by Lila Rose
Though, since I’d thought about it, I liked knowing how Maddox felt. I could only hope I wasn’t puttin’ tickets on myself and dreamin’ it all up. But I was sure what Maddox felt for me ran strong. Then there was also what I was feelin’ for him. Hell, I couldn’t wait to see him when we were apart. I wanted his time, his eyes, his words, his thoughts. And I wanted his body. I wanted everything from the man and the thought of not havin’ it fuckin’ lit a fire deep, and it wouldn’t simmer until I had the man all to myself.
Fuck it. I was claimin’ him.
He was mine. I was his.
We needed to see where it went and just from the glimpse of what we could be, I knew it’d be fuckin’ awesome.
Shit, I couldn’t keep my lips off him. Right then I stared at said lips as he fought through his shock.
Shruggin’, I picked up the toy Nevaeh threw on the floor and passed it back before shockin’ the man before me some more.
Steppin’ closer, where I could place my hands on his waist, to which he looked down at and then up at me, his brows pulled low. He was probably thinkin’ I didn’t mean what I said. After all, I’d been the one who ran after our first experience together. He’d soon figure out I wasn’t running, and I wouldn’t let him either.
“I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks as long as you and me are happy. But I want this. You and me. Together. Yeah, I’m new to it all, but fuck, Maddox, I want to learn, and I want you to teach me. I ain’t goin’ nowhere, and neither are you. We got something between us that could be so damn good. Nothing and no one will step in the fuckin’ way. Which also means Ben has gotta fuck the hell off. I won’t share. And I know you won’t either. Thing is, I wouldn’t look for anything, not when I got you to come home to.”
Shut up. He signed.
Yeah. He fuckin’ loved me. I could see it in his misty eyes. He also loved each and every word I’d just said.
I knew it when he grabbed me roughly and melded his mouth against mine.
The kiss was hot, the man in front of me even hotter, and I knew I’d said the right thing because I wasn’t messin’ around. I wasn’t scared. I knew what I wanted, and Maddox was it.
We broke apart, and he flicked his eyes to Nevaeh, so I looked there also to see her watchin’ us. My girl would have to get used to PDA quickly because there wasn’t a chance I’d hide what I was feelin’.
Looking back to Maddox, he met my gaze. “You over bein’ shocked?” I asked.
He threw his head back and laughed. I loved seein’ it and the smile after it. Leaning in, I kissed his jaw. His hands ran up and down my arms while I tasted his skin.
With a final kiss to his lips, I said, “You’d better get a shower in before my ma gets here.”
You sure about this?
“Hell yes.”
Not sure you realise what you got yourself into. Some people still hate. He gestured between us, meaning two guys together. Sure you don’t want to think on it longer? Only been a night. He smirked.
Chuckling, I shook my head and said, “Nope. I’ll deal. And shit, it’s been… you’ve been on my mind for a fuckin’ long time. Want this with you.”
Jay. It’s a lot…. Maybe think a bit longer. I’m a possessive fucker, and once you say you’re all in, then I won’t let you back out.
“Good. I’m all in. Now, I have a question on my mind.”
Grinning, he shook his head as if he still couldn’t believe I wanted this between us. What?
“Do you top or bottom?”
He froze, and then another laugh rumbled up out of him. He brought me against him in an embrace.
He then pulled away and signed. Christ, you ever not gonna surprise me? I shook my head, smiling. Usually, I top. His eyes heated. But for you, I’ll bottom.
My dick jerked behind my jeans, and my smile grew wider. Maddox saw it, which caused him to laugh again.
“Wanna get tested.”
Maddox nodded, all serious. Me too.
“Know I’ll be clean, but still wanna do it. ’Cause when I have the chance to be inside you, wanna feel all of you…. Christ, I’m hard just thinkin’ it. You?” His gulp and thrust of his hips into mine told me he was. “Right. Shower, or Nevaeh’ll get a show her eyes shouldn’t see.”
Beast
Holy motherfuckin’ Christ.
I trembled with need. My heart pounded fast in my chest with too many emotions runnin’ through me. Even as I stumbled outta the kitchen with shaky hands, I still couldn’t fully comprehend what just happened.
Jay Conger wanted to date.
Me.
No, the way he’d spoken, it was more he was claimin’ me.
Could this actually be real?
I ran a hand over my face as I climbed into the shower. Vin, who’d come back into the house when I was kissing Jay, sat on the floor outside the shower.
I still wasn’t sure if Jay was rushing into something he didn’t fully understand. Would he actually want people to know? Yeah, he’d said he was gonna tell his mum, but she wasn’t the only person in our lives.
The brothers.
How would he be if they found out?
Fuck. Would he go out to dinner or the movies or some mundane thing with just me? I wasn’t a hand holding type, but if the urge came over me to kiss someone, I’d do it. So, if I did it while we were out, how would Jay react?
What in the fuck was I thinkin’?
Ben had been the only guy I’d been out to dinner with and those times weren’t really a date. No urge to kiss him had come over me, yet I was already thinkin’ about dates and everything else with Jay.
Because he was different.
He had always been it for me. Only, I’d never thought I’d have what I’d always wanted.
Never.
Until now.
Christ, I’d never been a smiling guy, but I couldn’t seem to stop. The warm and fuzzy feelings really did a number on a person.
All I had to do was pray no one and nothing would fuck this up between Jay and me. Not when Jay was takin’ a huge fuckin’ leap for us.
Still, I reckoned I should suggest that we take things slowly. What worried me was if we went full blown into a relationship, it’d be good for a while and then fizzle out to nothin’. I didn’t want that to happen.
Fuck me.
Honestly, I didn’t have a clue what to do or what way would be best. I was just as green as Jay when it came to a relationship. He’d be the first guy I’d ever been in one with. Yeah, I’d dated a few women in my younger years, but I knew it wasn’t ever serious. The men before Jay had been some random I’d picked up for the night from a place no one knew me. A gay club where I knew it’d be easy pickin’ in finding a bottom. I hadn’t lied to Jay. I was usually a top. On rare occasions I’d bottomed for guys who were bigger in body size than me, and I’d enjoyed it enough. Still, I knew I’d love it with Jay.
Damn. Just thinkin’ of havin’ his cock slide in my arse gave me an erection.
Even better, he wanted it bare.
Another thought shot to my cock, of Jay comin’ inside of me. Fuck, it was somethin’ I’d want to do to him as well.
Suddenly, the shower curtain was pulled aside. I jumped and tried to cover my dick, only to find Jay standing there with his gaze dipped.
He pulled it up to glare at me. “You don’t fuckin’ jerk off when I’m not around. That”—he pointed to my dick—“is now mine. Means you don’t touch it unless it’s for a piss. Get me?” His face was scrunched up since he was fuming.
What I felt like doin’ was laughing my arse off, but not only was I turned the hell on from him thinkin’ he could order me around—something I’d let him have at that moment—but I was also pleased he was pissed and wanted to handle my cock himself.
You gonna deal with it then? I asked while jutting my hips out and placing my hands on the top of the shower rail.
His eyes hooded, until he shook his head and glared at me. “Ma’s just arrived. Save it for later
. You get me?”
Smirking, I pulled an arm down and wound my hand around my dick to jerk once, twice. Not sure I do.
His jaw clenched right before he leaned into the shower and turned off the hot water. Frigid cold water sprayed out and down over my body. I gasped, cursed under my breath and turned off the water.
Scowling at Jay, I found him chuckling. “Looks like you got nothing to deal with now.” He was right. My dick had got scared from the frozen water and deflated a little. “Now get the fuck out,” he ordered, and stormed to the door, opening it roughly, to stomp on out, and closing it behind him.
Well, fuck me.
Control was something I relished.
However, I thought I could give some control over to Jay because, fuck, I liked it.
Lookin’ down to Vin, I rolled my eyes at him. His head lifted up as if he were grinnin’ at me.
Thanks for the warning. I signed. He barked.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Knife
Damn, if my ma wasn’t in the house and if Nevaeh was asleep, I would have gladly taken Maddox’s dick in my hand or mouth. Just seein’ him hard in the shower, his skin all wet and warm was a fuckin’ turn-on. In fact, I had to adjust my dick in my jeans as I walked back down the hall. No wonder it was takin’ him so long in the shower. At first I’d thought something had happened. It had, only it wasn’t life-threatening. Unless he decided to deal with it himself.
Obviously he understood that when I claimed him, I meant all of him.
Any sexual desires were mine to dish out. His body was no longer his, like mine wasn’t mine. I knew I’d leave all orgasms to the man I’d just walked outta the bathroom from. Hell, if I could still walk and have him suckin’ me off 24/7, I’d do it. Then again, I wouldn’t want him to get a sore jaw or anything, so maybe 24/7 wasn’t the best option. I was caring like that.
“All good. Vin was in there with him,” I said as I entered the living room to see Ma, who was in designer gear, sitting on the floor next to Nevaeh. I’d told her about how Maddox was deaf and didn’t talk, so I used the excuse of how I wasn’t sure he had Vin with him to go and see what was takin’ him so long. It was also because I’d fuckin’ found myself distracted talkin’ with Ma because I was thinkin’ of him.
Never thought about a person so much in my life. Usually I was self-absorbed. Well, that was until Nevaeh came along… and since that night in the hotel room.
“I’m glad.” Ma smiled.
“It’s good to see you here,” I told her as I sat on the couch opposite to where she and Nevaeh were. We’d talked a few times over the phone, even before I shared with her the news of Frank. She was situated in a hotel for a while until she found her own place. I had asked why she hadn’t wanted the house. She wanted a clean slate. I was glad she went for that option since Frank was offed in the house. What worried me was how I could see the sadness in her eyes. She had a lot of guilt; so did I. But it was time to move on and gain back a relationship without that fucktard in our lives.
“It’s great to be here. I can’t tell you enough how beautiful she is, Jay.” When she’d entered earlier, she’d burst into tears on seeing Nevaeh for the first time. I was sure that wasn’t the only reason; her emotions would be running high. “The mother, she won’t—”
My hand came up. “Not in our lives and for the better. If she ever tried to come back, she’d regret it. Somethin’ she’d know.”
Ma nodded. She knew exactly what I was sayin’ and didn’t care. She’d always wanted me happy, and at the start, when she knew I was leavin’ for Hawks MC, she was sad but pleased I was finally content with life.
“How you doin’, Ma?”
She nodded, only to look up and see the scepticism on my face. She smiled softly. “I’ll get there, Jay. I regret so much, most of all losing time with you. He was my husband for so long, though. It will take time to adjust, but I will.” Even quieter, she said, “He wasn’t a good man. I knew this. Another reason I regret my time with him. In a way, he deserved what he got for his dealings. But… it’s still hard to take.”
“Shit, Ma. I can understand that. You’re strong, always have been, so with time, I know you’ll be fine. And we can make that time back, and now you got a grandbaby to look forward to getting to know. Nevaeh’s life is only startin’ out. You can be there for both of us from now on.”
More tears shone in her eyes. Her bottom lip wobbled. “I would so love that.”
Even with time, I knew we’d never have a deep mother-and-son relationship, but respect had me callin’ her Ma, and still I knew I wanted her in my life because she’d been a good mum when I was a young boy. She’d been weak against her husband; that was all I could put it down to.
Nevaeh would need a woman in her life, and with help from both of us, we’d get her grandmother standing on her own two feet without a fear in the world.
“I was very nervous about coming here, Jay.”
“Can understand that, Ma. Again, in time those nerves will go. You just gotta remember you can be whoever you want to be here, around us, and we’ll be the same.”
“I will.”
Shifting forward, I rested my elbows on my knees and clasped my hands together. “Something I gotta tell you.”
“Yes?” she asked as Nevaeh climbed onto her lap.
Only it was then I heard Vin’s nails clip cloppin’ on the floor, so I knew Maddox would be behind him. Jesus, my heart was bursting with knowing Maddox was comin’ down the hall. I could feel Ma’s eyes on me, but I was already looking towards the hall. First came Vin around the corner. He went straight towards the people on the floor and then in stepped Maddox dressed in jeans and a black tee.
Fuckin’ perfect.
His eyes landed on me right away, and he grinned. I was already smilin’, so I signed. Hey.
He shook his head, chuckled too low for me to hear, but I could see, and I liked seeing it.
His eyes went to the floor, so I looked there to see Ma already watchin’ me. A soft smile was on her lips. Clearin’ my throat, I said and signed, “Ma, this is…” Fuck, did I call him Beast or Maddox? I didn’t really want her to call him Beast, but Maddox was also something I wanted just for me to call him. Still, it didn’t feel right. If she was in our life like I wanted, then… “Maddox.” I finished and looked to Maddox. He was glancing at both of us. “Maddox, officially meet my ma, Lisa Conger.” He started to walk towards the couch with a wave to Ma when I added, “Also, he’s my man.”
I snorted when Maddox stumbled the rest of the way over before planting his arse next to me on the couch with a blush to his cheeks.
“Um, Jay. How do I sign?”
Tearing my gaze away from a glaring Maddox beside me, who I was grinning at, I told Ma, “You can just talk, but make sure you have his eyes. He can read your lips and I can translate what he wants to say.”
Maddox looked to Ma. “It’s nice to meet you, Maddox. You have a nice home here.”
As I watched Maddox’s fingers fly, I repeated the words, “Nice to meet you too, and thanks. Sorry about your son layin’ that on you like that. He’s an idiot sometimes.” I laughed.
Ma giggled. “He’s always been straightforward. Something I appreciate. Though he didn’t need to say anything. His look at you was enough for me to know.”
Holy shit. It was?
“A mother always notices these things. If you’re worried others will—”
Quickly I shook my head. “I don’t care if people do.” Turning to Maddox, who was already lookin’ at me, I asked, “Do you?”
No.
“All good then.” Placing a hand on Maddox’s thigh, I leaned back on the couch, relaxed, and just talked. It took some time for Maddox to get settled into it, but he’d have to get used to me wantin’ to touch him all the time. And everyone else we were around would have to do the same as well.
Later Ma mentioned she was lookin’ at places near us to buy. That was if we didn’t mind, which we didn’
t. As the time went on, I realised I had missed her. Havin’ her in front of me brought back memories of how she used to be with me. Even though we had money back then, I didn’t have a nanny. She did everything herself. Cooked, cleaned, helped me with homework, and even played Lego and shit with me. I wasn’t sure where or how she’d lost her way, but she had to have felt stuck with Frank to have not left sooner.
She was a lot younger than him, only looking about forty-five, a few years older than Maddox, but she was actually fifty-two, where I was thirty-five. She still had a lot to give, a lot to look forward to in life, and a chance to find happiness.
Ma had stayed all day. Maddox made us some lunch while Ma and I took Nevaeh on a walk in her stroller, something my girl loved to do. It also helped her sleep after lunch. There was never any awkwardness between any of us and each time she saw me touch Maddox in any way, her smile would turn soft. It told me she was happy because I was.
As she was leavin’ after dinner and after we’d gone through some things for the funeral, she asked if once she was situated, she could have Nevaeh for the night. Worry bombarded me; still, I found myself agreeing. It didn’t mean it’d be soon. I wanted them around each other more before I gave Ma a chance at taking her for the night. I’d also asked Maddox once she’d left, for him to install security at her new place. I’d never take a chance and not have something top of the range when my daughter was gonna be in that house. He quickly agreed, with a look that told me he’d already thought of it.
I’d enjoyed the day with my ma there, but I’d also felt guilty for wanting her gone. Each time I found Maddox lookin’ at me with warmth in his eyes, I wanted to crawl into his lap and kiss the fuck outta him. I probably could have done it in front of Ma, but then again, I knew once I got my mouth on him, I’d want to take it further.
Which was why, when after I’d asked him about security, I plastered myself to him near the front door and took his mouth. He was just as eager. His hands gripped me just as quickly and roamed my body.
