Tell Me

by Strom, Abigail

  Relationships suck, Sam always said. People mistake lust for love, and then things get messy.

  Maybe Caleb was right and she was wrong. Maybe guys didn’t care about shared interests. Maybe they cared about late-night flirting calls and big breasts.

  Maybe Sam was right, and love would always take a back seat to lust.

  But a few hours later, when she was surrounded by books and customers who loved them, her native optimism returned. Of course there were men in the world looking for real relationships. And some of those men were guy-nerds, men who watched Doctor Who and loved Harry Potter and could say at least a few words in J. R. R. Tolkien’s elvish language. Men who saw geekdom and a love of literature not as an impediment, but as the perfect bridge to romance.

  By the time four o’clock rolled around, she was feeling downright cheery.

  She didn’t even have time to doubt herself, to wonder if maybe Dan wouldn’t come. Because at 4:05 there he was, bringing not only his niece but his sister. And when he spotted her he came right over, smiling like they’d known each other for years and introducing Lisa (his sister) and Alice (his niece) as though he’d already told them about Jane and had been looking forward to seeing her all day.

  The four of them chatted about books and authors, and Alice picked out an autographed copy of E. B. White’s Charlotte’s Web from the rare-books case.

  Jane’s one niggling concern was how she and Dan would get down to the date question—or at least the phone number question—with his sister and niece there. But before she had a chance to come up with a potential solution, Dan found one himself.

  Or rather, his niece did.

  “Come on, Mom, we’re going to be late,” she said, tugging on Lisa’s arm.

  Lisa pulled out her phone and nodded. “You’re right, we are.” She smiled at Jane. “It’s your fault for being so charming. It was lovely to meet you, and we’ll be sure to come here for our Christmas shopping. Dan, will we see you soon?”

  He nodded. “Not tonight, though.”

  Jane’s hopes soared as Lisa and Alice left. What was he planning to do tonight? Could it be something he wanted to do with her? Dinner? Dancing? Drinks? All three? Of course she was wearing a T-shirt while he was wearing a maroon button-down over gray wool slacks, but she always kept a few pieces of clothing here at the store. She had a skirt hanging up in the back room should it become necessary.

  Please let it become necessary.

  Dan started to say something and then stopped. He fiddled with his glasses, which made her think about how often she fiddled with her own glasses when she was nervous.

  Was he nervous? About asking her out, maybe?

  After a moment he took the glasses off, polished them with the hem of his shirt, and put them back on again. “Jane—”

  “Little sis!”

  There was no mistaking the exuberant voice of Samantha Finch. Normally Jane would have been just as happy to see her, but her timing at this moment was so spectacularly awful that Jane shot her a glare that, if looks could kill, would have taken down a bear at twenty paces.

  Sam, of course, paid no attention. She strode through Jane’s store like a brisk wind blowing through a quiet town, a huge grin on her face. When she reached her sister’s side, she wrapped her up in a bear hug that reminded Jane that Sam was eight inches taller and thirty pounds heavier—every bit of it toned muscle.

  “Look at you!” Sam cried out.

  Her voice, as always, sounded too loud in the quiet bookstore. Sam always seemed larger than life, so full of exuberant vitality that just being around her could leave Jane feeling sort of wan and pale and tired, a thin sapling next to a mighty oak tree.

  “Caleb says you guys have something fab planned for my birthday. This is the big three-oh, Janey. I’m not even sure I want to celebrate it.”

  “That’s good, because what Caleb has in mind will never, ever happen.”

  Sam gave a mock pout. “Now you’ve made me want whatever it is.”

  “That’s because mentally you’re still eight years old.”

  “I’m rubber and you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and—”

  “Okay, six years old.”

  Sam’s big personality was enough to distract a person from anything—even a cute customer you had a crush on. But now that the first greeting was over Jane remembered Dan, and when she stole a glance at him, she saw that he was staring at Sam as you might stare at a car wreck on the side of the road, wondering how it happened and unable to take your eyes off it.

  Sam must have caught her glance, because she turned the full wattage of her toothy grin on him.

  “I’m so sorry, Jane, I interrupted you with a customer.” She stuck out a hand, and Dan took it, looking a little dazed. “I’m Samantha,” she went on. “Are you a regular?”

  “This is just my second time here,” he answered. “It’s a fantastic shop.” He looked from Samantha to Jane. “You two are sisters?”

  He sounded dazed, too.

  Sam grinned at him. “I know, we don’t look anything alike. Except for our eyes,” she added. “They’re the exact same shade of blue. Cobalt, according to our mother. I’ve never seen any cobalt, so I just take her word for it.”

  She turned back to Jane. “I got downtown sooner than I expected, so I stopped by to give you a hug. Also, I wanted to ask if we can have dinner a little earlier than we planned. Like, say, right after you close up shop. I’m starving. Caleb’s on his way. He’ll meet us there.”

  “But it’s only—” She glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that, somehow, it was five minutes to six. How had that happened?

  “You still close at six, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, then.” Sam gave her another huge hug, this one hard enough to make her ribs creak. “I’ll see you in fifteen minutes or whenever you get there. Burgers and my kid sister—what could be better?”

  And then she blew out of the store like the tail end of a hurricane, the impression so strong that Jane half expected books to blow open, their pages fluttering, as though a literal wind had swept through.

  Damn. Jane had been thinking that if Dan asked her out for tonight, she’d have plenty of time to text Sam and Caleb that she needed to reschedule their dinner plans. Now, obviously, that was out of the question.

  But that was okay. She and Dan could still do something after dinner, like drinks or coffee. Or they could just make plans for a different day. This wasn’t a big deal, just a short-term disappointment.

  She turned back to Dan, hoping they could pick up where they’d left off.

  He was still staring after her sister, even though she’d left the store and was out of sight. Not that Jane was surprised. It usually took her a few minutes to recover equilibrium after a Sam encounter, and this was Dan’s first one.

  He turned back to her after a moment.

  “Samantha,” he said, sounding bemused.

  “Yep, that’s her name,” Jane said.

  This might actually be a good thing. They could talk about siblings, since they both obviously had them. And Jane’s plans with Sam might lead to a discussion of plans in general, which might lead to a discussion of plans, specifically. As in plans for a date.

  “She . . .” Dan trailed off.

  Jane nodded. “I know. Sam can be kind of overwhelming.”

  Dan was quiet for a moment, his eyes almost blank behind his glasses. What was he thinking about? The fact they had only another five minutes? Was he wondering whether to ask her out, or if they should just exchange phone numbers? Or—

  The blank look transformed into something else. He put a hand on her shoulder, and she thrilled at the contact. It was the first time they’d touched since yesterday, when their hands had brushed on the counter.

  “I was wondering,” he said.

  Jane’s heart began to pound.

  “Your sister. Is she seeing anyone?”

  Chapter Five

  She d
idn’t have a chance to process the question before Kiki came bustling over, chattering about the customer who’d bought every single Nero Wolfe mystery they had, which was like twenty, and now there was a big gap in the mystery section under S where Rex Stout had been, and did Jane want her and Felicia to close up tonight?

  Jane grasped onto the question mark at the end of that last sentence. There was something in Kiki’s chatter that required a response.

  “What?”

  “I said, do you want us to close up tonight? I heard Sam—I wasn’t eavesdropping, but you don’t really have to with her, right? She’s so loud—say that you guys have dinner plans. So if you want me to close up I can. All the customers are gone except—” She looked at Dan. “Not that I’m rushing you out, or anything. I—”

  “No, not at all,” Dan said. He turned to Jane again. “I could walk you to wherever you’re meeting your sister for dinner. If that’s all right?”

  Everything was happening so fast. What was she supposed to say?

  Dan had asked if Samantha was single. He was interested in her. He wanted to walk Jane to the restaurant in the hope of seeing her sister again.

  She had no idea how to respond.

  “I—”

  No. She would say no.

  But what reason could she give for saying he couldn’t walk her to the burger joint around the corner?

  “I was going to do an errand on the way. You don’t have to—”

  “I don’t mind,” he said quickly. “Really.”

  And then, in that moment, Jane felt herself give up.

  It wasn’t a new sensation. She’d been giving up when it came to Sam for twenty-seven years. Sam had always been too much for her, and she always would be.

  “Okay,” she said hopelessly, but Dan didn’t notice the hopelessness—only the acquiescence.

  “Wonderful,” he said jubilantly. “Are you ready? Should we go?”

  She couldn’t think of a single excuse to delay. “Sure.” Well, there was her purse and her cardigan in the back room. That would give her a moment of privacy to get herself together. “Let me just grab my—”

  “Your sweater and purse?” Kiki said, producing them like a genie. “Here you go. I brought them with me so you could head straight out.”

  Great.

  She mustered up a smile for her employee and friend, who was only trying to be nice. “Thanks so much, Kiki. That’s great. You’ve got the keys?”

  “Yup.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

  And less than a minute later, she was walking down the sidewalk with Handsome Dan, just as she’d imagined—except that they were talking about Sam.

  “She’s so beautiful. I think she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  He wasn’t the first guy to think that. He wasn’t even the first guy Jane had been interested in who thought that.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “And she’s so . . . so vital.”

  “Yep.”

  “She practically glows. Like she’s surrounded by an aura or something. A nimbus of light.”

  A nimbus of light? Okay, sure.

  Dan stopped short, looking down at her in sudden consternation. Around them, bustling pedestrians flowed like a river past a rock.

  I’m so sorry, he was going to say. We obviously had some kind of chemistry going, and now I’m blathering on about your sister. This has to be really uncomfortable for you. Please forgive me.

  “She’s dating someone, isn’t she? A woman that gorgeous can’t be single. And you don’t want to tell me. I must sound like such an idiot.”

  He looked so worried as he looked down at her. His forehead was wrinkled and his eyes were anxious, and she really, really wished she could think he was an idiot.

  Only she couldn’t. She’d been ludicrously wrong about the energy between them, but that wasn’t Dan’s fault. It was obvious now that any chemistry between them was intellectual. Anything else had been in her head, and she couldn’t condemn Dan for being fickle when he hadn’t been interested in the first place.

  And the truth was, she still really liked him. He was still the bookish geek she’d been drawn to yesterday, and now he was showing this adorably romantic side.

  Because of her sister.

  “Of course I don’t think you’re an idiot,” she forced herself to say. “And Sam broke up with someone a few months ago. As far as I know she’s still single.”

  His face lit up, making him even more charming and making her feel even worse. He started forward again but stopped midstep.

  “I’m sorry, you said you had an errand to do. Where do you need to go?”

  Right, her fictional errand.

  “You know what? It’s fine. I can do it tomorrow. That’s the restaurant up ahead, the one with the blue awning. Let’s go.”

  They were on the move again. The setting sun was in her eyes, making her blink. It always seemed brighter between buildings.

  “I can’t believe I’m only here another week,” Dan was saying. “But it doesn’t matter. I have to take her to coffee or dinner or—well, something. Anything.”

  Wait a minute.

  “You don’t live in New York? You’re only here another week?”

  Was this the first time he’d mentioned that, or had she missed it somehow?

  “Unfortunately, yes. I’m here a few times a year on business, though, and to visit my sister.”

  “Where do you—”

  “There she is! No, I’m wrong. That’s not her.”

  They’d arrived at Kobe-yashi Maru, and Dan was looking through the window at the crowd inside.

  She should invite him to join them. Shouldn’t she?

  Join us for dinner, Dan.

  No, Jane, I couldn’t possibly intrude like that.

  Don’t be silly, you wouldn’t be intruding. We’d love to have you.

  Well, if it’s really all right . . .

  Then she could spend the next few hours watching the guy she had a crush on make a move on Samantha.

  She couldn’t do it. It would be the nice thing to do, but she couldn’t do it.

  “I’d invite you to join us, but I think Sam was counting on a sister thing. You know?”

  “Of course,” Dan said instantly. He grinned a boyish grin. “And anyway, a part of you must think I’m nuts. I wouldn’t encourage me, either.”

  “That’s not it, I promise.”

  If she really meant that, though, she’d try to help him out.

  She took a deep breath. “I’ll make lunch plans with Sam for tomorrow.” She pointed at the deli across the street. “We’ll be there at one o’clock if you want to, you know, casually drop by.”

  He looked delighted. “Really? I’ll be there.” He grabbed her hand and shook it. “Thank you, Jane. Have a wonderful evening. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “See you tomorrow,” she echoed, feeling a little tingle where their palms had met and watching him walk away until he disappeared into the crowd. Then she turned resolutely away and went into the crowded restaurant.

  She could see why Caleb disliked this place. He hated crowds, for one thing, and this place was always a crush of people. After the refreshing October air outside it was like a furnace in here, and with the dim lighting and noisy chatter all around her it felt as though she were swimming in a chaotic sea.

  Her temples started to throb.

  “Those effing Mets . . .”

  “Damn mayor . . .”

  “And it’s not even me being an asshole. I mean, of course there’s going to be drama in a divorce, right? But she’s a pig. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe what she . . .”

  “Where should we go after this? There’s no movie I feel like seeing, and I’m just so bored by everything, you know?”

  Welcome to humanity, she thought as she tried to edge past a knot of millennials in business attire without shoving anyone or being shoved. We’re bored, pissed off, or assholes. Maybe all three at o
nce.

  She thought longingly of her store, always a refuge. The voices there came from the pages of books—thoughtful, funny, sensitive, brilliant, so much more kind and beautiful and articulate than actual people ever seemed to be.

  Give her books over real people anytime.

  “Little sis! Over here!”

  She craned her neck and caught sight of Sam, waving furiously from a corner booth, and Caleb, across the table from her, leaning back with his cowboy hat tipped down so she couldn’t see his expression.

  Sam really was gorgeous. Perfect skin, long blonde hair, and that toned, athletic body. Even in New York City, where there was no shortage of attractive people, Sam always drew attention.

  It was slow work inching through the bar area, where the young and hip were waiting for their cocktails and microbrews. She felt more invisible than usual, noting that none of the guys gave her a second glance as she moved past them. The only time she ever got male attention was when she was with Sam, and then it was only from the wingmen of the guys hoping to meet her sister.

  A gap opened in the crowd and she hurried through it, finally able to make a direct line toward her goal. She slid into the booth next to Caleb, elbowing him in the ribs so he’d move over, and tried not to feel like a jealous kid as she smiled at Samantha.

  But the hand that squeezed at her heart was all too familiar.

  So was the voice that spoke in her head—a little girl’s voice, bitter and resentful.

  I wish I were an only child.

  How could she think such a thing? She wasn’t a kid anymore. She was a grown woman with a life of her own—a life she loved, even though Caleb might think it was boring. And she loved her sister.

  “I love you,” she said under her breath, willing the words to wash away the acid running through her veins. Envy was corrosive, as she knew all too well, and she wouldn’t give in to it.

  She was a grown woman.

  She loved her sister.

  “What?”

  She focused on Caleb. “What?”

  “That’s what I said.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I said, ‘What?’”