by Tamie Dearen
“No. M-my mother died from it—stomach cancer. And now I have the symptoms. I didn’t want to tell you...”
“No! That’s not it. You have something else wrong with you. It’s not serious.” His brows creased, and his jaw flexed.
“But, my mom...”
“No! It isn’t cancer!” He blinked rapidly and rubbed at his eyes. “It isn’t—it can’t be. Not now, when I’ve only just found you. It can’t be that...” He kissed her all over her face, saying, “No, no, no, no...”
Anne sobbed even harder and grasped his neck in desperation. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to do this to you.”
“Stop. You didn’t do anything, and we don’t know anything. We’ll just do tests and see what the doctor says. It’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Anne knew the words he repeated to comfort her were his futile attempt to convince himself.
*****
Anne and Steven sat beside each other in tense silence. Their hands were clasped between the two upholstered armchairs in the doctor’s office in front of the empty desk.
“But what exactly did she say on the phone? Did she sound upset?” Anne asked for probably the tenth time.
“She said she wanted to talk to us together in person. That’s all. And she didn’t sound upset... And you’re squeezing all the blood out of my fingers.”
“Sorry.” She forced a weak smile, attempting to pull her hand away.
“I’m only kidding. I don’t want you to worry so much. Everything’s going to be fine. No matter what, everything’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, we’ll face it together. And you’re assuming it’s something really bad.”
“But if it wasn’t serious, wouldn’t she tell us on the phone?”
“Not necessarily—“
A creak behind them announced the doctor’s entrance through the office door.
“I’m so sorry to keep you waiting. Thanks for coming in.” She shook their hands and sat behind her desk, opening her laptop. “Let me bring up your reports here... So.” She smiled at the nervous couple. “I know you’re worried about the possibility of cancer. And we haven’t totally eliminated that, but it’s highly unlikely.”
“Why haven’t we eliminated it?” Steven asked. “Can’t we do an x-ray or CT scan or something?”
“Well, we don’t like to use radiation during early pregnancy.” She smiled again.
“Pregnancy? I couldn’t possibly be pregnant. How could that happen?”
The doctor raised her eyebrows. “I think you know how it happens. Isn’t it possible?”
“Well it’s... It’s... I guess it’s possible. But I’m too old—I thought I was starting menopause.” She felt blood rushing to her face. “And I’ve lost weight, not gained weight—”
Steven came out of his stupor. “She’s pregnant? We’re pregnant? Are you sure?”
“Oh, it’s very certain you’re pregnant. We did a blood test. Now, at your age, this is a high-risk pregnancy. If you carry to term, you’d deliver at age forty-six.”
“What does that mean? Is it dangerous for her to be pregnant?” Steven was gripping her fingers so tightly her knuckles were white.
“No, but there’s a high chance of miscarriage or, barring that, chromosomal abnormality.” She leaned forward to emphasize her words. “You might choose to terminate the pregnancy.”
“No!” Steven almost shouted the word. She saw him flinch and turn toward her with a weak smile. “I mean, I’m sorry... I should have asked what you thought—“
“No, I agree.” She squeezed his hand. “That is, if it’s really true. If I really am pregnant, I wouldn’t want to terminate.”
“Oh, it’s really true. Now, we’ll need to help you manage this nausea so you can start eating...”
*****
Anne stared with unseeing eyes out the limousine window as the New York City streets passed by, silence hanging heavy in the air. She glanced at Steven.
“What’re you thinking?”
“I think I’m in shock.” One corner of his mouth kicked upward, and he took her hand, raising it to his lips. “I wasn’t planning this, but now I want it to happen. A baby.”
“If I’d known you really wanted a baby, I’d never have married you. You should have a younger wife like I said all along.”
“You’re not going to start trying to find a different wife for me again, are you? I don’t think I could handle another of your crusades.” He chuckled, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “And anyway, I didn’t even want to have a baby until I thought I could have one with you.”
“Okay, I promise I won’t try to find you a new wife. Believe me, I’ve finally admitted to myself I never want you to be with anyone else. But can we keep it a secret for now? The doctor says I’ll most likely miscarry in the first trimester. I don’t want to tell everybody and then... You know…”
“No, we don’t have to tell anyone unless you want to. But you don’t even want to tell the girls? You’ll have to tell them something—Emily’s really worried.”
“No, I think I’d be embarrassed. And, I think they might be embarrassed, too.”
“They love you. They won’t be embarrassed.”
“I don’t know.”
“And you know you won’t be able to keep it a secret for long. Especially since the doc gave you medicine for the nausea.” He patted her thin tummy. “I can’t wait until you start getting all fat.”
“I’ll tell you right now if you ever call me fat, you’ll be sorry.”
“Okay. I promised to call you skinny the whole time, even if you look like a whale.” His adoring smile brought on another surge of tears. “What’s wrong now?”
“I don’t know...”
He scooped her into his lap. “This is just hormones making you weepy.”
“But... What happens if our baby has something wrong with him?”
“Him?” He smiled. “Do you think we’re having a boy? Maybe I might like a little girl.” He hugged her close, kissing her hair. “And we’ll love our baby no matter what. Right? And we can’t change anything by worrying about it.”
“But what if I have a miscarriage? The doctor said it would probably happen.” A single tear rolled down her cheek, and he wiped it off with his thumb as he caressed her jaw.
He chuckled a little. “You know, two hours ago, we didn’t even know we wanted a baby. And now you’re crying because we might not have one.”
“I know, it’s silly—“
“No, it’s not silly.” He pressed his lips to her forehead. “If we lose this baby, maybe we can figure out another way to have one. We could even adopt.”
“Okay... A baby...” She gave him a weepy smile. “But it’s a secret. We won’t tell anybody, right?”
“We’ll do whatever you want. But won’t you start showing soon? The doctor said the ultrasound showed you’re already at least seven weeks—she could see a heartbeat. And she said you could be as much as ten weeks according to when the nausea started.”
“I don’t know. I didn’t show very early with the girls. I can probably hide it until I’m about sixteen weeks.”
Steven’s face fell. “Oh really? That long?”
“You want to tell people?”
“Of course I do—I’m excited.”
“I’ll make a deal with you. If you’ll wait until I’m starting to show, I’ll let you be the one to tell everyone.”
“Hmmm. And perhaps we could add something else to the deal?”
“What’s that?”
“I think we should keep you in bed as much as possible.”
“No. The doctor specifically said bed rest wasn’t necessary, and it wouldn’t prevent a miscarriage anyway.”
“Who said anything about resting?” He began to nuzzle her neck.
“Steven,” she squeaked, and they both dissolved into laughter.
“What are we going to tell everyone for now?” asked Anne.
�
��I don’t know. You’re the one who looked up the differential diagnosis when you thought it was stomach cancer.” Then his face was suddenly stern. “And by the way, we’re not through with the discussion about why you kept that from me for so long.”
“I know it was wrong. We’ll talk about it later. Okay?”
“No fair flashing those big brown puppy dog eyes at me. We’ll drop it for now. But we will discuss it, because it will never happen again.”
“But as for what to tell the others... hmmm... Let’s go with stomach ulcer. It explains the loss of appetite and weight loss. So here’s the plan. You tell everyone it was only an ulcer and I’m embarrassed about it. Then no one will ask me about it, and I won’t have to lie.”
“But I’ll have to lie.”
“But you’re so much better at it than I am. Please?”
“Fine, I’ll do it. But you know this could backfire on you.”
“No it won’t. I feel better—everything’s settled for now.”
“But one more thing.” His bright blue eyes twinkled. “Let’s go home and celebrate before we go to work.”
“I don’t know. What if the boss finds out?”
“I’m willing to bet he’d approve.”
*****
Emily regarded her mom with suspicion. Something didn’t quite add up. She’d come by her cubicle to assure her everything was fine, but she’d brought Steven along to be her mouthpiece.
“So, you have an ulcer? And you passed out because of an ulcer?”
“She passed out because she was dehydrated,” Steven clarified. “But she’ll be fine since they’ve given her medicine.”
“And have you called Charlie to explain? She’s worried out of her mind.”
“I thought you could call her,” Anne suggested in a pleading voice.
“Why wouldn’t you call her yourself?”
“Oh... I could... but I thought you’d be better at making her not worry. You’ve always been able to calm your sister down.”
“And where is this ulcer?”
“What do you mean?”
“You can have ulcers in different areas. I know that because my boss in Fort Worth had an ulcer and explained it to me. At the time I thought it was too much information, but now I’m glad I know. So where is your ulcer?”
“Uhmm, in my stomach?”
“So it’s a peptic ulcer?”
“Uhmm.” Anne glanced at Steven. “That’s right. Isn’t it honey?”
His lips pulled back in a grimace. “Sure, that’s what the doctor said.”
“And what tests did they do to confirm it?”
“Oh, I was so out of it, I don’t remember.” Her mom studied the water bottle in her hands. “What tests did they do, sweetheart?”
“Of course, I don’t know what tests were performed, since I wasn’t allowed to be with you.” Did Steven sound annoyed?
“Y’all didn’t get much information from the doctor this morning,” Emily observed. “What—”
Spencer’s arrival interrupted her question.
“Mrs. Gherring, I’m glad you’re okay. You really scared us yesterday. What happened?”
Anne pressed her lips together, glancing at Steven.
“She has a peptic ulcer. They gave her medicine, and she’ll be perfectly fine.” The tone of his voice closed the subject from further discussion.
Spencer nodded. “My dad had one of those. He takes medicine, and he’s great. I think it’s only dangerous if it’s a bleeding ulcer.”
“Is yours a bleeding ulcer, Mom?”
“No. It’s just a plain one. No blood. It’s nothing to worry about.”
“Hey! Since you’re okay, do you guys want to go with us on the hike this weekend?” Spencer’s eyes were bright and eager.
“Sure.” Her mom smiled.
“No, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Steven pinned Anne with narrowed eyes. “It might hurt your ulcer.”
“My ulcer will be fine. It’s only a hike.”
“But what if you fall? It might be dangerous. It might… It might turn into a bleeding ulcer.”
“I won’t go if you don’t want me to. But it would be fun.” She added in a quiet voice. “We should have fun together while we can.”
“Can we have a word in private?” He grabbed her hand, dragging her down the hall.
“Do you have hiking boots?” Spencer broke Emily out of her reverie.
“Me? Hiking boots? Why would I want hiking boots?”
“Oh... I thought you were going on the hike this weekend.”
“Well, you assumed I wanted to go. I never actually said I was going. It’s not really my thing.”
His face fell.
“I’m sorry... I understand. It’s only a bunch of people going as friends. But I didn’t mean to push you into something you didn’t want to do. I thought... You know... It could be fun.”
He patted her shoulder and she jumped at the tingle that shot through her. He jerked his hand away, blushing furiously. Her heart was racing. What was it about him that affected her like that? Granted, she wasn’t a real touchy person, but she didn’t usually feel electricity from casual contact. He made her feel out of control, and she didn’t like it. Or did she? She considered the warmth that had spread through her. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant.
Steven returned without Anne.
“Hey, Spencer. We’re going on the hike after all. Okay? Call us with the details.”
“Okay, Mr. Gherring. That sounds good.”
Steven hurried to catch up with her mom. Perhaps she should go on the hike, simply to keep an eye on her mother. Not because she wanted to spend more time with Spencer, of course. She’d simply have to sacrifice for the good of her mother.
“I’m going. What do I have to do?”
“Well,” Spencer’s eyes revealed his bewilderment. “I probably need to take you shoe-shopping.”
“Ughh! I hate shopping!”
“A girl who hates shopping? One thing’s for sure… You’re not predictable.”
Emily called Charlie after work. “They said Mom has an ulcer, but they were acting pretty weird. Mom was letting Steven do all the talking. And they didn’t seem to know much about her condition. Wouldn’t you think they’d ask a lot of questions about a condition that put Mom in the emergency room?”
“Yeah, I agree. Mom might not ask detailed questions, but Steven would for sure. Do you think it’s more serious than they’re letting on?”
“I really do. Maybe it’s a really bad ulcer, a bleeding ulcer, and Steven’s lying to cover it up.”
“Or maybe it’s something else. Did she look bad?”
“No, she looked okay today. But she looked awful yesterday. And she’s really thin—I bet she’s lost ten pounds.” She chewed her lip. “And Steven’s obviously still worried about her. He can be overprotective at times, but I’m not sure if that’s it. And Mom said something to him about doing things together while they can.”
“Well surely it’s not something really bad,” Charlie reasoned. “If she was going to die, I think she’d tell us. Wouldn’t she?”
“I think so, but maybe she might wait for the right time. Like, she might not tell us until after your birthday.”
“You’re right. That does sound like Mom. So, I know you’ve probably already researched this. What do you think she might have?”
“I looked up all the possible causes of weight loss. There are all kinds of things, including ulcers. The things that seemed most likely were Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis...” Emily hesitated before she said the scary word. “And cancer.”
“Cancer? She wouldn’t keep that from us.”
“I don’t think so either, but as long as they’re lying to us, we can’t be sure. And surely they wouldn’t be going hiking this weekend if she had cancer.”
“They’re going hiking? Man, I wish I could be there.”
“Actually, we’re going hiking.”
“You’
re going hiking? Ohmygosh—hell is freezing over. Why on earth are you going hiking?”
“I’m going to keep an eye on Mom.”
“Really? And who else is going on said hike?”
Emily felt herself turning red. Thank goodness her sister couldn’t see her—she’d tease her without mercy. “Look. Spencer’s going. Okay? But that’s not why I’m going.”
“Hmmm... If you say so.”
“Charlie, I’m telling the truth. I’d pretty much told him I wasn’t going when I found out Mom and Steven were going.”
“Okay. Okay. Don’t get so defensive, Sister.”
“And now I have to go buy hiking boots because I don’t own any. You know how I hate shopping. And Spencer’s taking me. In fact he’ll be here in ten minutes to pick me up.”
“Oh? So Spencer’s going to help you try on shoes?” Amusement crept into Charlie’s voice. “And have you shaved your legs for the shopping trip?”
“Oh no—I forgot. And I have ape legs. Gotta go. Bye, Sis.”
“So what type of shoes am I getting?” Emily asked Spencer as she puzzled over the myriad of choices on the wall. “Boots? Do they need to come up over my ankle?”
Spencer frowned as he considered her question, his eyes wandering down her freshly shaved legs.
“I think boots would be overkill for this hike. You don’t really need the protection. And having boots come over your ankle doesn’t necessarily provide ankle support. Boots are more for guarding against abrasion. Also, I think you’re more likely to get blisters from boots if they rub your ankles.”
Emily blushed as he continued to stare at her legs. She glanced down. What was he staring at? Had she missed something when she shaved?
“I think we should get you in a good trail shoe with a stiff sole and heavy tread. You probably won’t be doing water crossings...” He turned to the shoes and started picking a few possibilities. Emily released the breath she’d been holding. At least he’d finally quit staring at her legs. She studied the pile of shoes in his arms.
“I like those with the turquoise. The ones with the brown and orange are ugly, and they won’t match anything I have.”
