It was because he was craving the one woman he’d never been able to shake—and no way was he going to find her when he was in that shape. He’d barely been out twenty-four hours before he was sitting at the bar—having just one beer—and pulling up Facebook to message her. He would have tried calling, but the woman changed phone numbers more frequently than other people changed underwear. Facebook was always a way to track her down.
He smiled at her profile picture. Damn, she was a sight. Absolutely beautiful. Before sending her a message, he scrolled down her page. That was odd. She hadn’t posted anything in over a year.
Shit. Was she okay? Had something happened to her? He opened up the message box right away. Their last conversation had taken place over two years earlier—the last time they’d hooked up. She’d sent him a message, asking how he’d been doing, and he’d asked her out to dinner. That last time had been a glorious two weeks. Why did it always have to end with a stupid fight? Every single damn time.
Still…he couldn’t help but have warm memories of her. He hoped she was doing okay. If something really bad had happened—like death—Valerie would have told him, right?
But the lack of activity on her page concerned him, so after typing in a quick Hey, Jen. How’s it goin, babe? he closed the browser on his phone and pulled up Brad’s number, calling without giving the matter much more thought.
“Yeah?”
“You busy, man?”
“No. What’s up?”
“I actually wondered if you could get some info from Val for me.”
Brad paused before asking, “What exactly?”
“I don’t know if you ever met Jennifer Manders…old college girlfriend. I’m pretty sure her and Val stay in touch, and I’m hoping Val has her number.”
“Just a sec.”
Zane heard Brad set the phone down and could hear voices in the distance—Brad getting information from Val. A few seconds later, though, he heard a voice whisper, “Hi, Zane.”
All right, that made him smile. “Is that my buddy, Chris?”
Still whispering, he said, “Yeah. Dad set his phone down on the table and I read your name.”
“You can read my name, buddy?”
Chris was no longer whispering. “That’s what I’m going to school for, don’t you know?”
Zane started laughing. “Sorry, man. Fair enough. So what else is up with you—besides school, I mean?”
The little boy started whispering again. “Another new baby’s comin’.”
Zane frowned, trying to think of what Chris was talking about. Hayley was already a year or two old—or more. Shit. He couldn’t quite remember. And Scarlet, Ethan and Jenna’s baby, was…was maybe a year old…or two years old? So Hayley was older? Hell. He had no way of remembering. And, by then, he knew he had no idea what Chris was talking about. “What baby?”
Chris’s voice got even quieter and Zane had to ask him to repeat it once before he whispered loudly, “Mama’s gonna have another baby but we don’t know what yet.”
Zane didn’t have a chance to react before he heard Brad say, “All right, little man. Say goodbye to Zane.”
By the time Brad got on the line, Zane asked, “Is it true, man?”
“Yeah, but don’t say anything. Val’s trying to keep it quiet for now.”
“No problem. When’s the due date?”
“Don’t know yet. She has her ultrasound tomorrow. Anyway…Val has that number but, uh…she wanted me to ask if Jennifer would be okay with you calling her.”
“Why wouldn’t she?”
“Hell, I don’t know. Hold on a sec.” Zane couldn’t hear as well, but their voices were still clear. “Honey, why don’t you talk to Zane?” Seconds later, he heard, “Hey, man. I’m gonna let you talk to the old lady. Still meeting after the Fourth?”
“Yeah. I think I’ll be ready then.”
“Me, too. Here she is.”
After a slight pause, Zane heard his old friend and bandmate light up the airwaves with her voice. “I am not an old lady.” Zane heard Brad laugh and he could almost see the man’s face. Brad was a much happier guy with Val in his life, and even though Zane hadn’t seen it coming, he felt like the two of them had been meant for each other. “Hi, Zane. How’ve you been?”
No way in hell was he going to tell her he just got out of a rehab stint for what had to be the bazillionth time. He gave her the answer she wanted—needed—to hear. “Fine. You?”
“Life is good. These guys keep me running. Anyway…Brad said you were asking for Jennifer’s number. Is there any reason why I shouldn’t give it to you?”
Zane laughed. “What? Like I’d tell you if there was a problem? Do I seem like a fucking stalker to you, Val?” Oh. Maybe not the best joke, considering it hadn’t been quite two years since Val had had a stalker of her own. “You know Jen and me have a lot of history…and I haven’t talked to her in forever. I just wanna call her up, hear her voice, ask how she’s doing.” And, no, he didn’t want to hear about it from Val. He wanted to do the asking himself.
She sounded distracted when she added, “You guys always end up fighting.”
Zane clenched his jaw. “You’re being overprotective, Val. Ever think we fight because there’s a lot of passion?” Holy shit. He actually said it? Well, it wasn’t like it was a big secret. Jennifer Manders had been a heavenly body in Zane’s life, and every time he was near, he was pulled in a close orbit. That he’d ever been able to leave had been the surprise.
“True. Just…give me a day to call her and let her know I gave you her number. I don’t want to shock her.”
“Shock?” Shut your mouth, Zane. You’re getting what you want.
Val gave him the number and he wrote it down before he forgot. But he had to end the phone call on a light note. “So…Chris says you’re expecting child number three. Is that right?”
* * *
Zoe had finally drifted off in her crib and that was Jennifer’s cue to hit the hay as well. She picked up her phone off the nightstand, because she always set the alarm on it to be a backup for the alarm on her dresser. She saw then that she had a text from Val, her best friend from college and, even though they didn’t see each other as often as she would have liked, probably still her best friend of all time. Whenever Val would call, Jennifer would pick up, but this time the woman had zipped a text message over instead. Just a heads up. Zane asked me for your number. I hope it’s okay. I gave it to him. Val sent a second text with Zane’s number, probably so Jennifer could ignore the call or block him if she wanted to.
Just seeing Zane’s name made Jennifer’s heart skip a beat—maybe two. It had always made Val uneasy how much the two of them would fight, especially the first time right before they broke up (and part of that might have been because Jennifer had never told Val what they’d been fighting about—it was a private matter), but Jennifer was starting to see a pattern. The first time they broke up, it nearly killed her, because she’d fallen head over heels with Zane, but the fighting had grown to be exhausting and counterproductive—and it hadn’t solved a thing. When, years later, they ran into each other at Valerie’s wedding, they couldn’t help but get back together, in spite of the fact that they’d both been kind of seeing someone else at the time. And what Jennifer had thought was immaturity that led to argument she discovered was something else entirely.
They were obviously incompatible.
No, not incompatible. More than once, they broke up because the arguing became unbearable. Now, years later, Jennifer couldn’t even point to anything specific. Oh, she could still remember what some of her own underlying issues had been, but she didn’t know today that she’d dealt with them productively back then. She doubted she’d handled it well at all. She’d likely come off as a jealous, insecure bitch instead of as what she really was—insecure, to be sure, but a woman in love and desperate to hang onto what she had. And Zane’s angle? She had no idea exactly where he’d been coming from, which had always been part
of the intrigue with the man. She’d never known quite what made him tick, but the chemistry between them had been undeniable.
The actual breaking up, though, usually had to do with Zane’s impulse control, for lack of a better phrase, but the arguing up to that point made splitting the right thing to do.
There really was no getting him out of her life now…and she didn’t know that she could pass up the chance to see him. That was something she knew was beginning to be impossible.
Chapter Four
ZANE COMPROMISED. WHEN he’d hung up with Valerie the night before, he’d promised to give it two days before calling. After waiting a day, though, he said, Fuck it. She’d had a chance to alert her friend just like she’d asked, and he wasn’t willing to give her any more time. He’d promised to wait…but now that he had Jennifer’s phone number (and no response to the message he’d left her on Facebook), asking him to wait was like asking a little kid with a fresh piece of frosted birthday cake sitting right in front of him to not run his finger along the edge so he could lick the icing off his finger.
Impossible.
So he called Jennifer that night, already prepared to leave a message—something simple, as casual as possible, but also letting her know that she’d been heavy in his thoughts. He might not have the ability like his wordsmith friends to make a woman swoon with poetry, but he did get that she needed to know she was special, no matter how plain the words. To tell her she’d not just been dancing in his head but consuming his every waking thought was to let her know she wasn’t just a bimbo or a quick lay or even a fond memory. She was present in his mind.
Except she answered the call.
That too might have caused him to falter, but this was Jennifer he was calling. Whether she wanted to be or not, she was a huge part of his life, had been with him as he’d been becoming the man he’d be (for better or worse—mostly worse), had witnessed his life just prior to big things happening.
She was an important part of his life.
When she answered with an innocent and quiet “Hello?” Zane almost felt his heart fill his chest. God, he’d missed her—and he hadn’t realized how much until that moment. He always forgot how empty he felt until she filled him up again.
“Jen?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s Zane. How you been?”
“Oh, Zane. Hi. Um…great. It’s, uh, it’s been a while.”
“Yeah, it has. So I wondered if you wanted to get together for coffee…or dinner. Just to catch up, you know.” And, if she remembered all the times they’d gotten together before, she knew as much as he did that getting together also likely meant a wild and crazy fuck session at the end of the first reunion date, reaffirming that, yeah, there was no one else who made him feel the way she did. He hoped it felt the same way for her.
It had to, right?
“I don’t know…”
That felt like a red light. She’d never said that before. Did that mean she was moving on, moving past him? Was she no longer willing to try?
It felt like his heart was literally dropping from his chest into his abdominal cavity, as painful as one would expect. But he wasn’t going to act like a weepy little baby. If she had given up on him for good, he’d find a way to move on…or give up entirely. He wasn’t sure yet, but there was no way he was going to force himself on this woman.
Zane swallowed and took a quick breath, knowing he had to keep his voice light. “What’s not to know? Two old friends, catching up and talking about old times.”
“I’m kinda busy nowadays.”
Oh. He was no idiot. “Gotcha. Boyfriend? Uh, or husband?” God, please, no.
Jennifer let out a nervous laugh. “No. I guess you could say I’m married to my work.”
“That exciting?”
“Not really…but bills, you know? They kind of keep me in the relationship.”
Zane hated the idea that Jennifer might not love her work but be in it for the money. In spite of all the pitfalls he’d experienced over the years, he loved his job. Yeah, there had been major…problems, for lack of a better word, but he was still doing something he loved. He’d gone to college for a year back when he first met Jennifer, looking for something “realistic,” something his old man had nagged him about, and Zane had jumped at the chance to get away from the bullshit of his home life. His dad had hardly ever been around but, when he was, he used Zane’s head like a fucking basketball. He would have done anything to get away, and going to college with his friend Ethan had seemed like the best, most obvious choice. His mom had told him over and over that he should be a music teacher, but Zane hadn’t felt talented enough. He could play the trumpet and find his way around a drum kit, but he loved the bass. It was an underrated instrument, one that fans had often dismissed as unimportant, but Zane knew better. Some of the smartest guys he’d ever met had been bassists.
In spite of trying out school for a year, he’d lucked out and been part of a great group of friends, led by a hell of a guy with a drive more powerful than a semi, Brad Payne, and with that guy at the helm, there was no way they couldn’t have made it. Brad had known all along that their band would succeed, and so he’d had no backup plan. He’d followed his vision and led Fully Automatic to the top. Thanks to Brad, Zane would never have to work a “regular” job his entire life. So it killed him to think that Jennifer might be doing something because she had to…she was having to work a less-than-desirable job to pay the student loans for the education she’d pursued to get that job in the first place. It seemed like a hell of a vicious cycle.
But weeping over her state wouldn’t win him any points. Humor, though…humor might—or even just a little levity. “You’re telling me you work so many hours you can’t go for a cup of coffee with an old friend?”
She laughed. “Well, when you put it that way…when were you thinking?”
Inside, Zane felt a dark cloud lift. He could hardly wait to see her. She was the light in his life, and he’d been in the shadows for far too long. “How about dinner instead?”
* * *
Jennifer stood looking at herself in the bathroom mirror. She was trying to decide if the pink lipstick worked, but she was distracted by the fact that she was actually going to be meeting Zane for dinner. Again. They’d never worked, never lasted…not once. Why she thought things would be different now was beyond her.
Kara peeked in the open door, Zoe in her arms, bouncing and reaching for her mama. Yes, Zoe was just the first of many reasons why Jennifer shouldn’t—absolutely should not—go on this date with her former on-again, off-again boyfriend. Jennifer could already predict the path their date and ensuing next few dates would go, based on their tumultuous history. First, there would be the honeymoon phase, the time when they’d forgotten how much they loved being around each other, how damned attracted they were to each other. They would likely end up in bed that night, even—she knew how they were, and they’d be lucky to keep their paws off each other for any length of time. And even if they managed to keep their hands off for this date, they’d set a second, knowing in the back of their minds that it wouldn’t be long.
The honeymoon phase could last anywhere from two weeks to three or four months. The sex would be setting-off-fireworks amazing. She knew she herself would be smiling and happy, infused with just-got-laid hormones. The good feelings would surge through her veins, making everyday chores and trials seem light and unimportant. She’d look forward to seeing Zane again, and they would strip down to nothing and be pressing skin into skin, flesh into flesh in seconds.
Then, once the newness wore off, the irritations would begin and they’d start bickering. It would seem lighthearted and maybe even fun at first, but it wouldn’t be long before it turned nasty and vicious, where they truly felt angry and upset with each other, and, just before they completely despised each other, they would decide it wasn’t worth the effort.
And Zane would likely break her heart. Again.
Just thinking
about it made Jennifer consider calling Zane and telling him she was sick or otherwise indisposed. Thinking about their relationship objectively and knowing where it would go almost made her not want to bother.
But she had to see him. It had been too long.
So much had changed since they’d last seen each other, though. First off, there was sweet little Zoe. Actually, that little baby girl was the only change, but the child’s presence had been life changing for Jennifer. Now, if she and Zane didn’t stay together (which wasn’t likely, based on their track record), she’d be fine. She wouldn’t feel devastated and hopeless for weeks (or even months) on end like had happened so many times in the past. She wouldn’t take forever recovering, trying to find a way to go on when the one guy she couldn’t figure out how to let go broke her heart once again.
She just had one huge decision to make.
She looked over at Zoe. The child’s dark hair—fuzzy and wispy but growing longer every day—contrasted with her pale skin, her dark blue eyes sparkling as her mom finally put her out of her misery and took her in her arms, kissing the baby on the cheek and then lifting her above her head, making her smile open mouthed, her eyes sparkling, a giggle erupting from her belly.
Jennifer knew it would be wrong to keep secret from Zane that he had an eighteen-month-old daughter, but if things went south as they always did, she and the man would need time apart to recover. If he knew he had a child, they’d never get the time apart they needed and then they’d never have a chance of working out.
Not that it was a remote possibility.
Kara said, “You look great, Jen, but you don’t seem very thrilled about this date.”
Thinking back over the last few dates she’d had, Jennifer said, “Do I ever?”
“You have a point there.” Kara backed up a little as Jennifer began walking out of the bathroom. “What time will you be back?”
Jennifer gave it some thought. “I really don’t know. With Zane? Hard to say. If he makes me mad, always a possibility, I could be home in less than an hour, but if we have a good time—and we usually do the first time we see each other in a long time—I’ll be tempted to stay out all night.” She didn’t miss the way Kara’s eyes grew larger—as if Jennifer had just turned into a slut and wouldn’t be back until sunup. “I’ll be home by midnight.”
Bullet Series Box Set Books 1-8 Page 161
