by Jiffy Kate
All of us adults exchange a few gifts, small things, but most of the haul under the tree is Carter’s. There’s just nothing like seeing Christmas through a child’s eyes. He makes me remember all of the good memories we had growing up and I can’t help get caught up in his excitement.
“Look!” he exclaims. “I got my own set of pans.”
He smiles and holds them up for all to see. You’d think he was just gifted a free lifetime pass to Disney World, but no, some pans. The kid loves to cook, especially with my mama. So, it’s a perfect gift, one Dani picked out.
“I’m so glad you love them,” she says, leaning over and pulling him in for a hug.
“Thank you, Dani. They’re awesome!”
The next gift he pulls out from under the tree is a long package, wrapped in brown paper. It’s not fancy, and it’s missing a bow. So, I know it’s not from my mama . . . or Dani . . . or Cami. The Landry women don’t mess around when it comes to details.
I stop myself, realizing what I just thought. Landry women. Dani isn’t a Landry. She’s just my girlfriend, but that doesn’t feel right. It hasn’t felt right for a while, and at some point, I’m going to have to do something about it.
“A BB gun.” The awe in Carter’s voice is edging on doubt. “Can I keep it?” he asks Cami, who’s giving her brother a death glare.
“What?” Tucker asks, hands raised in surrender. “The kid is old enough to learn how to shoot a BB gun.” He laughs, but it’s nerves. There’s no way he doesn’t feel the weight of the stares from all the women sitting around this living room. Mama, Cami, Dani, Kay—they’re all looking at him like he just handed Carter a loaded machine gun.
“What’s wrong with a BB gun?” Tucker asks, his voice rising with indignation. “It’s harmless.”
“Says the guy with a BB still stuck in his ass,” my brother chimes in, then most of the eyes turn to me. Except Dani, she hasn’t heard this story yet.
“What?” I ask, now it’s my turn to feign innocence.
“Oh, you know what,” my mama says, like the event just happened.
“Thanks a lot,” I tell Deacon, hating him all over again for bringing the heat down on me.
“It was fifteen years ago,” he howls, laughing like it was yesterday. “Mama, you can’t seriously still be mad about that.” At least he’s still coming to my defense.
“I can and I am. I told you boys not to mess around with those guns,” she says, glaring at my father on the last word. “But, of course, it never would’ve happened in the first place, if somebody hadn’t thought it was a good idea for the three of you to have them.”
“Oh, don’t bring me into this,” my dad says, laughing as he stands up from his chair to get Carter a new package to open, anything to change the tide.
“What happened?” Dani asks, her face a mixture of amusement and horror, not knowing who she’s supposed to be siding with.
“I’ll tell you what happened,” my mama fumes. “This one” she says, pointing at my dad, “bought these three BB guns. And this one,” she says, pointing at me, “shot this one in the ass.” She points over at Tucker who’s laughing so hard he’s crying.
“You said ass,” Carter chides, as he takes the next present from my dad.
“Sorry, baby,” Mama replies.
“You shot Tucker in the . . . butt?” Dani asks, looking over at Carter to see if butt is an acceptable word. He nods his head in approval.
“It wasn’t like that. We were all out playing around. We had these targets dad bought us and Tucker was switching them out. I thought I was aiming for the hay bale we were nailin’ them to, but I missed.” I shrug, remembering the moment plain as day. “It was an honest mistake. Tucker was bent over and my aim was off.”
“Oh, my God.” Dani laughs, covering her mouth. “And it’s still in . . . there?” she asks, looking over at Tucker.
“Yeah, doc said I’d be fine. Set off a metal detector a time or two, but no skin off my rear-end,” he says with another laugh.
“See, Mama,” I tell her, pointing to Tucker. “He’s fine and he forgives me. Ain’t that right, Tucker,?”
“Sure, not the worst you ever did,” he says with wink.
I glare at him, daring him to say another word. That fucker is always trying to get people riled up.
“Fine,” my mama says. “I forgive you, because it’s Jesus’ birthday. Now, back to opening presents. What’s next, Carter?”
I flip Tucker off behind my mama’s back and he smirks, shaking his head.
“Oh, Dani?” my mama says, turning back toward her. “Where’s Piper spending Christmas? I miss her when she’s not here.”
“She’s in Connecticut.” All eyes turn to Tucker, even Carter, wondering why everyone is so quiet all of a sudden.
“How’d you know that?” I ask, loving that the tables are turned and now all eyes are on him. I can see the look on his face. He’s wishing he could fade into the couch he’s sitting on.
I’ve had my suspicions about Tucker and Piper for a while, but I can’t quite figure them out. Most of the time they’re together, they’re either trying to kill each other or they’re acting like the other doesn’t exist. So, the fact he knows where she’s spending the holidays is very intriguing to me.
Something I also notice is the amused expression on Deacon’s face, which makes me want to ask him what he knows.
I hate that we’re not talking right now.
“Well, she mentioned it when she was here at Thanksgiving.” Tucker stumbles over his words, but it’s actually a good cover. Maybe she did mention that when she was here last.
“She’s such a sweet girl,” Kay says from across the room. “Every time she’s in town, she brings me a stack of magazines, just because I mentioned how much I love Southern Style.”
“Yeah, we’ve got shelves of them,” Clay adds, rolling his eyes. “Not sure why we keep them. Well, except for the ones with your pictures in them, of course,” he says, nodding his head apologetically at Dani.
Dani smiles, shaking her head, never the one to want attention.
Everyone gets quiet again when the doorbell rings.
“Well, who on earth could that be?” my mama asks as she hurries to the front door.
Really, it could be a number of people stopping by to wish my parents a merry Christmas. That wouldn’t be unusual. It’s the time of day that makes it odd. The locals don’t usually leave their houses until well-after lunchtime, and it’s not quite ten in the morning.
“Micah!” I flinch when my mama calls my name. “Come here, please.”
Dread begins to fill my stomach and I start walking to the door like I’m walking to the electric chair. To outsiders, my mama’s voice sounded completely normal . . . sweet, even. But I know that voice.
I’ve been trained to recognize that voice all my life.
That’s Annie Landry’s get-your-ass-over-here-right-now-and-behave-before-I-wring-your-neck voice, and the fact that she’s using it with me today can only mean one thing.
Alex.
Sure fucking enough, Alex is standing on the front porch when I walk up to my mama’s side. She has some kind of covered dish in her hands and an oblivious smile on her face and I know for certain my day just got screwed.
“Oh, hey, Alex. I see that spa day didn’t quite work out for you, huh?” I know it sounds stupid, but it’s the only thing I can think of, besides what the fuck are you doing here? Which I already know the answer to: You invited her, dipshit.
“It sure didn’t. Can you believe the spa was closed today?” she asks with disgust. “I mean, I get that it’s a holiday and all, but still, you’d think they’d want to cater to those of us who’d like to be pampered on Christmas.”
My mama makes a noise in the back of her throat while she remains standing guard at the door. She, literally, has a hand on each side of the door frame, using her body to block Alex from coming inside.
Alex is not making any brownie points wi
th my mama. Annie Landry is not a fan of anyone working on Christmas.
I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her be so blatantly rude to a guest. It’s just so unlike her. Unfortunately, the bile that’s trying to make its way up my throat is keeping me from laughing at the situation I managed to get myself into and at my mama’s display.
“Alex says you invited her over today, Micah.” She turns her head my way and narrows her eyes at me.
I know my mouth is gaping like a damn fish, but I can’t seem to make it stop. Eventually, my head clears and I answer her, hoping I get a chance to smooth things over. Somehow.
“Uh, yes, ma’am. I did.” I want to lie. I want to lie so badly and say I didn’t invite her over here and I can tell my mama wants me to lie, too. But, they don’t have to work with Alex, I do. If I denied inviting Alex, she’d make our working relationship even worse than it already is.
Mama is giving me an evil eye like I’ve never seen before and I thought I’d seen them all. Finally, she grits her teeth and plasters on obviously fake smile on her face as she steps out of Alex’s way.
“Well, then, come on in. Everyone is in the family room opening gifts.”
Mama leads Alex into the house and I follow them, dragging my feet as much as possible. With me being on shaky ground with both Deacon and Dani, I don’t need Alex here causing any more trouble for me.
Before Mama can say anything, Alex lets out a rambunctious “Merry Christmas, y’all” to a room full of stunned and confused faces.
Dear Baby Jesus,
I know it’s your birthday and all, but if you could just open up the floor where I’m standing so it can swallow me whole, I’d be forever grateful.
Amen.
I do a quick glance around the room and see that not everyone looks like they could spit nails. Carter isn’t paying attention at all and my dad just looks like he needs another shot of whisky. Cami’s face is full of sympathy, or is it pity, and her brother, Tucker, is trying unsuccessfully to hide his amusement behind a cinnamon roll.
Deacon is seething, of course, but it’s the expression covering Dani’s face that turns my dread into a big, thick boulder in my stomach. I was expecting to see anger, but what nearly knocks me off my feet is that anger mixed with so much hurt. I’ve only seen that look on her face one other time and it was when I showed up to her hotel room in New York, after her douchebag boyfriend cheated on her. Never in a million years did I think I’d be the cause of it, and I honestly don’t know what to do.
Fortunately, or probably not, my mama saves me from immediate persecution. “Make yourself at home, dear,” she tells Alex. “We’ll be right back.”
Taking the covered dish Alex brought, she grabs me by the arm with her free hand and pulls into the kitchen.
After placing the dish on the counter rather forcefully, she turns on me. “Do you not have one ounce of self-preservation?” Her voice is low and clipped, scolding me like I’m a little boy again. I know I messed up, so I take it, but I, at least, should get to explain myself. I doubt Deacon or Dani will want to hear what I have to say, but maybe my mama will listen.
“I couldn’t help it,” I start, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “We were at work the other day and she was sayin’ how her family wouldn’t be in town for Christmas and that she’d be all by herself. She put me on the spot. Believe me, I didn’t want to invite her over here and I, honestly, didn’t think she’d show up, but I felt sorry for her. I also knew you’d kick my ass if I let anyone be alone on Christmas Day.” I raise my eyebrow and give her a look, daring her to deny my accusation. She lets out a deep breath that seems to expel most of her frustrations.
“You’re right, I would have but, for goodness sake, Micah. What are we gonna do with her here?”
“I don’t know, Mama. You’re the queen of entertainin’, I’m sure you’ll figure somethin’ out,” I say, giving her the sweetest smile I can muster. I may even bat a few eyelashes at her. I’m not above using my Landry charm to help me in this situation, even if it’s used against my own mother.
“You owe me big time, Micah. Big. Time.” She accentuates her words with a finger poking my chest. I don’t care if she has me hauling compost to her gardens with my bare hands, I’ll do whatever it takes to get out of this mess.
“Yes, ma’am. Whatever you say, Mama.”
Her eyes soften and she kisses my cheek. “You’re a good man, Micah Paul. And I’m very proud of you. But, boy, do you make some dumb ass mistakes sometimes.”
I snicker, not disagreeing one bit, while she walks out of the room.
When I turn to leave, movement on the other side of the kitchen catches my eye. I look and see Dani standing across the room with her hands on her hips.
“Baby,” I start, my hands up in surrender.
“Don’t baby me,” she hisses. “Why is she here, Micah? Why?” The last word is dragged out in exasperation.
“Look, I felt sorry for her because she didn’t have anyone to spend the holiday with. I didn’t think she’d really come, I swear.”
She shakes her head at me, taking a few deep breaths before continuing. “I get it, I guess. I just can’t believe you’d do that knowing how everyone feels about her. You’ve put all of us in a really awkward spot, you know?” Her face scrunches up and she rubs vigorously at her eyes, as if she’s trying to makes it all go away—make Alex go away.
I stand there, unsure of what she wants me to say or how to fix things. Again. I feel like it’s all I do these days.
“You and Deacon actually talked this morning. I was hoping that things were getting better.” She sighs, twisting the ends of her hair over her shoulder. “But now . . .”
“I’m sorry, Dani. I didn’t mean for this to happen. What you want me to do?”
Dani lets out a laugh, but it’s missing all the humor. As she shrugs her shoulders, I see the hurt back on her face and it kills me, literally causes me pain right through the center of my chest.
“Deacon and Cami are about to leave and I think I am too,” she says, squaring her shoulders. “That means you get to stay and entertain your guest all by yourself.”
“Wh-what do you mean, you’re leaving?”
“Exactly what I said. I’ll have Deacon, or maybe Tucker, take me to the apartment so you can have your truck here, but I think it’d be best for you to stay here or at your cottage tonight. In fact, I think you should stay a few nights. I need some time to myself.”
I’m too stunned to speak, so I don’t try to stop her. She gives me one last look, sadness replacing the anger that was there before. Her lip trembles as she says, “Merry Christmas, Micah,” and then she turns, leaving me in the kitchen.
Alone.
LYING IN BED, STARING AT the ceiling, with Jose by my side—the dog and the booze—I play over the events of yesterday. Things were going so well. Deacon actually talked to me. Dani was happy, enjoying her first big Christmas. My mama was in her element. Carter was reminding us what Christmas is all about.
Then Alex showed up, and everything went in the shitter.
I swear, when I invited her, I didn’t think she’d show and even if she did, I didn’t think it would bring down the wrath of the house. But I should have. I should’ve thought it through. I should’ve anticipated that her presence wouldn’t just be unwelcome, it would be despised.
Regrets aren’t something I have in life. I do things when it feels right. I take risks, but I always try to follow my gut. But lying here, in my dark cottage, without Dani, I wonder if I made a mistake. Not just inviting Alex to Christmas, but accepting her offer period. Maybe I was being selfish. Maybe I let my dreams cloud my judgement.
It seemed like such perfect timing. Pockets had burned. Deacon and I were down to running one restaurant. Alex shows up with an offer I couldn’t refuse.
Now, I wonder if it was too good to be true.
I still believe in Lagniappe. I believe in my dreams. But maybe I should’ve waited. Maybe I
should’ve given it time, listened to Deacon—helped him get Pockets back up and running—and then, together, we could’ve found a way to make a new restaurant happen.
But I couldn’t wait. Something deep down inside me had to do it alone—needed to do it alone. Maybe after all this time, I’m still a kid trying to impress his big brother.
And in the meantime, I’m losing my girl.
Jose moans at my side, nuzzling my arm. He’s eating this up, being inside the cottage instead of sleeping in the barn or up at the big house.
“I know, buddy. It’s not the same without her here.”
When I first walked down the path, he kept running back to see if Dani was following me, but she wasn’t.
I thought about calling her, but I didn’t. Cami sent me a text earlier to let me know she made it home safely, but that she just needed time.
How much time?
Tossing back the last of my drink, I slam the glass down on the nightstand, causing Jose to jerk his head up. He looks at the glass and then back at me, silently asking what the hell it did wrong.
“I’m no good at this,” I confess, rubbing his ears as he eases back down on the bed. “I should’ve known I’d fuck it all up.”
As if on cue, Jose licks my arm.
With my thoughts on Dani, letting everything from the last few months play over in my head, I begin to drift off. A knock at the door has me practically falling out of bed.
Dani.
Maybe she found a way to come back? Maybe Deacon drove her?
Flinging the door open, I feel like a balloon that someone just let the air out of as I see my dad standing there with the bottle of Crown in his hand.
“Don’t look so happy to see me.”
“Sorry,” I mutter, opening the door wider so he can come inside.
“You look like shit.”
“I feel like shit.”
“As you should,” he says, pulling out a kitchen chair, letting the legs scrape against the wood floor. “You’ll learn that when you piss them off, it’s better to stay away until the smoke clears. But you should always feel like shit about it, because it’s definitely your fault.”
