by Lila Rose
He. Kissed. Me.
Clearin’ my head of all thoughts Knife related, I spooned the last of Nevaeh’s food into her mouth. Over the last few weeks, I hadn’t seen much of her or Knife. Our schedules were different, but it was always good to have one-on-one time with the precious girl in front of me. Neither of us talked, but I could still understand what she needed, even without my hearing. Like even when her mouth moved, dribbling on about something, she had her arms wide. She wanted out of her confinement. Smiling, I fought with her over wipin’ her mouth, something she got a nasty little look over. Once she was clean, I picked her up and brought her close to my chest. She was always happy to be carried around. We went into the living room with Vin following close at my side. His gaze would glance up and down all the time. He thought Nevaeh was awesome like I did. His tail went a million miles an hour when I placed her on her play rug on the floor. Vin lay down beside her while I sat on the floor and picked up some blocks to build. Nevaeh ignored my tower and instead scooted her butt along the floor towards Vin. She was gettin’ fast at scootin’ along. At first, she did it unsteadily, but she’d soon become a pro. She flopped herself forward, her upper body lying over Vin, who didn’t seem to care at all. Any other dog I would’ve been worried, but not Vin.
Since I had my arse on the floor and Knife sometimes walked like a herd of elephants, I could feel through the ground his approach, so I glanced up to the doorway just as he entered, freshly showered and smellin’ fuckin’ fine. His face was in a scowl, probably still pissed I’d been messin’ with him and not sayin’ why Ben was there.
The thing was, there hadn’t been a reason Ben called in. He’d been in the area and remembered my address on the forms I’d filled out. In other words, he’d stalked my arse because I hadn’t been responsive to messages or at meetings for a few weeks.
Only he never got to question me since Dive showed as Ben was at the front door.
Knife limped into the room, a look of discomfort and something else crossing his face. What in the hell did he do? Pull a muscle?
Why you limping? I queried as he sat in the chair slowly, closest to his girl.
Damn. He was blushing. Whatever it was embarrassed him and made me want to know more.
“Nothin’.” He glared and then smiled down at Nevaeh as she climbed off Vin and scooted her butt over to her daddy. He leaned over, winced, but still grabbed his girl and placed her on his lap. He met my eyes and told me about the phone call he’d just received. He didn’t seem cut about his father’s death. Then again, I wouldn’t be either. He was more worried about his mum.
You okay?
“Will be after he’s buried and I know my ma will be all right.”
My phone, in my back pocket, vibrated. Vin lifted his head and nudged my arm. Smiling down at him, ’cause it was his way to show me my phone made a noise, I pulled it out and looked at the name.
Ben.
Shit.
Sighing, I opened the message. You could have just told me you were seeing your roommate. I feel like an idiot.
Fuck, I didn’t want him to feel that way. I’d been the fuckhead to lead him on, but I was also fearful of losing him if Knife was just messin’ with me. Hell, that thought tightened my gut in a knot.
Glancing to Knife, I caught him pulling his eyes from me back to Nevaeh, who climbed all over him chattering about whatever babies talk about.
You’re not an idiot. That would be me because I don’t know what in the hell is goin’ on with him or me. If anything would happen. Sorry!
His reply was quick. Always knew you weren’t fully in it with me. I suspected it had to do with Knife. Now I know for sure. No man comes into a house ready to kill a person like he did before. Something WILL happen, and I know when to step back. Still, I’d like to hang?
Something kicked my socked foot. I glanced down to see Knife pull his bare foot back, and then looked up to meet his gaze.
“Who’s that?”
Before he moved in he never used to ask me who I was on the phone with.
Was Ben correct in thinkin’ somethin’ could happen here?
Snorting, I shook my head. I had to remember Knife was the man who’d run from the room and didn’t talk to me for a fuckin’ long time.
Then there was also that kiss.
Christ. What was he doin’ to me?
Ben.
He narrowed his gaze on me, and I saw the tick in his jaw when he clenched.
“He only just left. What’s the guy’s problem?” Nevaeh took that moment to shove her fist in his mouth, so the last word was gurgled around her tiny hand. Knife chuckled and pulled it free. “I’m hungry, darlin’, but not that hungry.”
Grinnin’, I then chuckled when I saw Nevaeh start to giggle. Damn, I wished I could actually hear them both.
Instead, there was nothing but silence for the rest of my life, and it fuckin’ sucked.
Blinkin’ back the emotions, I noticed Knife talkin’ to me. “You didn’t answer. What’s he want?”
Should I mess with him more?
Nah, I wasn’t in the mood suddenly. Nothing really.
Knife rolled his eyes. Ignoring it, I stood from the floor and stretched, watchin’ as Knife’s eyes raked over my body.
My dick perked up in my jeans. Damn, Knife and I needed to have words. I had to sort shit out between us. The way he’d been confused the fuck outta me and if he was just messin’, I wanted to make sure so I could move on.
And I thought by movin’ on, he’d have to move out or, hell, I’d go on an extended vacation and do some work in the Ballarat Charter. See if Talon could shift another member up our way to replace me since we were short on members.
Lunch?
As Knife nodded, I turned and went into the kitchen. I knew he’d have to get Nevaeh down for a nap and then, fuckin’ then, I’d ask some questions.
I had some roast beef from the night before, so I made some sandwiches for the both of us. I could have used a beer or ten, but I wanted a clear head for when I spoke with Knife, even if my nerves were growin’ higher and higher over the conversation to come.
Christ, I felt like my gut was eating itself. I wasn’t even sure I could manage to eat.
My body jolted, and I spun around when I felt a hand on my arm. Knife was already laughin’ for catchin’ me off guard. The dick.
His lips moved, and I had an urge to take them; instead, I watched him ask, “What’s up? Usually you know when someone enters.”
I did. No matter where I was, I had an eye on the entrance and on Vin who’d let me know if someone was coming.
I ignored his question and instead signed. We got to talk.
He nodded and leaned his arse into the counter. “This about me living here still? ’Cause I gotta say, it’s real good how you’ve let us crash at your place for so long, and anytime you think we’re outstaying our welcome, you let me know and I’ll look for another place.” He took a breath and went on. “Just haven’t been lookin’ lately ’cause I wanted to bond with my girl, but I know things are cool with me and Nevaeh now. She knows—”
My hand came up as my head jerked back. Where he got that from I didn’t know. Stay as long as you want. It’s not about that.
“Right. Then… is it about Ben?” His upper lip raised when he’d said Ben’s name. “Is he movin’ in? Are you two getting together? Shit, have you even fucked the guy? He shouldn’t move in if you don’t know what he’s like in bed. Fuck. Not that you should—”
Jesus, stop. I chuckled. It’s not about Ben. Actually, maybe, sort of. I shrugged.
Knife tightened his hold on the edge of the counter. “Then what’s it about?”
What do you think? I raised a brow and looked to his lips, then up to his eyes.
He threw his hands up in the air and said, “I don’t know. The shit I guessed was wrong, and I don’t get how it’s not about Ben when it sort of maybe is.”
Groaning, I rubbed a hand over my face and glared at him.
Was he really that stupid?
Knife—
He interrupted, and I watched his mouth move around the words. “Call me Jay.”
What the fuck?
My gut swirled.
Did he just ask me to call him Jay?
What?
He smirked. “Now who’s the one not understanding?”
Smartarse.
You want me to call you Jay?
He shrugged. “Yeah, in here, the house, call me Jay.”
Shock had me standing there blankly staring at him. He’d never asked me to call him by his name. Never. And we’d been around each other for a fuckin’ long time.
His hand waving out in front of my face had me blinking rapidly and grabbin’ my attention to see him say, “Did I break you? It’s only a name, brother. You can call me whatever you want.” He shrugged.
Crap, my heart thumped in my chest. Shifting on my feet, I straightened and then leaned back against the counter in the corner. All good, I’ll call you Jay. Here. At the house.
“Cool.” He smiled. “And even though you didn’t fuckin’ offer the same thing back, I’m still gonna call you Maddox.”
Fuck me.
His lips movin’ around my name was somethin’ I wanted to see for the rest of my fuckin’ life. I sent him a chin lift. There was nothin’ else I could do because I was at a loss from losing the whole conversation in the first place.
I was also living back in the time my name left his mouth.
Shit.
If he was fuckin’ messin’ with me, I was gonna kick his arse.
“Right, now that’s straight, I wanna eat, but before we do, what did you want to talk about?”
Screw it all. I was gonna just come out with it. The kiss.
Chapter Twenty
Knife
Damn it. I thought I’d go in slow, lay down the rule about using each other’s real name while in the house. I’d been thinkin’ about it a while, and I wanted Maddox to call me Jay. And then he just blew things wide open when he wanted to talk about the kiss.
As in, the kiss, where I attacked his lips.
Not that he seemed to have minded at the time.
Clearin’ my throat, I rubbed the back of my neck to try and cool my skin down since I knew it had heated with a blush. “Okay. What about it?”
There, throw the ball back in his court, since I wasn’t ready to come out and admit I was thinking of it constantly and wanted to do it again or why I wanted it in the first place.
Still, if push came to shove, I’d tell him if he really wanted the answer.
Especially since I hated the sight of fuckface in the living room near Maddox.
A smile tugged at my lips. Just thinkin’ his name felt foreign, but goddamn good. However, it was serious time. So I cleared my thoughts and face of all emotions and stared back at Maddox’s glower.
What about it? He challenged.
“Yeah.” I nodded. He thinned his lips into a frown and let out a hard breath through his nose. God, I loved messin’ with him, but I was also panicked about talkin’ about it all, about what I was feelin’ because I was still unsure. At least I thought I was.
Fucked if I knew.
If anything, I’d rather just go for it instead of talkin’.
Talkin’ sucked, and I knew I’d screw up whatever I was gonna say. Why couldn’t I just… jump him like I had before? Then at least he’d know I’d want to.
Did I?
Want to kiss him again?
Fuck. I sighed. I did. I really, really fuckin’ did, and there was no denying any of it. He’d been starrin’ in my porn thoughts for a fuckin’ while, and I wanted to see if reality would be better. Hell, I hadn’t thought of pussy for a long time.
Jay. He signed with aggravated movements, still, I liked it, so I smiled and I didn’t think it’d be possible, but his eyes narrowed even more. Why did you—
There was a knock, and then someone opened the door and called out, “Brothers from another mother, where you at?”
Maddox was movin’ before I did, followin’ Vin into the living room. A pace behind them, I walked in to see Low, Dodge, and their girl Romania, who I called Rom, while others said Rommy.
“Sorry we’re early, but once I told Rommy she was gonna hang with you guys and little Nevaeh for a while she wanted to come.”
She was?
“Hey,” I called.
“Yo, brother. Thanks for takin’ our girl so I can take my woman out.”
“Ah, no worries.”
Dodge snorted. “You didn’t know?”
“Well, it was Beast who I asked,” Low put in. “Though I figured he would have told you.”
Looking to Maddox, I raised my brow. He was still in a mood scowling at me, but he signed. Mentioned I was busy later, just didn’t say what I was doin’.
“All good. Nevaeh would love the company. Hey, Rom.” I gave her a chin lift.
“Hi, Knife. Can I pat the puppy?”
“Sure, girl.”
Vin loved attention.
She came forward and rubbed her hands over Vin’s face, who’s tail started to thump.
“This is awesome,” Low cheered. “We so appreciate it. Texas is at a mate’s place and Rom would be at her girl’s, but she got sick, and it’s been too long for date night with my man.”
“What time you grabbin’ her?” I asked, though I was still watching Rom pat Vin and then I saw her get to her knees and look under Vin.
“It’s a boy,” she cried out. “He has a doodle.”
“Rommy.” Dodge groaned, his head going back, eyes to the ceiling.
“What?” she asked innocently. She stood and told Maddox and me. “I’m a girl, like Low. I have a vag—”
“Romania,” Low scolded. “What did I tell you about sayin’ stuff like that?”
“I should only talk to you or Uncle Trey about it.”
“Preferably Low, baby girl,” Dodge muttered.
Low laughed. “Yes, honey. Just us.” She glanced to Maddox and me and offered, “Sorry, she walked in on her brother the other night and saw, you know. Never crossed her mind people were different.”
“Ain’t she like eight now?”
“Yeah, nearly nine.” Dodge nodded. “And the older they get, the less chance we know what’s gonna come outta her mouth.”
Fun times.
It ended up we were havin’ Rom until nine that night. Dodge was takin’ Low to dinner and a movie, but first they had some things to do at the compound. Though, I was sure work wouldn’t just get done at the compound.
After Nevaeh woke, Rom and she played together, and it was an awesome sight. Even though the girl didn’t shut her trap once, even nearly choking on a cookie tryin’ to talk, I was lookin’ forward to Nevaeh growin’ because I wanted to hear what she’d come out with. Wasn’t sure if it’d be the same as Rom, and at times, I prayed it wasn’t since she spoke about when her poop was hard to come out, and the time she ate her snot, until Low told her it was bits of dirt up her nose mushed together. She didn’t like dirt apparently; after all, she’d tried it when she was younger.
The girl needed to learn TMI moments, but still, I found myself not giving too much of a fuck. She amused both Maddox and myself. Lost count of the times she’d made us laugh.
I’d been grateful for her arrival since it put off the talk with Maddox. I was even more so when I watched him with the girls. He fuckin’ loved it. Never would have thought a big, rough man like him was such a softy.
He’d just thrown his head back and laughed after he’d read Rom say, “Texas was so angry with me, but I just wanted to look at his magazine I found under his bed.”
Snorting, I shook my head. The little monster shouldn’t have been under her brother’s bed. I could guess what kinda magazine she’d found.
We were sitting in a burger joint eating dinner. Neither Maddox nor I wanted to cook, so we brought the girls out. I’d already had a booster seat for Rom, th
at Nevaeh was to grow into. Rom was still on the small side, so she needed it.
Nevaeh was in a high chair munching on some fries. Actually, she was squeezing the hell out of them in her tiny fist before it even made it to her mouth.
It was there and then that it hit me.
I was sitting across from Maddox, he was next to Rom, and I had Nevaeh at my side, and I liked the scene.
I liked it a fuckin’ lot.
It was free and easy.
Yeah, I could say I’d have the same with a woman, but I didn’t want that.
My heart thumped rapidly in my chest at the realisation I wanted what was right in front of me. The man who was trying to teach Rom how to sign some words. Who was smiling down at her.
Fuck.
Who’d have thought?
Not me in a million fuckin’ years.
But I did. I wanted Maddox.
So fuck hiding it. Fuck putting shit off because I was scared.
It was time to sort it.
Beast
Somethin’ in Jay—Christ, I couldn’t get over how good it felt callin’ him Jay—had changed. The change in him seemed like a weight had been lifted off him, and it happened at dinner.
When we’d got back to the house, Jay got Nevaeh ready for bed with Rommy following him around asking questions, so I went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. Maybe I needed sleep, but I was sure Jay was messin’ with me more. He was always close. His hand seemed to touch my arm more times than I could count that night than over the span of time we’d been around each other.
My body was hyperalert when he was close. My dick acted like it had a string tied around it and jerked when Jay was near.
Earlier, he hadn’t seemed willing to talk about anything, and yet there he was playin’ with me, with his little touches when he could.
Yeah, somethin’ had changed, but since I was dog tired, I wasn’t ready to talk to him about it. I’d been doin’ overtime due to a shortage of workers at the garage since more brothers were covering the strip clubs.
I’d just drained the rest of my beer when Vin nudged my leg; someone was at the door. As I made my way into the living room, Jay, with Nevaeh in his arms, and Rommy came from the other room. I stopped in the living room since they were closer to the front door. Jay opened it, smiled, and stepped back sayin’ something. Rommy dove forward as Dodge stepped in and swooped her up into his arms.
