by Jiffy Kate
Deke and I both look at Cami and then each other. “What?” we ask in unison.
This is news to me, but then again, Tucker has been a little distant these past couple of months. I chalked it up to him being on tour and all of us being busy. Between Dani moving here, Deke and Cami getting engaged and then married, and the fire at Pockets, none of us have had time to just breathe. Tucker is one to go off on his own from time to time, so I don’t usually get too worried if I don’t hear from him for a few weeks.
“Yeah,” Cami continues. “He said he needs a change of pace. Not sure what that’ll equate to, but from what he said on the phone, he’s comin’ home for a while. Maybe for good. Maybe until the next big thing. Who knows?” She shrugs her shoulders, but I can see a hint of worry on her face. Being Tucker’s sister, she probably knows him better than all of us. So, that look makes me worry a little too.
“Well, it’ll just be good to have the shit head home, at least for a while,” I tell her, trying to ease the worry.
“Language, Micah,” my mama reprimands, causing Deacon to smirk. Fucker loves when I get in trouble.
“Yeah, it’ll be good to have him home.” I can tell by the smile on Cami’s face that she wants to call him a shit head too, but no one, and I mean, no one, wants the wrath of Annie Landry, especially on a Sunday.
And especially at Sunday dinner.
It’s sacred.
You don’t mess with it.
Everyone knows there are two rules: you show up and you don’t mess it up.
“So,” my dad says as food is being passed around the table. “How is everything going with the insurance payout?”
I exhale deeply, looking across the table at Deacon. I was really hoping we could avoid this topic, but of course, my dad, being the lawyer, he wants to know everything about any legal dealings.
“Everything is going good,” Deacon says, looking from me back to his plate. “We should have the money in the next couple of weeks.”
“And remodel dates?” my dad asks.
I fight the urge to stuff a roll in his mouth. I really don’t want to talk about this, not today.
Deacon must feel the same way, because he says, “soon”, and then continues eating, dismissing the topic.
Dani, my mama, and Cami start talking about the holidays, which are quickly approaching. I love the light in Dani’s eyes when she talks about being together with the family. It’s something she missed out on for so long. She soaks it up like a cat on a sunny window sill. The three of them make plans to bake and shop and all sorts of girly shit. I tune them out and think about bringing up the restaurant and the contract I just signed, but I decide to leave that for dessert.
“Did you know we’re gonna have a baby?” Carter asks nonchalantly, and the entire table goes quiet, forks clattering to plates. Deacon clears his throat; and Cami stifles a chuckle. I look from my brother to Cami and then back to my brother.
“What?” Mama asks, nearly speechless, her hand going up and covering her mouth.
“Guess the cat’s outta the bag,” Deacon says, cutting eyes at Carter. “Little snitch,” he whispers, but I see the smile on his face. Like the two of them have been sharing a secret for a while. Well, the three of them.
“What’s a snitch?” Carter asks.
“You’re having a baby?” Dani asks, her face morphing into awe and I think I see tears in her eyes.
“Yep,” Cami says, with the happiest look on her face. Pure joy. She reaches over and takes Deacon’s hand. “We’re due in May.”
“Oh, my goodness,” my mama gushes. And she does cry. Actually, she sobs like a baby. And she gets out of her chair and hugs my dad.
Pretty soon, the entire table is exchanging hugs and I’m overwhelmed by the happiness that’s surrounding me, so I have to tell my good news too.
“I signed a contract on the new restaurant in New Orleans yesterday,” I announce. And once again, the table goes silent.
I look over at Dani and she’s looking at me like she’s happy, but also like she wishes I wouldn’t have said anything. Her eyes grow a little wide and she turns from me to Deacon. That’s when I see the expression on his face change from excitement to anger.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asks, standing up from his seat and causing the chair to scrape across the floor.
“Language.” This time it’s not my mama, it’s Cami.
“I’m sorry,” he says, looking over at her and then back at me, “but this is horse shit, Micah, and you know it.”
The emotions boiling up inside of my brother are visible. His jaw is clenched tight and his eyes are glaring holes into me.
“I can’t fu—,” he starts, but pauses and then continues, “I can’t believe you’d do that and I can’t believe you’d bring it up here . . . now,” he seethes.
I realize now it was probably bad timing, but damn it, I have good news, too, and I want to share it. Honestly, I didn’t think about it, it just came out. But now that it’s out there, it pisses me off Deacon is acting like this.
“I guess I can bring it up whenever I feel like it. This bullshit tirade you’ve been on needs to stop. I’m a grown-ass man and I can do whatever I want with my life. So, take care of you and yours and leave me the fuck alone,” I reply with the same vitriol he’s been giving me.
Deacon leans over the table and I think he’s going to yell at me some more, tell me how stupid I am and how bad I’m fucking things up so, I stand up to my full height, silently urging him to bring it, whatever he wants to say, he should just say it now, because I want it to be said and done. But instead of throwing words, he throws a punch and his fist connects with my jaw, causing me to stumble back into the wall behind me.
I hear screaming and chairs scraping, but I can’t focus on anything besides the pain in my jaw and the overwhelming need to pummel my brother. My head is spinning a little, but I collect myself and meet Deacon as he’s coming around the table. This time, it’s my fist that makes contact and the fight is on.
Something happens during a fit of rage—anger and adrenaline take over. This has been in the works for a while, a small ember waiting to ignite, and Deacon and I both let out our pent-up aggressions on each other.
Forgetting who’s around and who we are, we pound each other. After a few blows to my face, I taste blood in my mouth, which makes me want to hit him even harder, make him pay for starting this in the first place.
As Deacon and I exchange punches, a strong arm comes between the two of us and then it’s my dad’s face I see. He’s holding Deacon back behind him, his nose an inch from mine.
“Take it outside,” he growls, his face full of anger. But it’s the look of disappointment in his eyes that sobers me up.
“Micah,” his voice is hard and demanding. Something I haven’t heard from him in a long time, if ever. “Take. It. Outside.”
I shake my head, feeling the haze begin to dissipate. My heart’s still pounding in my chest when I take a look around the dining room. There are a couple of chairs turned over and my mama is standing frozen in her spot with her hand over her mouth, just like it was earlier when she found out about the baby. But this time, it’s out of disappointment and sadness. Beside her is Dani, but I can’t force myself to make eye contact with her.
We did that.
Me and Deacon.
I feel the guilt and shame hit me like a ton of bricks, harder than any of the hits Deacon landed. Turning on my heels, I stomp out of the room and leave out the side door. When I get to the garage, I punch the wall, letting out a growl of frustration. Tears spring to my eyes, but it’s not because of the pain radiating up my arm. It’s this whole fucked up situation. How did we go from celebrating to that?
Deacon and his fucking overreacting.
Trying to run my fucking life.
With each thought and step I take, the anger inside begins to build again. I know if I go back in that house, Deacon and I will have another go and that will kill my m
ama, so I do the only thing I know to do, I walk away.
When I reach the truck, I realize Dani is still inside, but I don’t stop. I just get in, start it up, and peel out onto the gravel drive that leads to the road. In my rearview mirror, I see Dani standing on the porch, but I can’t go back and get her. I can’t let her see me like this. I don’t want to see disappointment in her eyes too.
I need to get away, get some air, and wrap my fucking brain around what the hell just happened.
My phone buzzes from the seat beside me and I see Dani’s name and a message.
Dani: Are you ok?
Of course, she’s thinking about me, which makes me feel even more like shit.
“Fuck,” I yell to no one, to the four winds, slamming my hand onto the steering wheel and feeling the twinge of pain again.
About a mile away from the house, I pull my truck to the side of the road and turn off the engine.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
My head falls against the back of the seat and a sit there for I don’t even know how long, staring at the roof of my truck. My phone buzzes again and I grab it, opening my messages. Another one from Dani.
Dani: Micah?
Quickly, I type my reply.
Me: I’m fine.
Dani: Where are you?
Me: Down the road.
Dani: Are you sure you’re ok?
Me: Yes. Are you ok?
I hate that I left her there. I’m about to start up my truck and turn around to go back for her when another text comes through.
Dani: I’m fine. I’ll get a ride home from Deacon.
I don’t know why, but that pisses me off even more than I already am. I know I didn’t leave her much choice, but all she had to do was ask me to come get her or wait a goddamn minute. But her catching a ride from Deacon feels a lot like taking sides. The rational part of my brain knows she’s not, but the irrational part, the part that just went to blows with my brother, feels differently.
Fine.
It’s abrupt and will probably be a fight for later when Dani gets home, but I couldn’t give two shits right now, because I’m tired of all of it.
Tossing the phone onto the seat, I start my truck and throw up dirt as I make my way out to the highway. I just need to get home and have a drink and fucking clear my head.
I DID A LOT OF thinking on the way home, but my mind is still running ninety miles an hour and I can’t go sit in the apartment and wait for Dani. I need to get my head on straight before I talk to her.
Frank is closed on Sundays so I can’t go to the bar.
So, here I am, sitting in front of Grinders.
Part of me wants to tell Alex the deal’s off, apologize to Deacon, and pour myself into rebuilding Pockets. My family is important, the most important part of my life, and I can’t bare the thought of losing them and their support.
But the other part of me feels good about this opportunity. I don’t understand why Deacon can’t just let this go and trust I’m not going into this deal blindly. He’s taught me everything I know. My entire life. From football to girls, he’s always been there, leading the way. But now he needs to trust me, allow me to make my own way. I’m not some stupid kid he has to look after anymore.
Everything doesn’t always have to go his way.
A lingering flicker of anger sparks back up, because a small voice in my head says if Alex had approached Deacon instead of me, he would’ve entertained the idea. That same small voice says he’s jealous, doesn’t like me splitting my time and efforts between Grinders and New Orleans. He feels left out because this deal doesn’t revolve around him. But he could’ve been a part. Shit, he can still be a part, but his stupid pigheadedness won’t let him. Now, for him, it’s probably more principle than anything. He’s made such a big deal about me not doing this, there’s no way he can get behind it or support me in my endeavors.
When the realization finally hits that Deacon won’t be around for this one, a slight panic settles in.
That sense of security I was just basking in, only hours ago, is dwindling.
I wonder what my mom and dad think?
Deacon and I have always sought them out for advice on everything we’ve ever done. I haven’t talked to them once about this deal. And I have to ask myself why.
Because I knew they wouldn’t approve?
Because for once in my life I just want to do something for me, something I want, and consequences be damned?
I don’t know.
But the anger and frustration are quickly replaced with guilt and a bit of trepidation.
I can’t fail now.
Now everyone’s eyes and judgements are on me. I can’t let this thing fall through. And no one is going to stop me. Not Alex. Not Deacon. Even if I have to do it all on my own, one day, hopefully soon, I’ll be opening the doors of a brand-new restaurant. It’ll be something I did, something I love and have wanted for so long.
Maybe then they’ll see I’m not fucking things up.
My phone rings from the seat and I look around, realizing it’s dark and Dani is probably back at the apartment waiting on me, worried I’m not there.
“Hello.” I don’t look at the phone. I just answer it.
“Micah.” My mama’s voice comes over the line and it sounds tired and . . . sad.
“Mama,” I reply, closing my eyes and trying to not see her disappointment from earlier, but I can’t help it because it’s laced through her voice.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I touch the split on my lip and wince. I’m sure my face looks worse for wear, but I’m not gonna die. So, I’m fine.
She sighs heavily into the phone and I can tell she wants to say so many things she’s not.
“What’s going on between you and Deacon?” she asks.
“It’s a long story. I don’t really want to talk about it right now, Mama.”
She sighs again. “Okay, but promise you won’t let this fester. Promise me the two of you will work this out. “
I wait for a second. Of course Deacon and I will work this out. But I can’t make any promises it’ll be anytime soon. That’s not what my mama wants to hear, so I just say, “I promise.”
“I love you, Micah. You know that. And your dad and I are here for you. So, if you need us, you come talk to us.”
“I know, Mama. And I will.”
“And Deacon loves you,” she says, her voice taking on a firmer tone. “Despite everything that was said and that happened today. He loves you. Don’t forget that.”
I grunt, but I don’t respond to that.
My swollen jaw isn’t feeling very loved right now.
I still can’t believe that fucking jackass punched me. We haven’t physically fought since we were kids, and even then, it was nothing like what happened today.
“Dani was so worried about you,” she says quietly into the phone.
I swallow hard around the lump in my throat. I hate that all of that happened in front of Dani . . . and my mama, and Carter. It didn’t even register he was there, witnessing all of that until it was too late.
“Is Carter okay?” I ask, my voice strained.
She sighs heavily again. “He’s okay. He’s just worried about his Uncle Micah and Daddy fighting. But your dad challenged him to baseball on the Wii and he was better. You owe him, though.”
“I know.”
“Y’all make this right, Micah. Remember who you are and who’s name you’re carryin’. Landrys don’t fight, especially amongst themselves. We’re family above everything else.”
“I know, Mama.”
“Deacon should be dropping Dani off in a few minutes. I’ll let you go. Call me tomorrow.”
“Love you, Mama.”
“Love you.”
I pull out of the spot in front of Grinders and get back to the apartment about two minutes before Dani walks in the door. Her shoulders are slumped and her entire demeanor is different from a few hours ago. A few hours ag
o, she was full of love and happiness. And now, all I see is worry and sadness.
“Come here,” I say, reaching for her.
She puts her bag down on the counter and walks slowly toward me, her eyes immediately going to my face and her brows furrow together when they see the split skin. I’m sure I look like I went a few rounds with a heavyweight. Deacon definitely didn’t hold back. I didn’t either. It was ugly and the marks on my face are harsh reminders.
“What happened today?” she asks, as she reaches out to cup my cheek.
“Just come here and let me hold you.” I’m not worried about me. All I need is to feel her in my arms. My brain has been so full of words and thoughts, I don’t know if I can handle a conversation right now. I need to show her with my actions how sorry I am she had to see me and Deacon fight. How sorry I am that she was worried. How much I love her and wish I could go back to earlier when the urge to get down on one knee and propose to her was so strong.
One day.
One day, I’ll do that.
But it has to be perfect. And today is not that day. Today, I just need to hold her.
“I was so worried,” she says quietly, taking my hand and straddling my lap, putting us back in the same position we were in earlier in the truck. It’s been a long fucking day. An emotional day for both of us.
“I know. I’m sorry.” I hold her face in my hands and look into her green eyes, begging her to believe me.
“I thought you might go do something crazy,” she admits, latching onto the front of my shirt and pulling in closer to me.
“I just needed some air.”
“Don’t run away from me.”
“I’m sorry for that.”
I kiss her lips softly, lazily, taking my time to show her how fucking sorry I am and how much I love her, need her.
“Want me to run you a bath?” I ask, wanting to do something for her, take care of her.
“Only if you’ll take one with me,” she says, her voice husky as she slides her lips along my jaw and down to my neck.
Planting my hands on her ass, I lift us both off the couch and walk her into the bathroom, sitting her on the counter while I run some bath water. I even toss in one of those bath bombs she likes. It’ll probably make me smell like a girl, but I don’t give a shit. One of my favorite things in the world, is smelling like Dani.
