter. I called Jimmy anyway. He’s already waiting for me.”
And those words confirmed the suspicions he’d been harboring for weeks. Now he knew for sure she’d been fucking around on him with a new tattoo artist who’d started working in the shop she did a few months earlier. He couldn’t half blame her, though, and it was technically part of their original agreement. Still, he knew when she’d moved in that she’d expected fidelity, and he’d made sure he was faithful to her. He couldn’t just let it lie. “You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?”
Under her breath, she said, “So fuckin’ what?” Then she flipped him off and shoved the kitchen door open, storming through the living room toward the bedroom. God, she was ugly when she was pissed. Her eyes were dark and venomous and he was frankly glad she was leaving. For how long, he had no idea. She’d done this before, though never quite on this level.
He stood in the living room looking at Val. God, he felt like a dumb
ass. Karen was acting like a child, but he wasn’t about to apologize for her. He winced but kept his eyes on the baby after his initial eye contact with Val. She picked Chris up off the floor and sat him on her lap, probably afraid Karen would storm through the room again and knock her child on the floor. He took a deep breath, feeling uncomfortable, just waiting for Karen to leave. He wasn’t going to discuss Val’s personal business until she was gone.
Karen was in the room in a matter of moments. She was carrying a suitcase. Wow. She was serious this time. She’d never packed before. She got close to Brad and said, “Don’t bother trying to stop me.” He wondered if that meant that she really did want him to stop her, but he wasn’t going to. He was tired of the drama she’d whisked into his life. He didn’t need it, especially because his heart wasn’t in it. She stomped over to the closet, pulling out her purse, and then walked to the door. “I’ll be back tomorrow to get the rest of my things.” She slammed the front door with as much strength as she could muster, and Brad breathed a sigh of relief.
And, after all that, he wasn’t sure where to pick up with Val. He leaned against the wall for a few moments, looking at Chris. Finally, he said, “Hey, little buddy.” He smiled at the little guy, glad he was too young to understand what had been going on—with his parents or his “uncle,” as Val liked to call him. He looked at her and asked, “Can he have a cookie?”
“Yeah…I think a little spoiling by Uncle Brad would be fine.”
He smiled and waved his arm toward the kitchen. As they entered the room that felt like it continued to reverberate with Karen’s nasty little diatribe, he said, “Sorry you had to hear that shit.” He pulled out a chair for Val and then started searching inside cabinets. It didn’t take long until he found a box of vanilla wafers—good enough. He pulled a couple out and walked over to the table. He handed them to Chris, who smiled and took them. Brad couldn’t help but grin back at the cute kid and he tousled his hair. Then he sat down and said, “So…tell me what happened.” He didn’t know that he wanted to know, but he needed to.
Val looked down, avoiding his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
She might have said that, but he knew better. Why else would she have come running to him? She needed some encouragement, but he knew she’d tell him. “Come on, Val. I know Ethan did this. What the fuck was going on?” He noticed then that she had bruises on her arm too, and he wondered why he hadn’t caught it before, but then he remembered she’d been wearing a jacket and it had covered them up. He started to feel angry. What the fuck had Ethan done? He touched the bruises as though to confirm their existence. “What the hell? Did you call the cops?”
She started crying, and that told him all he needed to know. Ethan would have to answer for this, but for now, Val was hurting. He brought his chair closer to hers and brought her head to his shoulder. She let it all go, wailing and sobbing like he’d never heard her. It made him imagine all the horrible things the man who’d felt like a brother had done to her. Chris was still on Val’s knee, working on the wafer, and he tugged on Brad’s hair. He looked down at the boy and smiled. The little guy had short hair, but his dad and his dad’s bandmates all had long hair. He wondered what kind of confusing message that would send to the kid as he got older, because long hair wasn’t accepted in mainstream society. Ah, maybe the kid would realize that meant they were cool.
He felt like tousling Chris’s hair again, but he instead rubbed Val’s back. He loved this woman, would always love her, but they were destined to be apart. All he could be now was her good friend and stay by her side while she needed him. When it seemed like she was starting to wind down, he got up and grabbed a box of tissue out of the living room. He came back and set it on the table near her. He sat down again and asked, “Sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
“No. I don’t even want to think about it anymore.”
“You need some sleep.” He tilted his head toward Chris. The little guy looked sleepy too. Without giving it any thought, he said, “You can sleep on my bed.”
“Oh, no. I don’t want to take your bed.”
“I have a couch, Val. It’s no biggie.” He would have had a guest bedroom or two if he hadn’t converted the damn things. He’d bought the house on a whim, because he’d wanted a home. Honestly, he wanted a bigger place, but for now it worked. And the couch was comfortable.
“I can stay at a motel.”
“Damn it, Val, just say yes.”
She looked concerned. “What if Karen comes back tonight? I get the feeling she doesn’t like me very much.”
“Don’t worry about her. Just get some sleep. You need it.”
He knew Karen wouldn’t be back. Even if she changed her mind about the permanency of this breakup, she wouldn’t return that night. She never had before. He was confident that she wouldn’t tonight either.
So he wanted Val to sleep, because he had plans. Not so nice plans. And they involved her husband. He was going to have to leave the house, and he didn’t want to have to explain to her why or what he was going to do.
Chapter Fifty-six
BRAD HAD NO idea what he was going to say to Ethan, but he was angry as fuck. He’d never been this mad in his entire goddamned life.
Traffic wasn’t as heavy as during the day, and by the time he got there, he wondered if he’d ever made it to Ethan’s house that quickly.
He couldn’t even fucking think straight.
He stormed up to the door and banged on it. Then he remembered the doorbell and rang it. Several times. Banged again.
Rang the doorbell once more.
“I’m coming. Chill the fuck out.”
Good. Ethan. Brad noticed his breathing was out of control and his fists ached, they were clenched so tightly.
It was seconds later and Ethan opened the door, an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He wore a dirty white t-shirt and jeans. His hair was disheveled, his eyes bloodshot. When he saw Brad, he was pissed. “What the fuck do you want?”
Brad threw the screen door open and walked in. Ethan backed away a little and then stood his ground. “Why did you do it, Ethan? Why? Were you trying to kill her?”
“What? You gonna be the fucking knight in shining armor, Bradley? You think she didn’t have it comin’?”
That was all it took. Brad pushed him back against the wall, and the mirror hanging behind Ethan fell. His hand wrapped around Ethan’s neck too and he said, “How you like it, motherfucker?” Ethan struggled a little and Brad let go of his neck, following it up with his right fist in Ethan’s face. One…for what he’d done to Val. Then his left fist for Chris. Another for all the hell he’d put Brad through. Another for the band. Another…another…another.
He felt tears falling down his face and saw the blood spilling from Ethan’s nose and cheek. What the fuck had he done? It had been red then black in his head.
Ethan hadn’t resisted, hadn’t fought back. He’d wanted Brad to hurt him.
Brad backed away, holding his hands palms out at Ethan. “Fuck. I’m…I gotta go.”
His hand was on the doorknob when he heard Ethan ask, “Is she okay?”
“She’ll live.” He had to leave. “I’m sorry.” He turned around. “You have a week. One week, Ethan. Get your shit straight.” And then he stumbled to his truck. His vision was blurry and his knuckles were throbbing. He got in his truck and drove and drove and drove.
But it didn’t make the pain go away.
* * *
He’d had a hell of a time falling asleep. His hands hurt, but the pain was nothing compared to what was in his heart. He felt bad about what had happened to Val, but he felt even worse for what he’d done to Ethan. As he’d left, he saw his friend’s lips, cheeks, eyes swelling, and he knew Ethan. He’d get rid of the pain with drugs, alcohol, or both, and now it was Brad’s fucking fault. What the hell kind of friend was he? His friend needed help and he’d instead beaten him mercilessly.
So he lay on the couch, immers
ed in guilt. He looked back, though, and didn’t know what or how he could have done anything differently. He’d been too angry for too long.
He was starting to awaken, these thoughts in his mind. He’d heard the front door open, and it had started him on the path to wakefulness, but he was trying to fall back asleep. He heard a baby fussing, though, and that made him wake the rest of the way. Well, no, it wasn’t a baby. It was Chris. He wasn’t so much a baby anymore. He heard him making noise, winding up to start crying. He sat up. He wasn’t sure where Val was—outside somewhere—so he decided to check on Chris.
He was wearing jeans under the sheet on the couch, but he’d taken his shirt off and thrown it in the dirty laundry. He hadn’t checked it closely, but he was pretty sure it had blood on it. He knew it had tears. It was painted with shame, and he didn’t want to see the goddamned thing.
He walked in his bedroom and Chris spotted him. The child babbled and smiled and Brad said, “Hey, there, little buddy. Let me get a shirt on and then we’ll go see your mama. How’s that sound?”
“Mama?”
Brad nodded while he opened a dresser drawer and grabbed the first shirt he touched, pulling it over his head. Chris sat up in the bed, surrounded by pillows, and Brad came over, holding his hands out. He picked up the little guy and brought him to his chest. “Let’s go see that beautiful mama of yours.” He was praying that Val hadn’t done something stupid, but he hadn’t heard a car start up. He wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d run back to Ethan, but he hoped he was wrong. Ethan needed to seriously get his shit together, and until he did, Val needed to stay away.
He wouldn’t say that to her, though.
He was talking to Chris as they moved through the house. “Where’d your mama go, buddy? What’s she doin’?”
Bullet Series Box Set Books 1-8 Page 131
