Tell Me

by Strom, Abigail

  Yours in hope,

  Daniel Smith

  Jane sat and stared at the letter for a long time. Then she folded it up, put it back in the envelope, and started to think.

  He was going to be at the Lake of Shining Waters on May 1, waiting for a woman who would never come. And it was her fault. She’d created an imaginary Sam for him to fall in love with, and now that lie was out there in the world.

  She’d told Dan that Samantha loved Anne of Green Gables. The book was set on Prince Edward Island in Canada, where, apparently, Dan actually lived. That must have made him feel even more connected to the woman she’d described.

  The Lake of Shining Waters was a place from the book, and apparently it also existed in real life. So when Dan wanted to invite Sam to a romantic meeting, he’d chosen a spot he thought would be meaningful to them both.

  And it would have been . . . if she were the one Dan had written the letter to. She couldn’t think of anything more romantic than meeting a man at the place where Anne Shirley had once been rescued by handsome, dashing Gilbert Blythe.

  But Dan hadn’t written to her. He’d written to Sam.

  Jane put her head in her hands.

  There was a chapter in Anne of Green Gables called “A Good Imagination Gone Wrong,” about how Anne’s vivid tales of ghosts and ghouls had gotten her in trouble. As a person with a colorful imagination of her own, Jane sympathized. But except for making her a little forgetful now and then—the occasional missed subway stop or dentist appointment—her own imagination had never seemed like a liability.

  Now it did. She’d messed up, and she had to fix it. Dan deserved the truth, and Sam deserved to be remembered for who she had really been.

  She took a deep breath, and then she went back downstairs.

  “I need to go to Canada for a few days,” she said to Kiki and Felicia. “Can you guys handle the store?” She paused. “Also, do either of you know where I can go to get a passport?”

  Kiki and Felicia looked at each other and then back at her.

  “Are you feeling all right, Jane?” Kiki asked cautiously.

  “Of course I’m all right. I just need to take a trip.”

  Felicia rested her elbows on the counter and leaned forward. “Now, I ask you. If one of us suddenly announced we had to go to Canada immediately, wouldn’t you think that was weird?”

  “I don’t need to go immediately. I just need to be there on May 1.”

  Kiki looked skeptical. “That’s barely enough time to get a passport.”

  “Well, that’s good to know. See? That’s why I asked you guys. You both like to travel. You know things I don’t know.”

  “What’s happening on May 1?” Felicia asked. “Something to do with that letter?”

  Jane squeezed it in her hand. “An appointment Sam won’t be able to keep.”

  “Sam was supposed to meet someone in Canada on May 1?”

  She nodded. “So I’m going instead.”

  Kiki leaned toward her. “This isn’t sounding any less crazy. Can’t you explain what—”

  “No. I don’t want to talk about it. I just need to plan the trip.”

  Kiki and Felicia looked at each other again. Felicia raised her eyebrows, and Kiki shrugged.

  “Well, the first thing you need to do is apply for a passport. You can have it expedited, but that’ll cost you extra.”

  Jane nodded. “Okay, I’ll start there.” She took a deep breath. “What do I have to do?”

  The ridges and ranges of western Australia were 350 million years old. A man who loved wild places could spend years here, exploring the largest expanse of outback in the country. Between the ancient beauty of the land and the cattle ranches and rodeos, Caleb should have felt as comfortable here as any place on earth.

  He was on horseback, watching the sun set over a spectacular river gorge. The wild splendor of the landscape should have lifted his spirits. But all he could think about was how much Sam would have loved it here—and what Jane would say if he could ever get her out of New York and into a scene like this.

  He turned away from the sunset and rode slowly back to the ranch where he was staying. He’d met the owner on a trek years ago and was taking him up on an offer of free room and board in exchange for his help with the animals—cattle as well as horses. It was an ideal arrangement: a couple of weeks working on the ranch, followed by a couple of weeks leading expeditions in the outback.

  It should have been perfect.

  His horse was a mare called Restless, and every time he saddled her up he remembered something Sam had said to him once.

  “You’re the most restless man I’ve ever known.”

  He missed her every day, almost every hour. He missed her humor and strength, her unwavering friendship, her hunger for life.

  She’d been his partner and his best friend. And yet, whenever she’d offered him opportunities to open up to her about the scars of his childhood, he’d always declined.

  He’d told himself it was because he was a private man. But maybe what Jane had said was closer to the truth.

  You’re running away like you always do.

  He’d run as far from both sisters as he could. He was half a world away from Sam’s ashes and half a world away from Jane. Australia should have been far enough to escape the pain of Sam’s absence and to break Jane’s hold on his heart.

  Instead, both were stronger than ever.

  He’d accused Jane of not dealing with Sam’s death, but he hadn’t, either. It still felt like an open wound. The pain of it made him think of other, older wounds . . . the ones he thought he’d left behind years ago.

  His mother, his father, Sam. He’d loved them, and they’d died or left. And instead of healing, their absence was an ache in his heart that never got better.

  Jane’s absence hurt in a different way.

  His Christmas hike, which he always made challenging enough to occupy his full attention, had been dull and stale this year. His thoughts kept turning to Jane, missing Jane, wanting Jane, until he finally acknowledged the truth.

  He should have stayed with her for the holidays.

  It was impossible to imagine them as a couple—they were too different, and their lives would never mesh. She didn’t belong in the wilderness with him, and she deserved better than a long-distance relationship.

  But he’d give anything, now, to have had one more night with her. And an entire week? It would have been paradise. The kind of memory that could have kept him warm on cold nights and reminded him that his heart—and other body parts—were alive and well.

  But he’d passed up that chance, choosing his solitary Christmas tradition over time with Jane. And he’d regret that decision for a long time to come.

  He’d called her on her birthday, and at the sound of her voice he’d gotten tongue-tied, like a thirteen-year-old boy talking to his first crush. Then he’d pulled himself together and overcompensated, trying to go back to the banter they’d once shared. That effort had fallen flat.

  The weight of what he’d really wanted to say had been unbearable.

  I miss you. I think about you. Do you think about me?

  He hadn’t said any of that, of course. But after they’d hung up, he’d almost driven to the airport to get on a plane bound for New York.

  The only thing that stopped him was not knowing how Jane would react. He couldn’t stand the idea that she might send him away—or worse, feel sorry for him. Maybe it was just masculine pride, but he wasn’t willing to risk her rejection.

  Two months had gone by since then. He and Jane had texted a few times, but they hadn’t spoken on the phone since her birthday. The more time went by without them talking, the less likely it seemed that they could ever go back to the way things had been before Sam’s death . . . much less that their one incredible night together would ever be repeated.

  Visa requirements would send him back to the States soon, before he could return to Australia for a few more months. His brot
her and aunt were lobbying for him to come to Colorado, and he supposed that made the most sense.

  More sense than going to New York.

  The last rays of the setting sun turned the landscape golden. He slowed Restless to a walk as they neared the ranch, giving her time to cool down before they reached the stable.

  Once inside, he spent longer than usual grooming her. He found a horse’s stall, as always, a peaceful place to be.

  If only he could find that same peace within himself.

  As he walked from the stables to the outbuilding where he was living, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw Kiki’s name on the screen.

  They’d exchanged numbers last November, when they’d both been worried about Jane. Why would she be calling now?

  Ten minutes later, he knew the answer.

  Chapter Fourteen

  A few days after reading Dan’s letter, Jane was at the register ringing up a new mystery for Alicia when the older woman looked over her shoulder and smiled.

  “I know that look,” Jane said, sliding Alicia’s bag across the counter. “Did you spot Colin Firth driving by in a taxi?”

  Alicia shook her head. “Not Colin Firth. That cowboy. The one who knows you.”

  Jane froze. She stared at Alicia, unable to turn her head, as every one of the fine hairs at the back of her neck stood up.

  It couldn’t be. They’d exchanged texts a few weeks ago—Hi, how’s it going, everything’s fine, how about you—and Caleb hadn’t said anything about coming to New York. Nothing like By the way, I’m coming to town soon. How about dinner?

  She still couldn’t move. She felt like she was in one of those dreams where you need to run, but your feet are stuck in cement.

  “Hello, darlin’.”

  The sound of his voice released her from her strange paralysis, and she whirled to face him.

  She was vaguely aware that Alicia had taken her bag and discreetly left the store, leaving them alone.

  He hadn’t changed. His tan might have been a little deeper and his hair a touch lighter, but his hazel eyes and his lazy grin and his Stetson were still exactly the same. In spite of herself, she remembered the sensations she’d relived so many times since Christmas—the heat of his skin, the weight of his body.

  The memories whipped color into her cheeks. Her hands clenched into fists. When she spoke, her voice was trembling.

  “What kind of person flies in from freaking Australia without letting people know? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

  He cocked his head to the side. “Well, darlin’—”

  “Don’t call me that.” She reached out, snatched his hat off, and slapped it on the counter. “What are you doing here, Caleb?”

  Without the hat, his eyes were a little easier to read. The dominant emotion seemed to be relief.

  Why did he look relieved?

  “I heard you were planning a trip to Canada,” he said.

  “So? What business is that of yours?” Something else occurred to her. “Wait a minute. Who told you I was going to Canada?”

  “Well . . .”

  She reached a rapid conclusion. “Oh my God. It had to be Kiki or Felicia. You asked one of them to spy on me, didn’t you?”

  “Well . . .”

  She didn’t let him finish. “I can’t believe this. You had someone keeping an eye on me.”

  “If you just—”

  “You couldn’t be bothered to call or visit, but you asked one of my employees to report to you about my—what, exactly? My mental state?”

  “Jane—”

  “What do you have to say for yourself?”

  “Not much, if you won’t let me finish a sentence.”

  She slapped both hands on the counter and glared at him. “Fine. Go ahead and finish one.”

  There was a short silence.

  “I didn’t ask Kiki to keep an eye on you. She had my number from last fall, when we were worried about you. She got in touch with me a few days ago and said . . .”

  “Yes? What did she say? That I’m going to Canada, so I must be out of my mind?”

  He looked at her for a moment. Then he reached out and covered her hands with his, and his touch sent a wave of longing through her that she was terrified he’d see.

  She snatched her hands away. “Was that it? You were worried I was going crazy or something?”

  “No, and neither was Kiki. She was just concerned about you charging off to another country to meet the man who wrote that letter. She thought . . .”

  “What? What did she think?”

  “That you might have some, ah, unresolved grief about Sam, and that this trip of yours might not be the healthiest way to deal with it.”

  She frowned. “Since when do you talk like a psychologist?”

  One corner of his mouth rose. “Those aren’t my words, they’re Kiki’s. But I thought she might have a point.”

  She folded her arms. “You thought she might have a point. So instead of calling, you hopped on a plane and came halfway round the world to see me?”

  “I needed to come back soon anyway. Visa requirements.”

  That caused a pang. “You could have told me that, too. Like, say, a few weeks ago, when we were texting.”

  “I wasn’t planning to come to New York. I was going to Colorado, but then I heard from Kiki and—”

  “You decided to drop by and check on me? How sweet.”

  He had to come back to the United States, but he hadn’t been planning to come to New York. Not until Kiki told him she was worried did he take the trouble to come and see her.

  The knowledge hurt more than she would have expected. More than she would ever let him know.

  It was obvious their one night together hadn’t meant much to him after all.

  He didn’t think of her as a lover. He still thought of her as Sam’s kid sister, someone who needed to be protected.

  All those hours she’d lain awake, reliving that night, seemed really stupid now.

  “Jane.”

  He reached out and grabbed her hand again, but this time his touch wasn’t gentle.

  Just like that she was in her apartment again. Caleb was holding her in a grip like iron, and there was hunger in his eyes.

  But there wasn’t hunger in his eyes now. Only concern.

  “How I got here doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m here, and yeah, I’m worried about you. I don’t think you’re crazy, but I do think you’re making some bad decisions.”

  She tugged on the wrist he held, and unlike that night at her apartment, he let her go.

  “My decision making is fine, thank you very much.”

  “Then prove it to me. Let me buy you dinner tonight, and you can tell me all about this trip of yours.”

  “I don’t have to prove anything to you.”

  “True,” he said, taking his hat from the counter and putting it back on. “But if you don’t have dinner with me, I’ll call your parents and tell them how concerned Kiki and I are about you.”

  Her eyes widened. “You wouldn’t.”

  “I would.”

  “My mother will call me nonstop. My father will send me long worried emails. One of them will fly out here. Maybe both of them.”

  “Yep.”

  She took a deep breath. “I didn’t realize you’d actually resort to blackmail.”

  “Well, darlin’, now you know. I’ll meet you at that barbecue place in your neighborhood at eight o’clock.” He tipped his hat and winked at her. “Till then, ma’am.”

  Before she could think of a retort, he was out the door and gone.

  Caleb made it around the corner before he had to stop and lean against the brick wall of the building beside him.

  Sam had predicted once he’d fall hard someday. He’d told her she was crazy, and she’d insisted he was the type who’d go all in for the right woman.

  She may have been right about that. But if she’d known the right woman was her own k
id sister, she wouldn’t have been so damn gleeful about it.

  Because Sam had also understood that he was addicted to travel. She’d said that if he ever did fall for someone, she hoped to God it would be another adventurer.

  But his job wasn’t the only reason he and Jane couldn’t be together. Of course Sam could imagine him being with a soul mate—she’d never known that a part of him was broken, for the very good reason that he’d structured his life so no one would find out. If he was the kind of man who could share his life with someone—really share his life—then he would have stayed with Jane last Christmas.

  But he hadn’t stayed.

  So yeah, maybe he’d fallen for Jane. But he didn’t have what it would take to make her happy.

  In fact, he was probably the worst thing that could ever happen to her. And judging by her reaction just now, she knew it.

  It had been stupid to think she might be happy to see him—especially if he showed up unexpectedly. A part of him had hoped that in the first moment of surprise she might betray some of what he felt for her.

  She hadn’t.

  There was no future for them, and no present, either.

  Which meant he was left with one night to remember. One night that would haunt him like a beloved ghost for the rest of his life.

  But before he left again, he had a job to do. Sam had trusted him to look after her little sister, and he wasn’t going to let her down.

  He was at the barbecue joint half an hour early, but he didn’t order a beer. He didn’t want any alcohol in his system, anything that might make him susceptible to the fierce urgency he felt whenever he was around Jane, the need to throw her over his shoulder and carry her off to his cave.

  He needed a fully sober brain to override his body.

  Jane was early, too. She came in at ten minutes to eight, looked around, and spotted him at the corner booth he’d snagged.

  “Hi,” she said, sliding in across from him.

  “Hi.”

  The waitress appeared before they could say anything else. “Can I get you a drink?”