Coward. I would have to build up to it.
“Eliza?” He frowned. “We can talk about her later. Right now I must tell you something.” He spoke in a rather stilted manner, as though he’d rehearsed. “The queen’s advisors worry that R’hlem is only biding his time, waiting for an opportunity to strike. Even with the success of the weapons, they think it’s dangerous to keep you from him.”
They had no idea. The admission now lodged itself in my throat.
“Whitechurch is on our side, as is most of the Order, but the fact is, you are an unmarried, parentless girl.” I winced—not entirely parentless. “They can push or pull you as they choose until you have a secure position. Do you understand?”
Why did he look at me as though waiting for something? For the moment, I laid my confession aside.
“What are you saying?”
“I went to Whitechurch this afternoon with a proposition. I need his permission, you understand, because…” He stopped.
A faint buzzing started in my ears. “What did you ask him?”
“I asked for permission to marry.” He looked straight into my eyes. “To marry you.”
It became surprisingly quiet inside my head. Blackwood continued speaking, but I didn’t hear much of it. Marry him. Impossible. I was going to marry Rook. At least, I wanted to marry Rook. We had only so much time left, and I couldn’t…
I was not going to marry Blackwood.
“I can’t,” I said, backing away. He didn’t react. “I don’t mean that I don’t—I can’t—surely you understand….” Words did not come properly.
“This is all very sudden,” he said. “I’ve never shown you any attention, er, in that way.” He finally sat down in a chair, then motioned for me to do the same. “You must admit, it is an excellent plan,” he said as I sank onto a sofa. “By allying with my house, no one could touch you.”
“Of course.” I sighed, understanding at last. “You only offer to save me from my enemies. It proves what a good friend you are.”
“A good friend,” he echoed. His finger began to tap out a rhythm on the arm of his chair.
“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice yourself for me.”
“Sacrifice.” He kept parroting things. Standing, he moved over to the fireplace. “Why do you think I asked for your hand?”
“To be a good friend,” I repeated slowly.
“Then you don’t understand.” Something stirred in me, a response to the heat I saw in his eyes. No. This shouldn’t be. He was my friend, one of the few friends I could rely on.
“I understand,” I said, trying to sound cheerful. When I stood, Blackwood put a hand, gently, to my wrist. I was wearing gloves, but even though his skin didn’t touch mine, it still sent a pulsing warmth through my body.
“Can you believe how I treated you when we first met?” His thumb brushed the back of my hand. His voice was deep and rugged. “I thought you an opportunist and a liar.”
“That was all true.” I laughed weakly. He did not.
“Do you not understand how I feel?” He said it almost to himself. “You’re my dearest friend.” He studied me, as if looking for an opening to strike, only there was no threat of violence from him. Quite the opposite. “When I had your friendship, I thought I could never want for anything more. But over time, I have come to feel for you beyond anything I thought I could.”
The passion in his words began to terrify me.
“Don’t say anything you’ll regret.” I turned away and felt him come up behind me.
“I will never regret it,” he murmured. “I’ve fought this feeling. To burn for someone in such a way is weak, and I swore to myself I would never know weakness like my father did.” He spit the word father like a curse. “I’ve tried to take myself back to our first days out of Agrippa’s house. But that is impossible.” I felt him gently touch the golden arrow in my hair. “That’s why I had this made. You’ve brought me down.” He took my hand, running his thumb in circles over my palm. Frozen, I couldn’t think. I couldn’t turn around. He drew closer and whispered in my ear. “I had a dream a few nights ago that you and I were in Sorrow-Fell. No other living soul disturbed us. When I woke, I thought: why shouldn’t we be everything to each other?”
I had things to say, reasonable things. But he placed a hand upon my bare shoulder. At the touch of his skin, heat unfurled inside me. He wrapped an arm around me from behind, holding me against the hard line of his body. I closed my eyes as every sensible thought scattered. There was only the beat of his heart and the sensation of his hand.
It was like being fluent in a language I had never studied. Something dark and rooted in me, some essential part of my soul, began to stir. I thought of the identical strands of ivy twining down our staves.
There were no coincidences in this world.
His hand traced my bare shoulder, my back. His touch left a trail of heat. Move. I had to move away, but it was as if I’d been enchanted. The way I responded, the way my heart pounded…I wanted this. His hands, his body trembled. I didn’t think he’d ever touched a woman like this before.
Blackwood whispered in my ear, “After the victory against Callax, I felt an intoxicating freedom, all because of you.” My traitorous body flushed as he pressed his lips to my bare shoulder. I groaned softly as he kissed my temple. “That is why I beg you to become my wife,” he breathed.
Wake up, wake up. In a flash, I imagined turning and finding Charles Blackwood with his arms about me.
Oh, that did the trick. My body finally listened to my brain, and I wrenched away. Blackwood looked dazed.
“No,” I gasped, “I’m engaged to Rook.”
“Rook?” Blackwood said it as though he’d never heard that name before. Then understanding dawned. “Rook,” he repeated, incredulous.
“I love him. I’ve loved him since we were children.” How could I explain the hours we’d spent to Blackwood? The games on the moor, hiding from Colegrind, sharing what food we’d been able to sneak from the pantry. When Colegrind would beat Rook, I’d be there to soothe his wounds. When the headmaster began to show interest in me, to linger with his hand on me for too long, I had to keep Rook from murdering the man. Our memories, our lives, were linked.
The clock chiming the hour was the only sound.
“There’s nothing between us? I misunderstood all of it?” he finally asked. His voice was tight. I wanted to say yes, it had all been in his own head. But had it?
Why had I closed my eyes and, in some dark part of my soul, desired him?
No. Use logic. It was true, I relied upon Blackwood in a way I couldn’t rely on anyone else—as a sorcerer, as my friend. If I said I’d never found him handsome, I’d be lying. But he wasn’t Rook.
“I can’t give you what you want,” I said.
“That didn’t answer my question.” He sounded hopeful. “My plan might be the only way to keep our friendship intact.”
“No one can force us not to be friends.” I was shocked by the idea.
“Once you are married, would Rook still allow you to remain in the Order?”
“Rook doesn’t need to allow me to do anything,” I said, stung.
“As his wife, you’d be forced to obey him.”
Now I was getting angry. “And if I became your wife? Would you lock me up inside the house?”
“No,” he said, his voice steel. “We each know the other’s soul.” He drew nearer. “Can you imagine me telling any other sorcerer girl what my father did?” No. I could not. “If Whitechurch has his way, that’s exactly what will happen.”
Wait. “His way? You said you asked Whitechurch for my hand.”
He sneered. “And was refused. ‘Bloodlines,’ he said, ‘must remain pure.’ Even with your power, you’re a magician’s child.”
“Well, that settles it.” Despite the insult, I was relieved. “We can’t disobey.”
“Can’t we?” His voice was dark. Dear God, was Blackwood actually suggesting treason? �
��I think our children would have untold strength. Consider the new world we could show to the Order; the possibilities are endless.”
Blackwood was speaking entirely too much about children for my taste.
“We can’t do this without permission,” I said.
“We can do what we like. We’ve proven ourselves stronger than most, and the strong should rule.” This was insanity. I would have labeled Blackwood as many things, but a rebel was not one of them. “You know me. You know my secrets. And I know yours.” I flinched. He didn’t know all my secrets, but I couldn’t tell him about R’hlem now. “I will never be as comfortable with anyone as I am with you.” He looked into my eyes. “We have so much that can build a successful marriage.” He touched the tips of his fingers to my cheek. “I respect you as I respect no one. Do you feel the same?”
He was perhaps the most admirable person I knew. “Yes.”
“Do you like me?”
“Yes.” It felt as if I were sinking into a quagmire, the irresistible pull taking me down. He put a hand to my waist.
Some part of me was curious how it would feel to press his lips to mine, but I stepped away to look into his striking eyes, his beautiful face. Anyone would call me a fool, and be right to do so. “I want you to be happy,” I said.
“The key to my happiness rests in your hands.” He wasn’t going to make this easy for me. “I think you feel something,” he whispered. If only he were wrong, I’d push him away now with a feeling of revulsion, but the revulsion did not come. “I believe that with time, you can love me as I love you. Maybe not with the sweetness of your childhood love, but something real. Something passionate.” His gaze hypnotic, he went to kiss me.
“I can’t.” I retreated to a colder, darker corner of the room, where it was easier to think. “I told you that I’m in love with Rook.”
Blackwood kept his back to the fire, his gaze cooling. “I see. Leave aside Rook’s poverty and his being Unclean—I know you don’t care about such things. Are you entirely yourself with him?” He advanced, one smooth step at a time. “His powers frighten you.” He circled me like one of his father’s blasted predator birds. “Am I wrong?”
Much as I hated to, I whispered, “No.”
“You are hungry for knowledge in a way he never has been. You want to ask questions no one has dared ask before. We can have something that will last for generations. Don’t throw yourself away. Don’t be ordinary.”
I moved back to the fire, but he pursued me. “I would do most anything to make you happy, Howel, if you’d let me. I would become your servant, lay whatever you wanted at your feet. Does that offer mean nothing to you?”
No. But Rook needed me.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I won’t break my word to him.”
Blackwood was silent then, and despair washed over his features. But the despair was soon replaced with coldness. He’d shown me his heart and was now locking it away again.
“You’d choose a poor servant over a rich one?” That made me want to snap, but before I could, Blackwood strode out the door, leaving me alone.
Something in the corner moved. I nearly missed the shadow as it swept across the floor and slipped into the hall. It had been shaped vaguely like a person—
Dear God. With a barely suppressed cry, I threw open the door and rushed down the darkened hall. Turning a corner, I emerged into a clutch of people.
I had to move swiftly but without panic. If someone stopped me for a chat, I had to look interested, excuse myself politely, and keep moving. There could be no suspicion, even as I made like hell for the stairs. If anyone noticed my panic, it might draw attention, and then—
Rook had been a shadow, lurking in the corner of the room. If he could do that, how far gone was he?
In the front hall, I was prepared to lose all propriety and start shoving. I managed to navigate the crowd elegantly, but as I neared the staircase, Eliza and Magnus moved onto the stairs. Neither saw me, but I heard them speaking.
“We’re doing this now?” Magnus asked.
“George will be back soon,” she hissed.
Magnus sighed, raised his stave, and dimmed all the lights in the room. That gained everyone’s attention, and the chatter died. All eyes turned to Magnus and Eliza standing slightly above the crowd on the stairs. She smiled, her cheek dimpling, and spoke clearly.
“Thank you all for coming. This has been the most marvelous debut anyone could ask for.”
I didn’t know much about society’s ways, but I was fairly certain Eliza wasn’t supposed to speak publicly tonight. Hunting for Foxglove, I found him gazing at his soon-to-be-fiancée with bewilderment.
What in hell was going on? Magnus raised his punch glass and took over.
“Lord Blackwood should be making this speech, but he’s missing.” Magnus glanced about as if assuring himself that Blackwood was, indeed, gone. Then he kissed Eliza’s gloved hand, while she looked the very illustration of excitement. “That makes it my pleasure, then, to make a tremendous announcement. Lady Elizabeth Blackwood has consented to become my wife.”
The silence was absolute until a trickle of whispers began. The trickle gave way to a stream, and soon the room filled with confused murmuring. A pocket of commotion erupted near the side of the room as Aubrey Foxglove shouldered his way out, probably in search of Blackwood.
I didn’t understand, and right now I didn’t want to. I’d no time for any of this, though my stomach gave an unanticipated drop.
As if to cue me, Maria appeared at the top of the stairs, looking about in a panic. I signaled to her, and she waved me up urgently. Launching myself onto the landing, I skirted around the newly engaged couple.
Magnus had the audacity to try to stand in my way. “I need to talk to you,” he said, his voice low. Eliza tugged at his arm.
“Not. Now,” I said through gritted teeth, and barreled past him and up the stairs. Maria pulled me along beside her.
“He’s worse,” she whispered.
No. Please, no.
Fenswick was not in the apothecary when we barged in, but a person was lying on Maria’s cot. She grabbed up her ax by the door.
No, it wasn’t a person on her bed. A great mound of quivering shadow lay there.
“Rook?” I said, my voice weak.
The darkness developed a form and features, melting into Rook. He lay curled on his side until, shaking, he sat up. His eyes were rimmed in red.
“Were you going to tell me?” he whispered. So he had been in the aviary. He had the power to become shadow now.
“How much did you hear?” I asked, keeping my voice calm.
“Enough.”
“What’s going on?” Maria whispered.
With a curl of his fingers, Rook beckoned me to him. He was sweating, as if he’d been laboring under a fever that had finally broken.
“Let me look at you,” he said. Slowly, I did as he asked, and shadows exploded from every corner of the room, extinguishing the candles on the table. Maria cried out as I set my hand aflame and held it up to look at him.
Rook’s eyes were pure black.
“How long have you been able to do this?” I asked. Somewhere off to the side, in the impenetrable darkness, I heard a little voice whisper. I couldn’t make out the words. When I held up my flame, the voice was silenced.
“I can’t see anything,” Maria said. I’d never heard her so afraid.
“Please take the dark away,” I whispered.
“No. Show me your face.” That wasn’t Rook’s voice; it was too cold, too demanding.
I did as he asked, holding the fire close to my chin. He reached a hand out of the blackness and stroked my cheek. His touch was ice cold. By my light, I could make out the sharp contours of his face.
“Do you love me?” he murmured. I put a hand to his chest.
“You know that I do.”
He clutched my wrist. “Then why didn’t you tell Lord Blackwood he was wrong?” he said.
; “I said I wouldn’t marry him,” I whispered.
“Not before he said I wasn’t good enough for you.” The shadows knitted together as Rook put his hand to my neck. For the first time in my life, I was afraid he would hurt me.
“I was too shocked to think.” I let the flame overtake both my hands, let it creep up my arms and cover my face, which made Rook move away. I wanted to keep him from touching me; I’d never wanted that before.
“I’ve never known you to be too shocked to think, Henrietta.” Once, I’d loved the sound of my name on his tongue. Not now. He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “How convenient for you to give your promise to one person and then think of taking it away.” This was the thing living inside Rook’s skin speaking.
By the light of my fire, I could make out Maria’s terrified face. I nodded for her to be ready to leave the room. “I’m not going to marry Blackwood. Not ever.”
The shadows receded slowly, like a dark tide. Finding a moment of freedom, Maria bolted, throwing open the door. “Come on!” she called, but Rook snarled. If I tried to run, he’d attack.
“I’ll be all right,” I said. “Just go.”
“No, I won’t leave you.”
“Go!” I focused on Rook until at last I heard the door close.
“Do you promise?” His desperation showed. “Not to marry him?”
“Of course.”
My fire went out as he took me into his arms. It was too dark to see him now. “Then end this madness. Marry me,” he whispered, kissing me. “Tomorrow, we’ll go to the church.”
“There’s no hurry,” I said, petting his cheek. Keep him calm.
The darkness began to solidify again.
“I can’t be sure of you unless you do this,” Rook growled.
“You can trust me.”
“How can I trust you when I know how easily you lie?” His voice changed, deepened, grew angrier. “Swear that you’ll never be his.”
“What are you talking about? I’m not his. I’m my own person.”
“You won’t swear it,” he growled. “I should have known you’d sell yourself to the man with the best price.”
A Poison Dark and Drowning (Kingdom on Fire, Book Two) Page 23
