“During the twentieth century, the sightings began to dwindle, actually accelerating a trend that started in the mid-nineteenth century when reports began dropping ever so slightly. But nothing like the twentieth century.”
It was definitely the most curious fact in our vampire studies. We had all researched and pondered the drop in sightings. Our most obvious—and horrifying—answer was they were dying or disappearing, and with it our chances of ever encountering one in the flesh.
I continued. “During the first half of the twentieth century the number of sightings dropped from a thousand a year to half that, and after World War II, less than a hundred.
“So, by result of our extensive research, we have learned that vampire sightings have dropped ninety percent. Rather significant, and most disheartening.”
“Conclusions,” insisted Professor L, always the teacher. “Your conclusions, man!”
“They’ve been attacked somehow, either from the inside where they’ve killed each other off—however that could be done—or from the outside where humans have managed to hunt them down. Professor, we’ve gone through this hundreds of times, because this is the main focus of our studies: where have all the vampires gone?”
“I know, Andy. But don’t you see, here in this place, we are close to the answer? I feel it, like this original sixth sense you’ve coined. The fact is, as we’ve stated many times in class and the club, over the past decade vampires have went the way of the Do-Do. Or doo-doo. Gaga.”
“VVV,” I said, trying to keep him on track.
“Now, as I’ve stated, very few people have even heard of the VVV. I, myself, believed it to be such a fantastic rumor that I buried it away with all the other falsehoods on vampires. But I see now, in the situation we’ve found ourselves in, if the truth be known, we might very well be in the midst of the VVV.”
“Cool,” I said. I could hardly wait to tell Janice, preferably alone. “That means we’re close to the truth.”
“Now, Andy, there is no known way to kill a vampire, correct?”
“Correct,” I said. “There was a recorded event in Romania, as we in the club all know, of an evil baron dismembering a vampire, scattering and burying his vampire parts across the country. But, as the tale goes, the vampire’s spirit is forever connected to the mortal body. So, still connected by the umbilical that would forever claim its soul, the vampire’s soul reached out like an expanding piece of melted taffy to the birds above, commanding their simple consciousness to seek his body parts and bring them to him, starting with the largest part, which I believe was most of his torso. The birds, then, sought out his scattered body and brought back the pieces. And, like a bloody jigsaw puzzle, reassembled the vampire.
“The vampire, and rightly so, went on to ravage the countryside, the usual stuff, you know, killing women and children. Now, vampires are supposed to have many abilities, and one of them is the ability to command animals—not turn into animals, for we have discovered that is false. The vampire’s soul, which is attached forever to the body, has no right according to natural laws to stay in that body; for the vampire’s body is dead, yet somehow it stays alive, and we, in the club, think it’s all in the blood. I’m getting off the topic, as interesting as this all is. Quite simply, the vampire’s soul can reach beyond its dead body, like an out-of-body experience, but it is forever attached to the body. In other words, no matter what you do to vampires, they will not die, and will eventually come back as pissed as ever.”
“What about burning?”
“Simple, the flesh can’t catch fire, as is told and retold in many accounts.”
“So,” said Professor L, “can we rule out the reason of the decline in vampires is due to death?”
“Perhaps. But, as we’ve discussed and argued about in class a hundred times, vampires might be able to kill vampires. It is simply not known, since we can’t find any of the living dead to ask them.”
“So the question remains, where in the hell are all the vampires?”
“God only knows, Professor.” He was breaking my heart. It was sort of like being constantly reminded that there was no Santa.
“But we know, with reasonable certainty, that there is one not more than half a mile away, buried.”
My mental gears grunted as they were once again put into use. The professor was on to something.
“And as we also know, there is a simple way to incapacitate a vampire—the silver bullet.” The professor walked about my room. He knocked over my chair, tripped, and fell on my bed, flat on his face. I had a feeling he wasn’t thinking too much about navigation. “Lifffen tifff thifith.”
“Roll over, professor.”
“Listen to this. What if the majority of vampires have been shot with silver bullets? What if all the vampires have been shot with silver bullets?” He was practically shouting, and for some reason—maybe a sixth sense—I didn’t want Grandmaster’s clan to hear.
“Calm down, Professor.”
“That must be it,” he said, lowering his voice, but his eyes stayed as bright as red sparks in a vampire’s coffin.
“But who would do this? The VVV?”
“To wipe out all the vampires of the world would take an extensive and wide-reaching organization,” he said. “They would have to be powerful and organized, much like the CIA or the Tea Party or the Screen Actors Guild.”
Sickening dread washed over me like a shower spouting mud. “Why, Professor L? Why?”
“Andy, as you know, there are some in this world that do not see vampires as you and I do. They do not see their beauty, their gifts, their kick-ass in-your-face powers. Andy, some fear them.”
I gasped. I knew a lot of people didn’t agree with me whenever I discussed vampires with them. Humor was the most common reaction. But fear?
“Andy, though it has never been documented, I believe there is a VVV out there, or some form of it. I believe they’ve feared and hated vampires to the point of extermination.”
“But they can’t kill them,” I reminded myself loudly.
“No, but a silver bullet is just as effective. Out of sight, out of mind.”
“But tonight.” I stopped. There was a confused, wild panic in my eyes. I noticed it when I glanced in the mirror to check my hair. Still looking good. Janice, eat your heart out.
“Tonight,” I continued, “tonight, the most glorious night of my life, we will hopefully uncover a vampire. No CIA, VVV, right-to-life, or right-to-death assholes are going to stop us.”
“Andy,” said Professor L quietly. “Look around you.”
I did. My head jerked around like a bird’s. I was in a nice room, inside a nice mansion full of Dial’s nice but big relatives, who just happened to be located half a mile from the nice vampire.
“This doesn’t look good,” I said.
Professor L shook his wizened head. “No, it doesn’t.”
“Guess I should have kept my voice down.”
Chapter Ten
“So what are we going to do?” I asked.
“Before we can decide what we’re going to do, we need to know what they’re going to do.”
“Oh.”
“We need some more information,” said Professor L, rubbing his gray beard as if he was summoning a genie from Aladdin’s Lamp.
I was sort of new to this detective, reconnaissance stuff, so I asked, “What kind of info?”
“Since Dial has no doubt told them everything we’ve discussed, they know we plan to dig up the vampire tonight. They know we are not here to admire the scenery and follow in the footsteps of our vampire. That we can be sure, but what we don’t know is what they plan to do about it. Will they be waiting for us with the cops and nail us for grave-robbing, or perhaps dispose of us in a deadly fashion? We need to know. We can’t walk out there blind.”
“Perhaps we shouldn’t even go.” Yes, those were my words and I was shocked to hear my rather deep baritone utter them. Thank God Janice wasn’t in the room.
> “You know as well as I do that we can never settle for that. Remember this, Andy: they desire to be rid of vampires as much as we desire to find them—opposing forces. We, however, are far from defeated.”
“They’ve got the advantage, Professor. They’re walking Marvel Comic supervillains. They’re ripped and cut and chiseled. They were recruited, no doubt, and maybe even bred to champion their cause.”
The professor and I both gazed at the bed, perhaps suffering disturbing images of those muscular demigods engaging in unseemly acts of reproduction for the good of the cause. Well, maybe he did. I was above all that.
“And we are weak physically, professor.” I could bench my weight in wet laundry, but Juan was just a regular, pizza-loving college kid. Buddy was a jock but was an offensive lineman, slow and rather clumsy. The professor definitely needed more vegetables and sunshine. Janice was in great shape—I mean, really great shape—but she was rather small for her size.
“But we are motivated,” the professor said. “Remember, Andy, we have already achieved half our goal.”
“Sir?”
“In our hearts, Andy. In our hearts we see the vampire alive again. The next step is to unbury him.”
“But, Professor, that’s easier said than done.”
“That is why we need more information, my student. As it is written, he who...” and the professor went on and on. Boy, was he on a roll, but at least he didn’t go off on his little string of fecal references again.
“We need to get the rest of the group in on this,” I said, a true leader. “They need to know what we’re really up against.”
“Perhaps,” he said. “But first, let me suggest that we gather more information. It just seems sort of considerate not to worry the others until we’re one hundred percent sure.”
Professor L was looking out the dark window toward the hidden cemetery. Then he turned to me, thinking, one hand holding the lapels of his jacket and the other digging in his ear. He pulled his index finger out with a popping sound. He suddenly seemed very old to me. Maybe it was his slightly arched back or his lined face, which was beginning to look like a road map, or maybe it was the plaid suit with bell bottoms.
“I’m a washed-out professor and I won’t be much good. So it’s up to you, Andy.”
If logic doesn’t work, twisting the facts might. “Well, I’m a young man. So it’s up to you, professor.”
He walked over to me smiling, then gently put his arm around my narrow shoulders, and quietly, oh so quietly, whispered into my ear, “I have one disadvantage: My knees pop loud enough to wake the dead.”
“So what am I to do?”
“Go downstairs and play detective.”
“But what am I snooping for?”
“Anything that will give us info about what they’re planning tonight. They know we’re after the vampire, and believe me, they’re not going to give him up. And they may well be looking to get rid of us without drawing attention to their work.”
“You’re making assumptions,” I said. “Perhaps they aren’t part of the VVV, but really are relatives of Dial.” The fact that a legendary vampire-hating clan actually existed was still beyond my comprehension. To destroy vampires willingly. It was so wrong, so horrendous, a part of me refused to believe it.
“Andy, facts are facts, and coincidences exist only in movies. We are among vampire haters. We are among evil.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. We were in their lair. I looked around me once more, at the too-white walls, the menacing painting of a menacing wave, the single confining window. It suddenly felt so wrong, so unnatural. I wanted to touch nothing, yet wanted to smash everything. I did not belong in this house of horror haters.
“Must I?”
“You must, Andy. We cannot let them continue their hideous, rather selfish actions. They are denying us our vampires. It is a crime against humanity. For I believe this clan is the cause of the decline of vampire sightings.
“Vampires have kept our population in check for centuries, much like the barn snake keeps rats and mice in check. It was so natural, so perfect—the ultimate system for the ultimate hunters.”
I felt my blood boiling. The professor was a good motivator, for I now wanted to tear off the head of one of Dial’s supposed relatives. I might need a crane and a chainsaw, but I would do it.
“But they can’t all be gone, Professor.”
“We don’t know that. But we can try to find out if you get moving.”
“Where do I begin?”
“First, try to go unnoticed. This wicked house is big enough so that you can probably sneak around without being noticed. Now, I’d try the library, the study—”
“That map of Grandmaster’s, with all the pins? You think they’ve been tracking vampires?”
“Here, have this.” He then gave me his credit card.
I was touched. I slipped it in my wallet. “What’s the limit?” I asked.
“No, you blood-sucking wannabe. That’s to open doors and windows.”
“But that’s only done on TV,” I protested.
“If it works for them, it’ll work for us. God and the angels of darkness are on our side.”
That was a little odd. The club had occasionally discussed the religious aspects of vampirism, but we always ended up with headaches, so we didn’t do it too often.
“Right,” I said. “But I’m going to need a trusty sidekick.”
Not that I exactly trusted Janice, but she could kick my side any time.
Chapter Eleven
Professor L left for his room, and I headed down the hall to Janice’s room. I was to report to the professor in an hour.
She opened the door dressed in pajamas. Speed Racer isn’t exactly a turn-on, but somehow it worked for her. She, of course, was surprised to see me.
Bummer. I had hoped she’d been expecting me.
She started. “What are you—”
“Can I come in?” One of the rules of vampires is that you always have to invite them in. They can’t come in on their own. And, yes, I was building up a diabolical fantasy, but at the moment, I had a job to do.
“Business or personal?” she said.
“Club business.” I used my club-president voice so she wouldn’t get the wrong idea. Or the right idea. It’s easy to get confused when you’re in Janice’s room and there’s the bed.
“Okay, but it better be important. Dial’s dropping by later.”
I smiled and ignored the stake that she’d driven into my heart. Okay, business then. I quickly sorted through the theory for her: the VVV, the decline of vampire sightings, the silver bullets, and the proximity of Dial’s family to the grave of a known vampire.
“Whoa,” Janice said. “You’re saying we’re being set up?”
“They must have sent Dial to infiltrate our group,” I said. “We trusted him, loved him as only fellow vampire lovers could love another vampire lover.”
And, apparently, Janice had been ready to do some loving on that fellow vampire lover. Hopefully my story would change her mind.
But she shook her head. “He’s not like that. He’s nice.”
“Look, Janice. You’ve read the books and seen the movies. The bad boy always has this rough charm that seems to sway the ladies, but first chance he gets, pow. Betrayal.”
“It’s so hard to believe.”
“And so is the existence of vampires, for most people. But we’ve learned to embrace the dark side, Janice. Now, we need to find out for sure, one way or another. The professor wants us to search the house for clues”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll do it. But only to prove that you’re wrong.”
“Cool.”
“Let me get dressed.”
“Cool.”
Five seconds passed. She looked at me. I looked at Speed Racer.
“Outside,” she said.
* * *
She joined me a minute later and we crept down the hall. The stairs were like steps in
to hell itself. I looked down the dark, twisting steps, wondering what foul beasts might lurk below.
I’ve been told I have an overactive imagination.
We descended slowly and entered utter darkness. The living room below me, as far as my other four senses could tell, was void of life. Even the potted plants seemed to be holding their breath. But somewhere in the gloomy mansion I heard the mutter of voices.
The coolness felt like a damp sock. I shuddered and reached back, grabbing Janice’s hand. “For safety,” I whispered.
She played along. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, my eyes had somewhat adjusted to the dark, and what I couldn’t see, I used my memory to piece together the black spots. Now I had a choice to make.
To my right, where the voices seemed to be coming from, was the most light. I believed that was the great library with the map. Ahead, through the living room, was the exit, but at that point you could go two ways, out the back door or into the cellar. To our left was blackness, but if I remembered correctly there was a long hall, with only the slightest hint of light from the kitchen. Maybe one of Dial’s cousins was serving up some milk and cookies for the bloodthirsty bunch.
As far as I could tell, the most obvious choice was to go where the most voices were coming from. After all, as I always said, where there are voices, you’ll find someone talking.
“Eavesdropping is rude,” Janice said, but she didn’t let go of my hand.
“So is keeping vampires in a state of suspended animation,” I whispered. “They’re the ones with blood on their hands.”
I went right, towards the voices in the kitchen, like a moth attracted to the sun. I stumbled a few times in the dark, and once I hit a cat, or at least I think it was a cat. It screeched and took off into the blackness. A voice somewhere told it to shut the hell up, and because it scared the shit out of me, I seconded the command.
The Vampire Club Page 4
